Chapter 41
Jack
I’ve replayed nearly every moment with Alondra since I met her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the memory of her is not something I’m capable of living with when I can do something to fix what I’ve broken between us.
At least, it’s something I hope to fix if Coach B doesn’t kill me for knocking on his hotel door first.
“Goddamnit, I’m coming,” he swears as the chain rattles when he unhooks it. His hazel eyes, so similar to hers, widen when he sees me standing here. “Schultz?”
“I’m sorry, sir. I wanted to talk to you about something, and it couldn’t wait,” I blurt out, feeling my insides twist because I have such mixed feelings about this. He’s my coach, and Al’s his daughter, so as much as I don’t want to have to explain why I’m asking for his okay, I still need to.
Coach is silent for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay.”
“I know it’s a big ask, and I’ll understand if you say no, but when we go to the airport in the morning, I want to fly to Texas to visit my father in prison.
I have some unfinished business with him to clear up, and I’d like to take care of it sooner rather than later,” I say, and his eyebrows knit together, causing my palms to sweat from how nervous I am.
“I swear, I’ll be on the first flight back to Minnesota, and at practice Monday morning. ”
“Does this have to do with my daughter at all?” he asks, and I hesitate before nodding.
“Respectfully, she’s incredible, but Al dumped me because I can’t admit I love her after everything I saw my father do to my mother growing up.
She was right about everything she said, and I want to be the type of man she deserves.
I promise my performance in games and practices won’t change.
Hockey is my entire life, but she means a lot to me. ”
Coach Brown sighs, and I hold my breath preparing for the worst. I just about shit my pants when I told him he was wrong banning Al from the skating rink. This might be worse, but it’s worth it. She’s worth it.
“You understand if you hurt her, there won’t be a body for the police to find, right?”
My smile is from ear to ear. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt her.”
“Don’t make me fucking regret this, Jack.”
“You won’t, I promise. Thank you, Coach,” I say, feeling an immense wave of relief.
“Thank you for being there for her with Bradley. She told me everything, including how Bradley threatened to hurt you if she called the police to tell them he violated the restraining order.”
He threatened her with me?
Holy shit.
It explains so much about why she refused to call them even after he violated the restraining order. Al was trying to protect me, and as much as it pisses me off, I understand where she was coming from because if the roles were reversed, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same.
“Of course. She’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her.”
And I would, including facing deep scars that have haunted me for years.
“Son.”
I flinch, even though he’s on the other side of the glass, and I hate it. “I’m not your son,” I say, my tone firm. He doesn’t get to call me that when he’s the reason I’m so fucked up.
My father’s hair is almost completely gray, despite only being a year older than Momma, but the difference between them is stark. His skin appears more sunken in than I remember, but there’s no mistaking his cold eyes that have haunted so many of my nightmares.
“Well, Jack, why are you here? It’s been twelve years,” he muses, staring at me with his dark eyes I’m so grateful I didn’t inherit. I remember how they used to seem almost black when he’d get angry.
My heart is hammering fast in my chest, and I know it’s been twelve years, but I never planned on seeing him again.
I’m shocked Coach even approved this impromptu detour, but I don’t have long before I need to be back at the airport for my flight to Minnesota.
“I met a girl—the most incredible girl, but you fucked me up so badly I can’t tell her I love her. ”
“Why are you blaming me for this?”
“Because I’m terrified to be like you. How could you treat Momma the way you did?” I ask, trying to rein my temper in.
His face shifts, and for a moment, he looks remorseful for what he’s done. I guess he’s had twelve years to repent for his crimes. “The fact you’re afraid to be like me tells me you’re nothing like me. I was a coward back then, and—”
I interrupt him, “And you’re different now, right? I’m supposed to believe that after all this time you’ve changed.”
“You don’t have to believe me. I know you don’t know who I am. I’ve sent you some letters over the years, but I never heard back from you,” Dad says, and all I can do is stare at his prison suit.
“Because the last time I saw you, you were threatening to kill the person I love most in the world. ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Jack. You’re going to be just like me.
’ That’s what you said to me before they took you away.
” My hands are shaking, and I hide them beneath the counter.
“I ripped them all up. Every single one of them.”
His nostrils flare, and it’s satisfying to know I’ve gotten under his skin after the way he’s been rotting underneath mine. “It’s how it works—the cycle of abuse. My daddy hit me, and his hit him. Just be grateful I never struck you. Maybe you won’t be like me, maybe you will.”
“No, I just had to watch you beat my mom down and hold a gun to her head more times than I can count. How many black eyes and broken bones would’ve been enough for you, or was it really that big of a power trip for you to pick on someone half your size?
” I ask, disgusted his excuse for how he treated us is the cycle of abuse.
I know it’s a real thing. It’s why I’ve never wanted to tempt it.
Not until Alondra.
I’m here because I want to get past this instead of hiding from it.
“I’m a drunk, son. I didn’t know what I was doing most of the time. But I guess knowing I held someone else’s life in my hands was a power trip, as you put it,” he admits, and it’s in this moment I realize something.
I’m looking at my dad, and I don’t see a single similarity between us.
I’ve been so afraid of turning into this person, but the only way it happens is if I let myself hide behind excuses like him. Momma made damn sure I learned to take accountability for my actions.
“I am not your son,” I repeat, rising out of my chair to my full height. “As far as I’m concerned, you died the day you went to prison. I’m nothing like you, and I’m never going to be.”
The best part is, I actually believe it as I walk away from him for good.
I know the nightmares probably won’t ever end, but facing the worst one is a really good first step.
When I get to the safety of the world outside, I feel like I can breathe again, but not entirely. I pull my phone out, ordering my Uber to the airport, and flip through a few pictures I have of me and Al together.
She makes me happy—even just the sight of her in a picture.
I want to talk to her and tell her what I just did. I want to tell Al how she’s the best fucking part of my day and without her I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.
I want to tell Alondra I love her. I think I’ve loved her for a while, but I was wrong to think I didn’t believe in love.
The truth I didn’t want to admit was, I’m terrified of love, but if Alondra can get past her shit by admitting her feelings for me, then the least I can do is believe in myself by trusting my momma raised me right.
My Uber pulls up in the parking lot, and I climb in, feeling better than I have in weeks because I’m not running away anymore.
I’m running toward something.
I’m more tired than I think I’ve ever been, and of course, there’s a fucking snowstorm threatening to ruin my chances of making it back to Alondra.
It’s like the universe is betting against us before we can even start, and we sure as hell can’t start anything if I can’t make it to her to profess my love.
I got the last flight in before the storm really kicked up, and I was glad to be leaving instead of one of the hundreds of people stranded in the airport waiting for their flight to be rescheduled.
Out of everything I’ve accomplished this weekend, I didn’t think I’d get stuck in the home stretch.
“I’m glad you pulled your head out of your ass,” Nate says, clapping my shoulder from the backseat.
“Me too. For fuck’s sake, you both looked miserable without the other. It felt wrong to say Jack and Alondra instead of Jack and Alondra, ya know?” Dylan says, and Coop scoffs, leaning forward in his seat as he tries to see through the snow coming down.
“No, it sounds the same to me,” Nate argues, and I chuckle at their ridiculousness.
“Y’all realize I only actually asked for one of you to come pick me up from the airport, right? I didn’t need everyone to come,” I say, but it’s easier to focus on this than the fact I’m hopefully on my way to the girl of my dreams.
“No way were any of us missing this. It’s like the end of an era—Jack Schultz is off the market and in love,” Dylan says, and Coop shakes his head.
“Shut the fuck up before you scare him,” Coop scolds, and I can’t say I blame him for it.
“I’m good,” I say, but I am worried about how this is going to go with Alondra.
I already know how she feels, so it’s not like I have to stress about whether she returns my feelings or not, but I wouldn’t blame her if she slammed the door in my face before I have a chance to explain. I hope I’m not too late.