30. Lilian
Chapter 30
Lilian
“Lil? Jesus Christ, Lil!” Strong hands grip my shoulders, shaking me.
I blink, the haze receding. Green eyes swim into focus. Sebastian.
“Hey, hey. Look at me. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
I’m shaking, sobs wracking my frame. He pulls me into his chest, his arms banding around me like a shield.
“Shh, I’ve got you. It’s okay. Breathe.”
I cling to him, my face buried in the crook of his neck. Warm. Safe.
Slowly, the tremors subside, my breathing evening out and embarrassment replacing the horror in a hot wave. I push away from him, swiping at my tear-stained cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t.” His voice is rough. “Don’t apologize. Not for this.”
I lower my gaze, shame smoldering within me.
“Talk to me,” he says.
“I don’t want to.” I get up, wrapping my arms around myself. A paltry shield, but it’s all I have.
“Okay. We don’t have to talk. But I’m here, alright? ”
He’s being so gentle, so understanding. It makes me want to crack open, spill all my secrets at his feet.
But I can’t. Because soon enough, he’ll leave, like everyone else. Like last time.
“I think I’m going to head to bed.” I already back away toward the hallway.
“Wait—”
But I’m already gone, fleeing to the safety of my room like the coward I am. I burrow under the covers, squeezing my eyes shut against the hot press of tears.
Sleep. I need to sleep. Maybe in the morning, this will all feel like a bad dream.
But, of course, sleep doesn’t come. I toss and turn for hours, the blood on the floor playing on a loop behind my eyelids. The sewing machine. The voices. Sebastian’s face.
Maybe a glass of water will help. Or a sleeping pill. Something, anything, to quiet the noise in my head.
I’m halfway to the kitchen when a voice stops me in my tracks.
“Couldn’t sleep either, huh?”
I whirl around, my heart leaping into my throat. Sebastian’s sprawled on the couch, a tumbler of amber liquid in his hand. He’s stripped down to a white t-shirt and low-slung sweatpants, his hair mussed like he’s been running his fingers through it 10,000 times.
“You scared me,” I say.
A ghost of a smile flits across his face. “Sorry. Thought you heard me.”
“I was… distracted.”
“Mmm.” He takes a sip of his drink, eyes never leaving mine. “Nightmares? ”
I don’t answer. Can’t. He sees too much, this man. Knows me too well.
“Come here.” He pats the space beside him.
I hesitate, torn. I should go back to my room. Keep my distance, like Mary said.
But the thought of facing those shadows alone… I shudder. Couch it is. I make my way over to him, perching on the edge, ready to bolt at any moment.
“Here.” Sebastian hands me his glass. “Drink. It’ll help.”
“What is it?”
“Whiskey.”
I eye the liquid. “Really?”
“Works for me.”
It’s worth a try. I tip the glass back, wincing as the alcohol burns its way down my throat and settles in my stomach. Odd. It tastes like chocolate.
“Since we’re friends again, how about baking some of your famous cupcakes?”
I blink. “Cupcakes?”
“Yeah. You love baking. Always said it was therapeutic. Helps you sleep.”
“I-It does.” I used to stress-bake all the time back in college, our tiny dorm kitchen constantly filled with the lingering smell of chocolate and sugar.
“So?” He stands, holding out a hand. “What do you say, princess?”
A laugh bubbles up my throat, bright and unexpected. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Is that a yes? ”
I place my hand in his, letting him tug me to my feet. “Lead the way, Cake Boss.”
I rummage through Sebastian’s cupboards, surprised to find them fully stocked with baking essentials. Flour, sugar, vanilla extract, and even unique ingredients like Dutch-processed cocoa and espresso powder. It’s like walking into a gourmet bakery.
“Okay, what’s with the fully loaded pantry?” I arch a brow at him, holding up a jar of Madagascar bourbon vanilla beans. “Last I checked, you weren’t exactly the baking type.”
He shrugs, a picture of nonchalance, as he leans against the counter. “I like to be prepared.”
“For what, the apocalypse? Or a sudden urge to whip up a soufflé at 2 am?”
He grins, snagging the jar from my hand and placing it back on the shelf. “Maybe I wanted to be ready in case a pretty girl decided to bake me cupcakes.”
“Right. You regularly have pretty girls over.”
“Only one.” His gaze holds mine, and the air between us becomes charged, electric.
I clear my throat, turning back to the cupboard. “So, chocolate or vanilla?”
“Chocolate.” He reaches past me for the cocoa powder. “Always chocolate.”
His chest brushes against my back, and I suck in a breath, every nerve ending suddenly on high alert.
Roommates. He’s my roommate. My extremely hot, infuriatingly charming roommate who knows precisely which buttons to push.
“Chocolate it is.” I bustle around the kitchen, my movements jerky, measuring ingredients and ignoring the heat of his gaze on my back .
His hands come to rest on the counter on either side of me, caging me in. “What do you need me to do?”
“Um, you can…” His breath tickles the hair on my neck, and I let out a whimper. “You can grease the pan. And preheat the oven.”
“I will.” His breath tickles my ear, his voice dripping with seduction. “Anything else?”
I bite my lip hard, stifling any sound that might escape. I want to give in. To turn around and kiss him. To let him lift me onto this counter and have his way with me.
His heart beats against my back, steady and strong. Or maybe it’s mine, pounding like a jackhammer.
It wouldn’t just be sex. Not with him. It would be everything.
“That’s… that’s it for now,” I say.
“Okay.” He hums, the sound vibrating through me.
A shaky breath escapes me, and we fall into an easy rhythm. I direct him to crack the eggs, sift the flour, and mix the batter. It feels effortless, relaxed. As if we’ve never been apart.
“Okay, taste this.” I hold out a spoonful of batter. “I think it needs more vanilla. What do you think?”
Sebastian dips his head, closing his lips around the spoon. His eyes flutter shut, a low moan rumbling in his chest. “Fuck, that’s good.”
Heat rushes to my cheeks at the obscene sound. At the way, his tongue darts out to catch a stray smear of chocolate in the corner of his mouth.
My voice comes out breathier than I intended. “Yeah?”
His eyes blink open, locking with mine. “Yeah. It’s perfect.” But he’s not looking at the bowl anymore.
“You know what this needs?” I whip around, snatching the bag of chocolate chips off the counter. “More chocolate. ”
He chuckles, low and deep. “Is that your solution to everything, princess?”
“Pretty much.” I dump it into the batter, stirring vigorously. “Chocolate makes everything better.”
“Isn’t this enough chocolate chips?“ Sebastian points at the huge, way-too-much mountain of chocolate chips building.
“Uh, yeah, that should be good.” I pop the first batch of cupcakes into the oven and set the timer.
“What now?”
“Now, we…” I notice leftover chocolate clinging to the mixing bowl. Before I can think twice, I swipe a finger through it, popping it into my mouth. The rich sweetness coats my tongue, and a little moan escapes me.
His eyes darken, zeroing in on my mouth. “You can’t do that.”
“What?”
His hand comes up to cup my jaw.
I freeze.
“You’ve got some chocolate…” His thumb brushes over my bottom lip. “Right here.”
Maintaining eye contact, he slowly, deliberately darts his tongue out, licking the chocolate from his thumb. I can’t look away, mesmerized by the sight. Imagining him between—
Fantastic. I shouldn’t be thinking about his tongue like that. About all the things it could do…
He’s watching me, his eyes dark and intense. Devouring me whole.
Breathe, Lil. Breathe. In and out.
He steps back, and the tension disperses. “We’re taking a course.”
“What?”