27. Riley
Riley
Argh, why did I say that? I freaked her out. Pushed her. And for what? My ego? To make her say the same thing back to me? To label what we are doing? Why can’t I just be content with her being in my life? I have to blurt out “I love you” to someone who doesn’t do relationships.
Needless-to-say, I didn’t sleep well that night, but at least it’s just media for most of today and a few laps to get in, weather permitting. We’ve had a lot of sporadic rain leading up to this weekend, so it’s going to be an unpredictable few days approaching the end of the season.
Stepping into the media room, I instinctively scan the room for her.
She’s chatting with Shelby, her effortlessly beauty captivating and entrancing me.
She looks over at me and smiles small at me.
I smile small back to her and break away.
I can’t bear to look at her and think about the position I have put her in.
Ghostly Flux’s PR Director, Oscar Eldric, ushers me to the first interview.
All the questions are the same. What’s your strategy for the final races?
Are you nervous coming third in the championship ?
Same old, same old.
Later in the media run times, Geoff The Dick has set up for his interview. But I just have to get through this one and I can get lunch. I’m famished.
He starts the interview off as any other, asking those same end of season questions, but then I couldn’t predict the next words that came out of his mouth.
“So Riley, you have a bit of a reputation for being a recluse off the track this year. Is this a coping mechanism for your sister committing suicide last year?”
“What the fuck?” I manage. I am in shock. “Why the fuck would you ask a question like that?”
“We’re going in a different direction for questioning on the podcast,” he replies, like it was a simple question asked, waiting for a reply from me.
“Right, you’re out of here.” Mabel’s voice comes out from behind me.
“What? You can’t do that.” Geoff looks at Mabel with disgust. The irony.
“No, I have full authority to do that. And you’re banned from all future media events, forever,” Mabel says, putting herself in between Geoff and me, lifting her phone to her ear.
“Jerome? I need you in the Media Tent to escort Geoff out. He’s just packing his equipment up.
He is banned from setting foot on any tracks now.
” Lowering her phone, she looks at Geoff and says, “Pack your shit up and get the fuck out of here. You have five minutes.” And then she turns around and slides her arm under my arm and escorts me out while Javi and a few of the other riders, PR Directors, and Team Owners have stood and congregated around Geoff, waiting for him to kick up a stink so they can forcibly remove him.
Mabel walks me to a smaller room in the large media tent, which has some chairs and bottled waters.
She picks one up for me and I take it. “I’m sorry he was such a dick. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it was just a weird and abrupt question. Took me by surprise,” I say, trying to shake my head to get my mind off the thought.
“Javi was saying he is trying to make his podcast more edgy and ask bullshit questions to the riders to catch them out, but that is crossing a fucking line.” Mabel is fuming, throwing her arms around.
“Thanks for stepping in,” I offer, starting to feel my resolve, my breathing back to normal. My heart rate is off the charts, but that’s because I am around her.
“Don’t think anything of it. Completely out of line questioning and I know everyone is going to be happy he's banned. I better let Rayna know I did it so she can let the other team owners know who aren’t here.
” She's tapping furiously at her phone, so I can gaze at her.
The few strands of hair that escaped from her low ponytail are flitting around her face.
A hand moves unconsciously to tuck a few behind one ear.
“Hey, I am sorry about last night.” I start, her shoulders rise slightly, tension thick .
“It’s fine. I just need some...” she replies, looking up kindly from her phone.
“It’s okay. Forget I said anything.”
What a dick I am. I have made her uncomfortable and probably lost her friendship now.
She lowers her phone and opens her mouth when the door flies open, revealing a very concerned looking Koby. “Riley, are you okay?”
“Yeah, all good. Mabel swooped in and saved me.” I look at Mabel and smile.
“Nothing you wouldn’t have done for me.” Her phone rings, and she lifts it up. “Rayna. I better get this.” And she leaves the room.
“Sorry you had to deal with that, mate.” Koby offers with a hand on my shoulder. “Glad Mabel could shut it down and boot him.”
“I’m just relieved it wasn’t when my parents were here. They don’t need to hear that shit.” I run my fingers through my hair.
“That would have been truly tasteless. How about you head to the hospitality tent and I’ll clear up the rest of your interviews for the day. I’ll get Oscar to add the rest first on the media list next race. Any issues, I’ll go on a banning spree myself.” Koby shoots me a wicked smile.
“Ease up there, tiger! Don’t let the power go to your head!” I laugh. “I’ll be back in the box shortly.”
“Take as much time as you need.” Koby claps my arm and exits the door with me following behind .
Sitting at a table outside the tent, I use the moment to clear my mind and refocus on the weekend’s priorities. The distant guttural groans of the bike engines fill the air, but I am unmoved by them. Dulled, not getting the same enjoyment out of the sounds.
Javi approaches and nods his head to me as he takes a seat in front of me at the table. “Hey man, that was fucked up. Geoff is an asshole.”
“That he is,” I agree, stirring my coffee.
“Need anything? Want me to go see if he’s still in the car park?” he asks like the big brother I never had.
“Not worth it, dude,” I reply.
“Things okay? You still a bit off?” he presses.
“Yeah, yeah. Nothing about him. Clearing my mind,” I reply, sitting a little more upright. I know he’ll worry. We can’t be distracted getting on these bikes. Going over 300kph is not the place to be distracted; unforgiving consequences. We all know that and look out for each other.
“Need to talk it out?” he asks, crossing his arms on the table, leaning on his forearms.
I sigh. “I told Mabel I loved her last night.”
“Wow, that’s great. So why do you have to clear your mind?”
“Because I blurted it out of the blue, while she was overloaded dealing with her parents. I piled onto her stress.” I look down, annoyed at myself.
“So she didn’t say it back, I’m guessing?” he asks somberly .
“No, and I think I pissed her off. I ruined it by needing to label it.”
“You didn’t. It’s okay to want to be with someone. You gave it a go and put it out there. You both have been hanging out all season,” Javi tries to soothe.
Feeling drops of water hit my arms, we both look up, and the rain pours down. We escape into the hospitality tent where anyone walking nearby has also run into.
“Guess we aren’t on track this arvo,” Javi offers.
The rain did not let up, and the afternoon session was cancelled to ensure riders’ safety. I’m relieved because I am wrecked. I can’t wait to crawl into bed and sleep away this day.
I'm lying in bed when I hear a knock at the door. My heart skips, but I shake my head. She’s not coming around here. I ruined it. It’s still early. She's probably out with her parents.
I open the door. “Hey, to what to I owe the pleasure?”
Rayna’s kind smile and dark brown hair flashes and it soothes a part of my soul. “Hey Riley, I heard about what happened today. Wanted to check in on you.”
Stepping back, I gesture. “Please come in.”
“Thank you.”
She steps in and outstretches her arms for me, embracing me in a tight hug, and to be honest, I need it. “I’m so glad Mabel was there to support you. ”
Maybe it’s the motherly embrace, the awfulness of the day, or the mention of Mabel in this moment, but a deluge of emotions hit me. I exhale a shaky breath and blink back some tears. “Me too.”
Hearing my crumbling voice, Rayna hugs me tighter, squeezing silent tears out of me.
Everything feels too much and out of my control, when all that matters is having Mabel in my life, and I fucked that up completely.
I wouldn’t even know where to start to repair everything with her, and I feel like I have lost her.
Taking a few solid moments to recompose myself, I step back. “Thanks, Rayna. You always know what to say to make me feel better.” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
She smiles with warmth, places a hand on my face, and, seemingly knowing what I am overthinking about, says, “You deserve the world. Things will settle down in their own time.”
I smile back and nod. “Thanks, Rayna.”
“I’m so glad Geoff's banned, though,” she starts as I head to the kitchen and grab a water, offering some to Rayna, which she accepts.
“He's a menace. I hope he does something to be banned from the enduro and rally circuits. He’s not a fan of the sports; he's a sensationalist trying to go viral with things he thinks are edgy, which anyone else knows are tacky and not needed to be said.”
“If he likes melodramas so much, he should watch soap operas, not motorsports,” I agree.
Rayna chuckles out loud and agrees .
We discuss my parents’ visit and Rayna encourages me to invite them to any race they want. She asks how they're coping with Kiara’s death, how I'm doing with it.
“To be honest, Mabel has helped a lot,” I confess. “It’s been nice to have someone to be with during this first season back since Kiara passed away.”
“I think you and Mabel really helped each other this season. You also helped her find her feet and supported her in return. You both came into each other’s lives at the right time and provided the other what was needed,” she offers.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, I scruff the back of my neck. I’m not going to confess too much to Rayna. I trust her, but I don’t want to break any trust I have with Mabel. “Definitely agree with you there.”
“Having those people come into your life when you need them the most is the greatest gift life can offer you,” Rayna adds, a little wistfully, like she was talking to herself more so than to me.
“Anyway, enough light philosophy. I should let you get back to your evening. Please let me know if you need anything. Everyone is always here for you.” And gives me a quick hug and leaves.
Creeping back into bed, I feel a bigger weight, thinking back about how much Mabel has been around me this season.
She wasn’t a crutch, but she really did help me not feel lonely or dwell too much and supported a new normal, considering Kiara and I would have been rooming together during the season .
I stare at my phone. What can I possibly say to her over text that isn’t me putting more pressure on her, or adding to her plate?
The screen lights up and her name flashes across it with,
Hope you’re okay after today. x
Yeah, all good. Thanks again for saving me. x
In more ways than she’ll know.
Always. x