CHAPTER 22
ROXY
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Roxy'd been sitting in the armchair in the living room opposite the front door for almost two hours. A suitcase and a backpack were placed near the door, ready for a quick departure if necessary.
She considered pretending everything was fine with Charles, employing a "fake it 'til you make it" strategy, but ultimately decided a complete separation was the wisest choice.
She had already moved the other two suitcases with her belongings to the Airbnb she had booked two days ago, right after talking to Carl.
She had booked it for the next three months.
That gave her enough time to reshape her life and find a solution to the chaos she had created.
Roxy was fighting for her own survival, and she knew it.
Today was the first of two phases:
Phase 1: Break Charles's heart and end their eight-year relationship. Phase 2: Break Ellen's heart and interrupt the romance of a beautiful love story.
And she wasn't ready for either.
Charles didn't deserve all her lies of the past few years, and Ellen didn't deserve the false hopes Roxy had given her. Maybe the few days she had asked for only delayed the inevitable. Ellen hadn't asked for any of this. That added another layer of guilt for Roxy.
The door opened, and Roxy didn't move. She remained motionless in the living room while Charles entered, behaving as usual. He put his keys on the small table and removed his shoes, one at a time.
His familiar ritual usually grounded Roxy, making her feel secure.
But when he saw the bags, he paused for less than a second, showing no reaction.
He'd grown used to departures, work trips, and lies he didn't know were lies.
What he wasn't used to, and neither of them were ready for, was the reality check Roxy was about to say out loud to him for the first time.
"Hey," he said, offering a steady smile. "How was your day? Are you leaving for a business trip?"
Roxy forced herself to breathe. "Hey. Can we talk?"
Charles stared at her for a long time, beginning to understand how his day was going to unfold.
He sat down next to Roxy on the sofa, and for once, Roxy could see that he was uncomfortable and tense.
But despite everything, he remained patient and open with her, as he always did.
And that crushed Roxy's heart. She wished Charles wouldn't be so compassionate with her because she didn't deserve it.
"I don't think I'm going to like where this is heading." A nervous laugh escaped from his mouth.
"I don't think so, no. I'd love to tell you differently." Charles didn't answer her, waiting for her to begin. "Charles, I..." Roxy began, but the words caught in her throat—or perhaps it was nausea.
Charles stopped her. "It's okay, Roxy, I'm going to lend you a hand here. You want to break up with me, is that right?" Roxy nodded, but a knot of unease remained in her stomach. "I'd be lying if I said I was shocked."
But Charles would have every right to lie to her. Roxy felt unworthy of the kindness Charles had just offered her.
"Roxy, the only thing I need to know is why. What's going on or what happened? Stop pussyfooting around."
Roxy let out a sigh. "I lied to us, you and me, Charles. From the very beginning. And that's not bearable anymore." She stifled a sob as she watched him, simply waiting to absorb the shock. "I'm gay, Charles."
And the bomb exploded, pulverizing everything around it.
He blinked. Once. Twice. Then, "Okay," he said, almost to himself. "That's quite a twist. And how long were you dealing with that?"
"I think I always suspected it, but I was so sure about who I was. It was one of those crazy theories Meredith had about me, but it never felt safe looking too closely."
"Until Ellen Caldwell walked in your life," Charles said. "I'm not an idiot, Roxy. Something was going on between you two. I heard you crying when she left. Now I understand why, though I didn't before."
Roxy broke down at the sound of Ellen's name. "I'm so sorry, Charles," she sobbed. "I swear, nothing happened between her and me. I would never do that to you."
He stood up suddenly, walked a few paces, then stopped, now looking at Roxy. "So, what was I to you?" he asked. His voice cracked, sounding like a broken man.
"I know I shouldn't ask, but Charles, please believe me when I say my love for you was, and always will be, real. Never forget that. But I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved."
He looked at her for a long time, his voice steady yet raw. "Do you love her, Roxy? Please, be honest with me."
"Madly in love, but it's a love that can't be real." Roxy swallowed. "It won't work with her—I messed up before it even began."
"So, you're not leaving me for her?
"No, Charles, and I truly hope I could remain a part of your life. If you want it. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do."
"Too late," Charles replied with a tiny smile. He sat back down, elbows on his knees, and then quietly, "I wish I could hate you right now."
"I wish you could hate me too, as I hate myself right now."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Roxy. You're a good person, you know that?"
Roxy choked back a sob when she heard him compliment her. "Charles, don't say that. You have no idea how much this isn't true."
Charles looked at the bags again. "Do you have somewhere to go?"
"I'll be okay. Don't worry about me. You take care of yourself, okay?"
It was his turn to swallow. He nodded at Roxy, but she could see how much effort it took him to do so. He stepped aside, and as Roxy passed him, he whispered, "Go get your girl. Even if it scares you."
Roxy stopped and held him tightly. "You're still the best man I've ever known."
"Then why am I the one being left behind?"
She had no answer to give him. Just a broken heartbeat and the weight of ten years unravelling in a single night. Roxy broke off the hug, opened the door, and stepped out into the hallway, refusing to look back. Because if she did, she might have stayed.