Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
“ H ow was your day?” The Duke asked, as he looked across the table at Leah. They were at the opposite ends of the table, and she had to strain to even try and hear him. His tone was exceedingly formal, which wasn’t a good sign, and he kept fidgeting as if he was uncomfortable.
Leah’s heart sank lower. It was their first dinner together, and she had been hoping he would at least try to make it a pleasant experience for her.
“My day was good,” she said, picking up her spoon and dipping it into the soup in front of her. “I… went for a walk.”
Oh no, maybe the problem isn’t just him. I also have no idea what to talk about!
She looked up at her husband, frowning slightly. Before they’d been married, they had talked so easily to one another. But now, everything felt stilted and awkward. How do we get back to how things were before?
“Oh,” the Duke said, nodding. “A walk sounds very nice.”
They lapsed into silence. Leah stirred her soup, feeling disconsolate. She had to think of something to say… Something interesting.
Hadn’t he taught her that technique? It was one of the many tips he’d given her when he was teaching her how to make conversation with gentlemen: say something intriguing that forces the other person to ask more. Then, keep leaving little breadcrumbs of more interesting things in, until the person is so wrapped into your conversation that it becomes easy and natural.
But what could she use to intrigue him? It’s not as if anything intriguing had happened to her since she’d come to Nottington Castle. Except…
“My friend Lady Bellmon brought me news from London,” she said, setting her soup spoon down and pretending to look disinterested . “She said that our marriage has caused quite a scandal.”
“Really?” The Duke looked up, and she could see the interest on his face, even as he tried to brush it away. “Well, you shouldn’t be surprised. It was a rather hasty marriage, carried out right after Lord Dubois threatened to legally ruin any man who dared to court you. I’m sure the entire ton is wondering why I would risk such a thing.”
“Well, that is the interesting part,” Leah said with a small shrug. “Apparently, the rumor is that ours was a love match.”
This certainly got his attention. The Duke sat up straighter, his lip twitched--as if he were trying not to smile--and his eyes glittered.
“Now that is surprising,” he said. “It’s not as if we had much of a courtship.”
“But we were friends,” Leah pointed out. “We were seen together often, dancing and laughing, all the things that usually go into a courtship. And let’s not forget the time you scared away all my suitors because you did not think they were good enough for me. I’m sure that Lord Trembley and Mr. Harding were quick to gossip that your motivations were motivated by more than a brotherly protectiveness.”
“Good lord,” the Duke said, his smile widening, “I completely forgot about those gentlemen. You did have a fair number of suitors during those two weeks, didn’t you?”
For a moment, Leah felt a wave of bitterness go over her. Even though she had not been in love with Lord Trembley, Mr. Harding, or even Lord Eaton, it was hard not to wonder, now, if marriage to them would have been more satisfactory. They, undoubtedly, would not have denied her children.
But she couldn’t think about that right now. Not when he was finally opening up and acting like his old self.
“Well, it must have gotten around, after you were so protective of me, that we were in love.”
“The ton can be very blind when it wants to be.”
“I’m a little affronted that you are so surprised people should think ours a love match,” she said, folding her arms. “Why should it not? I know I can be a bit awkward around members of the ton, but it’s not as if I am so terrible looking.”
“Of course you’re not,” the Duke snorted. “You are startlingly beautiful.”
Leah stared at him, not sure what to say. He had never said something like this to her before, and it took her aback. At the same time, her cheeks and neck began to flush with embarrassment.
Find a way to keep it light! Quick!
“But not the kind of beauty that usually tempts you, I suppose,” she said, trying to act nonchalant.
The Duke’s eyes narrowed. “Whatever do you mean?”
“I am talking about your rakishness. You never flirted with me, so I must assume I lack personal appeal .”
The Duke shrugged. “That’s not relevant. You are my best friend’s sister.”
“Still…” She mused out loud. “I have to wonder if Lords Trembley and Eaton are not the only ones who might be a little miffed about our marriage. There must be a lady or two who wished to become more than just your mistress, surely?”
“Is this an appropriate conversation for you to be having?” The Duke said, raising his eyebrows.
“Why not? I’m a married woman now, can’t I know about such scandalous things?”
The Duke’s smile had faded a little, but there was still a mischievous sparkle in his eye, and she leaned forward a little, tapping the side of her wine glass with her fingers.
“More wine, please,” she said to the nearest footman, and he came forward and poured her more of the red. She took a long sip, giving her husband a coy smile as she did so and not breaking eye contact with him.
“So tell me, husband , is there a heartbroken woman somewhere in London--or perhaps back in one of the many countries you traveled to before you returned to England?”
The Duke ran a finger around the edge of his wine glass. She could feel that he was tempted to tell her the truth, but that something was holding him back.
“Come now,” she murmured. “You can tell me. It’s not as if I’m going to be jealous.”
She had said the magic words. She could feel it in the air, in the tension that seemed to pull him toward her, in the way he smiled and laughed to himself.
“No, I suppose you won’t be,” he said. He leaned back in his chair, took a long sip of wine, and then ran a hand through his hair. Then he looked her squarely in the eye. “The truth is, there is no woman. Not in England, not anywhere in Europe.”
Leah frowned. This was not the answer she had been expecting. She was a little surprised, however, by the relief that it immediately engendered in her.
“But there was,” she said. “There were many.”
The Duke’s gaze was steady as it met hers. “No. There were never any women.”
“But…” Leah didn’t understand. She felt like the Duke was trying to tell her something, but she couldn’t comprehend it. “What do you mean, no women? You are a rake… Aren’t you?”
Her eyes swept over him, taking in the small, mischievous smile on his lips, the sparkle in his eyes.
“Oh my goodness…” Her lips parted. Her eyes widened. It hit her then with all the force of a storm. “You aren’t really a rake,” she whispered.
The Duke laughed, running another hand through his hair, making it even more messy and ruggedly handsome.
“No, I’m not a rake,” he said, grinning at her. “I never have been. Although I was happy to let all of London think so, if it meant the marriage-minded mamas stayed away from me.”
Leah gaped at him. “Who knows the truth?” she asked. “Does Lucien know?”
“Not even Lucien knows,” the Duke said, shaking his head. “You can tell him the truth if you want. It’s high time I came clean about everything, now that I’m a married man and it doesn’t matter anyway.”
“But…” Leah was still struggling to understand. “Why did you lie? That is quite the secret to keep from your closest friend!”
“I know, and it’s weighed on me,” the Duke said. “But the truth is, people always just assumed it about me without even asking. They saw I was good-looking, friendly, and, yes, a touch flirtatious with young ladies, and they jumped to conclusions. I never did much inventing, just let them believe what they wanted to believe. It was a good way of keeping the more marriage-inclined ladies away, anyway, because I did know for sure that I didn’t want to marry. But I rarely lied.”
“What do you mean you rarely lied?” she asked, a little incensed. “You lied to me when you made me those eggs. You said…” She struggled to remember his exact working. “You said, My relationships with women are more satisfactory when I do not feel legally bound to them for the rest of my life. Such an arrangement takes all the fun and spontaneity out of life. ”
“As honored as I am that you remembered my words well enough to quote me, I am not technically lying. My relationships with women are satisfying. I have many female friends and acquaintances. I would much rather not ruin those by marrying the ladies. Although in our case… there was more necessity.”
She couldn’t believe him. “Don’t use your verbal tricks on me!” She cried. “You knew how I would interpret such a line!”
“You’re right, I did,” he said, inclining his head. “But it was important I keep up the facade.”
“Why?” she insisted, leaning toward him, her eyes narrowing. “Why did you need everyone to think you were a rake?”
“Because, as I have said, I didn’t want people pestering me to marry.”
“But why? ” She was insistent now. “Why would a duke, a man who needs an heir, not want to marry? What could possibly make him shun an institution as ha llowed as matrimony?”
“I…” He looked a bit disconcerted by her line of questioning, but she didn’t care. She was determined to learn the truth. “I watched my father for too long. He was not a good husband to my mother, and it entirely put me off the institution. Not to mention that he was a terrible father as well.”
This stopped Leah in her tracks. All her interrogations melted away. This was not the answer she had been expecting. The last time she’d asked him why he so spurned marriage, he’d spoken of the institution holding him back from traveling. But this… this was much deeper.
“Your father,” she repeated slowly. “I have never heard you speak of him before.”
“No, nor will you often. He was a terrible bastard and I prefer not to think about him.”
The Duke’s tone was light, but she was sure she had seen his expression darken slightly.
She swallowed. She knew she had to approach this carefully. “And he wasn’t good to your mother?”
“He treated her as if she lived only to serve him and bear him children, and once that was over, she was useless to him. I never heard him say a kind word to her. He was cruel to everyone, though, especially my sister and me.”
Leah blinked. Her mind snagged on the word sister. “But you don't have a sister,” she said softly. “You told me you don’t have any siblings.”
“I don’t,” the Duke said. He still looked relatively calm, his expression neutral, but his eyes were now moving faster and faster, darting around the room. It gave her the feeling that he was trying to escape. “She is dead.”
“Oh.” Leah’s heart clenched. “I am very sorry to hear that. But… but you did have a sister.”
“Yes, I did have a sister.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more honest about that when you asked. The truth is, I do not like to talk about my sister. Her death was very painful for me, and it still…” he broke off, looking down at his plate. When at last he looked up, his expression was pained.
“It is still hard for me to speak of,” he said softly.
“Of course,” Leah murmured. She couldn’t even imagine… If one of her sisters were to die, she would be inconsolable. There was no worse fate than that.
“In fact, I… I would prefer that we didn’t speak of this any longer. Please. ” He didn’t seem mad or upset with her; if anything, he looked deeply uncomfortable, as if he were worried he was going to upset her.
“Of course,” she said again. “I am sorry to have brought it up.” And she did feel very sorry. At the same time, it helped her piece together the puzzle that was her husband. Things about him were finally starting to make sense.
“Don’t be sorry,” the Duke said, smiling valiantly at her. “Perhaps it’s a good thing we talked about this. It’s not good for me to hold it all in. And although it’s painful, it also makes me happy to remember Liliana.”
“That was her name?”
“Yes.” He smiled slightly. “Actually, you remind me of her a little. She was very spirited as well, although she didn’t always know her worth.”
Leah’s heart was beating so loudly in her chest that even across the room, she was surprised he couldn’t hear it. Is that why he was so protective of me? Is that why he got rid of all those men he didn’t think were worthy? Is that why he was so worried about me drowning in the river?
And then another, more confusing though: Is that why he doesn’t want to be a real husband to me?
Part of her was deeply complimented that she was like his sister, but another part of her didn’t want anything of the sort. She was not his sister. She was herself. A woman.
“I think I might retire now,” the Duke said, smiling gently at her. “I feel very tired after speaking of such matters.”
He stood, and, after a small hesitation, came over to her side of the table. Slowly, he bowed before her, then took her hand, and very gently, pressed it to his lips.
“Goodnight, Leah,” he murmured.
“Goodnight… Dorian,” she whispered back. His smile widened, then he released her hand and left the dining room, leaving her with even more questions than he had answered.