34. Ben
THIRTY-FOUR
Ben
W e drove over in my weathered Ford truck. On the ride Willow told me about how she spent her day, but the entire time I was thinking about spending the night with her. All night long, hot sex. Eating to keep our strength up.
I left the porch light on, house peaceful with a lamp lit in the front window. Cicadas chirp from where they live in the trees around us, solar lanterns illuminating rows of produce Willow takes a peek at. “When do you work on the farm?”
“Mornings is when I get the most done, but throughout the day there are things to do. Nights free for the most part.”
I hold open the door for her to walk in first. “Wine? Bought some for tonight.”
“A bedroom set and wine, for me?” she teases, walking backward and looking stunningly beautiful .
I smirk, “ And a meat and cheese plate, with cheese made from Dad’s ranch.”
“Really?” Impressed, she flips around, walking toward the kitchen. “We just ate but I could see…working up an appetite.”
“I could fuck an appetite into you.”
Her jaw drops in mock-shock. “Why Sir, how you do talk!”
I grab and pull her close. “I’m going to fuck you ’til you promise you’re coming back as soon as fucking possible.”
She relaxes into me. “That’s a lot of fucking.”
“So be it.” I kiss her hard and release her with a fury that has her spinning. “Kitchen, woman, now!”
Willow laughs, “Yes, Sir!”
She grabs the counter, smiling her happy, pretty little butt off, and watches me open the fridge, pulling out and placing salami and two triangles of gourmet cheeses on a cutting board. I snag, open, pour, Pinot Noir into two red-wine glasses, holding out hers to take, the other up for a toast. “To you coming back to Georgia as soon as possible.”
We clink glasses and she smiles at me while she sips, sexy as all get out. I close the distance between us, kiss her long and slow, the taste of red wine mingled with her natural breath. Separating I put the cutting board in the fridge, “Forgot we have to work up an appetite for this,” and turn to bring her into my arms, glasses abandoned on the counter for later, ignoring the phone ringing in my pocket as we kiss. “Ethan said he’d call later. Not this late though, so I’ll call him back tomorrow. When I’m all alone again.”
She laughs, “Oh, poor baby, going to be all alone!”
I go serious. “I’m fine on my own, but I know I’m going to miss you every day you’re gone.”
Her smile vanishes. “I’m going to miss you, too, Ben. Walking around my days as if life didn’t change.”
“Is that how you feel? I changed you?”
“Yes. My whole life.”
“For the better.”
“Much better.”
I lean down to kiss her, but the phone interrupts us again. We separate, looking toward my back pocket. “He wouldn’t call twice unless it was important.” A smirk tugs as I reach for it. “Unless he’s calling again just to mess with me. He’d do that, too.” Willow and I stare at the screen together. It’s not Ethan. It’s not my parents with something about Jonny. It’s Shelby.
“Ummm…”
“Shit,” I grumble as it goes to voicemail from sheer time-passing. “What’s this about?”
It starts ringing again. Willow nods her chin at the phone. “It’s okay. Answer it.”
I swipe, and bring the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
There’s sobbing on the other end of the line. “Ben! My mom died! She’s dead. Right here. I don’t know what to do. I just found her in the hallway. I checked her pulse and she’s gone, Ben! I don’t know what to do! What do I do? Oh, what am I gonna do?”
“I’ll be right there. Call 911. I’m on my way. ”
I hang up and start to explain.
Willow holds up her hand. “I heard. Go!”
We rush out to the truck, and I open the door for Willow, running around to the leap into the driver’s side. “She’s not even seventy.”
“I’m so sorry, Ben.”
“Shelby, just there with the body.”
“I can’t imagine.”
My racing wheels draw the attention of my parents, phone ringing right after we pass their house, as we’re making a beeline for Sunflower. Driving the rough, gravelly road I don’t answer it until we pull up. “Dad?” I jump out and go to open Willow’s door.
She jumps out before I get there. “Just go! Thank you Ben. But just go!”
I kiss her, then focus on Dad as I run back to the my side of the truck. “It’s Shelby’s mom. She died tonight. At her house. Just now! I’m driving over there to help Shelby.”
Willow stands on the porch and waves to me. “Be safe!”
I give her a nod, back out like the car is on fire.
While I have my issues with Shelby, my mother-in-law was always a good woman with a lot of kindness in her heart. Maybe too few boundaries, but a stellar person. She lost her husband when Shelby was only ten, had to raise an only child on her own and maybe that’s why my Ex has some of the issues she has. She was given everything. Had to work for little. It’s not natural for a person to feel good about themselves when they haven’t earned what they have — at least that’s my belief.
It takes me a half-hour to get there when I’m not speeding, and twenty minutes when I am. Tonight it’s the latter. As I pull up, I find Shelby on the front porch waiting for me, shivering. I jump out of the car and she says, “Ben! I’m so scared! She’s cold, Ben. So cold!” I pull my Ex into my arms and she sobs, “What am I gonna do without my Mom?”
Losing her final parent and me in the same year. “I’m so sorry. Did you call 911?”
“The ambulance is on the way.” As the words fall from her shaking lips, we hear sirens and when I see it’s a police car, a fire truck, and an ambulance I’m glad she called me so she didn’t have to be alone with all this. No one should have to do that.
The cops let the medics ask questions first, and after they’re directed into the house to see her mom, the police are all business. “Can you tell us what happened here?”
“I walked out of the kitchen because I heard a thud and there was my mom on the hallway floor! I called out to her, and then I knelt beside her, shaking her, and then I felt her pulse and started crying my fucking eyes out! That’s what happened!”
I ask, “Is there a problem?” because of their cold, detached demeanors.
“We have to investigate when someone dies at home. ”
Shelby blurts, “And at the hospitals too, right! You need to make sure they weren’t killed!”
“She watches a lot of television,” I mutter.
“It happens!”
The gurney rolls by, covered by a sheet. Shelby bursts into fresh tears and turns to me. The next half hour we answer questions after the ambulance declares her officially no longer of this world. The cops search the house, and say they’ll get back to Shelby when the official autopsy report comes back. They get our phone numbers, give her their card, and Shelby decides not to go to the hospital, sobbing, “What’s the point?”
After the last vehicle has left, we sit on the front porch in silence for a good ten minutes.
Finally I exhale, “You have a lot of planning to do now, I guess.”
“She had a grave paid for beside Dad.” Shelby whispers, staring off into the distance. “I know where she keeps the paperwork.”
“You’ll get the house now.”
“Don’t say that!”
I mutter, “Sorry.”
“I don’t want the fucking house. I want my mom!”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I’ve been so selfish, Ben.”
I say nothing.
“I know I have been. Mom talked with me for a long time after I came back from your place last time. She said I should fight for custody but I told her everything and that…maybe I’m not meant to be a mom.” Sh elby looks at me. “Not everyone is meant to be a mom.”
“That’s probably the least selfish thing you’ve ever said.”
She whispers, “Most self-aware thing, maybe,” adding a quieter, “I can’t believe she’s gone.”
“This is going to take time.”
“I’ve got a place in Atlanta already.”
My eyebrows rise. “Really?”
“I found it today. One of my Mom’s friends has a son who’s moving to Shanghai for work. He needs to sublet his place. So I don’t have to show credit…or lack thereof.”
“You have credit cards with your name on them.” Our cards.
“Yeah but no rental references though. People want previous landlords. And I don’t have that. I didn’t want to ask you to… But I don’t need it with this guy.”
“How long is he gone for?”
“One year, with the potential for extension.”
“Huh.” I nod. “Sounds good. What neighborhood?”
“West Midtown.”
“Nice. That’s where Lexi, Sam and Zoe lived.”
“I know.”
“Right.”
“Oh Ben, I wanted to show my mom the place!”
“I’m so sorry, Shelby.” I reach over and take her hand. “But you know what, this new start really is brand new. You get to keep this house or sell it and you don’t have to decide what to do first.”
“I think I’ll sell it. Don’t need the memories. Then I’ll have enough where I can take some time to do nothing but heal. I think I’m going to see a therapist, too.”
My eyebrows rise. “Oh?”
“After my breakdown at our house…your house…I’ve been thinking a lot and I don’t like me very much.”
“If it helps at all, I think you’re more likable now.”
“That’s something I guess.”
“It’s more a breakthrough than a breakdown.”
Looking at me from the side, she moves her blonde curls from her red eyes. “Willow leaves tomorrow.”
“How’d you know… oh.”
“Yeah, I bought the retreat trip, too.” After a pause she says, “So crazy. I don’t know what I was thinking. But you know what? I might go on an actual retreat. Get away and heal a bit.” Fresh tears falls down her cheeks. “Mom!” She covers her face and I scoot closer, put my arm around her.
“You know what I think you had?”
“What?”
“You didn’t have a breakdown. You had a break through .”
She snuggles into my comfort. “Thank you, Ben. I hope we can be friends.”
Willow’s friendship with Brady, and her philosophy sprints to my mind and colors my tone as I gently tell my own Ex, “We’re going to be in each other’s lives until the end, so let’s try to be that.”
She sniffles and whispers, “I’d like that.” Pulling away she looks at me, rubs one eye and drops her hand. “Will you do me a favor?”
“Maybe.”
“Fair enough.”
“What is it?”
“Will you make sure Jonny doesn’t hate me? Will you not talk badly about me to him?”
I inhale. “I can do that.”
“Promise?”
“Without hesitation, I can promise you I’ll never say a bad word about you to him. Especially if you go to therapy.”
A smile tugs underneath her pain. “Deal.” She pats my leg.
“Do you want me to invite you to the family BBQs?”
“I’d rather die.”
I laugh, and she offers a small smile, “Kidding. Maybe in a few years?” Standing, Shelby sighs, “I’m going to bed. I’ll be crying my heart out until I pass out, but I want to be alone now.”
“Call me if you need help with anything.”
I wait until she walks inside, and when she pauses to say, “Thank you,” I know without a doubt that we’ll be friends after all.
Miracles do happen. I remember Paige saying it once, years back, something from Al-Anon: Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.
When I started this divorce I’d never have thought about that saying, but now, as I drive home, it’s the most profoundly hopeful thing I’ve ever heard. Never thought I’d hope to have Shelby in my life, once I decided I didn’t want to be her husband anymore. But now, we’re going to be friends.
And that truly is a miracle I wouldn’t want to miss.