Chapter 3
Milow
I missed Daddy, but I didn’t miss the owie-stick. I didn’t miss the pain, and I didn’t miss the way he made me cry, even when he said he only did it because he loved me.
Since the last day I saw him, I have been living in a big house with many children.
Boys lived on one side, girls on the other, but most times, they were all just running around in the whole house.
The girls talked all the time. They didn’t lose their voices the way I did.
That meant they weren’t obedient. I was the only one who was obedient here.
I had to share a bedroom with five girls. Their voices never stopped. At night, I stayed awake because I wasn’t used to noise. Back home, everything stayed quiet, and I never shared my room with anyone because I was the only child.
When they brought me to the big house, the kids crowded around me. They asked me many questions. They always asked why I didn’t speak. I wanted to explain that good girls didn’t talk, and talking wasn’t allowed because it made you bad. But I couldn’t tell them that.
They kept laughing and asking things I couldn’t answer, and I kept frowning because they didn’t understand why silence made me a good girl.
Maybe one day their voices would disappear too, the way mine had when the magic took it. Then they would finally understand.
For now, I stayed proud that I was the only obedient girl in the whole house.
There was a woman named Jensen who played with us almost every day.
She was very pretty, almost like a princess, and I wished my hair looked like hers.
She had shiny golden curls that bounced when she walked.
My hair was dark brown and straight like uncooked spaghetti.
If I slept on it the wrong way, it pointed in every direction and never listened to me, even when I brushed it every day.
But Jensen and I shared the same brown eyes. Well, only one of my eyes was brown, and the other was brown and blue. Daddy said it’s because he had blue eyes, and by having both colors in one eye, I’d have him with me forever.
One day, Jensen leaned close and whispered a secret.
She told me I was her favorite to play with because I learned faster than the other kids in the house.
She said I understood things quickly, especially when we played number games.
She taught me to count, and she showed me how to solve Sudoku puzzles.
I loved them. I did three every day. Jensen said she had never met a six-year-old who could solve them as fast as I could.
After numbers, she taught me something new.
She sat beside me and held up her hand in a shape I didn’t understand.
Then she moved her fingers into another shape, and another.
She said it was the alphabet, and that each hand shape was a letter.
She took my hands in hers and helped me copy the shapes until my fingers got tired.
But I liked learning a secret language that only smart kids knew.
Soon I could spell my name with my hands. Then I could spell Jensen’s name. Then I could spell the names of the loud girls in my room, even if they didn’t deserve it because they talked too much. And then I learned other words: animals, foods, and anything I liked.
Jensen said that if I kept practicing, I would be able to communicate anything with my hands. I liked that idea, because this would be the way I could finally get people to understand me.
Today, after eating breakfast in the big room with all the long tables, I went back to the bedroom because I was tired.
I didn’t want to play outside with the other boys and girls.
They were always loud and wild, running in circles and shouting for no reason.
They never wanted to play with me anyway.
I liked it better when the room was quiet, and I could sit on my bed and move my fingers through the alphabet Jensen had taught me.
I sat with my legs crossed, watching my hands form the different letters and signs I had learned. I liked how calm it made me feel. There was no yelling. No stomping. No laughing.
The door opened softly, and I looked up. Jensen stepped inside with her bright smile, which always made me smile too.
“Hey, sweetheart,” she said, walking over to me. “How are you doing?”
[Good.]
“Did you have a big breakfast?” she asked, sitting beside me.
I nodded. Since living here, I always had a big breakfast. I was allowed to eat as much as I wanted to, until I felt sick to my stomach.
“That’s good.” Her smile softened as she sat beside me. “Do you remember how to sign breakfast?”
I watched her for a moment, then nodded again. [Breakfast.]
“Very good!” She brushed a bit of messy hair out of my face. “I’m glad you’re doing okay today.”
I smiled at her. [Play with me?]
“I would love to play with you, Milow, but there is something special happening today.”
I tilted my head and frowned. [What?]
Jensen’s face grew more serious. It didn’t get smaller, but it got more serious. “You have visitors today, Milow.”
Visitors? I blinked fast.
I didn’t know anyone who would visit me. Daddy was taken away by the ambulance.
Other kids got visitors sometimes, and sometimes those kids didn’t come back. The visitors took them away, and no one explained where they went. I didn’t know if I wanted that. Even if the other children were too loud, even if they made my head hurt when they shouted, I didn’t want to leave Jensen.
I shook my head fast, hard enough to make me dizzy.
Jensen rubbed my back gently. “It’s a good thing, you know?” she told me, her voice warm. “You’ve learned a lot here, and I’m proud of you. Every new thing you do, you do it so bravely.”
I stared at her. My fingers twitched, wanting to ask something, but I didn’t know what shape the question had. She had taught me a lot, but not everything yet. How would I keep learning without her?
Jensen took my hand and squeezed gently. “The people who come today… they want to meet you.” She brushed another strand of hair from my cheek. “And if everything goes well, you might get to go to a forever home.”
I blinked, not understanding. Was that where the kids disappeared to? To a forever home?
“A home with good people,” she continued. “People who will take care of you. People who will love you.”
Like Daddy?
I didn’t want them to hurt me. I didn’t want to feel pain or cry again.
Jensen watched my face and saw how scared I was, and she was quick to calm me down. “Nobody will hurt you, okay? They’re good people, and you have already met one of them before.”
I did? So it was Daddy. It had to be.
My hopes were high, so I nodded.
“Are you ready, sweetheart?” she asked, her smile soft again.
I didn’t really feel ready, but Jensen wouldn’t let me meet bad people, right? Jensen never let anything bad happen to me. I looked at her hand, then up at her face, and nodded slowly.
I grabbed her hand when she stood. My fingers wrapped around hers tightly. “That’s okay,” she whispered. “You can hold on.”
We walked together down the hallway, and the house became louder the closer we got to the downstairs. Kids were shouting, but Jensen led me to the other side of the house where it was quieter.
I held her hand all the way down, gripping tighter whenever a sound made me jump. She squeezed back each time to calm me.
At the bottom of the stairs, she guided me to a big living room where we kids weren’t allowed to play. The door was closed, but I knew what was inside. The room had big windows, soft chairs, and shelves filled with books no one was supposed to touch.
Jensen stopped in front of the door, and she crouched down to meet my eyes. “They’re right inside,” she told me, giving my hand one more squeeze. “And I’ll stay with you the whole time, okay?”
I nodded, watching her with wide eyes.
She smiled tightly, speaking softly now. “I know this is a new situation for you, but you’re super brave. You’ve learned so much, and the people waiting for you in there will see just how smart and strong you are.”
Her words made my heart beat faster. They were nice words, and ones I never heard Daddy say to me.
I lifted my other hand to sign. [Okay.]
“Okay,” Jensen said, smiling brighter now. “I’m right here.”
She stood again and pushed open the door, and I braced myself for whoever was waiting for me in there.
I couldn’t see who was sitting in the room because I stayed hidden behind Jensen.
I only saw shoes on the floor. Two pairs.
One was a pair of white sneakers. The other was brown boots.
The boots were smaller than the sneakers, which meant they belonged to a woman and the other to a man.
The sneakers didn’t belong to Daddy, though.
It meant Daddy wasn’t here, unless he had gotten new shoes.
“Milow,” Jensen said gently, reaching back to cup the back of my head. “Let’s sit down.”
She guided me toward the couch, and I climbed up onto it while keeping my eyes down, not looking at the people across from me.
My fingers curled into the fabric of the cushion, and when curiosity took over, I finally looked up.
I was a brave girl, and with Jensen next to me, I didn’t have to be afraid.
My eyes widened when I saw the man sitting there.
It was the firefighter.
He sat forward on the couch, elbows on his knees, looking at me with the same kind eyes he’d had that night. The big, silly mustache was still on his face.
“Hi, Milow,” he said softly. “It’s Gus. Remember me?”
I did remember him. I remembered the fire station. I remembered every detail of the night I went to get help because Daddy wouldn’t wake up.
I studied his face, then lifted my hands and moved my fingers across my upper lip.
[Mustache.]
Jensen laughed quietly beside me. Gus glanced at her with a raised brow.
“She’s signing ‘mustache,’” Jensen said.
Gus chuckled and reached up to touch it. “My mustache, huh? It’s still there. Still silly-looking.”
I nodded once, then lifted my hands again.
[Squirrel.]
Gus looked at Jensen again.
Jensen did the same sign and explained, “That means squirrel.”
Gus laughed louder this time. “You think my mustache looks like a squirrel?”
I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek to not smile, even though I wanted to.
“I’ve heard that before,” he admitted, grinning widely. He shifted and wrapped an arm around the woman next to him. “Milow, this is Iris, my wife.”
My eyes flicked to the woman beside him as she leaned forward. Her boots shifted on the rug, and her smile grew bigger. She looked careful, like she didn’t want to scare me. But I wasn’t scared. I was brave, and Iris looked like a princess, too. Just like Jensen, only with brown hair like mine.
“Hi, Milow. It’s nice to meet you,” she said. Her voice was so soft and soothing.
I looked at her hair, then at her face. She had kind and gentle blue eyes. I didn’t lift my hands this time. I just watched her quietly, trying to understand why they were both here.
At first, I thought they were only here to visit.
Just one time, to see how I was doing. But why would Gus bring his wife when she had nothing to do with the night Gus sat next to me as the ambulance took Daddy away?
There had been other visitors before. People came, sat in this room with the kids, and then left again.
Kids whispered about it afterward. Sometimes those kids disappeared.
Sometimes they didn’t. I didn’t know which kind of visit this was.
But I soon learned that Gus and Iris had come back.
I wasn’t excited to see them again when they came to visit a second time.
Gus smiled brightly, and Iris looked like she was happy to see me again, too.
They sat on the floor with me instead of the couch, showing me books they had brought, and Iris even baked chocolate cupcakes for me, which we ate together before dinner.
Then, they came a third time.
That time, Iris brought paper and crayons.
She drew with me for a little bit while Gus talked to Jensen, and later, it was Iris’s turn to talk to Jensen, and Gus came to draw with me.
That day, they stayed longer than before.
They even ate dinner with me, and I overheard Jensen tell Gus and Iris that I had something called mutism.
I didn’t know what that was, but Jensen said I would talk one day again.
I wasn’t so sure about that. I was an obedient girl, and I lost my voice to magic.
My voice surely wouldn’t come back unless I started to be as wild as all the other kids.
When they left, Iris hugged me tightly and said she’d see me soon. She made it sound like a promise, and I started to wait for them again.
When the fourth visit came, Jensen helped me brush my hair extra carefully. She put out the nicest pants and sweater, and she even had my boots cleaned so they would shine, just like Iris’s did.
Gus and Iris smiled when they saw me, but their smiles looked different this time. Bigger and nervous.
They talked to Jensen for a long time while I sat on the couch and looked at one of the books Iris had gifted to me. Then Jensen knelt in front of me and took my hands. She looked sad, and I didn’t understand why.
“You’re going with them today,” she said softly.
Going where? And for how long?
But I didn’t ask. I was a brave and obedient girl, so I just nodded and let Gus and Iris take me away.