36. Willow
THIRTY-SIX
Willow
T he next morning, bright and early with plenty of time for me to get to work after spending a nice start to my day with my BFF, Gemma and I make coffee with my French press. We enjoy tempering the delicious bitterness down with only cinnamon. I used to have it with cream but I heard this was the healthiest way to drink it — cinnamon is not only an antioxidant but it extends the caffeine buzz and practically eliminates the potential of a crash. And it’s nummy.
I converted Gemma. She manages a coffee shop so it wasn’t hard. Then she told others. Boom. Extra orders of cinnamon.
Brady still has his with cream and sugar.
Whatevs.
You do you, I’ve always told him. All I can do is give him the information and what he does with it is his own business .
Pulling one knee to my chest in the chair, red, blue and green plaid pajamas keeping me cozy, I ask her, “Can you believe Brady met someone?”
“Who lives here.”
Holding my coffee mug that reads Don’t talk to me until this is empty, I place my head in my free hand. “Gemma, what am I gonna do?”
In borrowed grey sweats and a lavender tank, she leans back in her chair, red hair spikier than ever from sleeping, she blows on a mug that reads Get ‘er done, “Why do you think I stayed over?”
I drop my hand, blow on my cup, too. “To spend time with me.”
“Yeah, but there’s more than that. Why?”
I shrug, coffee not yet taking hold.
Gem tilts her head, blue eyes narrowing. “I slept over because you’re going to keep on this winning streak of yours.”
“Winning streak? Is that how you’re putting it?”
“Willow, here’s the thing. Why did I tell you to be more spontaneous in the first place? What happens when you follow your good instincts?” She takes a sip, makes an appreciative face. “Mmm. When something is a yes and you go for it, things unfold you couldn’t have expected. You get into The Flow. You’re saying yes rather than a Universe-blocking no .”
“Sometimes you should say no.”
“I’m not talking about that!” Leaning forward in earnestness, she insists, “I’m talking about, do I have the money for a retreat? Yes. Do I like this guy? Yes. Do I want to walk with him, talk about life until the sun comes up? Yes. Do I want to have sex with him under the stars now that I know he really is divorce-bound and feels the same way about me that I do about him? YES. Do I want to take photos for a living when I clearly have a gift and a love for it? YES. Do I want my friend to stay over and have coffee with her in the morning? Yes. Do I want to pet this cute dog who’s begging for attention? Yes.” Gemma stops to pet Thor. “Who’s a good boy? You are! Yes, you are!” She sits back in her chair. “This is a winning streak because everything you’ve done has been met with more YES.”
“And what if that stops?”
“Oh, there will be bumps, don’t get me wrong! There are always bumps in the road. Those are the challenges. You’ve had some already! However, my friend, by not taking chances you live the life you were living…kinda blah.”
“Come on. It wasn’t…” I sip my coffee and she does, too, as I think about it. My days were the same ol’ same ol’ which would have been fine if I’d loved my job and had someone to hold at night. Most of my nights I’d watch TV, walk the dog, go to work again, see Gemma on the weekend. Brady, once in a while for some dinner and catch-up. I kept wanting to take a class and their nature varied but I never went through with it. There are so many classes to take — yoga, dance, cooking, a new language — countless, in fact. But I kept putting it off and kept my ritual the same. “Yeah, I guess it was ki nda blah.”
“That’s why I said you need to take more chances, before.” Gemma inhales. “But living in rural Georgia? Big change, Will.”
“Not so rural when you think about it, though, because the retreat is there. People from all over the world come to it.”
“You think you could work there?”
“I wouldn’t do it to get paid, but I could help out…”
“Why wouldn’t they pay you?”
“What could I offer?”
“Advertising!”
I blink at Gemma. “Oh. But I work more in the administration side, and…I don’t like it.”
“Yeah, but you know so much about advertising. You could help at a place you feel strongly about. It’s not selling toothpaste. It’s selling rest and restoration. Or…” She drops her coffee, claps her hands with a fresh idea. “You could teach photography!”
“I’m just learning!"
“Long term, Will. Think long term!”
My heart beats faster at the prospect. “It could maybe be an add-on, if people wanted it. This is years later.”
“When you have your own babies!”
“Gemma!” I laugh, rising up. “I have to get ready. Stop. Just stop.”
“Stop, she says to the Universe. No.”
“I’m saying stop to you, not the Universe. You work far more fast.” My phone rings in the bedroom, and I hurry to answer, finding Ben’s name lighting the screen. “Hi!”
“Good morning. Did I wake you?”
“No, I was just having coffee with Gem. About to leave for work soon. How’s your morning?”
“Harvesting zucchini the size of my arm, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I looked into flights last night but then Jonny had a bad night. He lost his grandma. They were close. I have to stick around here for a while.”
My spirits sink. “Oh.”
“But if you want to come here…”
“For a weekend?”
“Forever. Now wait, before you say no. I was thinking about your job and I asked Mom if she needed help at Sunflower. She reminded me they used to have another friend working with them, someone they don’t know anymore. Had a falling out, but, ever since, it’s just been the two of them and she said she’d love the help.”
“Ben!” I laugh, heart pounding. “I uh…”
“Too fast. I know. I’m probably freaking you out, but I’m just saying it a possibility.”
“No, I’m not freaked. Not in a bad way. I just…Gemma was just saying how I could work at Sunflower.”
“She was?”
“Yes!” I tuck my hair behind my ear, taking a pause to think. “Do you really want me to?”
“Yes. ”
“But what about Jonny, isn’t it extremely fast to spring this on him?”
Ben inhales, takes a beat. “I was thinking about that. Mom came up with the solution before I even asked her. You could live at Sunflower. Take what was Laura’s room, until we all got to know each other more.” He grumbles, “I want you here with me, now, but really it’s about my son. There’s a lot of change in his life.”
Tears come to my eyes of so many things — fear, excitement, feeling special, pure joy. Gemma shows up in my doorway, holding the frame, watching me expectantly while I tell Ben, “Let me think about it. I have to get ready for work.”
We say goodbye, hang up, and I tell her, “Rachel said I could live and work at Sunflower.”
Gemma bursts into tears, runs forward, “Oh my God, Willow! This is what I was talking about. You’re in the flow of YES.”
“But what if it doesn’t work out?”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think he loves you?”
“I…um…Yes.”
“Do you think it’ll work out?”
“I think it’ll be the happiest life I could have hoped for!”
Gemma hugs me hard, whispers through her tears, “Me too, Will! I think you’ve found the one!”
We separate. “He said I could live at the retreat house so we could all get to know each other. It would give me a chance to let Jonny know me, too.”
“Oh my God, you’re going to so friggin’ happy.”
“What if he doesn’t like me?”
“Not possible. What if you don’t like him?”
I smile, thinking of our conversation at dinner. “Not possible. But moving all the way to another state?”
“If it didn’t work out, you could always move back.”
“I could. But I have a feeling I won’t want to. But I would miss you.”
“Will miss me. You’ll miss me like crazy,” she smiles. “But I’ll come visit. And you’ll come here, maybe split the holidays. People do it all the time!”
I hug her, and cry my heart out.
“You met the one, Will. I know you did. And all because of me.”
We split up, laughing and wiping our eyes. And with hope in my heart, I say the magic word, “Yes.”
Gemma heads out so I can get ready, after walking Thor for me, to help. As soon I finishing blow-drying my hair, I call Ben.
“Hey,” he answers, voice sexy, happy to hear from me.
“Hi. Can I have your mom’s phone number? I want to ask her about this job.”
“Of course.”
“I just want to…you understand. ”
“Totally. This is a lot. But I’m very excited you’re seriously considering it. Very.”
He gives me the number and I thank him, so close to saying I love you before I hang up that I even open my mouth to. But I abstain. Takes a heck of a lot of will power! I guess I want it to be in person and…oh, I don’t know!
“This is Rachel,” she answers.
“Mrs. Cocker?”
“ Rachel . Hi Willow. I recognize your voice.”
“Yes, I just spoke with Ben and he said you might need help around Sunflower?”
“We do! Are you thinking about it?”
“Yes. I think it would be a dream.”
I hear her energy brighten. “Okay, so I told Ben that you could have your own room at the house and we would teach you the ropes.”
“I’m not great at painting. Or yoga.”
“You’re going to learn!” I hear her call to Jaxson, “It’s Willow! She’s considering the job and boarding!” Back to me she says, “Sylvia and I are getting up there in age and we’d love to have some help. There used to be three of us, but well…something happened and that friendship turned out to be not true. It’s been just us for some time. Jaxson helps with things outside, horses, lessons about ranching, etc. But everything here we do ourselves. We’d train you, and your staying here would give you and Ben and Jonny a chance to get to know each other without the crazy distance, or too much lack thereof. He told me he asked you to move he re already and I told him any sane woman would balk at it being too soon. Then of course he admitted it would be too much of a rush for Jonny. Especially with…you know.”
“Yes.”
“Willow, you know how when you meet some people you immediately know you like them? That’s me with you. Sylvia agrees. You’re very easy to get along with, and we think the way you handled some of the more difficult things while you were here, that you could handle any challenges that come up with all of the different personalities that coexist within our doors for uninterrupted days on end. And you don’t have to be a painter to give people paint and let them find their own creative sides within themselves. You just need to know how to clean a brush!” She laughs. “That’s a metaphor for everything isn’t it?”
“I have to go to work, but I can’t tell you how excited this makes me, just hearing about it! Not one cell of my body is saying no.”
“That makes me very happy!”
“I hate to tell you first, but since you’re the one hiring me and giving me a home, Ben will have to accept the fact that I’m telling you, before him,” I laugh, “I’d love to take you up on this offer.”
“So it’s a yes?”
“It’s a yes! It’s a huge YES!”
“Jaxson! Willow accepted our offer!”
He whoops in the background, straight cowboy style, “ Woohoo!!!”
“I have to go to work, but can I call you after so we can plan?”
“Of course, dear. Go. We have plenty of time to talk. I have all the time in the world.”
After a lot of dancing around my apartment, I drive to work, walk into my boss’s office and smile, “Hi, good to see you. I’m sorry but…I quit.”
Over the following two weeks, what I don’t ship off of my personal items, I give away to friends and family who ransack my apartment. The furniture they don’t take, along with left-over kitchen supplies, knick knacks and the like, are donated to The Salvation Army’s local thrift donation department that picks up everything in their semi-truck.
My parents have video-phone meetings with Ben’s parents, and they meet Ben the same way. My brother calls him a beast, because my brother’s a hipster type with slender body and a lot of black clothing. He hasn’t seen the inside of a gym since graduating high school.
A tear-filled goodbye party later, with twenty-nine family and friends all in attendance and partying until one in the morning, save for our parents who leave at ten, and I’m on a flight back to Georgia to start not just my new job…
My whole new life .