Chapter 30
SYDNEY
“Lawson, I had this added to the menu for you. I remember it being your favorite.”
The man at my side stiffens and I give his hand a squeeze before reaching for my appetizer spoon. At least I think that’s what it is. I double check by discreetly glancing at the others around the table and mentally high five myself for picking correctly.
I look down at the small bowl placed in front of me filled with some kind of soup. Taking a bite, I hold back my moan at the burst of flavor. Creamy loaded potato soup.
I catch Lawson taking a bite of his own and his swallow is heavy. He closes his eyes and his jaw ticks as he settles back in his chair.
“Just like when you were a boy, yeah?” his father asks and their twin dark eyes clash.
Lawson nods wordlessly and I switch my hold on my spoon so that I can place my hand back on his leg. Because I know the truth.
This wasn’t a recipe from his childhood. In fact, he’d never had this dish until two years ago when Blake made us all some on a particularly cold winter night. It’s been one of his favorites ever since and Mum always makes him a bunch when the temperatures start to dip.
No, his favorite from when we were little was always tomato soup with grilled cheese. His mum would always cut our sandwiches into shapes and instead of using spoons, we would drink the creamy soup straight out of oversized coffee cups.
We still do it today, with my nephews.
And it still brings a smile to his face every time.
What I wouldn’t give for it to be there now.
“So this is your son, then?” the man across from me asks, his eyes darting between the head of the table and Lawson.
“Yes, this is my boy, Lawson,” his father replies with fake pride.
“I didn’t know you had a full grown son, Vivienne. You don’t look nearly old enough,” a woman a few seats down calls out.
She laughs, dabbing a napkin to her lips. “Oh no, this is Gregory’s boy from his previous marriage.”
All eyes shift to Lawson and he gives each of their owners a steely look, daring them to share their judgements so clearly plastered on their faces.
“Well, it’s wonderful that you’re here. That you two are still so close,” the same woman says.
My gaze shoots to his father when he agrees and my grip on my spoon tightens. I smooth a hand over Lawson’s thigh when I feel him stiffen.
“So, Lawson, do you also work for your father like the others?” Others?
Gregory cuts him off before he can answer. “No, he doesn’t. He’s actually a professional athlete. A Formula 1 driver.”
Awes echo around the table and the man to his right speaks up. “That’s where I’ve seen you before! My son is obsessed with the sport. What team do you drive for again?”
“Miller Racing.”
He snaps his fingers. “That’s right. Wasn’t there some sort of scandal at the beginning of the season with you? Something about assault.”
Gasps ring out and I fidget in my seat, feeling eyes slide over the both of us.
“That has all been cleared up,” Lawson murmurs.
“You!” My head shoots up and I look at the woman across from me with wide eyes. “You’re the woman from the photo, yes?”
I open and close my mouth, frantically glancing at the eager faces around me. Clearing my throat, I place my spoon down and lay my slightly shaking hand in my lap.
Strong fingers link with mine and I glance to the side. The panic that threatened to overcome me evaporates under his warm comforting gaze.
“I am. Lawson was protecting me.” I don’t look away from him as a smile teases my lips. “He saved me.”
“Saved you?” the woman across from us asks.
I pull my eyes from him and stare her down. “Yes. If it weren’t for him, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“And what about the man who he attacked?”
“You mean the man who assaulted me?” Shocked gasps ring out among the tapping of utensils. The woman across from me pales and I lift an eyebrow. “Because that’s what he saved me from. Being assaulted by a man who thought he had the right to take something that wasn’t his.”
Everyone falls silent and I glance at Lawson when he squeezes my hand.
I swallow and face the table. “We had a hearing a few weeks ago. Lawson sat by my side the entire time. He held my hand as I recounted what happened to me. He reassured me that I had the strength to face my attacker again, even if it was through a computer screen. And he held me as I let all the pain of that night go when the man was found guilty and sentenced to six months in custody.”
I turn my head and lock eyes with Lawson’s father. “It’s because of your son that I am here today. It’s because of him that I don’t have to be scared anymore of another person hurting me.”
I see a flicker in his dark gaze but it’s gone as the next course is placed in front of us.
“I’m very sorry that that happened to you,” the woman in front of me says softly.
I give her a small smile and tuck in to the meal. Conversation shifts to politics and other topics I have no knowledge of. I barely taste my food, but paste on a reassuring smile whenever Lawson glances my way.
I can be strong for him tonight. He needs me to be. Just like he has been for me all these weeks since the assault.
Dessert is served without further tension and I lick my lips, ready to devour the sugary treat. I scoop some of the fluffy cake onto my fork and lift it to my mouth, except it never makes it there.
I gasp when a tattooed-hand whips out, knocking the utensil from my grasp. My head whips to the side to see a frantic-looking Lawson as the room descends into shocked silence once again.
His hands raise as if he’s going to reach for me but he stops, noticing some remnants of the dessert on his skin. He drops his hands, fisting them on the table.
“Did you eat any?”
“What?” I ask, my voice breaking.
“Did you have even a single bite of this cake?” He growls and points at the delicate dish in front of me.
I shake my head and reach for him. He jumps back, his chair clattering to the ground in his haste. My eyebrows furrow as he fiercely wipes his hands with his napkin before tossing it onto the table.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?”
My head whips to the side at his father’s dark tone.
“What the hell am I doing? What the hell are you doing? Why would you serve this?”
“I think it’s quite delicious,” the woman across from us murmurs, but I don’t look away from the two men.
“What’s wrong with it? I thought you’d enjoy it, it was another one of your favorites. Vivienne had the chefs make it special.”
“For the only time tonight, you’re right. This particular cake was my favorite. But that was before I found out the love of my life is allergic to its main ingredient.”
“Lawson,” I whisper.
“I told you explicitly that she is allergic to nuts,” he screams, his chest heaving. His father’s mouth opens and closes, a soft hue tinting his cheeks as Lawson continues. “I not only told you, but I confirmed with whoever the fuck was emailing for our food preferences!”
His father slowly raises from his seat, hands braced on the table top. “Watch your language, boy. I will not have this kind of outburst in my home.”
A disbelieving laugh burst out of the fuming man at my side. “You almost killed the woman I love and you’re worried about my bloody language?”
“Oh don’t go being dramatic, Lawson. The girl said she didn’t consume any of it, everything is fine.”
A disbelieving scoff leaves Lawson and he shakes his head. I watch as his shoulders fall, a sense of defeat enveloping him.
“You don’t see it, do you?”
His father rolls his eyes and settles back in his chair. “See what, Lawson?”
“You know, I once idolized you. I used to do everything in my power to please you, just to make you love me even a little bit for who I was and not who you wanted me to be. But I see it now. For the first time in my thirty years on this earth that I wasn’t ever the problem. You were.”
“Excuse me?”
“It doesn’t matter. I could stand here all night trying to explain it to you and you still wouldn’t hear a single thing I say. You never have. Tonight just proved it.”
“Law—”
“We’re leaving.” He reaches for me with the hand that didn’t have any icing on it and I immediately slip my fingers between his, letting him pull me up.
“Son.”
He ignores his father’s calls and nods towards a stunned Vivinne. “Apologies, it was a lovely dinner. Thank you for having us.”
“Lawson!”
He turns his back on him and strides towards the exit with me at his side.
“Don’t you dare leave like this!”
There’s a sharp pang in my chest and I stop walking. Lawson looks at me with confusion and I whip around to face his nightmare of a father. “No. Don’t you dare.”
“Excuse me? You can’t speak to me like that. Who do you think—”
“Me? Who do you think you are that you have the right to throw around demands like that?”
“I am his father,” he growls.
“You may be his father by blood but that is where your claim to that title ends.”
“You have no right—”
“No, you have no right. You lost that the moment you disappeared from his life.” I look around the room and lift my arms wide. “I mean, what did you really think you would accomplish here? You haven’t even spoken to him in almost fifteen years. So why now?”
Gasps ring out, nervous glances moving towards the man radiating with fury.
A disbelieving laugh rushes out of me and I shake my head. “Just like all those years ago, you remain silent now.”
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“No, you don’t. But you owe him everything.
Though, I don’t think he wants or even needs it.
Because despite your absence, Lawson has grown into a man you will only ever live in the shadow of, cowering in the darkness because you will never have the power to smother his shine ever again. I won’t let you.”
“And you speak for him now, is it? Is he so little of a man that he needs you to do what he doesn’t do for himself?”
“You have it wrong, just like so many other things. Lawson doesn’t need me speaking for him because right now, he is the bigger man.
You talk of making a scene but from where I’m standing, he wasn’t the one yelling across the room, demanding him to not ‘be dramatic.’ No, the one who is drawing unfavorable attention is you. ”
He glances around the room, his cheeks flaming with earned embarrassment as everyone watches him with judging eyes.
I sigh. “And despite it all, I feel sorry for you.”
His eyebrows furrow. “Excuse me?”
“I said, I feel sorry for you. Because while you were busy chasing whatever life this is”—I gesture around us—“you missed out on an even better one. You were so blinded by what you thought was the perfect life only to realize you already had it with the two people whose love you never truly deserved.”
I move to stand at Lawson’s side and slip my hand into his. We walk the few steps towards the exit and I look back at the stunned man one last time. “I hope it was worth it. Living the rest of your life with something that will never measure up to what you lost.”
We leave the room, hand in hand, and don’t look back again.
Lawson is silent on our drive back to his house, but his hand never leaves mine. Nerves dance over my skin as I try to tame my overthinking mind. I follow behind him silently into the house and up the stairs to his bedroom.
Did I overstep?
Did I make things worse?
Is he upset with me?
What have I done?
I’m left to my spiraling thoughts as Lawson disappears into his ensuite bathroom. I hear water running and then the quiet hum of his toothbrush. I fidget on my aching feet, twisting my anxious fingers into the sparkling skirt of my dress.
My eyes slide to the doorway when he slips back into the room, his dark gaze locked on me. I swallow. “Lawson, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
He cuts me off by striding across the small space, taking my face in his hands and slamming his mouth onto mine.
I suck in a breath, tasting the lingering mint on his lips and throw my arms around his neck. Arching into him, I meet his need with my own.
Pulling back on a quick breath, he lays his forehead against mine. “You constantly amaze me, you know that?”
“What?”
“What you did, what you said.” He shakes his head and pulls back until our eyes clash. “Thank you. Thank you for believing in me, for fighting for me when I couldn’t, and for making me feel like I’m enough just as I am.”
“You are. You’re more than enough, Lawson, and it’s his downfall, not yours that he can’t see that.”
“I’m just happy that you see it.”
I press up onto my toes. “I’ve only ever seen you.”
He sighs and wraps me in a tight embrace.
“About what I said.” He pulls back, eyes dancing between mine. “I didn’t want it to come out like that.”
I tuck my lips and dip my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
A finger tips my chin back up. “Yes you do.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “You don’t have to say it just because it slipped out in the heat of—”
“I said I wish it didn’t come out like it did, not that I don’t feel that way.”
My breath freezes in my chest. “What?”
His lips twitch. “I love you, Sydney Collins. And while I had this whole other idea of how I wanted to finally tell you that, it’s out there now.
I don’t want you to think it’s something I just said because it’s not.
I’ve felt this way for a long time, probably longer than even I really understand. ”
My eyes water and he chases the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. I let out a shaky laugh and place my hands on his chest, fisting the fabric. “I love you too.”
“You don’t need to say it just because—”
“I. Love. You.” A breath rushes out of him and he lays his forehead against mine.
“It may not have been the way you wanted to say it, but it’s not about when or how.
It’s about the fact that you feel it at all.
And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much I feel the same. ”