37. Grace
Chapter 37
Grace
The mood is ruined. I’m glad we had already gotten something to eat before that confrontation. I can’t imagine stomaching any food right now.
We skip the music performances and head back to the car. The big pink bear in the back seat now feels awkward instead of funny. This silly, happy thing invading the solemn bubble we’re all in. I cram the bear at my feet, but it’s large enough that I could still rest my head on it like a pillow if I wanted to fall asleep on the ride home.
I probably would have, before we ran into the McAllisters. Now I’m far too jittery and upset.
The car ride is silent. None of the men speak.
Finally I can’t stand it anymore. I clear my throat. “What’s the deal with the McAllisters?”
There’s silence. I sigh. “I know it’s about more than just you buying the land to help out my folks. It has to be. I know they’re a petty pack but this is something more. I know it.”
“It’s nothing,” Jesse says, his voice quiet and terse. “Like you said, they’re petty. Can’t stand losing out on anything, even a small piece of land. God forbid someone get in the way of their ambitions.”
The other three nod in agreement and say nothing. I swallow hard. I’m scared, but I’m also irritated. I’m not going to be kept in the dark like this. Not when it’s so clearly a problem.
I know I’m not their Omega, not really. I know that I don’t have a right in that way. But I do have a right as their friend, and as someone living in their damn house. They can’t bottle it all up, especially if maybe there’s something I can do to help.
I’m still lost in thought about it by the time we get home. Originally I’d figured that we’d be all too tired after the fair but we could at least sleep together in my nest and have some fun times when we woke up in the morning. Now that’s clearly not happening, and the others shuffle off.
Cade just walks off without a word. Easton mumbles something about checking on the animals and disappears out the front door again. Hendrix goes into the kitchen for some kind of snack.
That leaves Jesse, who tries to sneak off to his room. I’m not having it.
I follow him. I want to know more about what’s going on, and I know that none of the other three will tell me if their pack leader won’t. If I want answers, I have to go to Jesse.
Jesse looks at me askance as he gets to his bedroom. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going to get some answers, is what I’m doing.” I glare at him, folding my arms. “What’s going on with the McAllisters?”
Jesse groans and goes into his bedroom. “I’m not dealing with this. It’s one in the morning, for crying out loud.”
“No, we’re dealing with it.” I follow him into the bedroom, closing the door. “I’m here living with you all and I deserve to know what’s going on if some guy’s going to come along and threaten us. And you’re important to me, all four of you are. You’re important to my family, and to the community. If you need help—”
“Oh, no, you don’t.” Jesse shakes his head. “I’m not going to anyone for charity. And this isn’t your business. You just keep your nose out of it.”
“It’s becoming my business!”
“Well then we’ll just undo that, won’t we?”
I poke him in the chest. “You’re going to tell me what’s going on and I’m not going to back down until you do.”
“You can yell at me about it until you’re blue in the face, wildcard, it ain’t happening.” He smirks, although his eyes are still flashing with the intensity of our argument. “You know I love it when you get all stubborn with me, show me your fire. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to get what you want.”
“You’re a stubborn ass, you know that?”
He snorts. “Maybe, but you like that about me. And you’re one to call me stubborn. You’re the most stubborn, infuriating woman I know.”
I glare at him, my hands on my hips. “Yeah? If that’s true, then you should know I’m never gonna let this go.”
We stand there staring at each other, a fire stirring between us, and my heart won’t quit pounding. But I can’t tell if it’s because I’m pissed off at him, turned on, or both.
Who am I kidding? It’s definitely both.
“You’re such a brat,” he growls, and I smirk back at him.
“Maybe, but you like that about me.”
The hint of a smile that was on his face before falls quickly when he realizes I’ve thrown his own words back at him. His eyes narrow as he takes a slow step closer to me. My skin warms like I’ve gotten closer to a raging fire.
“I don’t like that you’re a brat, wildcard. But I do like putting you in your place when you act like one.”
My body ignites, a full-on bonfire—because I like that too. “I dare you to try.”
Jesse’s nostrils flare as he exhales, and in the blink of an eye, his hand reaches out to palm the back of my head. He pulls me into him, his lips searing against mine as the tension between us sparks, threatening to light the whole area on fire with us. His tongue delves into my mouth to find my own, tangling with it until he comes out on top, and I break away, gasping.
He flashes me a devilish smile, his eyes glinting. “I like it when you fight with me. It only makes me harder.”
“Yeah?” I pant. “And what are you gonna do about it?”
“I could fuck the brat right out of you,” he promises, his voice dropping.
Wetness soaks my panties as heat curls low in my belly, mixing with the lingering anger from our argument.
“I’ll keep sassing you anyway,” I taunt, resting a hand on his muscled chest as I tilt my head up so that our gazes lock.
His smile turns dark and hungry. “Then I guess I’ll just have to shut you up by giving that perfect mouth something better to do.”
He kisses me again, his lips almost bruising on mine, and when we break apart, he presses me down to my knees. My face is less than an inch from the thick bulge where his cock presses against his pants, and he slides his fingers through my hair, dragging me even closer.
I could fight it or say the word to make him stop. I know he would end this in an instant if I asked… but I don’t want to. Instead, I kiss and rub him through his pants, hoping to drive him even crazier than I already have. I love pissing him off, getting him nice and fired up so he can take out all his frustration on me.
Just like this.
“Take it out,” he orders roughly, so I fumble for his button and zipper and swallow hard when his cock springs free. I can’t stop myself from wrapping my lips around it, feeling its girth and heft in my mouth. My tongue drags along the underside of his shaft as I work my way down and back up, and he groans as he digs his fingers into my scalp.
“I knew you’d be hungry for it. Don’t fucking tease me, wildcard,” he grunts.
I double down on my efforts, drool sliding down his cock as my head bobs up and down. The air between us is charged with energy, anger turning to arousal as if by some kind of alchemy.
When I decide to tease him like he told me not to, slowing my movements and flicking my tongue lightly over his crown, Jesse grunts in frustration.
“You really are a damn brat,” he mutters, although I can hear the desire behind his words. “Gonna fuck your face for that.”
I swallow, my heart thudding wildly as I nod, and Jesse hisses out a breath. He untangles his fingers from my hair and then holds my head in place with both hands so he can fuck my face properly just like he promised. He shows me little mercy as he rocks his hips back and forth, sliding his cock to the back of my throat and almost making me gag.
But I love it, just like he probably knew I would. So I rest my hands on his thighs and slacken my jaw, giving him easier access to the softest, warmest part of my throat.
“Fuck, you feel so good. So damn good for me. Touch yourself,” he orders, and I moan around his cock as I slide my fingers beneath my skirt and find my swollen clit.
I circle it with two fingers while he works himself in and out of my mouth, making me cough and sputter, but I don’t want him to stop. I want him to use me like this for his pleasure, to take out all the frustration I know he’s feeling on me.
“I’m gonna knot your mouth, just like this,” he says. “Gonna make you come with your pretty little lips stretched around my cock.”
He takes another long thrust into the back of my throat as he speaks, then stops with his shaft lodged there, cutting off my air momentarily. He only holds me there for a second or two before pulling back, and even with as rough as his touch is, I can feel him taking care of me.
When he draws back enough to let me breathe again, I gasp for air, adrenaline and heat churning inside me. The intensity of it all makes me want to come, and if he holds true to his word, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
Because he’s right. I do like this. I fucking love it, more than I ever knew I would, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
I slide back down the shaft of his cock and plunge a finger into myself as I do. It pushes a moan out of me that vibrates around his thick length, and I can’t stop the orgasm that seizes me.
“That’s it, wildcard. Come with my cock down your throat,” he grunts as he watches me fall to pieces on my knees in front of him. “Fuck, that’s so hot. My turn. Gonna fill you up. Gonna knot behind your teeth.”
I nod as much as I can with my lips still wrapped around him, letting him know without words how much I want that. With another grunt, Jesse’s head falls back, and his hands hold my head as he coats the back of my throat and his knot swells, locking his cock in my mouth.
It’s so intense, and it’s difficult to breathe with him filling my mouth like this, but it’s easily one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced. I hold him there for as long as he needs, my eyes locked with his as he gazes down at me like he’ll never look away.
Something seems to pass between us in the long moments before his knot starts to deflate. I can see the remnants of anger and frustration bleeding out of his expression, replaced by something soft and almost worshipful.
“Such a good girl,” he murmurs softly. “So good. So perfect. My sweet, perfect wildcard.”
He keeps murmuring words of praise as he strokes my brows, my cheeks, and my nose, his touch so gentle that it slows the racing of my heart, settling my pulse into a steady, even beat.
When his knot goes down enough for him to pull out of my mouth, he draws back slowly, allowing me to work my slightly sore jaw before closing it. Then he lifts me to my feet, tucking my hair behind my ears.
“Are you all right? That wasn’t too far, was it?” he asks, kissing me gently on the corners of my mouth.
“Not at all,” I whisper. He holds me tenderly and carefully as I rest my head on his shoulder. “I liked it.”
“You have no idea how much I—” He stops, clearing his throat. “Fuck, I should be honest with you, Grace. I wanted you, all those years ago. I’ve always wanted you. When you asked me to take your virginity, you have no idea how fucking tempted I was.”
“But you—you said no. You seemed so upset that I even asked.”
“I didn’t know what to do. I was given everything I wanted, but I was so sure you’d regret it. You weren’t quite sober, you know. There was no way I could take advantage of you like that.”
“I only had a drink or two to get my courage up. I’d been thinking about it for ages.”
“I didn’t want to just be the guy you used to figure out what sex was. A… a tool or even a helpful friend. I didn’t want to just be your friend. Or even worse, give you a bad time. I was terrified of fucking something up, and if I ruined your first time, I think I would’ve had to get the horses to stampede me.”
That last bit makes me giggle, but I can tell that while he’s come up with a silly metaphor, he really is serious about how important it was for him. I kiss his jaw. “I’m sorry I couldn’t understand. That we didn’t communicate properly back then.”
Maybe things would’ve been different if we had. But then, I wanted to go into the publishing industry shortly after. The idea of having to leave Jesse and hurting him like that is terrible.
Maybe things worked out for the best the way they have, then.
“You know I don’t hold a grudge,” Jesse insists. “I just thought you would hate me forever for turning you down the way I did. And I didn’t know how to handle how much I wanted you. I overcompensated, pushed you away. And, well… I do really enjoy how sassy you get when you’re arguing with someone.”
I laugh softly. Then I sober up and take a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight with you. Not for real. I just worry. You know that’s all it is, right?”
Jesse exhales. “I just don’t want to lose anything I care about. That’s all.”
“Are you in danger of losing something you care about?”
“I don’t know. I’m afraid that I am.”
His words and the possessiveness in his tone make my chest tighten a little, and I don’t know what to say to that.
“You wouldn’t have fucked it up, if you had slept with me back then,” I whisper instead. “I’m sure about that.”
He chuckles roughly. “You’re sweet.”
“I’m honest.”
“I fucked it up with my dad’s ranch when he died,” Jesse points out. “I’m not perfect, Grace.”
“I never said you were. I don’t trust perfection, anyway. I dated an Alpha that everyone told me all the time was perfect, and look what an asshole he turned out to be.”
Jesse makes a noise in his chest, and I know him well enough by now to interpret the growl as a sign that he’d love to run into William again one day and leave a boot print on his ass for how he treated me.
“You didn’t fuck things up with your dad’s ranch either,” I say softly. “I don’t know all of the details, but I do know that you were grieving your father. It’s okay if you weren’t in your right state of mind and struggled after his death. It’s because you loved him, and because you’re human. Those things aren’t flaws, not really. And they’re not your fault.”
“Maybe not.” He sighs. “I just know this whole place would’ve gone under if Easton hadn’t made the sacrifice to—”
“To join your ranches together? Easton doesn’t see that as a sacrifice,” I say firmly. “I know that for sure.”
Even if I don’t know any other details, I know that Easton could never look at what he did as a sacrifice. They’re a pack. It’s natural that they should join their ranches together and live together, especially if it would help one of his closest friends.
“You weren’t failing anything.” I draw back a little so that I can look him in the eyes. “You just needed good people around you. The right people. Nobody can do something like running a ranch alone, especially when they’re grieving. You just needed your pack, and look at what you’ve all done together. You’ve made Coyote Ridge a great success.”
Jesse’s expression softens, warmth gleaming in his hazel eyes. “Yeah. I guess so. Thank you, wildcard. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
I take a deep breath. “I don’t want any of you to go through something alone. I want to be there for you. So… please? Please tell me what’s going on with the McAllisters?”
Jesse looks at me for a long moment, his gaze intense but not angry this time. “I just don’t want you upset.”
“I’m already upset,” I point out gently.
He shakes his head. “No, I meant… I don’t want you blaming yourself.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
Jesse sighs. He stares into the middle distance, not looking at me directly. “The thing is… the reason the McAllisters don’t like us—why they hate us, really—is because this whole thing started over a fight for you.”
My heart speeds up, thumping loudly in my chest. “What?”
Out of all the possible explanations I could have thought of as to why the McAllisters and Jesse and his pack don’t get along, this never would’ve occurred to me. It seems ludicrous.
“Did I insult them?” I ask, wracking my brain to figure out what I could have done.
I knew the McAllisters back before they were a pack and were just three boys in high school who hung around causing trouble and sassing teachers. They were kind of popular back in the day, to a certain type of people. Some girls really liked the ‘bad boy’ thing they had going on. But Jesse and his friends, including my brother, were always a lot more popular. I think Travis and the other two resented that.
So maybe I did something, hurt someone’s feelings, disrespected them somehow—Aiden would’ve defended me of course, and then Jesse and the others would’ve joined in. But I can’t remember any time that I would’ve done something like that. I tried to keep to myself, really. I was pretty insecure as a teenager, so I didn’t invite conflict.
Jesse stares at me in amusement and shock. “That’s where your mind goes? That you must’ve insulted them?”
“Well, what else could it be?”
“Grace… they wanted you.”
Now I’m the one staring. “What?” I can’t have heard that right.
“Yeah, they wanted you. Everyone thought you were a Beta, of course, but they didn’t care. Only good thing they’ve ever done is not care about your status and still have the good taste to want you.”
Jesse scowls as he finishes speaking, his expression hardening.
“But—but I was—” I stutter. “I was just a wallflower back then. I mean, all Maybelle ever did was pick on me…”
“Why do you think Maybelle picked on you? Grace, everyone thought you were beautiful. She was envious of you. You were Aiden’s little sister, and he was incredibly protective of you—we all were—so you were untouchable. But the McAllisters didn’t care about that, or about treating you right. They would’ve used you like a pack of tissues and then moved on to a new girl.”
I can feel my eyes bugging out and my jaw dropping open but I just can’t help it. I feel like I was just thrust into The Twilight Zone, into some alternate dimension where I was popular. “I was never—nobody liked me that much.”
“Oh, yes, they did. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how bad it was with Maybelle, but trust me, if she treated you like that, it’s because she was envious of you. People adored you, Grace. They still do. And some of the people who wanted you were—unfortunately—the McAllisters.”
My face flushes. “I had no idea.”
Jesse trails his knuckles down my cheek. “Believe me, wildcard. It’s true.”
The warmth in his voice unlocks something in my chest. And it does make me wonder if maybe I need to have a little more confidence in myself. Here I was, thinking I had to try so hard to be some elegant, sophisticated person from the big city. And it turns out, I was already liked just as I am.
But that epiphany is overshadowed by the rest of what Jesse just told me.
“You said… they wanted me,” I whisper slowly. “I had no idea. They never said anything.”
“No. Because before they could, we took care of it.” Jesse’s tone turns dark. “We threatened them over it. Told them to stay away from you or else. Aiden found out afterward, but we’d already taken care of it. We just wanted him to know, in case you ever needed protecting from them again.”
My breath catches in my throat at the realization of what Jesse and his pack have done for me, how protective they were of me even years ago. Long before I even realized I could have a chance with them.
“Ever since then, they’ve hated us, and your family too. So in revenge… they tried to buy that land and squeeze your family out as soon as they got the chance. They’re vindictive that way.”
“Do my parents know? That that’s why the McAllisters tried to buy the land?”
“No, they have no idea. Nobody else knows. They just thought the McAllisters were being… well, the McAllisters. I don’t think anyone’s realized it goes much deeper. Those asshole brothers haven’t exactly endeared themselves to anyone in Sagebrush.”
I nod. That’s true. They’re widely known as jerks.
“That’s why we helped your family. I mean, we would have anyway. Of course we would have. But it’s kind of our fault.”
“No.” I grab Jesse’s hand. “Don’t say that. You didn’t make them be assholes. You didn’t make them want me, and you didn’t make them seek revenge. They’re behaving terribly. All you did was protect me.” I swallow. “Thank you for that.”
“Of course, wildcard.” Jesse squeezes my hand. “We’ll always protect you.”
It creeps me out that the McAllister pack wanted me. I’m not flattered, even though it is nice to know that people in Sagebrush have apparently liked me far more than I thought they did. I didn’t even think most people noticed me that much.
But the thought that Travis, Leon, and Kyle wanted to—oh god. It makes my stomach churn as a horrible shiver works its way down my spine. I’m really glad that Jesse and his pack protected me, so that I didn’t have to face that myself.
“Thank you,” I whisper again.
“Always,” Jesse repeats. His voice and his gaze are so earnest, my heart feels like it’s going to pop out of my chest and sink into his.
I lean in and kiss him—and as his lips meet mine, nothing about it feels pretend.