27. Michael
After walking on air all day, I rushed around my home making sure everything was cleaned up and the place looked nice. The trip to London had happened so quickly, I’d left the place a bit of a mess, so when the doorbell rang, it was a mad dash to put the last few things away before Sarah arrived. I was so thrilled to see her today that I couldn’t resist pulling her into that closet for a kiss, and she had seemed so surprised, she might even have been mildly irritated. But she’d agreed to come.
I headed for the door to invite her in, but as I pulled it open, I noticed immediately that something was wrong. Sarah’s forehead had deep creases stretching across it. Her bottom lip quivered. Her hand pressed against her stomach. She looked a little green.
“Hey, sweet girl, are you okay?” I asked, stepping aside to let her in.
She entered without saying much, but her hand covered her mouth and she shook her head as she walked right over to the sofa and sat down. Earlier today, she’d said she needed to talk to me about something, but I cut her off. I was so excited about seeing her again and telling her what happened that I didn’t even stop to think about what it was she might be needing to tell me.
“Can I get you something? Water or ibuprofen?” I sat next to her as she closed her eyes and pressed her hand over her mouth more firmly. It appeared to me that she might be feeling nauseous, and in our line of work, it was common to be fighting a constant virus or two.
“I, uh… I just wanted to talk to you about something,” she said, but I heard her gag reflex kicking in, pinching her words.
“Oh, gosh, you’re going to get sick?” I asked, my eyes darting around the room for anything that might help.
She breathed out through her nose and then in deeply again and closed her eyes. This time, she planted her elbows on her knees and covered her face and it all started to make sense. We had a broken condom. She’d been a bit moodier with me than normal. Now, she was feeling sick after earlier today telling me there was something important she needed to say. My God, Sarah was pregnant and she was about to tell me.
“Hold on,” I told her, standing up abruptly. I had a stash of peppermints in the kitchen drawer which I headed for immediately. I got her a glass of water and returned with the drink and the mints and sat next to her, but she refused them. In fact, she barely set them down on the coffee table before she was on her feet racing away from me.
I didn’t follow her, not knowing if she was the sort of woman who’d be embarrassed by throwing up in front of me. But I did get a giddy grin on my face at the idea that she could be pregnant with my child. My heart warmed, and I decided the water and mints would still be useful when she came back. I didn’t like the thought that she was throwing up. I felt bad for her, but it excited me that I could be a father. And that stacked upon the good news I had for her, news I couldn’t wait to tell her.
When she returned a few minutes later, her hair was mussed and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. I felt awful for leaving and not letting her know where I was going, and some of this emotion was probably due to my disappearing act too. I kissed her forehead and breathed her in a moment before speaking.
“I’m sorry I didn’t let you know what was happening all weekend.”
Sarah snuggled into my chest closer, wrapping her right arm around my torso. Her left arm was pinned between us making it a bit uncomfortable, but I saw her hand on her belly and figured she was still feeling ill.
“Can I just lie here a moment?” she asked, and I reached for the peppermint and handed it to her. She carefully unwrapped it and put it in her mouth, then tucked the plastic wrapper into her pocket. I held her for a while before I began to get too antsy and needed to say something.
“Sarah, when we met almost five years ago, I thought you were the one. It was love at first sight for me. Maybe not the mature love of an intimate relationship built over years of trust and experience, but real love…” I sighed and continued. “I turned down a promotion back then and thought it was because of you, because I was waiting for you to contact me.
“Then other promotions came up and I turned them down too, except I couldn’t use you as the excuse. I just wasn’t confident that I could do those jobs. So maybe I just wasn’t ready for that job in California, and it had nothing to do with you…” I paused, not sure how to broach this subject with her since I’d kept it a secret for weeks now, but I knew in my heart the decision I’d made thanks to Lila’s chat with me was the right one, especially if Sarah was having my baby.
“Please… I’m just…” Sarah’s voice was full of emotion again, and she sat up. There were tears in her eyes—not the happy kind.
I took her hands as she repositioned herself to face me and I clasped them to my chest, forcing her to look into my eyes. “Sarah, I love you.” I’d said the words to Tammy. I’d said them to my mother. I’d convinced myself that it was dangerous to say them to Sarah, however, because it would make me vulnerable and weak.
I’d be hung up on whether or not London was right for me, and I forgot that any place could be the right place if the person you loved was there with you. It put everything into perspective for me and made her tears overflow.
“Oh, Michael…” she whimpered, and she fell on me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and neck.
“And I have wanted to tell you for weeks, but I just knew it wasn’t the right timing. Please forgive me for going out of town without saying anything. I have a very good explanation and I?—”
Sarah kissed me, stealing the words right out of my mouth. As she did, she sobbed, deep, body-racking wails that shook me. I held her there on my lap, kissing her back, drinking in her tears and relishing the moment between us as she muttered, “I love you too,” between crying and gasping for breath.
It wasn’t the sort of reaction I hoped for. Her tears seemed more out of sadness than happiness, but her kisses seemed eager and fervent. She was hungry to connect with me and I wasn’t going to push her away. My hands traced down her arms and lower, resting on her hips as she repositioned herself again to straddle me. Then I squeezed her hips, grabbing two thick handfuls of flesh and pulling her down onto my body.
“Baby, I’m here. It’s okay, alright? I love you…” My whispers made her tears lessen, but they didn’t stop.
Her shaking hands cradled my face as she kissed me harder and nipped at my lower lip. “I need this, Mike. I need you so badly. My heart just…” Her words trailed off, but she didn’t have to say anything else to me. I would do anything for this woman, anything at all to make her smile come back.
In one strong movement, I rose up, pressing a hand into her back, and turned to lay her on the couch next to me. I pulled away so our teeth wouldn’t collide, but the moment she was settled, with my knees between her thighs, I brought my lips back to meet hers. If she needed me, then I would be everything she needed and more. She would never feel this lack again if I had anything to say about it. The mother of my child was my only priority now.