Chapter 41 #2
I’ve been careless with Alondra, and I shouldn’t have been.
It was stupid to ever suggest friends with benefits, but looking back, it seems silly to think the label mattered.
Al and I were together more than we weren’t, and it became natural to fall asleep next to her.
I wash my sheets once a week, but I haven’t washed the pillow she used when she slept at my place because it still held the faint scent of strawberry.
“Good,” Coop says, and I’m on pins and needles the rest of the drive, mainly because I’m worried Coop might crash his truck trying to get me to Alondra, but we make it one piece.
I feel a little better after all of their encouragement, but I’m still shaking on my way up the stairs to the third floor, and it’s not from the blowing whirls of snow.
I knock on the door, and Ellie opens it a few moments later, her face peeling into a wide smile. “Bout time,” she says, jumping forward to hug me. “Oh shit, it’s cold.” She shivers, stepping back into the apartment. “Al, it’s for you,” Ellie calls out, and I shrug out of my coat and my sneakers.
Al steps into the hallway a moment later, freezing when she sees me. “Jack? What are you doing here?”
My heart skips a few beats, happy to be in the same room as her again, and I look her over, finally recognizing the quickening of my pulse for what it is: love.
I’m so fucking in love with her, I want to smack myself upside the head for not knowing sooner.
Her dark hair is piled on top of her head, and she’s drowning in a giant sweater and sweatpants. I feel my smile grow when I spot her fuzzy penguin socks as Alondra stares at me, presumably waiting to hear why I’m here.
“Can we talk?” I ask, and she nods, motioning for me to follow her into her room.
“What was so important for you to show up in the middle of a snowstorm instead of calling?” she asks, taking a seat on her bed, while I shut her door behind me.
“I needed to see you,” I say, trying to keep a short rein on my self-control because I don’t want to just blurt, I love you.
“So you drove here in the snow?”
“Actually, Coop, Dylan, and Nate were picking me up from the airport. Almost didn’t make it back because of the damn snow, but I was lucky enough to get on the last flight before they shut the airport down,” I explain, dragging a hand through my hair.
“The team flew back this morning, but I took a quick detour back home.”
Alondra blinks, crossing her legs. “You flew to Texas for a few hours and then came back here? Why would you do that?”
“I saw my dad.”
Her eyes widen as she inhales a short breath. “Jack—”
“Just let me finish, okay?” I ask, hoping I don’t mess this up more than I already have, but I feel like it’s pretty impossible to do at this point. She watches me, nodding slowly.
“Okay.”
If only she agreed this easily all the time, but I think I’d hate that. I’m glad she knows she can argue with me.
“You were right. My dad fucked me up. I’ve been terrified of turning into him, and I thought the best way to prevent it from happening, meant doing everything possible to not put myself in a situation where I could.
I thought if I didn’t believe in love, it meant everything was fine—I wouldn’t be in danger of being like him. ”
I sit on the bed, realizing now that I’ve started, I can’t stop talking.
“He tried to kill my momma, and it’s why he’s in prison.
I called the police on him after watching him beat her for years.
Sometimes he’d do it in front of me, claiming he was showing me what a real man was like.
It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in love, but I was afraid of it. ”
Al moves closer to me, resting her hand on mine.
I grip it tightly, grateful for her silent reassurance.
“I realized if I was going to face my fear of love, I needed to look him in the eyes. I always believed in love, but I had to prove to myself I’m nothing like him, and now I know I’m not.
He’s a sorry excuse for a human, and Momma raised me better than that.
I’m not his son, and I never will be. I’m a momma’s boy through and through, and proud of it. ”
I drag a hand through my hair, and I’m sure it’s sticking straight up by this point with how many times I’ve run my hands through it today alone.
“I don’t want to be afraid of love, and I wish it was this switch I could flick on, but I’m working on it because I want to be the type of man who deserves to be with you.
Seeing you is the best part of my day—actually, you are the best part of my day every damn day.
“And I’m not saying this because I feel like I have to.
Alondra, you make me want to be a better person.
I want to open up to you like I never have with anyone else, and I want to find out what it means to be in a relationship with you.
You’re so strong and the most beautiful person.
” I smile at her as she sniffles and wipes her nose on the back of her sleeve.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I feel every type of love I could possibly have for you, and I want to know what it’s like to be called yours. ”
“You love me?” she asks, her hazel eyes welling up with unshed tears. “Please don’t say this if you don’t mean it.”
“How could I not mean it? Fuck, I’ve been trying to work up the courage to tell you how I’ve felt fo—” I’m cut off when Al presses her lips against mine.
She rests her forehead against mine, her thumb stroking back and forth where it rests on the back of my neck. “I love you too.”
“Thank fucking god. I’m sorry I didn’t pull my head out of my ass sooner.”
Her smile is a ray of pure sunshine, bright enough to light up the darkest night, and I lean forward, unable to resist kissing her again.
“What do you say? Can I be yours?”
“Took you long enough, pretty boy.”