20. Lilian
Chapter 20
Lilian
Oliver, with his slimy hands all over Gemma, makes my skin crawl. I watch them work the room, schmoozing and charming the oblivious guests. If only they knew the snake hiding beneath that polished veneer.
“God, I can’t wait for this to be over,” I mutter. “She’ll finally be free of that asshole.”
“You really think their plan will work?” Mary asks.
“It has to. Oliver is not hurting her again.”
I spot Sebastian across the room, making a beeline for them. He greets the women first, turning on his signature smile. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but the ladies are practically swooning. Then he turns to Oliver, his expression menacing, and Gemma’s eyes dart between them.
Is that part of the plan?
Mary nudges me. “Did you two talk again? After the spa weekend?”
“Sort of… It was awkward.”
“Awkward?” Mary arches a brow.
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“What happened? ”
The memories flood back. “Uhm… well. The weekend started out perfectly. Like we were in our own little world, you know? No baggage, no fighting. Just us.”
Mary nods.
“But then…” Let’s get it off my chest. “He accused me of using him. Of trying to get information for my uncle.”
“What? That’s crazy!”
“Right? I would never do that.” I laugh humorlessly. “After everything, he still doesn’t trust me.”
“I’m sorry.”
I blink back, the tears threatening to spill. “I thought we were finally moving forward. That maybe we could…” I pause. “Doesn’t matter now.”
“Of course, it matters.” Mary’s voice is gentle but firm. “You love him, don’t you?”
I meet her gaze, my heart laid bare. “I never stopped.”
The crowd starts to trickle towards the auction room.
“We should probably head in, too,” I say.
Mary hesitates her hand on my arm. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, promise.” My gaze is still trained on Sebastian, who guides an older woman to her seat. “You go ahead. I’ll be there in a sec. Save me a seat?”
“Alright. Don’t be too long, okay?” Mary disappears into the auction room.
A familiar pull, like a string tethering me, makes me look up. Sebastian’s eyes find mine, a silent question in their depths. He tilts his head towards the balcony, in invitation.
Is he… Does he really mean me? I glance around, then back at him .
He gathers his phone, typing. Seconds later, my phone vibrates in my clutch.
Sebastian: Meet me outside.
My thumb hovers over the screen. Is this about the plan? Does he need my help? Or is it something else entirely?
Screw you Sebastian Barron. I need to know.
I weave through the dwindling crowd, my breaths shallow, and I step out onto the balcony. Sebastian stands at the railing, his back to me. He doesn’t turn, but I know he senses my presence.
“Quite the party,” I say.
He hums in agreement, his gaze fixed on the night sky. “Reminds me of that night at the pool. The stars were like this. Remember?”
“Yes.” How could I forget? I move to stand beside him, my eyes drawn to the stars above. The cool water, the heat of his body against mine, the almost-kiss that left me breathless. “Did something happen with Oliver?”
“No, it’s not about them.” He’s quiet, his gaze still fixed on the heavens. “It’s about us.”
“Us?”
He finally looks at me, his eyes dark and intense. “I can’t stop thinking about that weekend. About how right it felt to be with you again.”
“Sebastian.”
“I miss you.” His words are raw, honest.
“Don’t.” I shut my eyes tightly, sorrow crashing over me. “Please, don’t do this.”
“Do what? Tell the truth? Apologize? Take responsibility for my actions?”
“Please. Stop. I can’t keep doing this. The push and pull, the hot and cold. ”
He steps closer, his hand brushing mine on the railing. “But I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about you, and I’m sorry. Please, princess.”
“I know.” I open my eyes, meeting his gaze. “I know you’re sorry. But it’s not enough. Not anymore.”
“Give me a chance to make it right.”
“How many chances do you need? How many times do we have to go through this?”
“It can work. We can make it work.” His voice is desperate, pleading.
“Can we? Really?” My heart twists. “All we do is hurt each other. Over and over again. You left me in that library like—” I bite back a sob. “You left me in that library like I was nothing. Like what we had meant nothing.”
He reaches for me, but I recoil, shaking my head. “No. The worst part is that I forgave you for that a long time ago. What I can’t forgive, what I’ll never understand, is why you still can’t trust me. Why you’re still hung up on the thing with Jason.”
His voice is laced with bitterness. “The engagement you kept from me, you mean.”
“It was never real!” The words tumble out, my voice rising. “I didn’t cheat on you. I never wanted to marry him, for God’s sake! Only after college did our families arrange it, that whole stupid thing, because I couldn’t trust my own judgment anymore. Because nobody compared to you.” I take a shaky breath, my eyes pleading. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I thought it didn’t matter.”
“It wasn’t just that.” He averts his eyes. “You spied on me. For your uncle. How was I supposed to trust you after that?”
My mouth falls open. “What are you talking about? I never spied on you. Why would I do something like that?” Confusion and hurt swirl inside me. “How could you even think that? ”
“Don’t.” His voice comes out in a dark, threatening murmur. “Don’t lie to me, Lil. Not about this.”
“I’m not lying. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” My voice cracks, the weight of his accusation crushing me. “I would never betray you like that. Never.”
He studies me.
“Why are you doing this?” Tears escape, quietly sliding down my face. “Why now, after all this time?”
He brushes them away. “Because I never stopped needing you. And I don’t think I ever will.”
“But you will never trust me, either. How is this supposed to work?”
“I want to trust you. I do. But every time I try, something happens that makes me question everything. I let my own insecurities get the best of me. It’s no excuse. I should have trusted you. I do trust you.” His thumb strokes my cheek, a gesture so tender it almost breaks me. “And I’m not letting you go. I made that mistake too many times.”
He’s the best and the worst thing that happened to me. This man, with his infuriating smirk and those damn eyes that see right through me, he’s been my undoing since the moment I found rescue in his room.
And yet, I can’t imagine my life without him. Even when we’re apart, he’s there, under my skin, in my thoughts, in my stupid dreams. It’s like he’s a part of me, as vital as the air I breathe. He’s the safety I always longed for. With him, the monsters are gone.
But it’s not enough, is it? This twisted dance we do, the push and pull, the lies and the half-truths. We’re poison to each other, a beautiful, toxic poison.
I step back, his hand dropping to his side. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? We’re stuck in this endless cycle of hurting each other because we can’t let go. We’re toxic. Don’t you see that? ”
He tenses. “So what do we do? Walk away? Pretend like this thing between us doesn’t exist?”
I want to trust him, to believe that this time will be different. That he’s changed, that we’ve both changed. How many times have I told myself that lie? How many times have I let him back in, only to have my heart shattered all over again? I can’t trust my own judgment anymore, not when it comes to him.
“Yes.” My voice cracks. “In the end, pretending is the thing we’re best at, right?”
“Lil, please. Don’t do this.” He reaches for me again, but I step out of his grasp. “I’m sorry. For everything. For leaving you then. For not trusting you. For the past, for pushing you away—all of it. I am an idiot… If you give me another chance, I swear I’ll spend my life making it up to you.”
“I want to believe you so badly.” I hiccup. “I can’t keep loving you. It’s killing me.”
He looks at me like I reached into his chest and ripped his heart out with my bare hands. And God, seeing that devastation on his face, it’s like I did it to myself.
A sudden commotion from inside snaps my head towards the ballroom.
Shit, Gemma.
“The police are here to arrest Oliver,” Sebastian says.
I blink at him. “Did you arrange this?”
“Elijah did. We helped him.”
Relief floods through me. Thank God. Gemma will finally be free. I move towards the door, but Sebastian’s hand on my arm stops me.
“Wait. We’re not done here.”
I tug against his grip. “We are. Gem needs us. ”
“Lil, please.” His eyes search mine, desperation etched into every line of his face. “Don’t walk away from this. From us.”
“It’s not our time. Maybe it never will be. Not as long as we can’t trust each other.” I wrench my arm free. “Goodbye, Sebastian.”
And with that, I turn and walk away, my heart shattering with every step. But I keep going, because I have to.
For Gemma.
For myself.
For him.