21. Sebastian
Chapter 2 1
Sebastian
Seeing all this triggers the memory of when Lil almost married that prick, Jason.
The woman I love was so close to slipping away forever. If Mary and Gemma hadn’t intervened that day, I would have said ‘fuck it’ and taken matters into my own hands.
We stand outside, Connor, Brandon, and me beside Elijah at the wedding arch. All of us are playing the role of dutiful groomsmen, and the guests are already seated, my mother in the front row, waiting for my sister to make her grand entrance.
And with her.
Lil.
So close, yet so fucking far.
I can still feel her skin under my fingertips, still taste her on my tongue. The memories haunt me, taunting me with what I’ve lost. What I threw away.
I tried to talk to her after the gala. Tried to make her see, make her understand. But she shut me out, rightfully so. Lil insisted she’d never betray me like that. Her plea haunts me now, a bad feeling settling in my gut that I made a terrible mistake. It’s been eating at me.
How do I fix it? How do I make her see that I’m not the same guy I was back then? That I’ve changed, that I want to be better… for her?
So I stand here, my best man smile plastered on my face, while inside, I’m screaming. Screaming for her, for us, for what could have been.
Elijah, stands tall and proud. At least they found their happy ending. They didn’t wait long to tie the knot, Elijah not wanting to risk anything coming between them again.
Today’s about them, not my fucked up love life.
“Hey, you ready for this, big guy?” Brandon gives Elijah a playful punch on the arm. “Last chance to make a run for it.”
“Not a chance in hell, man,” Elijah says. “This is it for me.”
“Right answer.” I adjust my tux.
When you find your person, you know. And Elijah, he’s found his in Gemma. My sister. The thought still takes some getting used to.
“Con Con.” Brandon nudges him. “I bet you’ll be next down the aisle, huh?”
“Don’t jinx it,” Connor says.
“Oh, we’re superstitious now?” Brandon asks.
“When it comes to Mary. Always.”
“Oh please, you’re not jinxed.” I adjust my cufflinks. “Mary’s got you wrapped around her little finger, and you fucking love it.”
Connor shoots me a glare. “Like you’re one to talk. When’s the last time you even had a real girlfriend?”
I bristle at that. He’s not wrong, but fuck if I’ll admit it. “I don’t do girlfriends. You know that.”
“No, you do only one,” Brandon says.
“Heads up, guys. Looks like the bride’s ready,” Connor says .
The music swells, and everyone stands, turning towards the entrance. Mary and Lil glide in first, beaming with a bouquet in hand.
Lil.
She’s a vision in pale blue, the color making her eyes shine. Our gazes lock, and her steps falter for the barest second before she recovers.
It’s like she walks toward me. Like it’s our wedding and—
She looks away, and the spell is broken. Reality comes crashing back in, and I remember where I am. Who I am. The man who fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him.
Lil reaches the end of the aisle and moves beside Mary, who gives her a reassuring nudge. But she keeps her gaze lowered, refusing to meet mine. As if looking at me will undo the fragile composure she’s managed to retain.
Next comes Gemma, radiant on our father’s arm. She’s glowing, happiness practically emanating from her every pore. Elijah is looking at my sister like she hung the fucking moon. The officiant starts the ceremony, but the words fade into white noise.
Lil.
My eyes keep drifting to where she stands, the very picture of grace and beauty. She’s like a magnet pulling me in. I’m helpless to resist. She shifts, her gaze flicking to mine for the briefest of moments before darting away. But in that split second, I swear I see it. That flicker of longing, of ‘what if’. It’s gone as quickly as it came, but it’s enough to make my heart clench.
Fuck, I miss her. I miss us. What we had, what we could’ve been. If only I hadn’t been such a fucking idiot.
The officiant’s voice pulls me back to the present. “Elijah Milton, do you take Gemma Barron to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
Elijah’s voice is strong, certain. “I do. ”
“And Gemma Barron, do you take Elijah Milton to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
My sister’s eyes glisten. “I do.”
“Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Cheers erupt, and they kiss.
They deserve this. They fought for it, earned it.
I just wish I could say the same for myself.
The reception’s in full swing, music blaring, people talking and drinking. I’m at the head table, sandwiched between Brandon and Connor. Lil’s further down, between Mary and some cousin of Elijah’s I don’t recognize.
I down my whiskey, the burn a welcome distraction from the thoughts swirling in my head. From her.
“Easy there, tiger.” Brandon claps me on the shoulder. “Pace yourself. Night’s still young.”
I grunt in response, signaling the waiter for another. He obliges, and I take a long pull, relishing the way it scorches my throat.
“Bash,” Connor says. “You good, man?”
“Peachy,” I mutter, my gaze drifting back to Lil. She’s laughing at something Mary said, her head thrown back, exposing the long column of her throat. My fingers tighten around the glass.
Fuck, I want her. I want to march over there, throw her over my shoulder, and carry her off to some dark corner where I can—
“You’re staring.” Elijah appears at my side.
I drag my gaze away. “Appreciating the view. Come to berate me?”
“No. I’ve come to tell you to stop being such a coward and go fix this. Your sister’s words. ”
“What does it matter now?” The words come out more bitter than intended, frustration simmering beneath my skin. “She hates me, and she’s better off without me.”
“Are you really that blind?” Connor snorts. “She’s never getting over you, no matter how much she wants to pretend otherwise.”
“That’s the problem with you two.” Elijah clasps my shoulder. “I have to go. Keep this fucker in line.”
I snort, downing the rest of my drink. “I won’t be a problem.” All I want to do is to take Lil in my arms, beg her forgiveness, and have her look at me the way she once did, with love and trust instead of sorrow.
But today is not the day. I don’t want to be the reason that smile disappears again. I want her to be happy.
Even if that means without me.
The dinner’s winding down, guests slowly disperse from the tables, and I sink back in my chair, nursing my—hell, I’ve lost count of how many drinks I’ve had. Not nearly enough to be drunk and numb the ache in my chest every time my gaze drifts to Lil.
Connor’s on the dance floor with Mary, and Brandon’s making his move on Naomi, and from the way she’s smiling, I’d say he’s doing a good job.
And here I am, alone at the table, watching the woman I love dance with every-fucking-body but me.
“Why aren’t you out there?” My mother’s voice startles me out of my self-pity party. She slides into the seat next to me, her eyes soft with concern.
I shrug, swirling the amber liquid in my glass. “Not in the mood.”
“She really grew into a beautiful woman.”
“I know.” Wait. I turn to my mother.
“You’re my son.” She pinches my cheek. “Do you think I wouldn’t notice?”
“I’m not a little kid anymore.”
“It feels like yesterday that I saw Lilian play in the garden with her brothers. She’s so full of life.” Her voice turns nostalgic. “Just like her mother was.”
“What happened back then?”
“That’s a long story, maybe another time.” She waves a dismissive hand. “What’s important is I regret it. I should have done more. But now it’s too late. Don’t let it be too late for you two. I know you will work it out.”
I run a hand through my hair, frustration mounting. “I fucked up, okay? Several times and I’m trying to make it right, but—She doesn’t want me. I hurt her too much.”
“Are you?” She tilts her head, studying me. “Or are you trying to ease your own guilt?”
Fuck, maybe she’s right. Maybe I am being selfish, trying to alleviate my own conscience.
“If you truly want to make things right, you need to put her needs first. Show her that you’ve changed and that you’re worthy of her trust.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Start by being her friend. Be there for her without any expectations. Show her that you care about her happiness, even if it doesn’t include you.”
“So she’s better off without me. Great.”
“Oh, my sweet boy.” She squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t you see? She’s only better off without you if you continue to be the man who hurts her. But if you become the man she deserves? The man I know you can be. Then there’s no one better for her than you. ”
“Dad won’t approve.”
“Let him be my problem. Okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She kisses my cheek, patting my shoulder. “Now, finish your plate. You barely ate anything.” My mother gestures to someone across the room.
To my surprise, Ju appears, sauntering over with her head held low. What the fuck is going on?
“Bash, hi,” Ju says.
I shoot my mother a look, but she pats my cheek. “I said I’ll handle your father, but there’s something you need to know.” With that cryptic statement, she’s gone, leaving me alone with Ju.
“What’s this about?” I eye her warily.
She slides into the seat next to me, crossing her long legs. “Can’t a girl want to catch up with an old friend?”
“We both know that’s not what this is.”
Something flickers in her eyes. Nervousness? Guilt? I can’t quite place it.
“Spit it out, Ju.”
“I’m really sorry. For what it’s worth, I had no idea.”
“About what?”
“After you broke up, Lil was at her uncle’s for a few days. Jason gave me money to…” She fidgets with her bag.
“To what?”
“To text Lil that I saw you with Blake, indicating you had sex and—”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut. “You did what?”
“I’m so sorry.” Ju grimaces. “I needed the money. I didn’t think… After you broke up, I thought it was okay to destroy something that had already been destroyed, and I thought it might help her get over you. ”
“Fuck. You’re—” I want to slam my fist into something. Anything. But it wouldn’t help. Especially not now. Instead, I grit my teeth and let my fist fall to the side.
Ju mumbles another apology before scurrying away like the fucking rat she is. I grip my glass so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t shatter.
My gaze lands on Lil. She’s dancing with Elijah’s cousin, her body swaying to the beat, a small smile playing on her lips. But it doesn’t reach her eyes. Those whiskey depths I know so well, they’re shadowed. Haunted.
If what Ju said is true… If Jason paid her… What else were they capable of?
Did she really betray me?
The confusion in Lil’s eyes when I confronted her, the way she only ever apologized for Jason.
I down the rest of my drink, the burn doing nothing to quell the rage simmering in my veins.
Fuck it. I’m done watching from the sidelines.