Chapter 4
Milow
We drove for a long time. The houses became fewer, and the trees grew closer together.
More snow covered the road, and I watched with my forehead pressed to the window as it kept falling.
I watched everything pass by, and I tried to remember it all.
I didn’t know where we were going, but Gus and Iris seemed excited.
They had a secret, but they hadn’t told me.
I leaned closer to the middle seat to look between them.
Gus drove with one hand on the wheel, and Iris sat beside him, turned slightly toward him.
Gus’s other hand rested on her thigh, and her hand held his.
I had noticed that they held hands a lot.
I liked holding hands too. I used to hold Jensen’s hand because it made me feel safe.
Thinking about that made my chest ache. I didn’t know when I would ever hold her hand again, but maybe Iris and Gus would let me hold theirs.
Before we left, Jensen had hugged me tight. She told me I would have my own room, and lots of toys, and quiet whenever I wanted it. She smiled like she was happy for me, even though her eyes had tears in them.
I didn’t care about rooms or toys or quiet. I only cared that Jensen wasn’t coming with me.
Iris turned around in her seat and smiled at me. “We’re almost there, darling,” she said. “Only five more minutes.”
I nodded because there wasn’t anything else I could do. Five minutes wasn’t very long. It was only five times sixty seconds.
I started counting in my head and on my fingers. I watched the snow blur past the window while I counted. I was only at thirty-nine seconds into the third minute when the car slowed.
We turned onto a long driveway, and at the end of it stood a big house with leaves climbing up its walls like they were hugging it. I frowned, trying to understand how plants could grow on a house in the snow.
“We’re here,” Gus said as he parked the car.
I turned to look at him.
Iris twisted in her seat again, her smile trembling a little. “This is where you live now, Milow,” she said softly. “With us.”
I stared at her because I still couldn’t quite understand what this meant.
Gus nodded, glancing back at me, too. “This is your home now,” he said. “Forever.”
Forever was a very big word. Bigger than five minutes. Bigger than a whole day.
Iris reached out and touched my knee. Her hand was warm and gentle. She wanted to say something, but no words came out. Instead, tears stung her eyes, and she quickly turned away.
Gus reached over to brush her cheek, and I watched in awe as they looked at each other lovingly.
When he looked at me again, I frowned and lifted my hands to sign. [She’s sad.]
Gus smiled at me again. Even if he hadn’t understood me at first when I signed, he seemed to have learned a few things because he didn’t need Jensen to tell him what I signed anymore. “No, she’s not sad, sweetheart. She’s happy, and so am I.”
My confusion eased a little when I looked at Iris. She laughed softly and wiped her tears away, then nodded and reached back to touch my knee again. “I’m happy. These are happy tears.”
I studied her face to figure out if she was being honest, and I decided that she was. [Happy!]
“Yes, that’s right.” She pressed her lips together and lifted her hands to sign the way I had while saying, “Happy.”
Gus got out of the car and came around to open my door. I hesitated before taking his hand, but when I did, he held it like he didn’t want to let go. Iris waited for us to move, but before I did, I slid my hand into hers. They both gave me a sense of safety, and I was finally ready to go with them.
The inside of the house was big, and even with all the colors on the walls, the pictures and posters everywhere, it didn’t feel crowded.
There were shelves stacked with books, lined up and piled sideways, and rugs covering the floor, overlapping, as if they couldn’t decide which one they liked better.
I stopped walking and looked around, feeling a little overwhelmed.
Gus chuckled. “There’s a lot to see,” he told me. “We’ll take it slow.”
Iris squeezed my hand, looking down at me with an encouraging smile.
As they showed me around, they told me I was allowed anywhere and could touch anything I wanted, because it was my house now, too.
It felt strange to be allowed to do everything when all my life I had to be careful not to touch or do anything without asking for permission.
The living room had two large couches with lots of pillows and blankets, and there were even more shelves with books and décor. The kitchen had dark-green cabinets and drawers, and one wall was covered with many drawings. They looked like kids’ drawings.
The next three rooms were a bathroom, an office, and a large bedroom that looked out onto a big garden. The more I saw, the more I was in awe of this place, and I wondered how much prettier it could get when each room was prettier than the next.
They led me up the big stairs, where they showed me two more bedrooms and a big bathroom with a large tub. One of the rooms looked like a kid’s bedroom, with trophies and medals on a bookcase, and bedsheets with hockey sticks and ice skates on them, while the other bedroom looked more plain.
I didn’t have time to question whose bedroom those were because Iris and Gus were already guiding me up another flight of stairs. We stood in a smaller hallway, with one door straight ahead and two on either side.
“That’s another bathroom,” Iris explained, pushing open the door ahead. “And this…” She turned toward the door on the left. “This is your bedroom.”
I stepped inside carefully. Jensen had told me that I’d get my own bedroom, but I didn’t think it would be this big. The walls were soft, earthy colors, and two large windows let in a lot of light.
There was a large bed on the other side, and a bookshelf that was already half full. There were toys—lots of them—and one large bean bag in a corner.
I took it all in as I stood there, admiring every little detail.
Iris knelt in front of me, her smile soft. “We’ll fill it together,” she told me. “At your pace.”
I studied her for a while before nodding. [Okay.]
“Okay,” she repeated with a relieved laugh, fingerspelling the word as I had.
I looked around again, my mind still not fully understanding that I would be staying here forever.
When I moved my gaze back to Iris, I lifted my hands slowly and signed, [Mine?]
“Yes, this is yours,” Iris replied, squeezing my arms gently.
My eyes flicked to the window, then the bed, and then back to Iris. [Thank you.]
“Oh, sweetheart.” Iris’s eyes filled with tears again, and because I didn’t want her to be sad, I wrapped my arms around her neck and gave her a big hug.
Her body trembled, and I thought maybe hugging her wasn’t a good idea after all. It only seemed to make her cry harder. But just as I wanted to let go, she wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly.
“Happy tears,” I heard Gus say, and I looked up to where he was standing. “Those are happy tears.”
I nodded slowly and kept my arms around Iris, not letting go until she would.
Later that day, I sat on the couch with my Sudoku book on my lap and a pencil in my left hand.
Since Jensen had gifted me the book, I had already solved half the Sudokus in it, and I soon needed a new one.
I wasn’t sure how I’d ask for a new one, though, because Iris and Gus had already given me this house, and asking for more seemed disrespectful, and I didn’t want to come off as greedy because I wasn’t.
Iris sat next to me, her arm resting along the back of the couch, and her body turned slightly toward me. She was watching me solve the puzzles, and now and then I looked up at her, and she smiled, telling me how good I was at it. I smiled, enjoying the moment with her.
Iris was patient. She wasn’t rushing me to do something else, and she also wasn’t running around the house like Jensen used to when she didn’t have time to hang out with me.
Though she still spent the most time with me, teaching me new things.
I hoped Iris would teach me new things, too.
But for now, I liked just sitting here with her.
Earlier, after showing me the whole house, she and Gus had told me two boys were coming.
They said the boys were their sons. One lived in the room next to mine, and the other in the one with the hockey sheets.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live here with two boys.
Boys were loud. Boys ran and yelled and didn’t listen.
But Gus and Iris didn’t seem scared of their boys, so maybe their boys were different.
I didn’t know if I was supposed to ask questions about them. I was intrigued, but I had also liked the idea of being the only kid in this house. So, I just nodded after they had told me. Gus left the house some time ago and told me he would be picking up the boys, and again I nodded.
Sometime later, the front door opened, and cold air rushed in before it closed again.
“Hey, we’re home,” Gus said.
I looked up from my book, watching Gus shake snow off his shoulders. His hat was covered, too, and so was his silly mustache. Behind him came the two boys, stopping next to Gus in the entryway. One was taller, one smaller, and both had snow on their hats and coats, too.
Iris smiled right away. “Hello, my loves.” She turned toward me again and leaned in close, her voice low so only I could hear it. “Are you ready to meet them?”
I shrugged at first because I didn’t really know.
Boys had never been good to me before. Boys were loud and rough and didn’t listen, and they always laughed at me.
I didn’t want that again. But then I reminded myself that I was brave.
Jensen had said so. Gus and Iris had said so, too. I could face my fears.
So I nodded and carefully set my book on the coffee table.