CHAPTER 18
ROXY
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
An hour and thirty-seven minutes had passed since Ellen and Leah departed stealthily, and Roxy still possessed the shake after Ellen confronted her about her feelings.
She found herself speechless, unable to find the right words.
Both for Ellen and for herself. Mostly for herself.
She knew with a heavy heart that she had just caused Ellen pain.
Did she just mess things up between them?
"Roxy?" The sound of Charles's voice made her jump.
"I'm sorry, I missed what you said."
Charles yawned and asked, "I asked you about what happened earlier. Ellen and Leah left so quickly. Were they okay?"
"Oh, I think she had a bellyache. It came on so quickly," Roxy fibbed. This was just another lie added to her never-ending list.
"We need to have them over again. Leah is hilarious."
Roxy bit her cheek, holding back a full-blown Leah-rant.
Leah Donovan was the most jealous person she'd ever met.
The woman was clearly still head over heels for Ellen, who didn't seem to notice.
Leah was part of the Caldwell family, and she knew there was nothing she could do about it—even though she had a few ideas on how to do it.
Ousting a dictatorial leader mirrored battling Leah Donovan.
These thoughts only proved one thing: Roxy Powell was undeniably jealous of the close bond between Ellen and Leah.
"Hey, go get some sleep. I'll finish tidying this up," Roxy offered, a slight smile playing on her lips.
Charles looked at her gratefully. "You're the best, sweetheart," he said, and kissed her. Roxy noticed that she no longer felt any thrill when he kissed her. It was like a flat kiss. Nothing like she had ever felt before.
Anyway, about fifteen minutes passed and Roxy was ready to go upstairs to join Charles in bed. She was turning off the last few lights in the house when she heard a series of three knocks on the door. And then a second.
You'd think a highly trained British spy like Roxy would know better than to blindly open a door that late, but this agent was obviously slacking off and not her usual self. Roxy opened the door.
"Ellen? What are you doing here?"
Ellen stormed into the house and without wasting a second, she said, "Something I should have done a long time ago..." Ellen moved closer, and Roxy could feel the heat radiating from Ellen against her skin.
As their lips were mere millimetres from meeting, a voice, laced with disbelief, cut through the air, "What the fucking hell is going on?" Twisting her body, she caught sight of Charles, positioned on the staircase, his gaze fixed on them.
She looked in panic at Ellen again, and Ellen quickly asked, "But how did you think you could get away with it, Roxy? Cheating on him like that?"
Everything turned black suddenly.
Roxy woke with a jolt, breath caught in her throat, the back of her neck soaked in sweat. Her heart slammed against her ribs, wild and panicked, like she was trying to claw its way out. The room was pitch black and Ellen wasn't there. She reached blindly for her phone on the bedside table.
4:12 a.m.
"Roxy? Are you okay?" Charles murmured beside her, his voice thick with sleep.
A runaway train of thoughts started to derail in Roxy's mind, leaving her feeling helpless.
Do I look okay, Charles? Because, no, I'm not okay.
I'm freaking out at four in the morning over a lie about a girl I claimed I met at a running club that doesn't even exist. The lie was so thin it barely made it through dinner.
But she stood by me and watched me lie to my closest people—and lied for my sake before walking away because I'm a bloody idiot.
And why all these lies? Oh wait—maybe because I'm a bloody British spy with the MI6.
Instead of these thoughts, Roxy's lips moved to form the whispered, "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up," followed by a soft, "I'm fine."
He shifted, warm and familiar, and pulled her into his chest. "Come here."
With her head on his collarbone, Roxy tried to match his breathing, slow and steady, hoping to borrow some of his calm, like she used to. But it was no use.
When she closed her eyes, she didn't see Charles—she saw Ellen.
She felt awful remembering how Ellen seemed stuck from the second she arrived.
Imagine her having to go along with the lie.
It was heartbreaking to witness Ellen's increasing frailty as time slipped by.
And why all this? Roxy was just being selfish wanting to see Ellen without thinking about what might happen to Ellen and Charles.
Roxy presented her with a situation already set in stone, and Ellen gave her exactly what Roxy needed without having to ask. Roxy hated that.
She buried her face in Charles's chest, stifling a sob before it escaped.
Her shoulders were shaking, but he didn't notice or pretended not to notice.
All appearances suggested that Roxy was overworked.
Deep down, she wondered if Charles had a premonition, but his love was so strong that he chose willful blindness instead.
Roxy clung to him to control herself rather than to comfort herself. She found herself so selfish for acting that way. She took advantage of the love he gave her to fight or appease feelings toward Ellen she couldn't or wouldn't name. Simply to avoid falling apart, at the risk of destroying him.
Roxy was not worthy of his kindness. Because it wasn't him she wanted near her at that moment—it was her.
***
February 3, 2025
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Roxy was still fixing Ellen's last text message she sent just after she quit.
Ellen Caldwell - 9:27 PM I know you're not a bad person, Roxy. But take the time to figure out what you really want. Just answer this question: Am I only a friend to you?
She was driving crazy because Ellen hadn't texted her since their last message.
But it wasn't Ellen's job to rewrite it, but Roxy's. And she was fully aware of this, despite her denial. Roxy kept telling herself that Ellen needed time. Not answering wasn’t the worst thing she could have done. But it felt like it was.
So today, Roxy decided to face her fears and write to Ellen. But there was a small problem… Roxy still didn't know what to say to her or what she wanted from her.
One thing was certain: Ellen was more than a friend.
Roxanne Powell - 10:22 AM Hey, would you like to meet on Saturday? I have a surprise if you trust me for a few hours and you're not afraid of heights.
Roxy sent it but immediately regretted the last line. It sounded light, like a joke, and it could mean that Roxy didn't remember what she did the other day. But she did.
The wait was unbearable, and every minute felt like a dare. Roxy checked her phone three times in ten minutes, then forced herself to put it face down, only to pick it up again. Finally, Ellen answered an hour later, and it wasn't the answer Roxy wanted.
Ellen Caldwell - 11:49 AM Seriously, what do you want, Roxy? Did you figure it out? You don't need me if it's just to make you less guilty.
It hit Roxy right where it should—in the pit of her stomach.
She typed, then stopped and deleted. She wanted to express herself correctly, but there wasn't the right way to do it.
Roxanne Powell - 12:04 PM I care about you, Ellen. Maybe more than I should. But I don't trust myself.
This time, Ellen took longer to reply. The dots appeared, disappeared, reappeared, and paused. Roxy's breath caught every time.
Ellen Caldwell – 12:34 PM The thing is… telling me you care about me doesn't fix everything. Not when it shows up late. Definitely not when it sounds like an excuse.
Roxy was paralyzed, her mind racing but her body refusing to respond. Now, every word Roxy would type felt like damage control. She mouthed, "I'm sorry," but there was no one there to hear it, especially not Ellen.
Still, she tried again.
Roxanne Powell - 12:49 PM my thoughts are stuck on repeat. I don't really know what I'm expecting. But I have no other choice but to try. I am so sorry, Ellen.
The dots reappeared, and Roxy held her breath. It felt like waiting for a sentence.
Ellen Caldwell – 12:50 PM OK Roxy. Just don't mess with me this time… I don't know if my heart would be able to take it another time.
Her stomach twisted as she confirmed Ellen's decision. That should have been a relief, but all Roxy heard was the end of the message. "Don't mess with me." It didn't sound like anger; it sounded like a warning. Ellen was bracing for impact.
Roxy now had the chance to show she was serious about this strange thing.
At that stage, the mission was no longer relevant, because only one thing mattered: Roxy wasn't letting her slip away again.