7. Lilian
Chapter 7
Lilian
I’m plunged into inky blackness, formless and suffocating. Panic flows through my veins, and I spin around, searching for something, anything, to orient myself. But there is only the void.
A piercing scream shatters the darkness. I whirl toward the sound and find myself in an oddly familiar hallway. My childhood home. The scream came from the door at the end.
I race forward and slam my little fists against it. Everything’s red again. It’s coming from beneath.
Mommy. Daddy.
I pull the door handle, but it won’t open.
“Lil. I told you to hide.”
“Mommy!” I scream, voice choked with desperation. But there’s no reply other than a thud.
I fall to my knees with a ragged cry. This can’t be real. This is a nightmare.
But the metallic tang in the air and the sticky warmth soaking into my knees say otherwise. I begin to tremble, tears clouding my vision. I reach for the liquid. It’s blood. It’s not fabric.
I look around. Everything is tinged in red.
“Come out.”
Dad?
“No. Don’t touch her.”
Mom?
Another scream splits the air. Something falls. Hard. Loud.
Silence.
On shaking legs, I pad to the door. This time, the door handle gives way, but only a little.
“Lil. Sweetheart. Close your eyes.” She sounds exhausted. “I need you to close them. Remember the game we played? Hiding from the monsters?”
I nod.
“We’re going to play it. Okay?”
My hands shoot up, covering my eyes.
“Are your eyes closed?”
I nod. Silence.
“You need to talk to Mommy.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. Just…” She sounds like she’s in pain. “Everything is alright. Are your eyes closed?”
“Yes.” I sob.
I hear the door creak, and she picks me up in her arms. “Keep them closed, and we’ll go to the beach. Didn’t you ask me to go there?”
I nod. Sniffling.
“Good. Keep them closed.” She kisses my cheek and starts walking.
To where? I don’t know.
I want to peak, but I can’t. My hands are—
Suddenly, we stumble to the ground.
“You little— ”
My head snaps up.
“You okay?” Sarah’s hand gently squeezes my shoulder. “You were mumbling in your sleep.”
I blink, trying to orient myself. Books, Shelves, Library. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.”
“You sure? You look pretty shaken up.”
“I’m good, thanks.” I force a smile, but it feels brittle. “Stayed up late reading and wanted to take a little nap in my break.” If only it would have been a book and not my nightmares keeping me up all night.
“Oh, which book kept you up? Some new rec for me?”
“Pride and Prejudice, actually. Guess I’m a sucker for the classics.”
She chuckles. “Aren’t we all? Though I pegged you more as a Sense and Sensibility kind of gal.”
“Yeah. Both are good.” I hate lying to her, but I can’t bring myself to talk about the nightmares. They’re too raw, too real.
Since college, my dreams have become more vivid, detailed, and horrifying, and they replay countless times in my mind. I’m lucky if I get a few hours of sleep at night anymore.
Her gaze lingers a beat too long on me. “So, how are you settling in?”
I shrug. “Good. There are still some boxes left to unpack, but I’m getting there. We’ve been talking about it for years, so it’s nice to finally make it happen.”
“I bet. Must be fun, living with your best friends.”
“Yeah, it’s been great so far. Movie nights, cooking together, brunching. Though I’m not sure, our neighbors appreciate our impromptu karaoke sessions.”
“Hey, as long as you’re not belting out tunes at 3 AM, I think you’re good.”
“No promises. ”
“Well, that’s good to hear,” she says. “It’s not easy starting over in a new place.”
“Yeah.” She has no idea how true that is. Starting over, leaving behind everything I’ve ever known…
But I’m here now. I’m building a new life, one that’s mine and mine alone. And this part-time job is a part of it.
“Lil, you know you can talk to me, right? If something’s bothering you.”
“I know. Thanks.” I push back from the desk. “I appreciate it.”
“Alright. Take it slow today.” She gives my shoulder a final pat before making a beeline for the front desk.
I grab my cart, stacked with books. Once I’m safely out of sight, I slump against a shelf, letting out a shuddering breath.
The screams, the blood, the overwhelming sense of helplessness.
I shake my head and continue sorting the books. It’s mindless work, but there’s a certain peace in it. A far cry from the suffocating atmosphere at Uncle Marc’s company.
After everything that went down with the wedding, I needed a fresh start.
Here, among the stacks, I can breathe. I don’t have to put on a mask or pretend to be someone I’m not. I can just… be.
My fingers brush over the spine of the next book, tracing the embossed titles.
Pride and Prejudice.
A wry laugh bubbles up my throat. The irony.
How many times have I lost myself in these pages, dreaming of grand ballrooms and brooding gentlemen ?
Too many to count. But right now, the thought of diving into that world, of pretending to be someone else, even for a little while… it’s damn tempting.
One true love. Real life isn’t like that. Love is messy and complicated. It twists you up inside until you don’t know which way is up.
Jason isn’t good enough for you.
As if he has any right to pass judgment. He made his choice years ago when he walked away. And yet...
I can’t stop thinking about that night months ago. The way his hands left tingles on my skin, the hunger in his eyes.
The gala is a day away. And he’ll be there, in all his arrogant glory. How am I supposed to face him after what happened? After I let him touch me, taste me, claim me all over again?
My cheeks burn at the memory, desire warring with shame. Because when it comes to Sebastian Barron, I’m weak. And I hate myself for it.
No. I won’t let him hurt me again. I have to be stronger than that.
I focus on the task at hand, losing myself in the rhythm of shelving.
This is my life now.
Simple. Uncomplicated.
No more corporate games, no more living up to anyone’s expectations but my own.
And no more you know who.