Chapter 19
SYDNEY
Laughter echoes around the beautifully decorated atrium as my brother dramatically dips his bride in an over the top kiss.
“I swear I’ve never seen a more precious couple than those two,” Cassie gushes next to me.
“Uh, excuse me?” Blake’s head tilts at her childhood best friend.
The fiery redhead rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t think I do.”
“You and Ryder are more than just cute. Honestly, you’re in a different bracket altogether.
The kind of love you have is powerful and fierce.
I mean, the two most dedicated people I know couldn’t keep themselves from falling for the person they aren’t supposed to want. That’s some serious magnetic pull.”
“Okay. Okay. Then what about Sydney and Lawson? You’ve been shipping them for years. And we all know you are a sucker for the brother’s best friend trope.”
“She speaks the truth,” I point out. “The last three book club recommendations from you were basically that trope in different fonts.”
Cassie shrugs, unashamed. “What can I say? I like what I like. And since I don’t have a brother, nor does my best friend have one, I have to live vicariously through you, my princess peach.”
I share a look with Blake and she just shakes her head with a soft laugh.
Cassie may be ‘living vicariously through me’ for that particular favorite trope of hers, but we all know she would gladly beg on her knees for the brooding, scarred, growly, man whose walls she can knock down with a sledgehammer.
It’s almost like we know someone who would fit that role perfectly…
And no, it’s not the toad she unfortunately refers to as her boyfriend.
“Now if you would just give up the dirty details”—she leans into my side—“Come on, just spill the beans, sunshine. You know you want to.”
I laugh into my glass and take another sip, trying to bide my time. “Cassie, it’s fake. There are no beans to be spilled.”
“Honey, you can’t fake tension like that.”
“Like what?”
Her eyes dart over my shoulder and she straightens. “Nothing.”
I jump slightly when a large hand slides over my lower back, his warmth leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. My cheeks heat and I slowly turn my head, dragging my eyes to clash with his dark ones.
He smirks at me, no doubt catching my reaction to his innocent touch. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I whisper.
“What are we talking about? From the look on Cassie’s face it’s nothing honorable.”
“Hey!” She laughs and I smile.
“Oh, they just want to know your deepest darkest secrets, but don’t worry, I didn’t tell them about your little collection of specially ordered heels that you like to walk around the house in from time to time.” I slip my fingers up to cover my lips. “Whoops.”
Lawson’s chuckle vibrates through my shoulder that’s pressed against his chest and he shakes his head with a playful smirk.
“You know, I’ve read that walking around in heels is a great workout for your legs and glutes. Is that your secret then, Lawson?” Cassie tilts her head, teasingly.
His eyebrows flatten and he looks over his shoulder to where all of our attention has now been diverted. Clearing his throat, he shrugs. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
The girls laugh but mine is cut off when his lips brush the shell of my ear. “You’re going to pay for that later,” he whispers.
I bite my lip. “What are you going to do? Spank me?”
As soon as the words leave me, my face heats. I suppress a shiver as images of me bent over his bed with his powerful body behind me and that large hand still holding onto my waist is in a much more delicious location.
His jaw ticks, eyes dropping to my mouth for a fraction of a second. “Why do I get the feeling it wouldn’t be much of a punishment?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” I parrot his words and look up at him with a teasing tilt of my lips.
“Sunshine,” he growls under his breath.
“Darkling,” I whisper, not backing down from his heated stare.
“See? Tension,” Cassie not so subtly whispers to Blake.
The sound of clinking glasses echo around us, but he doesn’t look away from me as the band’s singer announces for everyone to take their seats for the bride and groom’s first dance.
With a quick glance at the girls, Lawson bows his head and walks towards the table. I watch him go, the lingering warmth from his hand burning through the thin fabric of my dress.
Cassie fans herself. “I don’t know about you, Blake, but I feel like I need a cigarette after witnessing that.”
“I’m just saying, if Ryder was giving me the look you two just shared, we would be finding our way behind the closest door with a lock.” Blake winks and breaks away, settling into the seat next to her husband.
Swallowing, I let their words sink in as I wordlessly round the table and slide into my seat.
What if it’s true? What if we are dancing dangerously close to breaking all of our rules? What if this is something we simply can’t fake anymore?
Because if I’m being honest, I wasn’t pretending.
I haven’t this entire time.
But I’d never admit that to anyone. Especially to the one man I desperately want but won’t ever really call mine. Not in this reality, anyway.
I’m shaken from my spiraling thoughts when a familiar hand slides over my thigh and I look up into Lawson’s eyes watching me with concern.
“Everything okay, sweetheart?”
Sweetheart? Seriously? Can the man take a break from the charm so I can breathe for even a second?
I nod jerkily and give him what I hope is a convincing smile. “Yep. Everything’s grand.”
He watches me for a moment, no doubt seeing right through my act like he’s always been able to.
His eyebrows dip and he opens his mouth to say something but the swelling of music cuts him off.
Our attention shifts as my brother guides his glowing bride out to the center of the makeshift dance floor.
The band plays a cover of “Incredible” by James TW and I dab my eyes as I watch two of the most important people in my life sway in each other’s arms, their foreheads pressed together and eyes closed like nothing but this very moment matters.
When the first chorus is through, the singer invites the rest of us to join them on the dance floor. Blake and Ryder step to the edge and he holds her like she’s his whole world. Mum and Dad float around, and he spins her in circles so much that she laughs.
A throat clears and I glance up, somehow missing when Lawson got up from his seat.
“What do you say, sunshine? May I have this dance?”
I slip my hand into his and let him lead me out onto the dance floor. A breathless laugh escapes when he spins me before settling me back against his chest.
“I didn’t know you could dance.”
He smirks down at me and reaches up, tucking a curl behind my ear. “I’ve got secrets that even you don’t know about, sweetheart.”
My eyebrows raise. “Oh yeah? Do tell.” He shakes his head and I sigh dramatically, laying my head on his chest. “Fine, keep your secrets.”
“I wish I didn’t have to,” he says under his breath, almost too quiet for me to hear.
I pull back and look up at his face flooded with warring emotions. “Lawson.”
“Sydney,” he echoes.
My eyes bounce between his and my hands tighten in the fabric of his shirt. He tilts my chin up, brushing his lips over mine softly. My heart shutters and before he can press in farther, I pull back.
“Excuse me,” I whisper, breaking out of his arms and swiftly move to the doors that will lead me into the hallway.
Space. I need space.
This is too much.
Maybe it’s the wedding and the love floating all around us.
Or it’s the girls’ comments from earlier trying to convince me that you can’t fake what everyone sees we have.
Or the lingering looks and soft touches he’s gifted me tonight.
Whatever it is, I suddenly can’t breathe under the crushing feeling that what I’ve always wanted is so close yet still completely out of reach.
This is fake.
It has to be fake.
Because no matter how real it was all beginning to feel, I can’t let myself fall for it.
There’s no way Lawson wants me like I’ve always wanted him.
“Sydney!”
I glance over my shoulder to see Lawson bursting through the doors. “I just… I need a minute.” His feet pound on the floor as he rushes to catch up to me and I pause, spinning on the spot. “Stop.”
He slows, halting five feet away with a worried look on his handsome face. “Sydney—”
“I said I’m fine. I just need a breather, that’s all.”
“A breather?”
“Yes.”
“From the wedding”—he takes a single step—“Or from me?”
I suck in a breath. “Both.”
His eyebrows clash. “Did I do something wrong?”
A humorless laugh rushes out of me. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Quite the opposite.” I mumble the last statement, looking down at my feet.
A pair of shiny black shoes butts up against the tips of my heels and he tucks a finger under my chin, tilting my head up to face him. “What’s going on in the beautiful head of yours, hm?”
My eyes dance between his. “You have to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” He reaches up, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and brushing his thumb over my cheek.
I close my eyes at the contact before shaking out of his hold and taking a step back. “That! You have to stop doing that.”
“Syd—”
“We don’t need to do this. Not here. They all know we aren’t together, so you can stop.”
“What are you talking about?”
I flail my arms around before slapping them on my sides. “The looks, the touches, the growly words suggesting we’ve…” my voice trails off as I think about the less than innocent comment we shared earlier.
He takes a step closer. “Suggesting that we’ve what, Sydney?”
My chest rises and falls. “Everything about us is fake.”
“Everything?”
I nod jerkily and his cologne fills my senses as he closes the distance between us. I freeze when he lifts his hand, brushing my hair over my shoulder.
“Is this fake?” he asks, trailing his finger over my collarbone, eliciting a shiver from me. “Or what about this?” I gasp as he leans down, brushing his lips over my exposed neck.