CHAPTER 20
ELLEN
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
On the way back home, Ellen tried everything she could to get Roxy's attention, but nothing worked. Roxy remained disciplined and focused on the road, breathing much too controlled.
On the bridge, Ellen felt a sensation she'd never experienced with any other woman. It was obvious to her she had just found the person with whom she could see herself building a future and spending the rest of her life without compromise.
And she was certain that Roxy had felt exactly the same thing. Except that Ellen also suspected how difficult it must have been for Roxy. She remembered the existential crisis Jess had gone through when she met Blake last year.
It was becoming clear that her patience would be Ellen's greatest ally. Though her only desire was to gently touch Roxy’s thigh to show her presence, she knew she couldn’t rush her. But seeing how tense Roxy was, she didn't need to remind her she was there.
When they stopped in front of Ellen's house, Roxy didn't cut the engine. So, instead, she waited, then Ellen took a deep breath and asked, "Want to—"
Roxy interrupted her. "Sunshine, I'm begging you, don't ask me to come inside with you.
We both know what could happen if I do, and I will not be able to refuse.
I don't want to complicate things when they matter this much.
Give me a few days so we can do this right, okay?
" Her voice was soft and calm, but it was a quiet refusal wrapped in care.
Ellen nodded slowly. She understood everything, even though she was disappointed. "Alright. I get it." She hoped her smile didn't look too forced. "Thanks for the surprise. It was… one of a kind."
"Glad you liked it. It was my goal."
Ellen knew that it was best not to make things drag on unnecessarily. She opened the door and stepped out of the car, closing it gently behind her. She was halfway into the house when she heard the soft hum of the car pulling away. Roxy didn't wait for her to be inside.
Ellen felt guilty toward Charles too. His name echoed Roxy’s words. She knew what it was like to be second best when you thought you were number one. Roxy was right: it was the least she could do out of respect. And for them too.
But the right thing, when it split her down the middle, still cut someone. This time, it was her. Again. Ellen exhaled slowly and leaned against the cold railing, exhausted from the near misses. She knew this wasn't the end yet, but Ellen wasn't sure how many more "almost" she had.
***
Ellen had just put down her keys when her phone vibrated. For a moment, Ellen hoped it was Roxy who had changed her mind and wanted to come over to her place. But Ellen's hopes quickly vanished when she saw Leah's name on the screen.
"What do you want, Leah?" Ellen replied in her most irritated voice. She really wished Leah wouldn't ruin her peaceful moment.
"Thanks for answering, Ellen," Leah replied, visibly remorseful for the last few days. Ellen hadn't spoken to her since the game night, despite several attempts on Leah's part. "I'm sorry about the other night. I screwed up, and I was completely out of line."
"I'm so tired of your apologies, Leah. Sometimes I don't understand you. I feel as if I'm missing something, but I don't know what."
"It's just... I'm your friend," Leah whispered. It was so difficult for Leah to say, as she'd been hiding her feelings for Ellen for years. "I can be a bit of a mama bear, for sure."
"Leah, I'm glad we're still best friends, because that's what we've always been at first. And I care about you as much as you care about me. But I am not your responsibility. Trust me. That's all I'm asking."
"Ellen, it's not you who I don't trust," she said, her voice soft. "It's just that..." The sentence trailed off, leaving a palpable silence.
"... that..." Ellen tried to control how impatient she was feeling.
"Look. I don't trust Roxy. Okay? Something about her seems wrong, and I suspect she's keeping something from you."
"You're unbelievable. Stop right now, or I'm ending this call. Am I clear enough?"
Ellen heard Leah swallow hard on the other end of the line. "Please be careful, alright? I really care about you, and I don't want to see you get hurt again."
"I don't think that will happen, honestly. I need to go. It's late here. Bye, Leah."
"Okay, bye, Ellen."
This time around, Ellen picked up on the disappointment in Leah's voice.