10. Lilian
Chapter 10
Lilian
His voice pierces through the silence, followed by a gentle knock on the bathroom door. “You can come out now. I’m here.”
“Sebastian.” I scramble to my feet and fumble with the lock on the stall door.
It swings open, and I’m greeted by his strong arms wrapping me in his warmth. I bury my face in his chest, desperate to forget what happened. The monsters are still here, lurking in the shadows. I need an escape.
“Kiss me,” I blurt out without thinking.
His body tenses against mine before he ever so slowly places his lips on mine. It’s gentle, cautious, and not at all what I need right now.
“Again.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “Really, kiss me this time. Pretend like you mean it.”
He doesn’t move a muscle .
What am I doing?
I try to wiggle out of his hold, but he grips my waist with his hand while cupping my cheek with the other.
“I don’t need to pretend.” He crushes his mouth against mine, claiming me with a fervor that steals my breath.
This.
Both of his hands grip my waist as he hauls me up onto the counter, the cold surface a shock against my thighs. But it’s nothing compared to the heat of his body as he steps between my legs, not breaking the kiss once.
This is what I need.
I lose myself in him, in the way his tongue tangles with mine, in the way his fingers dig into my hips. It’s desperate and hungry and so perfect. I don’t care that we’re in a public bathroom. I don’t care that anyone could walk in. All I care about is the way Sebastian makes me feel alive.
A moan escapes me as his teeth graze my bottom lip. He swallows the sound, his kiss turning harder, deeper. Ravaging me. My hands fist in his hair, tugging him closer. I want to crawl inside him, to lose myself completely.
Because when he’s kissing me like this, I forget. I forget the monsters lurking in the shadows of my mind. I forget the fear that constantly claws at my throat. With Sebastian, there’s only pleasure. I arch into him, needing more. Needing everything he can give me. His hands slip under my thighs, yanking me flush against him. I gasp at the contact, at the hard ridge of him pressing against my center .
“Fuck, princess.” He groans against my mouth. “We need to stop.”
No. What if they come back?
I kiss him with more ferocity, pouring everything into this moment. The fear, the need, the desperate ache for something more. Sebastian takes it all, giving me back the escape I crave. With his body against mine, his lips devouring me, there’s no room left for the monsters.
And for a blissful moment, wrapped up in him, I’m free.
He breaks the kiss again, pulling away despite my desperate attempts to keep him close. “We need to stop. If we don’t…”
I nod, but the loss of his warmth leaves me exposed and vulnerable, and the numbness creeps back in, settling deep in my bones.
“You’re shaking.” He shrugs off his varsity jacket and drapes it over my shoulders, the material still warm from his body.
I clutch it tightly around me, inhaling the scent of him. It’s comforting, but it’s not enough. Not when the monsters are waiting for their chance to pounce.
“I’m fine.” My voice sounds hollow even to my own ears.
“Bullshit. You’re not fine. Talk to me.”
How can I explain the terror that snares me when I don’t understand it myself? When I don’t want to understand it. The way my mind turns on me, conjuring up horrors I can’t escape?
“I can’t.” I hate how weak I sound. “Please. Just make me feel something else.”
“You won’t regret it? ”
I bite my lip hard enough to taste blood and shake my head again.
“Stop hurting these beautiful lips, princess.” He reaches out, his thumb gently freeing my bottom lip from my teeth. “I shouldn’t, but you’re really not making this easy for me.”
Before I can respond, Sebastian silences me with a kiss. This time, it’s different—tender yet no less consuming. I melt into him, letting his touch chase away the lingering shadows.
His hands begin to wander up my bare thigh beneath the hem of my skirt, leaving trails of heat in their wake. He pauses, giving me a questioning look, asking for permission.
I nod almost imperceptibly, too far gone to deny the aching need he’s ignited within me.
Dancing along the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, his hands continue their journey. My pulse races, my body trembling with a heady mix of nerves and desire. No one has ever touched me like this before. So intimately. So possessively.
He grazes the damp fabric of my panties, evidence of how much he affects me. A low growl rumbles in his chest and he presses his forehead against mine, his eyes dark with want.
“Fuck. You’re so wet for me already, aren’t you?” His voice is rough, strained with controlled hunger.
I whimper in response, my hips tilting forward, seeking more of his touch. He hisses through his teeth. I should be embarrassed by my wanton behavior, but I’m too far gone to care .
“Please.” I’m not even sure what I’m begging for. I only know I need him to continue. To give me more of this feeling. Anything to keep the monsters at bay.
Sebastian’s fingers tease along the edge of my panties, his eyes burning into mine. “Tell me what you need, princess.”
I bite my lip. The rational part of my brain is screaming at me to put a stop to this. But the reckless, desire-fueled part of me craves more.
His fingers dip lower, brushing over my aching center, making me gasp.
“Use your words.”
“I need…” My whole body is on fire.
“Don’t be shy. Not with me.”
His words unravel me. Make me bold. “Touch me. Please.”
A satisfied smirk tugs at his lips. Deft fingers descend beneath the last barrier, and I shudder as skin meets skin. He teases my soaked entrance, and I buck, hypersensitive to his touch.
My head falls back against the mirror with a thump, and I moan, uncaring who might hear. The danger only heightens the pleasure.
What is happening to me?
His eyes pore over me with hunger as he works me higher. “That’s it, princess.”
I’m burning up from the inside out, consumed by a need I’ve never known before. Sebastian delves deeper, stoking the flames inside me in a steady rhythm. His touch is electric, igniting every nerve ending until I’m a live wire of sensation. It’s like he’s unlocked something inside me, a hunger I didn’t even know existed.
I can’t think straight. Can’t focus on anything but the exquisite pleasure he’s drawing from my body with each stroke, each caress. It’s too much and not enough all at once.
My hips rock against his hand, chasing the friction I crave. I’m so close already, teetering on the edge of something monumental.
“Fuck, you’re so perfect.” His thumb circles my clit, applying the right amount of pressure, and my thighs start to tremble, my whole body tensing as, what feels like, a coil inside me winding tighter and tighter.
I bite my lip hard, hoping to stifle the moans escaping me as the pleasure mounts.
But Sebastian growls, gripping my chin and forcing me to meet his intense gaze. “Don’t you dare hold back on me, princess. I want to hear every little sound you make.”
His fingers curl inside me, hitting a spot that makes stars explode behind my eyelids and destroying any remnants of my self-control. I cry out as his fingers work their magic and don’t stop stroking that sweet spot inside me. I’m consumed by the fire he has stoked within me, burning brighter and hotter with each caress of his lips and down there.
Any shred of inhibition has vanished, replaced only by primal need .
The pressure builds to an almost unbearable level, and I tear my mouth from his. “Sebastian, I-I can’t. Please stop. It’s too much…”
“Too late, princess. Be the good girl I know you are, and give me another one.” It’s a command, one my body is all too eager to obey.
His fingers curl inside me once more, and I shatter, coming undone with a choked sob. “Sebastian.” My back arches off the mirror, my body trembling violently as the most intense pleasure I’ve ever experienced rips through me.
He doesn’t stop, and I’m helpless, letting him wring every last ounce of ecstasy from my writhing form.
When it finally becomes too much, I collapse against him, spent and panting. He presses a gentle kiss to my sweat-slicked forehead, wrapping his arms around me, strong and secure.
“There now, was that so bad?” Amusement colors his tone.
I manage a weak shake of my head, still reeling. I can’t form words yet, my mind blissfully blank of anything but the lingering tremors of my release. What is this man doing to me?
He withdraws his hand and brings his fingers to his lips, sucking them clean as his eyes burn into mine. “Delicious.”
I hide my face against his shoulder.
“Isn’t it a bit late to be embarrassed?” He laughs and kisses the top of my hair.
“Stop.”
“No, because that was fucking hot, and I can’t wait for you to come on my face. ”
What?!
Not only that, but what did I let happen? In a public bathroom, no less?
I’m not this girl. The kind who loses control. Who gets so lost in lust and sensation that she throws caution to the wind. But with Sebastian it’s like all my careful walls and reservations crumble to dust.
He makes me reckless. Desperate. Needy in a way I’ve never been before. And it scares me.
Because I know this means nothing to him. I’m another conquest, another notch on his bedpost. He’ll walk away from this encounter without a backward glance, while I’ll be left reeling, trying to pick—
He tilts my chin up. “You good?”
I nod, not quite meeting his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I should get back. My friends are probably looking for me.” My voice sounds foreign to my own ears. Devoid of the breathy moans and pleas from moments before.
“Was that your first time?” he asks carefully.
I’m like an open book, aren’t I?
“Shit, if I’d known.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll bring you home. Come on, get on my back.”
“What? No. I can’t.”
“It wasn’t a question. So you can either get on my back, or I will follow you like a creep until I’m sure you’re in your bed.”
“Fine. ”
He guides my arms into his jacket and hoists me onto his back, securing my thighs with his hands. I cling to him, resting my head on his shoulder as he carries me out of the bathroom.
“Let me know if you see the guy, okay?”
I make a noncommittal noise, unsure how to process what happened between us.
“Did he approach you?” he asks.
“No, I… I just felt like he was watching me, and then I walked out, and he followed.”
His grip on my thighs tightens.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “For coming, I mean.”
“I’ll always be here if you need me, princess.”
Just like a knight in shining armor.
The journey to my dorm passes in a blur and in silence. I’m hyper-aware of every point of contact, the heat of his body seeping into mine and the flex of his muscles beneath my fingertips.
He navigates the hallways with ease, nodding at a few passing students who eye us. I keep my face hidden, not wanting to deal with their speculative looks or whispered gossip because I’m sure everyone knows who and what Sebastian is. A playboy.
But what if they’re wrong? What if Jason is wrong?
Finally, we reach my room.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I whisper, hating how small my voice sounds.
Sebastian is quiet for a moment, his thumb absently stroking my thigh. “Because I care about you, Lil. More than I probably should. ”
I suck in a sharp breath, unprepared for his honesty. For the way it makes something flutter in my belly, something dangerously close to hope. I didn’t expect this.
“You don’t even know me,” I say.
“I know enough. I know you’re smart, funny, and fucking gorgeous. I know you’ve been through some shit that’s left scars. I know you try to hide it, but I see you. The real you. I saw it the first night you hid in my room and punched me. I always did and always will.”
Tears prick at the back of my eyes, and I blink, not wanting him to see how much his words affect me. How much I want to believe them.
Sebastian shifts, gently setting me down and turning to face me. His hands come up to cradle my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears that escaped. “What is going on in your head?”
I stare up at him, my vision blurred. I’m terrified. Terrified of letting him see the broken, ugly parts of me. Terrified of being vulnerable, of being hurt again. Of being left alone.
Hide.
“I need to be alone. Please.”