Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
“ I am furious at him,” Leah said, as the modiste began to pin up the hem of her dress. “Furious!”
Next to her, Vivian and Celeste looked at each other, anxious expressions on both of their faces. Leah wasn’t technically looking at them, but she could see their faces in the mirror she was standing in front of, as she was prodded and poked like the human pin cushion she had become since the modiste had arrived at the house.
She was getting married tomorrow. The realization had hit her with such force that she had completely lost all ability to do anything or make any decisions. After one or two vague replies to his questions, Lucien had sent a note to Vivian the moment Leah had agreed to the wedding, asking her to come at once and help Leah with the preparations. The moment Vivian had arrived, she had taken over.
“We must get the modiste in here at once!” she had declared, upon seeing Leah sitting on her bed with a stupefied expression on her face. “She needs a wedding dress!”
“She can wear our mother’s,” Celeste had suggested. “Then the modiste will just have to alter it.”
“We can’t do it,” Leah had said weakly, as she’d watched her friend and sister bustle around, trying to organize everything. But Vivian had given her a look that brooked no opposition and said, “If you can’t have the love match of your dreams, then we are at least going to give you the perfect wedding of your dreams.”
So the modiste had been called, their mother’s wedding dress had been unpacked from storage, and Vivian had also ordered the florist to be contacted and the chef to begin preparing the cake. “The Duke’s staff can make the wedding breakfast,” she’d decided. “We can’t be expected to do everything!”
We. That word had certainly helped Leah deal with the reality of the situation. It was a little less frightening to get married in a matter of days when she felt like her best friend was helping her--not to mention her sisters. Eve was beside herself with excitement, and had had to be given tasks to do to keep her from giving Leah a headache, but Celeste had been a calming presence, like she always was.
But while having her friend and sisters helping her had taken away some of the stress of planning a last-minute wedding, it had also given Leah more time for her thoughts to percolate. And as they did, her numbness at the situation had worn off, and it had been replaced with the simmering anger that had already been there during her conversation with her brother.
Which was why, as she stood in the mirror of her bedroom, gazing at herself while the modiste pinned the hem of her mother’s wedding gown, she suddenly felt as if she were going to burst with anger.
“I understand it is sudden,” Vivian ventured after a moment. “And not how you pictured it. But this certainly isn’t the worst-case scenario… Is it?”
“No, of course it isn’t the worst-case scenario,” Leah snapped, not caring if she was being rude. Her righteous anger had made all her cares for propriety disappear. All she cared about now was expressing the rage that had overtaken her brain, that was making it difficult for her to think about anything else. “The worst-case scenario is marrying Dubois. That is why I’m here. But it doesn’t stop me from being angry at the Duke of Nottington.”
“Of course it doesn’t,” Celeste said, her voice soft and full of sympathy. “And I understand your anger, Leah, but really, this seems to me to be the best possible outcome. You are marrying the Duke of Nottington! He is the most handsome gentleman in the entire ton.”
“There are more important things than handsomeness,” Leah said begrudgingly.
“And you two are friends,” Vivian said quickly. Her brows were knit together in concern, and she was frowning slightly, but there was a curiosity in her eyes that put Leah on edge. She had a feeling that her friend could see through her and into the very depths of her soul. “Surely you are glad to be marrying a man you consider a friend? I think there is no better recipe for a good marriage than a foundation of friendship.”
“You and Lord Bellmong weren’t friends first,” Leah pointed out.
“No, that is true,” Vivian said, smiling slightly, as she always did when memories of her husband surfaced. “We were violently in love. But that does not always lead to a happy marriage! I know many couples who were love matches and married quickly, even recklessly, not considering their compatibility. They ended up unhappy. Lord Bellmong and I were just very lucky.”
Leah swallowed. She wasn’t a fool. She knew that her chance of marrying for love had evaporated the moment Lord Dubois had walked into her family’s parlor. But she wasn’t so sure Vivian was right about her and the Duke, either.
“I don’t know if he really is my friend,” she said. “He didn’t even speak to me about the engagement! He went to Lucien instead, completely bypassing me and my choice in the matter. What kind of friend does that to someone he purports to care about? What kind of gentleman does that to a lady? Usually it is customary to get a lady’s consent before marrying her.”
“That was odd,” Celeste conceded after a moment, frowning into the middle distance. “But perhaps he had a good reason for it?”
“What reason?” Leah demanded, turning around to face Celeste. “I can’t think of any!”
“My Lady,” the modiste complained, sitting up from where she was trying to pin the dress and giving Leah a disgruntled look. “I am trying to get your measurements right. Will you please hold still? I already have my team working overtime to get this dress finished by tomorrow. We have had to put a halt on all our other orders!”
“I’m sorry,” Leah said, shamefacedly, turning back to face the mirror. “Please, continue. And my family greatly appreciates you rushing this dress.”
Lucien is also paying a fortune for it, she thought wryly.
“I know you’re angry that the Duke went to your brother before going to you,” Vivian said after a few moments, “but I truly believe that this is for the best, Leah. He is a good man, despite his flaws, and I believe that you will have a happy marriage. Part of marriage, of any long relationship, with friends or family or one’s spouse, is learning to forgive them their mistakes and move forward.”
Leah stared incredulously at her friend. “Just a few days ago you were warning me against the Duke. Now you are telling me he is a good man?”
“A few days ago, I thought he was sabotaging your chances of finding a good match because he liked having your attention all to himself. It did not look to me that he was actually trying to help you so much as flatter himself. But now…” Vivian shook her head, as if a little surprised by her own words.
“I am impressed that he offered for you before the end of the fortnight. That shows character, if you ask me. He assessed the situation, decided that the risk from Dubois was too great, and he made a decision to marry you, even though it wasn’t originally what he wanted.”
“He sacrificed his own desires for you,” Celeste pointed out. “He did not want to marry, but he is doing so in order to save you. I think that’s rather romantic…”
Romantic. The word sent a spasm through Leah, and she jolted, earning her another reproving glance from the modiste. No, she couldn’t let herself think that word, let alone hear it.
“Don’t call it romantic,” Leah said, casting a warning glance at her sister. “I expected better from you, Celeste. Eve, yes, she will find it all romantic, like something out of a novel. But I need your clear-sightedness right now.”
“You’re right,” Celeste said, looking properly chastened. “I will not romanticize it.”
“But what she’s saying has some truth,” Vivian said. “He did sacrifice his own desires in order to wed you. That shows that he is a selfless person who will put the needs of his family first. That is an excellent quality in a husband.”
“But you’re missing the point!” Leah cried, staring from one to the other in the mirror. Can’t they hear it? “He didn’t want to marry me! He is only doing so out of a sense of duty, or self-sacrifice, or wanting to play the hero. He got my hopes up that I could find a man who actually wanted to marry me, and then he took that away! It isn’t romantic, it isn’t self-sacrificing, and it isn’t heroic. It’s cruel!”
There was a short silence after this, during which Leah saw her friend and sister exchange a look. Even the modiste had a funny look on her face, as if she wanted to say something but didn’t dare.
“What?” Leah said, looking from Vivian to Celeste.
“Well, it’s just…” Celeste hesitated. “I suppose it makes me wonder if the Duke does, in fact, want to marry you.”
“He was sabotaging your other suitors,” Vivian said quietly. “He was aggressive toward them and never thought anyone was good enough. And then he proposed marriage before he was obligated to do so. It does beg the question…”
“No,” Leah said flatly, her eyes fixing once more on her own reflection, not meeting her friend’s or her sister’s. The Duke’s words from their conversation in her kitchen were echoing through her mind, as clear as if he were in the room and speaking them to her.
I have no interest in marriage. My relationships with women are more satisfactory when I do not feel legally bound to them for the rest of my life.
“No,” she said heavily, “I know for a fact that the Duke doesn’t want to marry me. He is just intent on playing the part of the hero. But he has no desire to marry. He is doing this out of a sense of responsibility, and while I understand that is better than the alternative, it is still condemning me to a life with a man who doesn’t want to martyr me and who didn’t respect me enough to ask me to be his wife--who sabotaged better options because it was fun for him to toy with me, to play with my future, then went to my brother instead of me when he realized there was no other way. I am not going to be grateful for this marriage, and I am not going to give him the benefit of the doubt.”
There was another long silence, and when Leah glanced at Vivian and Celeste, neither of them were sharing meaningful looks. They were both looking down, as if the sadness of the situation were really hitting them.
At last, Vivian looked up, her expression hardened and resigned. “I understand everything you’re saying, Leah, but the truth is, you are going to have to learn to look on the bright side of this. You don’t have any other choice. And I believe there is a bright side. You are going to be getting the family you want. Think of it! You and the Duke will have children, and even if you feel disappointment in your marriage, your children will give you more than enough happiness and contentment. And at least you will not be having children with the horrible Lord Dubois.”
Children… In all the hustle and bustle of preparing for the wedding, in all her shock over getting married, Leah had not thought about that. She was going to have children now. The Duke might not have wanted to get married, but now that he was, he would want heirs. And she could have the large family she had always dreamed of.
For a moment, her heart soared, and she felt a surge of hope. She was going to have children! And if they looked anything like the Duke, then they would be the most adorable children she had ever laid eyes on…
She looked back at Vivian and was surprised to see her friend smiling.
“That cheered you up, didn’t it?” she asked gently, and Leah couldn’t help but give her a small smile in return.
“I’m still angry,” she said, pulling her shoulders back and lifting her chin defiantly. “But I suppose it does cheer me up. A very little bit.”
This time, Vivian and Celeste did exchange a knowing glance.