Chapter 14
SAVANNAH
Asmile begins to etch on the corner of my mouth, but I can’t commit to it because there’s a dose of nerves behind it.
All due to sleeping with my boss because our level of sexual tension broke, but then he was gone.
I don’t know what I expected. I mean, I knew the score.
It was purely physical, and we had to get it out of our systems. That’s why I shouldn’t let any part of me think otherwise.
I snap my attention back to Elodie when she passes me a lid for my coffee.
We’re standing next to the table against the wall, with little packs of sugar, stir sticks, and options of spices or cocoa to add to our coffee.
She managed to drop her daughter off early, and we decided to grab a quick to-go beverage from a little place around the corner that has far better coffee than our building.
“Right? Such a scandal,” she says, and it causes my stomach to tighten.
“Scandal?” That word is a little harsh. Is that what it is when the CEO’s assistant sleeps with him?
Wait, how does she know about my exceptional evening in bed?
Nobody is aware, because my career is due to my own hard work, not the result of sleeping with the boss, and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.
She looks at me strangely and uses her back to open the café door. “Yeah. The Everhope Summer Festival. The battle for the winning pie. According to my parents, it’s coming down to the lemon meringue and the blueberry. Both bakers hate one another, so it could be interesting.”
Pie. Really? This is the conversation that is starting my day? I guess it’s better than the alternative. I’m not sure how this morning in the office with Julian will go.
“Oh yeah, the festival.”
“Are you heading home for it?”
I take a quick sip of my coffee, and the ratio of milk and coffee hits just right. “It’s still a while away, but yeah, probably.”
“Obviously, I’m there, as my parents will lose it if I deprive them of their granddaughter for the annual festival.”
A warm smile finds me because everything about that sentence is calming. Zero room for interpretation or negativity. Unlike the possibility of what I’m about to face.
I’m not sure yet how to play it. Disappointment or indifference. I’ll decide the moment Julian’s piercing gaze meets mine.
We continue down the sidewalk, and the coffee is kicking in. Still, I’m not very engaged in our conversation, and it has nothing to do with Elodie’s part.
She nudges my arm. “Did you get the news yet?” she coaxes me with a grimace.
She doesn’t need to explain further. “I actually looked this morning, as they released all the grades and confirmations at 6 AM.”
“Aaaand?”
In all my recent entanglements, I almost forgot about my master’s until this morning when my calendar reminded me that I had a degree to conquer.
We enter our busy building and follow the crowd to the elevators. “All passed with exceptional grades, thank you very much.” I smile proudly.
“Eeek, I’m so happy! When will you have your graduation ceremony?”
I take another drink, probably to prolong having to answer, but I have to. “I won’t. I asked them to mail me my diploma.”
“What?” she shrieks.
“I don’t want to make a big deal about it,” I answer as we wait for the elevator.
“I don’t like that attention on me. It feels as though I’m…
bragging. Is that the right word? I’m not sure, but I’m aware it’s crazy, and my aunt will not be pleased, but she has enough going on.
It’s better that I casually slip it into conversation next time we speak. ”
I glance to my side and see that my friend seems completely bewildered. “Wow, that’s a lot of nonsense for an intelligent woman. You should celebrate your big accomplishment. Nobody thinks that you’re being showy. It’s even tradition to celebrate.”
All I do is shrug as we enter the elevator.
“Well, at least let me take you for a drink?”
“Sure. I might need one later.” Or three. My body is going haywire because the pops of unrealistic secret thrill and possibility are playing a game inside me.
She pauses for a second and studies me. “Is everything else okay? You seem a little out if it.”
I don’t like lying to her, but I’m not ready to talk about my situation with Julian. I need to process it all myself.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m a little tired.” That’s an understatement. I’m a little sore, too.
She touches my arm for comfort. “Okay. Well, hopefully the coffee will kick in soon. Don’t forget to eat breakfast, too.” The elevator dings, and it’s her floor to get off.
“Yes, Mom.” I give her a little salute.
She leaves me, and the moment the doors close, I’m wide awake, my entire body spiking with adrenaline, and it only gets worse when I reach two floors up and I leave the elevator.
I’m met with quiet, except for the sound of someone printing something down the hall. One deep breath and straightening my shoulders, I walk to my desk with confidence, even if it’s all for show.
For a brief moment, my heart lifts when I spot a vase with flowers on my desk.
Okay, I wasn’t expecting these, and I smile because he sent me flowers, that isn’t a bad sign.
Suddenly, there’s more pep to my step. When I arrive at my desk, I set down my cup of coffee, and I pick up the card only to completely deflate.
It’s only from a supplier, to get in Julian’s good graces, I’m sure.
I toss the card to the side, and my bag slides down my arm that I set on my chair. Good luck to them, he hates flowers.
With a mix of disappointment and even a tad of anger, I abruptly pick up the vase and carry it to the staff room to leave them for others to enjoy because I sure as hell won’t.
If they are placed anywhere near my desk, they will only goad me.
It’s the flowers that trigger me, because suddenly, it’s clear to me how I will handle the day.
I’m feeling things that I shouldn’t, and I will take the leap so Julian doesn’t have to.
We can erase any memory of the weekend, even if I can’t.
I snatch up a blueberry bagel from the basket on the counter and skip cream cheese. I bite into it like an animal as my entire mind and body prepare for the morning ahead, ready to defend my dignity.
Gobbling my bagel, I walk with a fast pace straight to my desk and flop the bagel down before wiping my hands and tousling my hair. Julian’s door is closed, and by the waft of his cologne trailing to his office, it makes me aware he arrived while I was re-aligning my mood.
One deep breath and I decide to get this over with. I stride straight to his office and don’t even bother knocking on the door, instead opening it with gusto.
His eyes instantly float up to see that it’s me. Our eyes connecting causes the clock to temporarily stop. The current message between us is recognition for what happened and that we have now been intimate, and that binds us in a different way.
He leans back in his chair and tosses his pen onto his desk. He opted to leave his top three buttons undone, and his eyes are sea blue today. It’s the sun reflecting through the window, I’m sure. He nearly has me in complete submission to the control that he exudes, because that’s all he knows.
But I don’t waver.
My eyes drop to the floor to ensure he doesn’t entrap me in the spell that he gives off.
“Look, it is what it is. We don’t need to have a full-fledged conversation about the weekend.
We’re professionals and that’s that.” My tone is simple yet to the point.
I blink a few times when I realize that I should have more dominance right now.
He sighs. “Savannah.” My name is heavy when it leaves his lips, and I see the struggle on his face.
“It’s… you… it’s—” He looks up at the ceiling as he formulates his thoughts and drops his attention straight to me as I stand in the middle of his office.
“I don’t do romance. I don’t do relationships.
I’m no good at either. We had fun, and it probably shouldn’t happen again. ”
Hearing him say it, even if anticipated, still stings.
Sure, some people can sleep with someone and leave it at that.
But sleeping with someone when there is a stronger connection, an unimaginable magnetism that keeps drawing you to one another.
The banter, the flirtation, the little facts that you begin to learn.
It makes it all feel like a little more than sleeping together.
But he’s right, and I can’t have any other expectations.
“Exactly,” I agree.
He stands, only to turn his back to me, pushing the sides of his blazer back to rest his hands on his hips and gaze out the window. “I don’t sleep with employees, so you can get that out of your head.”
“It wasn’t in my head. You mentioned it already once,” I reply bluntly. That is one factor that I quickly learned is true.
“And even if there is a spark…” He doesn’t even glance over his shoulder. “You should stay away from me.”
Now, he hit a nerve, and I’m quick to defend. “Are you seriously putting this on me? I haven’t been chasing you, if that’s what you’re implying.”
Julian turns and rests his hands on the back of his chair, and our bodies are both ready for a standoff. My entire middle tightens because I’m not sure if it’s him or me that is about to snap.
“I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m the problem. I’m highlighting that you should stay away from me… in that way.” It feels like a warning that he doesn’t want to give about himself but feels obligated to do so.
I take a step forward and place one hand on my hip, and with the other, I point a finger in the air.
“You know, I came here with… not quite the acceptance of how this would go but for the most part the expectation of how this was going to go. And your warning is the biggest BS. Also, while we’re at it, we are the total epitome of mixed messages. ”
“Agreed.”