CHAPTER 25
ROXY
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
"What a mess," Roxy kept repeating to herself.
All she had to do was rip off the Band-Aid, get out of Ellen's life, and try to move on. So why was she driving home with Ellen in the passenger seat?
She was seriously in some deep shit. Like, a shit load of it. Carl was probably gonna kill her, and Roxy's totally gonna get fired, but hey, it wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
A thick silence hung in the air between them, and Roxy felt Ellen's eyes subtly studying her. She still seemed full of hope and desire, even though she had most likely just played her last card.
They arrived at Ellen's house, and as Roxy stopped the car, Ellen turned toward her. Everything was evident in her eyes. The next few moments would undoubtedly serve as a pivotal point. Before and after, there would be a clear distinction. It could be a blessing or a curse.
"Do you want to come in… or would you rather run away now?" Ellen's voice was so calm, but there was something hidden in it, like a dare or a wish.
Listen, Ellen, I made a mistake and I shouldn't have followed you. Forget about me. I'm not going to bring good things into your life.
That was the perfect, logical response her rational side had prepped and should have used—the response Agent Powell, in full control of her faculties, would have given. But she let her feelings take the lead, leading her to nod and get out of the car.
They found themselves in front of the door, and as Ellen unlocked it, she turned halfway toward Roxy and asked, "Last chance to run away before we go in."
And that's exactly what I should do.
"I'm not running away," she retorted, hurrying inside to preserve the fading rush of adrenaline.
"No?" Ellen closed and locked the door behind her. "Because at one moment, I thought you might jump from the car if it weren't for the fact that you were driving. Am I wrong?"
I couldn't agree more.
To hell with subtlety, Ellen wasn't even trying to hide it. She had moved beyond flirting and gone straight to seduction. And it was completely unapologetic. She didn't mean to push Roxy to do something she didn't want, but it was like she had to go all in so she wouldn't have any regrets.
"What would you like to drink? I have wine, beer, Talisker," she said with a wink.
Alcohol?! What a terrible idea.
"Um, whatever you're having," stammered Roxy.
"Alright. Two Shiraz on the way, then." She ran her fingers down Roxy's arm before heading toward the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Roxy examined Ellen's surroundings. Everything was beautiful and airy. The view from the terrace was impressive. Roxy could imagine herself snuggling up with Ellen on the sofa or sharing a meal at the dining table. It was an impossible fantasy.
Ellen came back to her, a glass of Shiraz in each hand. She set one glass in Roxy's hand, her fingers brushing hers deliberately.
"Would you like to come and sit on the sofa with me?"
"Ellen... I... um."
For the first time that evening, Ellen lost her cool and pulled back. "You what, Roxy? Seriously, what do you want?"
Roxy swallowed. "I don't know."
Ellen took a step toward Roxy. They were close. Too close.
"Stop lying to yourself about this," Ellen said. "You decided to follow me from the pub. You walked through that door and now, you're standing in my living room. You clearly want me, Roxy. And I clearly want you too. What should we do now?"
Ellen was right. She was there, in love with Ellen, and it was consuming her. Lying was her specialty, and she could talk her way out of any situation in hostile zones.
Why, then, didn't Roxy think of another fabricated lie?
Why was it so hard now, in a place that felt so peaceful?
Roxy opened her mouth to say something—anything. She had known exactly how she felt about Ellen for weeks, and the answers should come easily. But nothing came out, and a small flash of disappointment crossed Ellen's eyes.
"Right, just as I thought."
Roxy was consumed by a powerful surge of both anger and shame. That's precisely why coming along with her was a bad idea. But Ellen had more to say. More to ask.
"So now I'm going to ask you a question you're not going to like." Her voice was gentle, but her words were powerful.
Roxy's eyes widened. "I beg you, Ellen, don't do this. This is already hard enough."
Ellen was determined, and Roxy couldn't drag her feet on the confession this time, unlike her stalling on game night.
"Because you think it's an easy thing for me to ask? Are you seriously believing that I love to have to drag the truth out of you by force? Humiliating myself just to find out if it means something to you?"
Ellen was no longer playing her game of seduction and did not seek to give Roxy a chance to respond.
"No, Roxy, we are not delaying it anymore. We need to go there. For my fuckin' sake. And I dare to hope for yours too."
Her voice cracked slightly. "I'm askin' one last time. Look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing. Tell me I've been imagining every look, every moment, every time you almost reached for me but stopped yourself."
Ellen took a shaky breath. "Because I've been falling for you for weeks and waiting for you is destroying me. I can't sleep, I can't focus, and you're all I think about. So please. Am I losing my mind? Am I the only one drowning in this?"
As Roxy looked up, she realized she had just doomed herself. Ellen was now quite close to her, her hand trembling just inches from Roxy's. Neither was brave enough to go beyond the invisible barrier that separated them.
"Say it, Roxy. Please." Ellen's voice was low. She was afraid of disrupting the momentum she had worked so hard to build.
Ellen, every moment we have together is one of the happiest moments I've ever been through in my life.
So no, nothing was just in your imagination.
The only reason for me to stop is to protect us both from a lot of pain.
I fell for you the moment I saw you. I just didn't know it yet, she wanted to yell at her.
"I…" Roxy replied, though.
Ellen didn't look away. She leaned in, her eyes locked on hers, and her steady, grounding knee pressed against her thigh.
Ellen's hand brushed hers intentionally. Her fingers trailed up Roxy's arm, gentle but powerful, as if she were mapping out a choice Roxy hadn't yet made.
Her other hand lifted, slow and certain, fingertips grazing her cheek, then settling just beneath her jaw.
Roxy couldn't breathe.
"Do you want me to stop?" Ellen murmured, voice low. "I promise I will."
You should stop… but I don't want you to.
Her touch sent shivers down Roxy's spine, causing her skin to flare and her breath to catch in her throat. No one had ever touched Roxy like this before.
"Ellen," Roxy breathed out, the name sounding like a pained sigh.
With unwavering eyes fixed on Ellen, she rested the back of her hand against Ellen's jawline, her touch a slow descent to her chin.
It was the first time Roxy'd been in such close contact with Ellen, and she sensed an intense and instant connection with her.
Ellen returned her gaze, but what Roxy saw in her eyes was pure confusion.
Was Roxy going to take the plunge? Was she going to step back?
All Ellen seemed to care about was Roxy's next move.
Roxy was devastated by that look because it was completely honest and free of any deceit.
Ellen's emotions were genuine and uncorrupted, a stark contrast to Roxy's, which, though ultimately real, began as calculated trickery.
The seconds dripped away, and Roxy's self-control eroded until she neared her breaking point.
"Fuck it," Roxy muttered under her breath.
Ellen's eyes widened, a mix of disbelief and hope flooding them, as if it was too good to be true and she feared waking up from a dream.
Roxy's dream from the past few weeks was about to become reality. Something inside her broke and desperately claimed Ellen's mouth. And the kiss was perfect, their lips warm and made for each other. Roxy was offering herself to her, and she had no intention of turning her down.
They then melt into the moment, tenderly kissing each other’s back. Roxy felt Ellen lean toward her, even closer and more confident. Nothing else existed around them. Ellen found Roxy's fingers and squeezed them, while Roxy's other hand was busy on Ellen's neck.
This wasn't the first time Roxy had kissed someone, of course.
She had kissed her past boyfriends—even Heather Ambrose at a party "just for fun"—targets during missions.
In short, some she shouldn't have or didn't want to, but this was so different.
It was as if she had found herself at a crossroads and knew exactly which path to take: the one that would lead her to Ellen.
Roxy moved closer and took control of the situation.
She pressed herself against Ellen, and the warmth of her skin pierced through the thin cotton of her T-shirt.
Roxy's hands slid around her waist, finding the curve of her lower back.
Ellen arched her back slightly, and a quiet sound escaped her throat, a mixture of surprise and surrender to the moment.
Ellen led the charge that brought them to the couch.
They fell backwards onto the sofa, tangled up, their legs half-entwined.
Nothing could stop them. Ellen couldn't help repeating "Roxy" against her collarbone.
She had never felt so wanted in her life.
Never. And it all seemed so natural, as if they had done it hundreds of times together.
But reality caught up with them brutally: a powerful vibration pierced them like a sniper's shot.
The two girls froze. One in incomprehension and the other, precisely because she understood what was happening—she knew which phone it was. The vibration ended, and a second one began immediately. And so on.
Ellen's head fell against Roxy's shoulder with a groan. It was half laughter, half anger, and disappointment.