Chapter 29
LAWSON
I stare at the suit hanging on the back of my bathroom door. My stomach twists and my hands tighten in the comforter where I sit on the edge of my bed.
It’s the last night of our two week break between races and instead of traveling with the rest of our friends to the United States like we usually do, we are leaving on a later flight tomorrow.
Because of him.
Could I have turned him down when he first proposed my attendance tonight? Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. But I didn’t and I’m blaming that slight blip on the shock of seeing him for the first time in almost fifteen years.
Then again, no one says no to Gregory Moore.
It didn’t matter that since the moment he drove away for the final time that night when I was just a kid, I swore I’d never sit idly by and let him rule over our lives.
It’s almost as if the years he spent trying his damndest to mold me into this obedient, agreeable, respectable, perfect image of the son he wanted somehow came rushing back the moment I looked into his dark hard eyes. Eyes so similar to the ones that look back at me in the mirror every day.
Within a broken heartbeat, I was transformed into the little boy who would do anything to make his father happy. Who would do whatever was asked of him if it meant he would stay.
I’m not delusional enough to think this man still has any love left for me—if there was even any there at all from the beginning—by attending this event. But maybe, just maybe, I can get some answers into why he left.
Why, no matter what it was I did to try and show him I could be the son he wanted me to be, he still got in his car and left without even a glance in the rearview mirror.
Why none of it seemed to ever be enough.
Why I wasn’t enough.
Enough to be loved. Or even liked.
Enough to want to be around. Or even acknowledged.
Enough to want to stay. And not pay the price for it.
I shake my head at the spiraling thoughts trying to take me underneath the already rough waters of my mind. Waters I’ve barely been treading all my life.
I haven’t even been around the man for more than a collective five minutes since he walked out of our lives and I can already feel the depths of the past circling my ankles, threatening to drown me for good this time.
I don’t know if I can do this.
“Yes, you can.”
I drop my head at the soft voice that floats through my bedroom’s open door.
“I didn’t realize I said that out loud.”
The click of her heels grows louder as she drifts closer, until her dainty toes tipped in pink enter my view. My eyes slowly move over the soft fabric of her shiny pink dress, hugging every single one of her curves in the most delicious of ways.
Maybe I can convince her to stay right here and—
“Not a chance buddy.” My gaze shoots up to hers and she lifts a single perfect brow.
“You can read minds now?”
“No.” She reaches out and runs her fingertip over the side of my face. “But I’ve always been able to read you.”
I hum, falling backwards with my arms spread out wide. Sighing, I close my eyes. “Would I be a horrible person if I just didn’t go? I could say that the team needed me out sooner for some last minute commitment.”
“No.” I peek open a single eye at her easy reply and she tilts her head, her perfectly curled blonde hair cascading over her shoulder. “But I do think you’ll regret it.”
My eyebrows furrow. “How could I possibly regret not showing up for this, when he doesn’t seem to be so torn up about not showing up for me all these years?”
Her beautiful face softens and she pulls me up until I’m sitting before her once again. With her fingers under my jaw, she gently tilts my head back until I’m looking into her sparkling blue eyes.
“I’m not going to stand here and try and make excuses for what he did or even try to make sense of why he did it.
” Her voice drifts off and she runs her fingers through my hair.
“I don’t know him, and for the simple fact of how he treated you, I don’t think I want to know him.
But I do know you and you are nothing like him. ”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. Because in the little I remember of him from the miniscule of time he was here and the short interaction I saw that day at the race, I know you are so much more than he could ever dream of being.”
She shifts closer and I instinctively place my hands on her hips, desperately clinging to her as if I’d blink and she would fade away. Her hands cup my face and she smiles softly down at me.
“You are strong. Strong enough to never give up, even when the world is trying to beat you down. You don’t take the easy way out of things if it means those you care about will feel the effects of your actions.
You may not think it, and the world may have yet to truly see it, but you have the biggest heart. ”
Her hand slides down to my chest. “I can see it through the armor you insist on wearing the moment you wake every morning. I can feel it in the small things you do. It’s in the way you show up for those you care about.
The closet full of children’s toys you can’t seem to stop adding to because you think the boys might enjoy it.
It’s how you always call my parents to ask if they need anything from the store when you’re out and even if they say no, you get their favorites for them anyway. ”
“How do you—”
“I can’t go giving away all my secrets.” She smiles coyly and I chuckle. Leaning down, she kisses me softly and I sigh against her lips, feeling the anxiety of tonight already start to recede.
Pulling back slightly, her eyes bounce between mine. “We are going to go into the lion’s den together. You are going to do what he will never be capable of doing and face the hard things instead of running from them.”
She kisses me softly once more and speaks against my lips. “You can do this, Lawson. And I will be right by your side the entire time.”
Right where you were always meant to be.
Standing to her full height, she smiles down at me and brushes my hair back off my forehead. “You are not alone anymore and you never will be again.”
“Oh yeah? You sound so sure about that.”
“Because I am. You’re stuck with me now, handsome.”
My gulp is audible in the quiet space. Not from fear of her meaning, but because I can hardly believe what she’s saying is actually happening. “This was supposed to be a fake arrangement, remember?”
Her lips twist and she shuffles closer to me as I spread my legs for her to stand between. Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, I move to hold her tight around the waist, looking up at her with my chin pressed against her chest.
“I don’t think this has been fake for me for a long time.”
“It hasn’t for me either, sunshine,” I whisper. For far longer than you know.
We stay in that moment for a few minutes longer, settling into the warmth of our confessions as we stare at one another. As if we are committing every detail to memory so we can one day tell our children about the instant where everything shed the shadows and we stepped into the sunlight together.
It’s with her undying support and belief in me that I slip into the monkey suit I’ve been trying hard to ignore.
Her hand in mine to ground me as we make the hour drive outside the city to my father’s estate.
And her softly spoken promise to stay by my side, that I finally feel ready to face the villain of my past.
Our heads tip up as we enter the massive room and Sydney lets out a quiet sound of astonishment at the grandness of it all. “I suddenly feel like I made the wrong choice in gowns,” she murmurs as her eyes glide over the guests flowing throughout the room.
I tilt my head and rake my eyes over her. Leaning down, I use a finger under her chin to bring her face to mine and kiss her softly. “The dress is perfect. You are perfect. You are the most beautiful woman here.”
“I think you may be a little biased.”
“When it comes to you, I’m always biased.”
She rolls her eyes playfully and squeezes my arm. Taking a deep breath, she faces the room once more and squares her shoulders. “Let’s do this shit.”
A laugh bursts out of me and I shake my head with a smile as I lead her down the few stairs. We make it precisely five steps onto the main floor when someone calls out my name.
“Ah! You’ve finally arrived.”
I stiffen as my father draws closer, a woman hanging from his arm in tow. They stop right in front of us and I tip my head at him in greeting. I may be willing to come here, but I draw the line at hugging him. It’s not like he would have expected one anyway.
“Sydney, beautiful as ever,” he coos, a tight smile on his lips.
“Thank you, sir. May I say, your house is amazing.”
“Oh, the praise should really go to my wife, Vivienne.” He pats the hand of the woman at his side and she giggles.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Lawson. I’ve heard so much about you,” the woman I’m assuming to be Vivienne says. My jaw clenches as I desperately hold in the scoff trying to escape and Sydney’s hand pulses on my arm.
Clearing my throat, I dip my head in greeting. “Apologies for our late arrival. We would have been here sooner, but there was a last minute meeting before the team took off for our next race location this morning.” Oh, and there’s the fact that I didn’t want to come.
“Maybe this one will end with a win, yeah?” My father chuckles.
I tense, my eyes unwavering from his as he so easily veils the insult.
“Lawson actually currently holds the record for most wins at the Miami track amongst the other drivers on the circuit.” My gaze snaps to the woman at my side, my lips parting at the fierce look in her shining eyes. “Multiple other tracks, too, in fact.”
“And yet only two championships?”
“Just because he doesn’t carry the weight of endless titles doesn’t mean he isn’t one of the best drivers this sport has ever seen.
Because I assure you, he is. There are only a few drivers in history to have more than one championship to their name, so having only two is no small accomplishment.
I know I could never do what he does, not many people could. ”
“I know I wouldn’t be able to make it around a single turn,” Vivienne cuts in with a laugh.
But I don’t look away from my girl.
I can’t.
She stares my father down as if he doesn’t tower over her, a spark in her eye daring him to try and belittle me again in front of her.
“Well, maybe we can expect to add another win to his record this upcoming weekend then.” He clears his throat and breaks from their little stare down.
“Ah, it looks as if dinner is ready to be served. Shall we, my dear?” He quickly leads his wife away and I watch Sydney as she doesn’t look away from their retreating forms.
When they fade from view, she turns to me.
Wincing, she shrinks in on herself. “Sorry, I may have gotten a bit carried away there. But I couldn’t stand here while he tried to diminish what you do.
What you’re capable of. Because he has no idea.
No idea how every time you strap into that car, you risk everything, even your life.
How there’s so much more to racing than being able to just drive—”
I cut her off with a kiss and she melts into me. Pulling back slightly, I cup the side of her face and run my thumb over her tinted cheek.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
Her eyes dance between mine and she presses up on her toes, stealing another kiss. “We should probably go find our seats. I’m dying to see if it’s true that rich people’s food is actually horrific.”
I let her guide me with the crowd as I shake my head with a low chuckle.
We enter the large dining room and I notice name cards have been placed on each of the settings.
Locating ours, I hold back my miserable groan when I notice it’s only a few seats down from where my father and his wife sit. Because of course.
We settle into our assigned spots and Sydney squeezes my leg under the table before twining her fingers through mine. I may have dreaded tonight, but with her by my side, I finally feel strong enough to face whatever it will bring.