46. Lilian
Chapter 46
Lilian
“Good morning, princess.” Sebastian stands by the stove, engrossed in flipping golden pancakes.
“Morning.” I perch against the counter, watching him. “You’re in a good mood.”
“I have a beautiful woman in my apartment. What’s not to be happy about?”
“Love you, too.”
“Sleep well?” He flips another pancake, his attention back on the task.
“Very.” And it’s true. Since I slept wrapped in his arms, my nightmares disappeared. “Smells amazing.”
A grin tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Breakfast is almost ready.” He turns to me, crashing his mouth against mine. His hands find my waist, lifting me effortlessly onto the kitchen counter. “Wearing just my shirt. You’re making this really difficult, you know that?”
“What can I say?” A soft moan escapes me as his mouth travels down my neck, teeth grazing my pulse point. “You bring out the worst in me. ”
“Is that so?” His hands slide under the hem of my shirt. “Well then, I guess I’ll have to punish you.”
A harsh, acrid scent fills the air.
I wrinkle my nose. “Something’s burning.”
He dashes over to the stove, grabs a mitt, and removes the smoking pan. The pancakes inside are charred beyond salvage.
“So much for breakfast.” I giggle.
“Sit down before I decide to make you my breakfast instead.”
“Is that a promise?”
He closes the distance between us, grasping my hips. “Now, where were we?”
“The pancakes were burning.”
“They’re already burnt to a crisp,” he murmurs against my lips. “Nothing else I can do about it now.”
“Nothing at all?”
“Nothing.” He kisses me again, slow and deep.
By the time we break apart, I’m dizzy with want.
“Sit.” He commands, voice rough. “It was the last one anyway.”
I move in for another slow, deliberate kiss before disengaging and taking a seat at the kitchen island.
He sets a plate laden with pancakes before me, topped with fresh berries and whipped cream. “Dig in.”
My stomach rumbles in response, and I take the first bite. It’s perfect. “Delicious.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Here.” I offer him a bite, and he takes it.
It’s so cute that I offer him another one.
His eyes narrow. “What do you think you’re doing? ”
“Eat.” I wiggle the fork in front of his mouth, and he relents, taking another bite.
“Princess, I have my own.” His eyes slide to the plate beside the stove.
I halt. “You’re eating breakfast?”
He nods, getting the plate and settling beside me.
“You don’t eat breakfast.”
“I do now.”
I take a sip of water, trying to hide my smile, and we fall into a comfortable silence. After we’re done, Sebastian gets ready for work while I stay put in the kitchen to say goodbye.
He rushes in doing his tie. “I’m gonna be late today, so don’t wait up, okay?”
“Oh, okay.”
He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. “Love you.”
“I hate Mondays. Can’t you stay here?”
“I’ll try to get off early, but I can’t make any promises.”
“It’s fine. Love you, too.”
He gives me one last kiss before leaving me alone in the apartment.
I spend my day off baking cupcakes, the air in our apartment filled with chocolate and sugar. After sliding the last tray into the oven, I set the timer and wander into the library.
My sewing machine calls to me, and I settle into the chair, running my fingers over the smooth surface. I thread the needle and guide the fabric under the presser foot.
The steady hum of the machine lulls me into a trance, and I fall into an easy rhythm, the fabric gliding through my fingers. It’s soothing, almost meditative .
The scent of muffins wafts into the library, and suddenly, I’m transported back in time. I’m a little girl again, perched on my mother’s lap as she guides my hands under the sewing machine tracing a butterfly.
“Like this,” she says softly. “Nice and steady.”
I can feel the warmth of her body, the gentle pressure of her hands on mine. The same scent of cupcakes fills the air, and I know there’s a batch cooling on the counter, waiting for us to frost them together.
I hear her laughter and see the sparkle in her eyes as she looks down at me with love and pride. Dad leans down, giving us each a kiss on the cheek.
The oven timer dings, jolting me back to the present. I blink, tears rolling down my cheek. I’m crying, but I’m smiling, too.
That’s the first time I saw her happy. It’s a bittersweet feeling, the ache of missing her mingling with the warmth of the happy memory. But I’m grateful for it.
I stride into the kitchen and take the cupcakes out of the oven, inhaling deeply. They smell heavenly, just like in the memory. My stomach grumbles, reminding me it’s well past lunchtime.
I whip up a quick sandwich and pour myself a glass of iced tea, then settle at the kitchen island.
Maybe if I go back, I’ll remember more.
I finish my sandwich and resume sewing, but my mind wanders back to the idea of visiting my childhood home. It’s been ages since I set foot in that place.
Part of me yearns to go back, to see if being there will unlock more memories like the one I just had. To feel that connection to my parents again, even if it’s fleeting .
But another part of me is terrified. Terrified of what else I might remember. Terrified that instead of happy moments, I’ll be assaulted by the pain and grief of the monsters lurking.
The red room. I shake my head, trying to dislodge the images. I don’t want to remember that. Yet…
There’s a flicker of hope in my chest. A tiny ember that refuses to be extinguished. Maybe, just maybe, going back will help me find peace. Help me lay those monsters to rest and remember my parents as they were before the accident.
Alive. Happy. Loving.
I want that.
But I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to face it alone.
I need Sebastian. I need his strength, his support. I need him by my side, holding my hand.
Hours go by, and I stand in the kitchen again to prepare dinner.
I’m about to type a message to Sebastian when a notification pops up.
Sebastian: Don’t wait up for me, princess. Stuck at the office.
I frown at the screen. No way am I letting him work himself to the bone. I pack up the food, ready to bring a little comfort to his undoubtedly stressful night.
The office is eerily quiet when I arrive, most of the lights extinguished for the night. I navigate the hallways, trying to remember the route to Sebastian’s office, the kind security guard at the entrance told me.
At the end of the corridor, a single light glows behind frosted glass. I draw closer, and muffled voices reach my ears .
“Cut the crap and end it.”
Isn’t that John? What the hell is going on?
I inch forward.
“You should cut the crap. I know everything,” Sebastian says.
“And she? Does she know? If you love her so much, why didn’t you tell her the truth yet?”
“You mean that you and her uncle manipulated us?”
What is he talking about?
John chuckles. “How about the fact that you killed her father.”
I gasp, my hand flying up to cover my mouth.
The silence is deafening until footsteps approach the door. It opens, and I stand frozen as Sebastian appears.
“Lil? What are you doing here?” His brow furrows.
I hold up the takeout bag with a shaky hand. “I… I wanted to surprise you again.”
He steps closer, but I retreat.
Pain flickers in his eyes. “Is everything okay?”
The words tumble out. “What—Is it—Why would he say something like that?”
He holds up his hands, palms out. “It’s nothing. Let’s—”
“Nothing?” John’s voice is cold and unforgiving. “You killed her father.”
“Sebastian? What is going on?” I ask.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” John says. “Your father—”
“Stop.” Sebastian’s hand shoots out, but John ignores him.
“—in his madness, he killed his wife and almost killed his daughter and my son.”
What? My mind reels. No, that can’t be right. “My parents died in a car accident when I was a child.”
“Your parents didn’t die in an accident,” John says.
Flashes of memory assault me. Screams. A boy looking at me with haunted eyes. Blood under a door. “No, no, that’s not true.” I back away, shaking my head. This has to be a mistake.
John points at Sebastian. “Ask the man you’re so in love with.”
“Lil, don’t listen to him,” Sebastian says. “He’s trying to—”
“Tell me he’s lying. Please,” I say.
“Yes, tell her. Tell her what you did for her,” John says.
Numbness spreads through my limbs, and I struggle to draw breath. A scratching sound at the back of my head.
“Please. Look at me,” Sebastian says.
I look up straight into Sebastian’s pleading, desperate eyes. “Tell me the truth. Please.”
“Let’s get home and talk about it there.”
He’s not saying it.
“You knew…” I say. “All this time, you knew.”
Sebastian reaches for me, but I flinch away.
This can’t be true. It has to be some sick, twisted joke. But the way Sebastian’s face pales, the way his eyes dart away from mine…
“I can’t… I can’t do this.” I back away, nearly tripping over my own feet. “I need to go. I need to—”
The world tilts, my legs threatening to give out. Those nightmares, the ones that plagued me for years…
I can’t breathe. I need air. I pivot and flee.
“Lil, wait! Please!” Sebastian calls after me, but I can’t stop. I won’t. My finger hammers the elevator button like my life depends on it.
I can’t be near him, not now, not when everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down. Is this a nightmare ?
The doors slide open, and I dart inside, frantically pushing the close button. Right before they shut, I catch a glimpse of Sebastian’s face. Regret. Pain. Guilt. And I know. I fucking know it’s true.
Images flash through my mind, disjointed and terrifying. My father’s hands around my throat, squeezing, choking. The boy from my dreams suffocating. Blood. So much blood. And a rock. My mother’s screams.
Hide. You need to hide.
I can’t breathe. The elevator walls close in around me, suffocating. I need air. Now.
The doors open, and I stumble out, gasping, hyperventilating. I don’t know where I’m going. I need to get away. Far away.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Tears blur my vision, and I push through the revolving doors out into the night. The cool air hits my face, but it doesn’t help. Nothing helps.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I keep walking faster, my heels catching on the pavement. I drop, my knees hitting the hard stone. But all I hear is that insistent pounding.
“Lil!”
A horn blares, loud and angry. Tires screech. I turn my head, and everything is red. Blinding, searing red.
The red room. It’s a nightmare.
We’re going to play our little game, okay?
Mom?