Chapter 10
Eli
My computer pings with an alert of the motion sensor outside my office. It’s only on when I lock the door, and I only do that when I’m working on . . . sensitive information.
I save everything, including the measly progress I made on the code for the app development, then hurry to save and close up everything before sprinting to the door and disarming the security system to let Lex in.
“Time got away from me. I’m sorry I didn’t go get you, I—” All other apologies I was planning on offering him fly out the window when he wraps me in the warmest hug I’ve ever received.
“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?”
“I’m so fucking tired, angel,” he whispers against my neck. I shiver at the feeling of the soft burst of warm air, but then shake that shit off. Right now is not the time.
Last time I had Lex in my arms like this, he said he didn’t want our kiss to happen in a moment exactly like this one. It’s not like I can just turn off my feelings for him—fucking obviously—but I can control my mouth.
“You can rest now,” I assure him.
He hasn’t spent the night here since he moved out seven years ago, but back then, his room was two floors up where all the guests always stay. Our home is rarely this full, and there are two more people arriving tomorrow, but of course Lex’s room is still exactly as he left it.
In my weakest moments, that’s where I go, to try to feel closer to him, but tonight, right now, I need to be the strong one.
So instead of telling him I’ll help him take his things upstairs, I lead him back to the hallway where the stairs are but don’t take him up.
Instead, I lead him down the hallway and to my bedroom.
“You can say no, of course,” I say softly, and take his hand, intertwining our fingers together. “But I’d really love it if you’d stay with me while you’re here. Not to, like, do anything,” I rush to add. “Just to rest.”
“Okay,” he says simply, his eyes not quite focused on the space in front of us.
I close the door behind us and lead him through my little living room and to the bed. I push him to sit, then crouch to take off his shoes.
“Do you want a shower or just sleep?” I ask, still speaking softly.
“Can you pass me my toiletry bag? I feel like I need to wash off the flight.”
“You got it.” I hurry back to my living room and tilt his suitcase to the floor, open it up and immediately identify the bright green bag.
I also grab a pair of soft-looking sweatpants and a black T-shirt.
“Here you go.” I hand it all over, and he takes it with a tired but grateful smile then disappears into the en-suite bathroom.
I rush into my closet and change into my pajamas too, then sit on the bed, just waiting for the sounds of the shower to stop so I can figure out exactly what Lex needs.
“All yours,” he murmurs when he steps out, and I maybe don’t brush my teeth for the full two minutes, but I make up for that with vigor, and with the fact that I take a few precious seconds to wash my face.
I shut every light off and find Lex already tucked in on the right side of the bed. I can’t help but smile. Either he knows I sleep on the left, or we’re just cosmically made for each other. Whichever it is, I’m good with it.
“Did you see anyone downstairs, or . . . ?” I leave the question open-ended as I get under the duvet myself.
“Yeah.” The single word sounds more like a sigh. “I guess you didn’t see that I didn’t finish the game with the rest of the team.” His voice is so soft, so . . . defeated. I really don’t want to make him feel worse, but he did just drop a bomb on me.
“What?” I shout, scooting up and gripping his arm. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Who hurt you?”
“No, no. No one, I’m okay,” he comforts me. He comforts me. Sitting up too, he scoots so he can rest against the headboard and rubs a hand down his face.
This is beyond fucked up.
“Okay, okay.” I inhale sharply and try to get my shit together again.
“Do you want to explain, or just go to sleep?” I don’t tell him I’ll wake the whole damn house if he chooses the second option, and make someone explain everything to me.
He looks beat now. Like, soul-level tired, and I don’t want to make it worse.
“I’ll explain quickly,” he says after a moment, so I know he did think it through.
My bet is he skips over a lot of details, but he does get it done quickly, I have to give him that.
“So you’re just going to go back and keep playing for them?” I demand, though I do try to gentle my voice.
“Unless they trade me, I don’t have a choice. It’s been only six days since I waived my no-trade clause, and trades take time. In the meantime, I have to put on the best show possible so other teams are still interested.”
I let that sink in, remind myself that I know this, that I have to be patient.
“I’m glad you told your mom,” I whisper.
“Yeah, sorry about asking you to keep it from them, but—”
“No, no.” I pat his arm in reassurance, or at least I try. “I don’t mean because of that. I mean, I’m glad you told them all so you can see how many people you have in your corner.”
“Yeah.” He exhales a long breath. “That was nice, but I’m glad Lottie wasn’t here, that I don’t have to put her in the middle of all this.
Even if she is the great Charlotte Wayne, she’s still an NHL coach and still has to answer to the commissioner’s office.
I don’t want there to be even a whisper of tampering. ”
But I know how important his relationship with Lottie is to him.
I know he’d love to be able to talk about this with her and just have her support.
Even though she’s more than a decade older, they’ve always had a special bond.
She is the older sister of all of them, not only Silas, and I would expect she’d react especially strongly to all of this.
“Is Chicago on the list?” I ask quietly. I can’t imagine it not being on the list, honestly.
“Top of the list, actually.” He brightens a little at that, his green eyes now not as sad, not as defeated.
“The league would go insane for that,” I murmur, and even manage an honest smile. It’s not huge, but still.
I swallow hard, having to stop myself from mentioning Tucker at all because what good would that do?
Chicago is a lot closer than Los Angeles, and hell, of course I’d love to have him right here, but I can still fly out to see him whenever. It would be a lot easier.
If Chicago is what he wants, then I’m not going to go against that. All I want is for him to be out of that team, and if he can be closer, then that’s a bonus. Not a huge one, but still a bonus.
His smile drops fast, and I brace myself.
“I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” The whisper comes out as a shameful confession, and I can’t let that stand.
“You’re not letting anyone who matters down, Lex.
” I try not to sound pushy, but this is something I know he needs to hear.
“No one who really knows you, no one who loves you is disappointed, and even though I wasn’t downstairs when you told everyone else, I can almost guarantee that everyone was mad on your behalf, that all they want is to help. ”
His eyes flit down to his lap where his hands are twisting halfway through my little speech, but I don’t begrudge him, I know he’s still listening.
“I don’t have any more energy now,” he whispers so low I can barely hear it.
I nod, even if he can’t see, and accept that for the conversation ender it is.
“I love you,” I murmur, the words feeling safe and familiar even though I’ve bitten them back about a million times.
His eyes snap up but I don’t take the time to see what’s in them. I just lean in and kiss his cheek, ignore his sharp intake of breath, and smile like nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
“Now, let’s sleep. We’ve got big days ahead that will only be good days.”
I swear to myself I’m not sad that he didn’t say it back, and I definitely ignore how I don’t even give him time to say it back.
Instead, I gesture for him to lie down, and he lets me pull him, lets me turn him to his side, looking away from me, lets me wrap my arm around him after I turn out the bedside lamp.
It probably looks ridiculous, me at five-seven spooning his huge six-five frame, but no one is here but us. Only we are witnesses to this moment, to the peace that covers the whole room when I feel his chest expand then deflate with a huge breath, and this time, it’s with relief.
December 23rd
The suite is filled with an almost fake cheer the next afternoon.
Almost.
The underlying rage, protectiveness, and love are simmering to a boil, though, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed that.
One of the only things Lex told me before having coffee this morning was that he wants to talk about literally anything else today, that he doesn’t want his team to taint any other part of his life, and I made sure everyone else knew it.
Vinny wanted to demand answers from me, I could tell, but thankfully he was in a hurry since he had a light morning skate to get to.
I don’t know how much Lex has told him about us, all I know is that Vinny’s on board with my social media scheme.
So when I told him this morning that Lex needed today to be about family, I did understand the complicated ocean of emotions that passed over his face—like a tsunami.
Now, though, he’s near his goalie’s crease, chatting with his teammates while they all stretch during warmups or do complicated stick-handling rituals.
The suite Dad got for today’s game is on the opposite side of the owner’s box, where we normally watch from, but it’s pretty similar. Sure, it’s smaller, and has fewer amenities, and this one is full of people.
Being a whole arena away from Jim Barclay means that I went all out with the eyeliner, my dual-chrome shimmering eyeshadow, and have my favorite skirt on—a knee-length bright-blue silk one that shifts softly against my legs and made Lex stare extra hard before Silas distracted him.