Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Clover
The hubbub of the lunch crowd at Rattler’s made the booth I was in seem more private.
I had invited Van to the lunch with my brother to discuss rentals Alder might have available or know about, but Van had an important call.
It must’ve been a critical one because he paced the hallway a few times before I left.
I’d hear steady typing from his office and then his stockinged feet hitting a steady rhythm on the hardwood.
I had my oldest brother mostly to myself, which didn’t happen often.
Alder juggled eight-month-old Lee like a pro with one arm while he took a drink of water.
He’d taken the day off as soon as I asked him when we could meet.
The weekends were busy with rec soccer for Laila, and she’d be in school during the week.
Daisy was at work, but Alder had picked up Lee from day care.
“I still can’t get over this.” I gestured to him and my tiny nephew. Soon I’d be the Duke juggling a baby.
The dreamiest smile spread across his face. “Yeah? Why?”
“You were always bossy growing up and thought you were in charge.”
“I was in charge.”
“But I was a kid. And then as adults, well, you were a single guy for so long, off conquering the oil refinery world.” Except for the short stint when he and Daisy were married right out of high school.
“I’m still conquering it.”
“You’re also conquering your personal life. Before, you didn’t have one.” I’d see him on the holidays, and he’d be a bossy older brother. He’d also been a little aloof, like he knew where his place was; he just couldn’t get back to it. “Now you do.”
“Now I have Daisy.” He got the easy grin again. “And Laila and Lee.”
“All right. Stop before I gag,” I said jokingly when I really was getting queasy, and it wasn’t due to morning sickness. “I just want to preface this to say that if you don’t have a rental, please do not stress and do not search for one for me.”
He dug into the diaper bag next to him. “Actually, I already did.”
My stomach dropped. I appreciated his help, but this task hung over my head. Like it was task number one for me to conquer to earn the independent-woman title. “Oh. Okay.”
He frowned slightly. “Does that upset you?”
“No,” I said quickly, but yes, my gut was churning before I could order my food. “It just means it’s real.” That was also true.
Sympathy crossed his face. “Being on your own?”
Not sharing a place with Van. Not watching any more movies with him. Not cooking for each other. “Must be.”
“I know you’re probably stressed about you and the baby, but I swear, Clover, we’ll be there. All of us. Even Jasper.”
“He’s moving here?”
Alder nodded. “He was asking about a rental too, but he said you get first dibs.”
Appreciation for my brothers grew. I would be taken care of. I’d have a roof over my head, but I wanted it to be my roof. I wanted it to be the one that I was sleeping under now. And I wanted Van in the same bed too.
Oh God. I was falling for him.
Was it the proximity?
No. He was a nice guy. Considerate. Hot. I lived for catching glimpses of him hunched over his desk, squinting at his screens.
“Clover?”
I jerked my attention back to Alder. “Sorry. What?”
My gaze had strayed to the window, like I was seeking out the guy in my thoughts.
He had a finger on an address on his printout. “I was saying that you could look at this one. The renter just notified me he’d be moving at the end of October. I could hold it for a month.”
“I can’t let you do that.” Alder wasn’t hurting for money, but I couldn’t be a burden on all my successful siblings.
They secured their own places and shouldn’t be inconvenienced because I had shitty taste in guys.
I could find another place. There were a few small towns nearby. Maybe one of them had openings.
“I don’t have an issue with it.” He went down the list of apartments and houses for rent, rattling off details he knew if they weren’t his. “You can drive by them when you have a chance and let me know.”
My head bobbed, but I wasn’t thinking about driving by anything.
Alder ducked his head, a divot between his brows. “I’ve lost you again.”
“No, I’m just numb. It’s all coming at me, and…” Was Alder really the one I was going to bring this up to? It wasn’t like I was confessing undying love. I was just admitting that I was afraid of being alone. “The company has been kind of nice.”
Alder’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You like hanging out with your husband?” There was more weight in his light tone.
“He’s cool. The house isn’t empty when I’m home all day, and I have someone to chat with during meals.
And at night, we watch movies and stuff.
” I laughed when I thought of how we chowed down on leftovers and junk food.
“He made popcorn and brownies the other night—I was craving brownies—and we got gut rot so bad that when we woke up the next morning, he made us oatmeal as an apology.” My snickering faded when astonishment filled Alder’s eyes.
“That’s nice.” He tilted his head like he was looking at someone unfamiliar. “He seems like a decent guy.”
“He is. The polar opposite of his brother. I guess he spent some time with a set of his grandparents who were better role models than Mr. and Mrs. Wagner.” I caught myself nodding too fervently.
I wanted my family to like Van. They’d met him a few times now and hadn’t given me any indication otherwise.
So why was it so critical? Van was another uncle. That was all.
“Makes sense.” Alder’s attention stayed on me, his gaze shuttered.
I blew out a breath. “What?”
He didn’t flinch. “Nothing. I haven’t seen you this…yourself…for a while.”
“What’s a while?” I pressed my lips together.
He took some time, like he was mulling over his words. “You were always adult Clover, and now you’re just Clover.”
“That’s a good thing?” It didn’t sound like it.
“Yes.”
Oh. He said it so quickly and simply, I had to sit with it. Had I acted that much differently with my ex? At least he didn’t say I was pretentious Clover. I had tried to soften Elijah’s personality without realizing it until I didn’t have to do it around Van.
“Are you afraid to be on your own?” Alder asked so gently it almost made tears spring into my eyes.
“No.” I blinked rapidly. I was a big girl. I had been on my own for a long, long time before Elijah. “It’s not that.”
“You’ll miss him.”
Denying it was on the tip of my tongue, but it stayed there. “Yes. He’s becoming a good friend.”
“And that’s all?”
“Yeah, what do you think? We’re going to fall madly in love and stay married?”
“It could happen.”
“Alder,” I barked out, and Lee jumped, his little arms flailing. “Sorry, but you can’t be serious.”
“I mean…it’s happened before.”
I clamped my mouth shut. I couldn’t refute it.
Lily was a shining example. She hadn’t met Eliot long before she’d married him.
Then there was Daisy. Poppy and Violet hadn’t married their guys, but the sentiment was similar.
“It won’t with me. I was with his brother.
I’m not pregnant with Van’s kid. But we’re friends, and I need a friend right now more than I need to fall in love again. ”
Van
Clover was out with her brother discussing apartments, and I was researching rockhounding in North Dakota.
It seemed my priorities were fucked around her.
I had interested potential investors. They wanted me to fly out and meet them after the first of the year.
If I nailed the account, I would be solid as a business and finding a place to live wouldn’t be as critical.
If I didn’t, my ass would still be hustling out on the street, and I’d be living there too.
Yet instead of working on some big presentation that would clinch funding, I was scouting the best place to find agates on the portion of the Little Missouri River that runs through Medora. In addition to that, I had information on campsites and hotel rooms.
I was fucked.
The front door opened, and her steady footsteps padded down the hall toward me. A sound I was going to miss when I lived by myself again.
She appeared at the door, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright, and brandished a coffee mug. “I got you a coffee. I figured if it’s too late to drink it, you can heat it up in the morning.”
“Thanks, I’ll put it in the fridge so I don’t keep you up tossing and turning.”
She smiled and juggled the coffee while digging her phone out.
“I took a quick pic of a flyer I saw hanging at Rattler’s.
You probably already know about it.” She turned her screen to an image announcing days and times for a Pokémon tournament in Bismarck.
“It’s a local con in two weeks. Thought we could go. ”
I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading if I tried. The laughter started next. I swiveled my monitor around to show her the threads I’d been reading about rockhounding. “Then we can do this next weekend.”
Her eyes lit up, and she leaned over my desk. The V-neck of her top gaped open, and goddammit, I looked. I yanked my eyes up to the ceiling, grateful I wasn’t behind her when her ass was sticking so temptingly in the air.
“You were looking all this up?” she asked.
I tabbed through all the windows I had open, careful to look her only in the eyes. “During my breaks.” Mostly instead of working.
“Oh, wow. I love it,” she gushed. “But you don’t have to.”
“Sweet Clover, I want to.”
She blinked at me, and what I said finally sank in. I called her a pet name, and it flew out of my mouth like a lever had been flipped.
Heat crept up my neck. “It’ll be fun and get me out of the house.” I’d take the cowardly route and pretend I never said a thing. “Did you find a place?”
She dug in her purse and took out some folded sheets of paper. “There are options. I thought you might want to see them too.”
I didn’t. Rip them up and throw them out. Burn them. Make paper airplanes and fly them into the slough down the road, where they could get soaked and sink to the bottom. “Thanks.”
“There isn’t much available for decent house rentals, but Alder found a couple. I just don’t think I can do an apartment.” She dumped her phone in her purse. “I’m thinking too hard, and I choose not to think at all about it right now. I should get to work anyway.”
“Sounds like a plan. While you’re here, let me show you this.” I selected a tab that showed one of the hotels in Medora. “It might get cold at night. Want me to reserve a room instead of outdoor camping? The cabins are all taken.”
“Let’s do a motel. I want modern plumbing and to not pack all my own bedding.”
“I like that train of thought.”
Her smile made all my lost productivity worth it. “Okay. I’ll make it happen.” The next question I had gave me pause. “I can get a room with two beds.”
Her face froze for a heartbeat before she nodded. “Right. Yes. What a novel idea.”
“Downright revolutionary.” My insides matched her nervous laughter. Disappointment ricocheted through my organs.
I’d still be spending the weekend with her. Why couldn’t I shake the sense of loss? We’d be in the same motel. In the same damn room. But when I woke up in the morning, she wouldn’t be right there, on the other side of the pillow.
The best thing for me would be two separate rooms, but I didn’t even think to offer that as an option.