Chapter 28
Alondra
“We’re supposed to be studying,” I protest in between kisses.
Jack chuckles against my mouth, and it makes me smile.
“Nope, I thought about this all Thanksgiving break,” he says, and now it’s my turn to laugh because Jack sent me a number of messages about things he saw that reminded him of me, and they were usually followed up with an I miss you and an I can’t wait to kiss you message.
I can’t even pretend I didn’t spend all of last week thinking about Jack. It was better to disappear into my thoughts about him than to exist in my house for the chaotic holiday.
“How will you make it through winter break?” I ask, and Jack frowns, sitting back.
“Well I hadn’t considered it before now, but I guess it means you’ll have to come visit Texas with me,” Jack says it so casually whereas my heart is ready to burst into fireworks at his suggestion he won’t survive break without me.
“I’ve been dying to get you alone, so I’m willing to sacrifice a little tutoring,” he continues, pressing his lips against mine before I have a chance to respond.
My willpower is slowly waning, and he shouldn’t be allowed to be this good at kissing. It makes it really hard to tell him no, when I actually want to say hell yes.
I run my fingers through his hair, and Jack’s mouth is hot and heavy against mine, the papers I printed earlier in the library crinkle beneath me. “Jack,” I say, but instead of sounding like the scolding I intended it to be, it comes out like a plea for more.
“If it makes you feel better, we can call this a different kind of studying,” he murmurs, leaning me back on his bed to position himself over me.
I’m putty in his large hands. I know if I actually wanted him to stop, he would in a heartbeat, but all the tension building between us has finally boiled over, making it impossible to separate from him.
I know friends with benefits is an awful idea I should have said no to when he knocked on my door a week and a half ago, but dammit. Saying no to Jack is something I’m not sure I’m capable of.
I wasn’t going to say yes, but lying there in his arms? I felt safe, and it feels delusional to ask if this is his way of trying to see if he’s able to be in a relationship. All I know is the little spark of hope has bloomed into a small flame, waiting to burn me alive.
Jack trails his lips down my neck, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin. My hand sweeps over his broad shoulders, feeling the strength and power in him. “Seriously, we should be . . . studying.”
“Don’t want to,” he mumbles against my skin. Jack reaches for my hand to slip it under his shirt, and I trace the hardened planes. I don’t like Jack for his body, but fuck, I sure am happy to appreciate the efforts of his work.
I tug his shirt up, relenting to the fact we’re not going to get any studying done. He pulls away with a grin to yank his shirt off in one fluid motion.
Wow.
I smile up at him and his chestnut hair, tousled from my hands in it.
We’re having fun so I should just enjoy this.
I sit up, pulling my own shirt off, willing my nerves to disappear as Jack’s eyes fall straight to my chest. “Al, fuck. You have a great body.”
“You don’t have to say that,” I say, but truthfully, it makes my heart glow.
“No, I do. Fuck, you have no idea what you do to me. You’re beautiful,” he says, meeting my eyes again. It’s the genuine sincerity in his voice that gets me, and I don’t know how to respond, so I lean forward and kiss him again.
Jack pulls me closer to him, and this time, he’s the one on his back as I straddle his waist and he guides my pelvis to move over his, the outline of his erection pressing against me in all the right ways. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
I rest my hands on his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin seep into the chill, and Jack cups my ass with both his hands, squeezing them as I yelp in surprise.
Jack laughs, his eyes shining while he smiles. “You have to be quiet, or they’re going to figure out we’re not really studying in here.”
“How was I supposed to know you were going to grab my ass?” I ask, but all they’ll have to do is try to open his door, which Jack made sure to lock after we came in here.
I should have known right then we wouldn’t be studying at all, but instead, he waited until I had pulled everything out of my bag to kiss me.
“Because it’s a great ass.”
I roll my eyes, shaking my head at him. “You’re only saying that because I’m letting you touch it.”
“Or because it’s a fantastic ass,” he says, a throaty laugh leaving him. Jack smiles at me, and the sight of his damn dimples causes the edges of my heart to soften. I like him. Fuck, I really like him.
Jack leans up to kiss me, my curls falling like a curtain around us, but this time, it’s soft and tender—more teasing than anything else.
My hands explore his chest as Jack bites down on my lower lip, my short gasp giving him full access to my mouth.
His hard length isn’t as on board with our leisurely pace as we are, and I roll my hips to create more friction, testing to see how far Jack will let me take this, considering last time he wouldn’t even let me touch him.
The low moan that slips from the back of his throat vibrates through me, and I smile, repeating the movement, pressing harder against him as shockwaves of pleasure spark through me.
Jack’s grip on my hip tightens, and I like the idea of him being at my mercy.
“Al, if you keep doing that I’m going to be really embarrassed by the mess I’ll make in my pants,” he says, pulling away to kiss my collarbone.
“Who knew it was that easy?” I ask, grinding against him again, and he laughs against my skin.
“Let’s see how you like it,” Jack taunts, slipping his hand underneath my bra, palming my breast. I arch into his touch, wishing I’d already taken off the damn torture device.
“Can I take it off?” Jack asks, reading my mind, and I’m having a hard time thinking straight while he looks at me for permission. “Alondra?”
“Hell yes,” I say, and he’s quick to remove it, tossing it somewhere in his room as I kiss him again.
Jack rolls us back into our original position, and the feeling of his bare chest pressed against mine is fleeting as his hand resumes kneading the peak of my breast, kissing his way down my jaw and throat, stopping on the swell of my breast.
He gives me a wicked smile before taking my other nipple in his mouth, and I drag my nails over his shoulders at the same time I arch into Jack’s touch. I bite my lip, trying to soften the sound escaping my throat while I hook my leg around his waist.
It’s so different from everything I’ve experienced before now. Bradley got off on controlling me, focusing only on himself by using me any way he pleased, whenever he wanted. Sometimes it even meant causing me pain for his own pleasure, but that’s not how I feel right now.
Jack is treating me like I’m the only thing that matters to him right now, switching back and forth, his hand always picking up right where his mouth left off.
I twist underneath him, aching for more as Jack proves exactly how right I was to say yes to this crazy scheme.
Jack isn’t Bradley.
Still, doubt begins to cloud my mind as memories threaten to pull me from the moment.
“Al, you with me?” Jack pulls me out of my head before I can spiral further.
“Yeah,” I murmur after a moment, but my hesitation is enough for Jack to stop, reading me in an instant.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, sitting up, concern warping his face, and I hate how quickly I’ve killed the vibe.
“I’m okay,” I say, pushing myself up into a sitting position, shivering from the loss of his hot skin on mine. I swear, he sees everything, even when I don’t want him to.
“Talk to me, please?” Jack asks, worry radiating from him.
“I got in my head,” I admit, pulling my hair over my shoulders to help cover me. “I’m sorry. I want to keep going,” I say, trying to smile at him.
Instead of kissing me, Jack wraps his arms around me, pulling my back flush against his chest. “I don’t want you to apologize. It’s okay. We have time, darlin’,” he says, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
“I know, but I do want to,” I try to argue, but I think a part of me is relieved he doesn’t say yes right away.
“Al, there’s no expectations here. It’s not a big deal—we’re having fun.”
Fun. I’ve never hated a word as much as I do now.
Jack presses a sweet kiss to my shoulder, and some of the anxiety swirling in my stomach starts to fade. “Thank you,” I say, and he holds me fast while my mind settles.
“Is it cocky of me to assume my rating is climbing?” he jokes, trying to relax me further.
“Not at all.”
We’re still us, and knowing that calms me more than anything.
“You happy to be back at school?” Macy asks, sitting across from me at the table where we’re camped out between classes.
“So happy,” I say, resisting the temptation to scowl while replaying the family dinner I had to attend before going back to our apartment.
It was worse than I imagined it would be because Dad asked all the questions he’s supposed to ask as a parent, fulfilling his duty, then the conversation shifted to hockey like always.
Jack was brought up quite a few times, along with Coop, and it took everything in me to not scream.
She gives me a sympathetic smile, and I hate how little I see her these days, despite living in the same apartment. She’s always with Chad, but I have no room to talk because I’m with Jack more often than not.
I’m always here for her, but I wish Macy knew how much better she could do than Chad. He doesn’t deserve her, but I don’t know how to make her believe me.
“I’m sorry, Al.”
I shrug because I can’t change it. “It is what it is.”
“Have you told your dad about being friends with Jack?” she asks, but Macy already knows the answer, so I’m not quite sure why she’s asking.
I raise my eyebrows for a moment, taking a drink of my water bottle. “Do you think I want him to lock me in my room and never let me leave? Of course I haven’t told him I’m friends with Jack.”
Macy chuckles, leaning back in her seat, a smug look forming. “Then what’s your plan when he finds out you aren’t just friends?”
“Again with this, Mace?” I say, letting her comment roll off my shoulders. She doesn’t know. How could she know?
“Your hair is up.”
My hand flies to cover the hickey I found this morning. Jack must have left it on my neck during yesterday’s fun. I thought it was hidden by my hair and the mock neck sweater I’m wearing, but I forgot when I pulled my hair up into a clip.
“So? Am I going to have to pry details out of you, or do you want to share what it’s like breaking your rule to be worshipped by the captain of the hockey team?” she asks, pushing aside her laptop to give me her full attention.
“I think my rule was broken a while ago, but how do you know it was Jack? Could have been someone else,” I argue, and Macy rolls her eyes.
“Because yesterday was Tuesday, and you were tutoring at Jack’s, but maybe he’s the one tutoring you now,” she teases, and there’s no mistaking how hot my face feels.
“It’s nothing, Macy.”
My cousin laughs at me, and it only makes me wish I could hide under the table. “You don’t get to hook up with Jack and expect me to take ‘nothing’ for an answer.”
“There’s nothing to tell! We’re just having fun, or whatever. I don’t know,” I say, looking away to see if anyone is listening to us. I don’t know why they would, but talking about this out in the open has me on edge.
I don’t think I’m ready to tell her how great yesterday was, even after I froze. Jack could have made me feel like shit about leaving him high and dry, again, but instead, he just held me and told me about some of the people he and his mom met while volunteering on Thanksgiving.
He didn’t pressure me. Jack let it be my choice, and it meant the fucking world to me. I don’t think I realized what it would feel like to have someone else put me and my needs above their own.
Jack is . . . Jack.
I don’t know.
“Seriously? That’s it?”
I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “Seriously. I think it’s what I need after Bradley.
I’m not . . . I’m just trying to figure out who I am now after all that.
I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more than fun.
” I really don’t. I love my friendship with Jack, and I really don’t want to lose him, but I have feelings I wish would go away.
Her face softens, and I look down at my lap, because I know it’s a bad idea to do this with Jack. I can’t stop myself, though. “And how’s that going?”
“I’m skating again,” I admit, daring to take a quick glance up at Macy. Her jaw is wide open in shock.
“You’re skating?”
I nod slowly, watching as tears well up in her eyes.
I guess maybe I waited to tell her until I knew it wasn’t a fluke, because Macy was there for all of it.
She didn’t know why I quit, but she tried talking me out of the decision for weeks, even if I refused to change my mind in the process.
It got to the point where I refused to talk to Macy because she brought it up every time I saw her.
“That’s incredible, Al. I’m so happy for you.” Her voice breaks, and I feel my own tears well up.
There was no changing my mind then because I didn’t want to hurt Bradley, even though it was hurting me. It was one of the many ways I put his wants above my needs.
After the night she took me to the hospital, I told her everything. She was horrified, but when I explained why I quit skating, Macy broke down and cried with me.
“I’m happy, Macy. I really am, and I know this thing with Jack could end badly, but I’m finding my way back.”
Nothing worth having is ever easy.