47. Sebastian
Chapter 47
Sebastian
Fuck. I set to run after her, but my father stops me with his hand on my chest.
“Don’t you think you should give her room?”
“No, she needs me.” I glare at him.
He lowers his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Apologize to her.” Ignoring my father, I rush out of my office.
The elevator closes right before me. I hammer on the button. Come on, come on! But it doesn’t come back.
Stairs. I burst through the door and hurry them down like a madman.
I have to find her. Now.
I yank the door to the lobby open and spot the receptionist.
He motions to the street. “She went outside.”
I rush out. And then I see her in the middle of the street, covering her ears.
“Lil!”
She turns as I’m gaining on her, but before I can reach her, a car appears.
A horn blares. Tires screech .
And a sickening thud.
Everything tilts and slows. Her name rips from my throat, and I’m running to her lifeless body on the street.
The hard concrete bites into my knees as I get down beside her. Her eyes are closed, a trickle of blood at her temple. Is she?
Her eyelids flutter open, and she blinks up at me, dazed and disoriented. “I’m sorry.”
I sag in relief, clutching her hand to my chest, tears burning my eyes. She’s alive. “Call an ambulance!”
Passersby have formed a loose circle, their voices a dull roar in my ears.
If only I’d gotten to her sooner. If only I had seen through the lies years ago.
This is all my fault.
Stay with me, princess. Please, stay with me.
The ambulance arrives in a blaze of lights and noise, the paramedics ushering bystanders aside, including me. They ask questions I can’t seem to answer, my throat closing up as they lift Lil onto a stretcher and load her into the back of the ambulance. The doors slam shut, the sirens kicking up to a bone-jarring shriek as it drives away from the curb.
This is it. I’m helpless again. My hands stained with blood. Again.
“Get in the car.” My father clasps my shoulder.
After what seems like an eternity, we arrive at the hospital. I burst through the doors of the emergency room, only to be stopped by a nurse. “I’m sorry, only family members are allowed—”
“She’s my—” Girlfriend seems too trivial a term for what Lil is to me.
The nurse purses her lips. “I understand this is upsetting, but unless you’re her legal next of kin, we can’t let you in or release any information, or allow you to see her.”
I drag a hand through my hair. “Please. ”
“Sir, there’s nothing I can do.” The nurse gives me a kind smile. “I’m sorry. As soon as her family arrives, I’m sure they’ll update you on her condition.”
“I’ll call your mother,” my father says. “She’s probably already on her way.”
“What?”
“Your mother is listed as Lil’s emergency contact.”
“Why?”
“Marc and she decided that when Lil moved here. In case something happens.”
I gape at him, stunned. “How fucking deep does this run with you, Mom, and the Edmunds?”
“Deeper than you need to know.” He walks past me, his phone at his ear.
Defeated, I sink into one of the chairs lining the waiting area, head in my hands. All I can do now is wait.
And pray.
It takes only 20 minutes for my mother to arrive. “How is she?”
“I don’t know.” Shame twists my gut. I should know—I should be in there with her. Instead of here. “They won’t tell me anything.”
“I’ll talk to the nurse. Her brothers are on their way.” She walks up to the reception.
My father clears his throat. “I’m going to get some coffee. You want anything?”
I shake my head, and he gives my shoulder a brief squeeze before walking away.
My mother returns, her face grave. “She’s in surgery.”
I shoot to my feet. “Surgery? For what? ”
“Internal bleeding. They’re trying to stop it.” She puts a hand on my arm. “What happened?”
“Dad told her.”
“About what, sweetie?”
“About the real reason her father is dead.”
“He what?” Her eyes widen.
“He blurted it out. In front of her,” I say. “She was so upset, she ran out into the street and—”
“Oh, Sebastian.” She pulls me into a hug, but I can’t relax. Can’t breathe.
“What if she doesn’t make it? What if the last thing she heard was that I killed her father?”
“She’ll make it. She’s strong.” My mother’s voice is firm, but I can see the worry in her eyes.
I slump, my head in my hands. “This is all my fault.”
“No, it’s not.” She sits beside me, rubbing my back. “Your father shouldn’t have said that. Not like that.”
“But it’s true, isn’t it?” My vision blurs with tears. “I killed him.”
“Sebastian, you were just a boy. You were protecting her.”
“She won’t see it that way.” My chest tightens, panic clawing at my throat. “She’ll hate me.”
“She could never hate you. She loves you.” Her words only twist the knife deeper.
“You don’t know that. You don’t know what she’ll think when she finds out the truth.”
“The truth is that you saved her life. That’s all that matters.”
I cover my eyes, trying to block out the harsh fluorescent lights, the beeping of machines, the murmur of voices .
But I can’t block out the image of Lil lying on the ground, blood pooling beneath her head.
Can’t block out the sound of her voice. I’m sorry.
The hours tick by. And it’s pure torture.
No updates. No Lil.
The doors to the waiting room burst open, and her brothers stride in.
“Where is she? Is she okay?” Levi’s eyes flicker over us in an assessing glance.
“She’s in surgery.” My mother stands and gives him a hug. “We don’t know anything yet.”
Landon’s gaze lands on me, his eyes narrowing. “What. Did. You. Do.”
I flinch, each word hitting me like a physical blow.
My mother steps between us. “This wasn’t Sebastian’s fault.”
“The hell it wasn’t.” Landon glares at me. “If she hadn’t been with you, this never would have happened.”
I can’t argue with that. Can’t defend myself.
Because he’s right.
If she hadn’t been with me, she’d be safe.
If I’d stayed away from her, like I should have, she wouldn’t be fighting for her life.
But I was selfish. I wanted her too much to let her go.
And now, I might lose her forever.
“Keeping her in a bubble wouldn’t have helped either. It was only a matter of time for her to find out,” my mother says.
“What exactly are you talking about?” Landon asks. “What did my sister find out? ”
My mother sighs. “Landon, Lil knows that Sebastian killed her father.” She pauses, her gaze flicking to me. “At least, if she’s able to remember after the accident.”
Landon’s fists clench at his sides, his knuckles turning white, and Levi stares at the floor, his jaw tight.
“It had to happen one day.” My mother’s tone is weary. “We couldn’t keep it from her forever.”
“But not like this,” Levi mutters. “Not fucking like this.”
“If we had all told her the truth about her parents earlier, including myself, we could have prevented this,” my mother says.
Landon and Levi exchange a glance before moving to sit on the other side of the waiting room. I can feel their anger, their resentment, radiating off them in waves.
I want to defend myself, to explain, but the words stick in my throat. How can I justify what I’ve done?
I killed her father. And now, because of me, she might never wake up. Might never know the truth.
The thought tears at me, ripping me apart from the inside out. I can’t lose her. Not like this. Not when we were just starting to find our way back to each other.
I bury my face in my hands, my fingers digging into my scalp. The pain grounds me, keeps me from spiraling into the abyss of despair that threatens to swallow me whole.
The minutes or hours drag by, each one an eternity of helplessness and regret. I can’t sit still, can’t breathe. I need to see her. Need to know she’s okay.
“Sebastian.” My mother’s voice breaks through the haze of my thoughts. “The doctor’s here.”
I’m on my feet in an instant. “How is she? ”
“She’s stable,” the doctor says.
The relief is so strong, my knees nearly buckle. “Can I see her?”
“She’s in recovery now. You can see her when she’s moved to a room.” The doctor turns to my mother. “She’s going to be okay. We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage. She’s very lucky.”
Lucky. The word feels like a slap in the face. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.
“Thank you, doctor,” my mother says.
She’s okay. She’s going to be okay.
But will she ever forgive me?
Will she ever look at me the same way again?
Or will she see me for the monster I am?
The man who killed her father.
The man who destroyed her life.
A nurse comes, addressing us. “You can see her now if you like.”
I’m ready to follow her, but Landon steps in front of me. “I don’t think so.”
I grit my teeth. “Get out of my way.”
“You’re not going near her.” Landon’s voice carries a menacing undertone. “Not now, not ever.”
“Landon.” Levi puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Let him see her.”
“Fuck that. You’ve always had a soft spot for this fucker.” Landon shrugs him off. “He’s the reason she’s here.”
“Landon!” my mother says.
“I know.” My voice cracks. “I know it’s my fault. But I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay.”
Landon’s eyes narrow. “She’s not okay. She’s in a fucking hospital bed because of you. ”
“I’m sorry.” The words are inadequate, but they’re all I have.
“Sorry doesn’t change anything,” Landon says. “Sorry, doesn’t undo what you did.”
I watch Landon follow the nurse down the hallway, his shoulders tense. Levi walks by me, pausing to meet my gaze. “I’m sorry, man.”
Sorry for his brother’s words or for refusing to let me see Lil? I don’t ask. I nod.
My mother gives me a quick hug. “I’ll talk to them. For now, don’t cause any trouble, okay?”
“I won’t.”
She gives my shoulder a squeeze before following Lil’s brothers, leaving me alone with my father.
I sit down. “This is so fucked up.”
“I know.” My father’s voice is uncharacteristically soft. “But she’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that.” I scowl at him, my eyes burning. “You didn’t see her. She was so pale. So still.”
“I shouldn’t have said what I did. Not like that.”
“No shit.” I ease back, my eyes tracing the lines of the ceiling. “She’s never going to forgive me.”
“She will.” He sounds so certain, but how can he be? “She loves you.”
I sneer. “She won’t when she finds out the truth.”
“The truth is that you saved her life and almost lost yours in the process.”
“I’d do it all over again,” I say, my voice rough. “I couldn’t just stand there and watch her get hurt.”
My father’s eyes flash with anger. “Goddammit, Sebastian! Do you not care about your own life? A child shouldn’t have experienced this! ”
“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t live with the guilt every fucking day?”
He runs a hand over his face, looking older. “It’s my fault. I never should have taken you with me that night. I should have ignored her call.”
“And what? Let them die?”
“I almost lost you!”
“Dad…”
“I’m your father. I was supposed to protect you from that.”
All these years, he’s been blaming himself for what happened to me. For the blood on my hands.
Yet, it was me. He told me to stay in the car. But if I would have stayed in the car, she…
When I saw him wrap his hands around her throat, something inside me… snapped. The memory is still vivid, even after all these years. The fear in her eyes, the way her body went limp…
My father’s voice is barely above a whisper. “You were just a boy.”
“I stopped being a boy the moment I picked up that rock.”
He huffs, and we fall into silence.
For the first time, I feel like my dad and I understand each other. We never talked about it after it had happened. It was taboo. Something you don’t speak about, and it destroyed us.
The sound of hurried footsteps makes me look up. Gemma and Mary, followed by Elijah and Connor, rush toward us, their faces etched with worry.
“What happened? Is she okay?” Gemma’s voice trembles.
I open my mouth to respond, but the words refuse to come out. How do I even begin to explain this clusterfuck?
My father steps in. “She’s out of surgery. The doctors say she’s stable. ”
Mary sags with relief, slumping against Connor. “Thank God.”
“What the hell happened?” Elijah asks.
“She found out. About her father.”
“Fuck,” Connor says.
“What?” Gemma asks. “What about her father?”