38. Grace
Chapter 38
Grace
Calving season usually starts in…
“What are you doing?”
“Ah!” I’m jolted out of the article I’m reading as Cade speaks in his low rumble right at my ear. I nearly jump off the couch and send my laptop flying. I fumble it back just in time.
Cade grins and sits down on the couch next to me. “You looked engrossed.”
He’s not one for big smiles, but I have noticed him smiling more in general lately. Before, I would’ve made some excuse about why, but since my conversation with Jesse I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of me. If I’m making him happier.
“I was just reading up on some stuff.”
“Research for your writing?”
The men know that I’m writing something, although they’re generally keeping quiet about asking questions, aware that I’m feeling private about it. I appreciate it. I like sharing bits and pieces with them but I’m still feeling a little fragile about this whole endeavor, and it’s another way they’re so kind to me, that they let me share on my terms.
“No, actually.” I scoot over a little on the couch to give Cade more room to relax. “It’s research for the ranch.”
Cade’s brows rise in a silent question. I sigh.
“Jesse told me the truth about the McAllisters. Why they really hate you and how the whole rivalry started.”
Cade’s face grows solemn and he nods.
“I appreciate what you four did for me. I…” I shudder. “The idea of those three trying to court me, harassing me… I know they’d try to get me to change my mind if I said no. I’m really glad I didn’t have to deal with that. But… and I know you won’t agree with this. Jesse didn’t want me to know because he thought I’d blame myself for the way they’re harassing you four, and I know it’s not my fault they’re being assholes, but it is because of me. And I want to help out any way I can.”
I show him the computer. “So I’m looking into ways the ranch can be successful. I know you’ve been kind in teaching me how to do things around here but I want to be more active in the running of the ranch. I want to really help you guys out.”
Cade looks at the computer screen, where I have a bunch of tabs open for articles, a spreadsheet I’ve created, and a document full of notes. “You’re really taking this seriously.”
“It would be easier if Jesse would show me the books and stuff like that but I haven’t talked to him yet. I want to be ready to show him what I can do, first. I’ve created a PowerPoint and everything.”
“I don’t think you have to go quite that far.” Cade sounds fond and amused.
“I know, but it would help me to feel serious about this. And I’m used to doing it at work all the time.”
“You’re real sweet, Grace. I know Jesse will appreciate all the thought you put into this. But we can take care of ourselves, and we can handle the business just fine. Not that we don’t respect you, but I don’t want you thinking you’ve gotta take care of things.”
“You’re all competent men, Cade, I know that. I have a lot of respect for you. But I want to help you. Not out of guilt or because I think you can’t handle it, but because I care about you. And so if there’s anything I can do, I want to do it.”
Cade looks at me for a long moment. There’s something in his eyes that I can’t quite name.
Then, to my surprise, he gets up. I’m worried for a moment that I upset him, although I’m not sure how, but then he offers me his hand to help me up from the couch. “I want to show you something.”
Huh. Okay. I take his hand. “Of course.”
I trust Cade and whatever it is he’s going to show me, but I am wildly curious. I wonder what it could be.
He takes me onto his bike, me behind him. Once upon a time, not too long ago, this would’ve made me terrified. I refused to get on this bike once. But now I feel safe with Cade driving it, and being wrapped around him from behind is so intimate, almost a form of cuddling. I rest my cheek against his back and just enjoy the view as he drives us up and away from the ranch.
We drive pretty far out from the ranch and town, to an area that I don’t know up in the mountains. There are hiking groups that go into the mountains, and of course everyone loves Colorado for its skiing, but I’ve never done either of those things. One of those things where since you’re a local, and it’s an annoyingly long drive, you just never get around to it.
But it’s beautiful up here, as we follow a mountain path, full of trees. The view behind us that I can glimpse is breathtaking, the whole valley spread out before us like a patchwork quilt. I can see the town, and some of the landmarks like my old school, and my parents’ house. I can even see the ranch, much smaller than the house since it’s out of town and farther away from this angle.
We don’t talk, obviously, since it’s nearly impossible to carry on a conversation while riding a motorcycle together. That’s part of what makes it so intimate. You need to be in tune with your co-rider’s body so that you can share the balance on the bike.
But while it’s always silent, there’s something particular about this silence. It feels like there’s a weight that’s settled onto us. It doesn’t feel like a bad weight, exactly, but it’s something.
Finally, we get into the trees and I can’t see the valley below us anymore. Although there aren’t as many cabins up here are there are lower down the mountain, there are a few. Most of them are empty this time of year though, especially the fancy ones that are owned by people who live in the city and come out here just for the snow in the winter.
The cabin that emerges through the trees is a surprise.
It’s small and dilapidated. Neglected, honestly. Nothing fancy about it. No sign that anyone’s used it for vacations or otherwise for years.
Cade stops the bike and we get off. I look around. “What is this?”
He clears his throat, then says, quietly, “It’s where I used to live. With my father.”
I turn and stare at him. I knew that Cade’s father died before he came to town, before any of us knew him, but that’s all I knew. Like Easton, he came in when we were in high school, and he just folded into the town like he’d always been there.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly. I don’t know what else to say.
Cade nods, then takes my hand. He leads me inside.