Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
“ T hank God you are here!” Leah cried, as she threw her arms around Vivian. “I was afraid you would never come!”
“It’s only been a few weeks,” Vivian said, a little huffily, as she hugged Leah back. “And it’s customary to give newlyweds some privacy during their honeymoon.”
Leah released her friend just in time to catch the small smirk on her friend’s face. A few days ago, this smirk would have depressed Leah more than she cared to admit. Now, she wondered just how much her friend understood about men--and more specifically, the Duke of Nottington.
He was a mystery to her, but ever since his reaction to her swimming, she had been left with the strange feeling that his feelings for her were not entirely those of hatred, resentment, or bitterness.
And she needed an expert on men to give her some advice.
“If you are looking for sordid tales,” Leah said, “you won’t get them from me.”
“Of course not,” Vivian said with a mischievous smile. “You are a lady.”
“Well, and also…” Leah looked around the parlor where she had greeted her friend, who had just arrived from London. She knew she should let Vivian go upstairs and change, perhaps have a bath, but she couldn’t wait. She needed to know her friend’s opinion.
Leah took Vivian’s hand and sat down on the settee, drawing her friend down with her. Glancing once more around to make sure there were no servants listening, she leaned forward and murmured, “The Duke and I have not… had that kind of honeymoon.”
“What kind of honeymoon?” Vivian asked, clearly confused.
“The baby-making kind. The Duke does not want children,” Leah said, her stomach plummeting, as it always did when she remembered this. “Therefore he would prefer us not to live as husband and wife.”
It was gratifying, at least, to see the look of utter shock on her friend’s face, followed quickly by anger.
“But then he shouldn’t have married you!” Vivian cried at once. “It is a cruel and unusual torture to condemn you to an affectionless marriage without children. Worse, \ it could be grounds for Lord Dubois to ask for an annulment!”
“Which is why no one must know,” Leah said, giving her friend a meaningful look. “You are the only person I am telling. And you must keep it a secret.”
“Of course, I will not tell anyone,” Vivian said at once. “Not even my husband. But my dear… You must be devastated.”
Leah swallowed. “Yes, I am devastated. Disappointed. But I am also confused. Something happened the other day, and it seems to contradict what the Duke has said he wants from our marriage.”
And she quickly told Vivian about everything that had happened with the swim in the river, giving some context too about how things had been between her and the Duke beforehand. She finished the story with the Duke’s final outburst, his declaration that she was his and that he couldn’t let Lord Dubois have her.
“What does it mean?” she asked, watching her friend’s face carefully for any reaction. “Does he despise me? Care for me as a friend? Or is there something more?”
Vivian, meanwhile, had begun to smile, but it was a cryptic smile that Leah couldn’t interpret.
“What?” she asked at once. “You know something! Tell me what it means.”
“I don’t know exactly,” Vivian said carefully. “But men can get that way sometimes.”
“What way?” Leah asked eagerly.
“Protective,” Vivian clarified, although this still left much unanswered. “He was scared for your wellbeing, and now that you are his wife, your wellbeing is his responsibility.”
“But is that all it is?” Leah asked, disappointment landing like lead in her stomach. “Just concern for my safety? And a feeling that he would be responsible if something were to happen to me?”
“Those are not bad things,” Vivian pointed out.
“I suppose not,” Leah said. He gives me what I need, but not what I want.
What do I want?
Vivian put a hand on her arm, and Leah suddenly remembered how it had felt for the Duke to seize her by the arms. His strength, his power, the feeling that nothing bad could happen to her when he was holding her… Her throat went dry. She didn’t know what it meant exactly, but she knew she wanted more of that feeling.
“Perhaps he did not act in the most rational way,” Vivian said after a moment, “but he is new to this. Being a husband, I mean; caring for another human being. Be patient with him. He will become more lenient.”
“If we really are to spend the rest of our lives together, then I cannot ask his permission every time I want to go swimming,” Leah said crossly. “Honestly, I had never seen such an overreaction to something so harmless!”
“Perhaps you should talk to him about it,” Vivian suggested. “Maybe there is a safer place where you might swim that he can show you. Or…” Another mischievous look passed over Vivian’s face, and Leah felt her heart begin to beat more quickly. “Or you could ask him to join you next time.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Leah gaped at her friend. “He would not go swimming with me! That is… so intimate. So scandalous.”
“You are married,” Vivian pointed out. “On your own private estate. There is nothing scandalous about it.”
Leah’s mouth was very, very dry now. She remembered how he had looked, with his shirt sticking to him, the flickering flames of the fire turning his skin golden.
“No, there is no way he would accept,” she said, shaking her head.
Vivian only smiled. “You never know.” Another moment passed, during which Leah felt herself growing red, but then her friend mercifully changed the subject. “By the way, do you know when you shall be returning to London? I know the Season is almost over, but you cannot plan to hide away here just the two of you all autumn, can you?”
“I’m not sure,” Leah said, her thoughts wrenching away from an afternoon spent swimming with the Duke. “I would like to return to London and see my sisters.”
“You must at least come for Lord Bellmond and my end of the Season ball. It will be in a few weeks’ time. Do you think you can convince the Duke to attend with you? I know the ton will be dying to see the couple who married so quickly and mysteriously.”
“I will speak to him about it,” Leah said, blushing even more furiously. “Is that what the gossip columns are saying? That we married in a mysterious way?”
“Of course, my dear,” Vivian said with a small smile. “How else could they interpret what is accurate? Fortunately, they have mostly come to the conclusion that it must have been a love match.”
“Oh…”
“That is good,” Vivian said reprovingly. “Anything else that involved Lord Dubois would only bring scandal to your family.”
The mention of Lord Dubois immediately made Leah’s stomach lurch. “And what of him?” she asked. “Have you heard anything of his reaction to our wedding?”
“I have heard nothing,” Vivian said, patting her reassuringly on the shoulder. “He must know that you are now unreachable.”
“Yes,” Leah said, her throat tightening. She swallowed. “You’re right. I should not think about him.”
“No, do not think about him,” Vivian said. “Think about my upcoming ball! And your husband in his shirtsleeves, swimming…”
They had soon descended into peels of laughter— which, Leah realized only after her friend had left, she had been sorely missing.
“May I come in?” Leah asked, as she knocked on the half-open door of the Duke’s study. It was dim inside--only a few candles were lit--but when he looked up at her, she immediately could make out all the details of his face.
To her surprise, he looked ragged, as if he had been working himself to the bone. And indeed, as she glanced around the study, she saw that it was filled with mountains of papers. He seemed to be buried in work. She’d had no idea.
“Of course,” the Duke said, motioning for her to enter. “What’s on your mind?”
He sounded considerably more friendly since the last time they’d spoken, and her heart leapt with hope. The last thing she wanted was another argument.
Slowly, she crossed the room and sat down across from him.
“May we speak for a moment?” she asked, meeting his gaze a little nervously. He swallowed, his expression also a little nervous, as if remembering their last interaction. But then he nodded.
“Of course,” he said at last.
“I wanted to apologize for the other day,” she began. “I didn’t mean to scare you by going swimming in the river. I know that, considering some of my antics from the last few weeks, you might interpret my swimming as an attempt to get your attention--something shocking to make you start speaking to me. But it wasn’t that. By the time I went swimming, I had thoroughly given up on trying to get you to pay attention to me. I just wanted to go for a swim. But I did not mean to put myself in danger or to scare you.”
The Duke slowly blinked. “Thank you,” he murmured after a long moment. “It did not occur to me that you were trying to shock me. I was only concerned for your safety. But I admit that I did perhaps… overreact. Especially once I realized you were not, in fact, drowning.”
She felt a great relief come off her shoulders at these words. So he can be reasonable and apologize for his mistakes! That is a good start.
She smiled at him tentatively, and he smiled back.
“In the future,” he continued, “I will make sure not to behave so irrationally again.”
But Leah shook her head. She hadn’t been trying to get any promises like this out of him. “That’s not what I wanted when I came to visit you today,” she murmured. She couldn’t believe she was really doing this. Stupid Vivian had gotten in her head and deluded her. She knew she ought to stop, that she was making a huge mistake, but she plunged on anyway.
“I was actually wondering if you might be interested in joining me at some point at the lake… for a swim.”
She held her breath, waiting. At first, the Duke didn’t seem to understand what she was saying. He continued to stare at her, nonplussed. Only after several long seconds did his face register surprise, then he sat back in his chair and his eyes widened.
“I spoke to the groundsman,” Leah said quickly, hurrying to explain herself before he rejected her outright. “He said that the lake is very safe for swimming, and that you used to swim there as a boy. So I thought it would be a safer option for when it gets warmer and I wanted to go for a dip. And because you were so concerned about my safety last time, I thought it would be better if you were to accompany me. I don’t want to worry you, you see, but I also thought it wouldn’t be proper to bring a male servant with me. And my own maid is not a good swimmer, so--”
“No,” the Duke said, so firmly that she stopped talking at once. “It would not be proper for a male servant to go with you.” She had finally shocked him back into speaking, and he sat up a little straight and gave her an odd, searching look.
“You really like to swim this much?” he asked after a few moments.
“Yes,” she said, nodding. “When we were young, we used to swim at our estate, although Lucien banned it as we grew older.”
“I have never heard of a lady liking to swim before,” the Duke said, frowning.
“It is not usually something we discuss with gentlemen,” Leah said, smiling slightly. “Especially gentlemen to whom we are not married.”
The Duke coughed, and for a moment, she almost thought he was about to laugh.
“Alright,” he said at last, his eyes not quite meeting hers. “I will accompany you while you go swimming.”
Leah was more pleased than she cared to admit that he had agreed to this, and she had work to suppress a smile. At the same time, confidence surged through her, and the boldness loosened her tongue.
“There is something else I wanted to talk to you about as well,” she said, holding his gaze. “Ever since we married and came here, I have felt very lonely.”
His expression changed slightly. He blinked, and a small frown creased the corner of his mouth. But he didn’t look angry--if anything, she thought he looked guilty.
“Back in London,” she continued, “and before that, at our country estate, I was used to having a large family around. That only grew bigger after Lucien married Emery. Here, it is just you and me, and you have not been around for most of that time.”
“I am sorry about that,” the Duke said, surprising her. And he did look genuinely sorry, which emboldened her even more.
“I know that our honeymoon will be over soon, and I was wondering if, when it ends, I might be permitted to return to London. There I will have a much richer, fuller social life, which I would much appreciate having, now that I know my marriage will not be a particularly close one.” This was difficult for her to say, but she forced herself to do so.
The Duke’s gaze softened, and she thought she saw another flash of guilt across his face.
“Of course you may return to London,” he said. “I do not control you. You are free to live the kind of life you want.”
“As long as I don’t go swimming alone?”
He gave her an amused look. “As long as you do not put yourself in danger, yes.”
“Well, thank you,” she said, inclining her head. “And in the meantime, I would very much appreciate it if you would at least share three meals with me each day. I know you do not wish us to have a traditional marriage, but I think a few meals while we are living together will not be so dangerous. And in exchange, I will be more mindful of my health.”
The Duke said nothing for a moment or two. His expression was unreadable, and she held her breath, hoping that he would not turn her down.
At last, he gave her a small, wary smile. “Alright, Your Grace,” he said, his tone teasing. “I shall take meals with you while we are living together. I did not realize you were so lonely here, and I apologize for how I have contributed to that. From now on, I will make more of an effort to keep you company.”
It seemed like a very long time ago to Leah that they had once stood in her brother’s kitchen, eating eggs together. That friendship had completely faded, replaced with this cold, distant formality. But she hoped, as she smiled gratefully at him, that they could start to get it back. Dinners together were a good start.