9. Lilian
Chapter 9
Lilian
24 hours.
I counted them down, and we’re over.
I pace back and forth between the bookshelves, my phone clutched in my hand. The empty chat window with Sebastian, waiting for a message, I can’t formulate.
Why haven’t I texted him yet? It’s not like I don’t know what to say. I could send a simple ‘hey’ and be done with it. But then again… There’s something about him that draws me in, no matter how much I try to resist. It’s not only his looks, though those certainly don’t hurt. It’s the way he carries himself, the confidence that radiates off him in waves.
It’s like I want to provoke him. Want him to take control, to make the next move. Or I wouldn’t have apologized again. I wouldn’t blush and think about his lips on mine every time he’s close to me. But I do. I can’t help it.
Is that normal? What does that say about me ?
I bite my lip, my finger hovering over the send button. One word.
I haven’t seen him today. Maybe he got bored with me. The thought stings more than I care to admit. It’s weird because, before yesterday, I spotted him everywhere, except the library, but still.
“Why does this have to be so damn complicated?”
“What is complicated?” Sebastian’s voice cuts through the silence of the library, startling me so badly that I nearly drop my phone.
I fumble, catching it at the last second, and hiding it behind my back as I whip around.
“What are you doing?”
“N-nothing.” How does he always manage to catch me off-guard?
“Nothing?” He takes a step toward me, and I back up instinctively, my shoulders hitting the bookshelf behind me. Trapped.
He braces his hands on either side of my head. “That’s not good because what you should have done is text me. Time’s up, princess.”
I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly dry.
“Here I thought you were a good girl.” His voice drops lower as he leans in. “But maybe that’s not the truth.”
Good girl. The words wrap around me like a caress, tantalizing and tempting. I want to be good for him. Want to please him .
“Tell me.” His hand comes up, fingers brushing feather-light along my jaw. “Do you want to be punished?”
My heart stutters. Punished. The word conjures up images that make my cheeks flush, and my thighs clench.
“I…” My voice comes out breathy, barely a whisper.
His lips curve into a wicked grin. He can read me like a book. Revels in it. His hand slides lower to my throat, not squeezing, but a silent threat. A promise.
Right now, with his body so close to mine and his dark eyes consuming me, any restraints vanish. He could do whatever he wanted, and I would gladly take it.
His lips hover a breath away from mine. Just a bit closer.
The hand on my throat disappears, and Sebastian steps back.
I sag against the bookshelf. Why?
“Disappointed, princess?” His eyes bore into me.
I don’t respond, my tongue tied in knots. What can I even say to that? That yes, I am disappointed. I want him to kiss me, to touch me.
“I won’t do anything. Not unless you tell me to. So, do you want me to kiss you?”
“I…” I do. “I-I need to study. Goodbye, Sebastian.”
I hurry over to the desk where my things are scattered, sit down, and open the book on Business Strategies.
“Mind if I join you?” Sebastian slides into the seat opposite of me.
“What are you doing?” I whisper-yell.
“I’m sitting in the library with my girlfriend? ”
“We’re not—”
“Not yet. But I’m working on it.”
“I’m not your girlfriend,” I protest weakly.
“You can be.” He shrugs, undeterred. “You just have to say the words. Kiss me, Sebastian. Or Bash. Whatever you prefer, as long as it’s my name.”
“Can you please go?”
“Why?”
“Because,” I hesitate for a moment before continuing, “I need to focus on my book. And you’re… I can’t concentrate. “
“Is that so?” Sebastian smirks. “Well, I hate to disappoint, but I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’ve never been here before. I would have noticed.”
“I’m on your radar? That’s good to hear.”
“I didn’t—Forget it. I need to study. So, can you please go?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I like being around you. It lifts my mood.”
“Fine.”
“Good.” He fishes his phone out of his pocket and starts scrolling.
Hiding my red face behind the book, I force myself to concentrate on the words, but it’s as if the letters are dancing around the page, refusing to form coherent sentences.
Being around me lifts his mood? What does that even mean ?
I chance a peek at him over the top of my book. He’s leaning back in his chair, engrossed in whatever is so interesting on his phone. He really is unfairly attractive.
This is my space, my sanctuary. He acts like he belongs. And the scary part is, I don’t entirely hate it. There’s a tiny traitorous part of me that thrills at having his attention. That wants more.
More what, I don’t even know.
He should be off-limits, as Jason said.
Maybe that’s part of the allure. He’s the quintessential bad boy, the forbidden fruit, and I’m not. By all accounts, we shouldn’t make sense. But somehow, we do. Or could. If I let him in.
But therein lies the problem. I don’t let people in. At least not anymore.
Or maybe I could. He kind of already saw me at my worst.
“I know you’re looking at me, princess,” he says without even glancing up from his phone.
“I’m not.”
“Yeah? Is reading upside down a secret skill of yours?”
I flip the book right side up with trembling hands.
“You okay?” he asks.
“I’m fine.”
“Really? Because you keep frowning at that book like it offended you somehow.”
Don’t let him get to you. But the truth is, he already has. From the moment our lips touched at that party, something shifted inside me .
I slap the book shut. “Don’t you have practice?”
“Will you be joining?”
I hold up my book. “I need to study.”
“Pity, the last time, it gave me extra motivation. I loved you admiring me.”
“I watched Jason.” I kind of did. For five seconds out of an hour? It counts.
“Jason, huh? Are you two together?”
“No! We’re… friends.”
“Friends,” Sebastian repeats. “Is that what you call it?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He leans forward, his elbows resting on the table. “Just an observation, princess. You two seem close.”
I scoff, trying to ignore the way my heart races at his proximity. “We are close. As friends. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Isn’t it?” His gaze is intense, probing.
I look away, fiddling with the corner of my book. “No, it’s not.”
“Hmm.” His phone buzzes, and he checks it. “Guess I have to go now.”
“Where?”
“Practice.”
“Oh.”
“See you around, princess.” With a salute, he saunters off, leaving me alone.
Good, he’s gone. I can finally concentrate and breathe again .
Time goes by, and I immerse myself in my reading. But it took me longer than usual to work through the chapters. Already 8 pm, normally, I finish around 5 or 6.
At this hour, the library is eerily quiet, its shadows stretching long and ominous across the book-filled landscape. Spooky.
Most of the tables have emptied out, except for another girl and one guy remaining. The guy is closer and hunched over.
The hairs on the back of my neck prickle.
He’s in several of my lectures and never spoke a word.
With a deep, steady breath, I turn my attention back to my book, rubbing my arms to ward off the goosebumps that have erupted across my skin.
Everything is fine. I should go home.
My hands tremble as I pack my things, trying to appear nonchalant despite the rising panic in my chest. Just get your stuff and walk out of here.
Hide.
I zip up my backpack with unsteady fingers. Slinging it over my shoulder, I hurry towards the exit, forcing myself to take a step, then another. Get outside, get away.
Hide.
Against my better judgment, I glance over my shoulder. He’s following me, his silhouette barely visible in the dim light.
Hide!
Panic surges through my veins. I dart into the nearest building, my feet carrying me down the hallway in a frantic search for the bathroom .
I push through the door, my hands shaking as I fumble with the lock. The click of the mechanism echoes in the tiled space, a temporary reprieve from the terror that seized my heart.
Don’t go out. You’re not safe.
Silence. Nothing. No door. No footsteps.
At least he doesn’t follow me in here. But they are closing in again. The floor turns red and…. I need to stop. Don’t think about it.
Breathe. I need to breathe.
Is he still waiting for me outside? What if he tries to hurt me? I’m overreacting. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I glide down the wall, hugging my knees to my chest.
“Don’t come out. Stay hidden.” Mom’s panicked whisper echoes through my mind.
My tiny voice quivers. “Why?”
“Shhh, baby. Please, stay quiet. No matter what.” Her voice fades, replaced by heavy footsteps.
The click of a lock.
I’m shaking, my breath coming in shallow gasps as I hug my knees tighter to my chest. The bathroom tiles blur, reality and memory blending into a nauseating swirl.
It’s pounding against the door.
Hide. Don’t make a sound. He’s coming.
Silent tears streak down my face. I clamp a hand over my mouth, stifling the hiccups that claw at my throat.
“You can’t hide her forever. ”
Stop.
With trembling fingers, I scramble for my phone and dial Jason’s number. The call goes straight to voicemail.
“Jay, please pick up,” I whisper-yell, trying his number again.
You’re alone in this world. You don’t belong.
Straight to voicemail again. I try Juliana, but her phone rings endlessly without an answer.
“Please.” The walls of the stall close in on me.
What now?
Sebastian.
I tap on his name on my phone. Please.
“Hey, princess. What’s up?”
Hearing his voice is such a relief.
“I need your help. Please.”
His tone shifts from playful to concerned. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I don’t know. I-I’m… I think someone was, I mean, is following me.” My voice cracks. “I’m locked in the girl’s bathroom, and—”
“Send me your location.” His tone turns sharp. Protective. “Now, Lil.”
I nod and send my location with shaky fingers. “Okay, I sent it.”
“Good. Now, stay on the phone with me, alright? I’m on my way.”
“Okay.” My voice is barely a whisper .
“Talk to me, princess. Tell me about one of those books you’re always reading.”
I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “I-I finished this romance novel. Dropping the handkerchief .”
“Yeah? What’s it about?”
“It’s about this innocent girl who falls for a notorious playboy. Classic story, right?” I let out a shaky laugh.
“Sounds familiar.” I can hear the smirk in his voice. “So, what happens?”
There’s something soothing about Sebastian’s voice and the way he listens and asks questions at the right moments as I delve into the plot.
“…and then, when it seems like all hope is lost, he shows up at her door, soaked from the rain, and declares his love for her.” I’m so caught up in the story that I almost forget where I am.
“Damn. Sounds like quite the grand gesture.”
“Right? I mean, it’s totally unrealistic, but that’s the beauty of fiction, I guess.”
“I don’t know, princess. Sometimes, reality can surprise you.”
I don’t know if I want to know the reality. Not when the monsters are already there.
“Lil? You still with me?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m almost there. Just hang on.”
I nod again and close my eyes, concentrating on his breathing.
I can’t let the monster win. Not now, not ever.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
The sound reverberates through the small space, each blow like a sledgehammer to my already frayed nerves. I can’t breathe. It’s like my lungs have forgotten how to function.
Found you.
“No, no, no.” I whimper, squeezing myself further into the corner as if I could melt into the wall and disappear.
“Princess?”