Chapter 9
SLOANE
My muscles lock up while Knox circles me.
Even though he hasn’t commanded that I stay still, I somehow know not to move.
I’d like to tell myself it’s because I’m afraid of what he will do, but lying to myself has never made anything better.
There was a moment last night when all of the noise in my head shut off.
Maybe it was some kind of fluke, but I’m waiting to see if it happens again.
Knox takes a seat on the edge of the bed. My heart beat speeds up, and I fight the urge to flee.
“Come here, baby girl.” His voice is soothing, almost hypnotic.
He pats his thigh, and I take a step before I register that I’ve moved.
I don’t know what it is about him that makes me want to obey without question.
I’m not someone that follows blindly. Hell, every day I am the one that makes the decisions for my family.
I go out and earn the money, pay the bills, make food, and basically keep the three of us alive. It’s been that way for seven years now.
When I get close enough, Knox grabs my hand and pulls me down over his lap.
Slowly his hand strokes over my ass. The motion lulls me into a kind of trance.
“You disobeyed me,” he repeats. His voice is still soft, so I don’t recognize the threat at first.
“I didn’t,” I say.
He lifts his hand, and it comes back down with a crack. He goes back to rubbing the skin to soothe the sting.
“When I ask you a question, you answer it. Now, tell me, you’re going to do whatever I want, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I say immediately.
I feel his muscles tense underneath me. It’s the only warning I get before his hand comes down again on my other cheek.
“Yes, Sir,” I amend. I hold my breath waiting for another swat, still unsure what all of this is for.
“Good girl. I can see you are still fighting this. You might tell yourself that you are only giving into this because I am holding your job over your head, but that isn’t why.”
“Why then?” I ask, and earn another swat. This time instead of the sting there’s a different ache. A heavy throbbing has started between my thighs as if my heart has fallen down to my most private place.
“Because deep down you need it. You want me to take over. You want to stop thinking about every little detail. I can make everything better for you. I think a part of you knows that and is wanting to give in. Would you like that? For me to take over everything and make your life easier?”
I don’t know how to answer him. It’s like he’s pulling my deepest desires right out of my head.
To be able to set down the burden, for someone to see me, that would be my biggest wish.
Then there’s the way he touches me. I shouldn’t be enjoying this.
I don’t know why I am, but I’ve never felt this alive before.
“Hmm. Not ready to answer me?”
“I don’t know what to say. Y—you don’t know everything,” I tell him. Although, I can tell he suspects. Otherwise, why bring my baby brother over here with us?
He spanks me again, several times until my skin feels hot. I think at this point I’m actually trying to provoke him. I’m not bold enough to outright disobey, but deep down I knew not instantly giving him information would be the same thing.
“You are mine. I’ve told you this, but I realize now that I need to clarify for you what that means. It was perhaps unfair for me to assume you’d know since you’ve never had a relationship before.”
I don’t know how he knows that I’ve never even had a boyfriend. I guess there really was some kind of sign telling everyone how innocent I am. Well, I guess was now.
Knox continues to stroke my heated ass. “I want you to submit to me completely. That doesn’t just mean you drop to your knees when I tell you to, or spread your legs.
I want all your secrets, your thoughts, and control over your body.
You will belong completely to me and trust me to take care of you. ”
“How is that fair?” I know I shouldn’t speak, but he said he wants all of my thoughts, so I’m going to freely offer this one.
“I’ll bare myself to you, mind, body, and soul, but you aren’t going to do the same with me.
” He said that we won’t have love, but the level of trust he’s demanding isn’t going to allow me to hold any sliver of my heart to myself.
“I will give you everything I can. If you don’t dwell on it, then it can be enough. I won’t touch another woman. You will have my loyalty, and I will take care of you.”
“Until the semester ends, and I get the job,” I mumble, mostly to myself. I need to remember there’s a time limit on us. I know I shouldn’t be getting lost in this, whatever this is. I can’t really call it a relationship, because it’s so one-sided.
His hand squeezes my ass, awakening the sting from before, then lets go. “Maybe not. I’m starting to see that this isn’t just about wanting to get ahead in your career by any means necessary. Are you in trouble, baby girl?”
Am I? It’s so hard to answer that question, because I’ve been living this hell for so long that it’s become my normal.
He spanks me again, and I realize I’ve retreated into my head. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t just want the job. Yes, this is the life I’ve selfishly tried to get for myself, but I do need the money.”
“What can make a twenty-one-year-old so desperate for money that she’d hand herself over to an older man just to keep from losing her job?”
My head falls, and I feel like letting him see the extent of my shame is too heavy.
“My dad hasn’t worked in six months. Since my mom died, seven years ago, he goes through periods of depression where he stays at home for weeks or months.
It got better for a while, but the last job he quit, he just hasn’t tried to get another one.
I think, maybe, he was waiting for me to take over all along.
Now he’s happy to just sit around all day, drinking, and letting me work myself into the ground. ”
“Do you also take care of your brother?” he asks. His voice is low, and has an edge to it.
I nod my head, which earns me another swat.
“Your words, Sloane.”
“Yes, Sir. My father blames Xander for my mother’s death.
She didn’t get treatment for the cancer they found because she was pregnant.
He thinks that if she’d aborted him like the doctor’s suggested she may still be here with us.
She didn’t regret her decision though. She said it gave her three years with her precious angel.
I won’t disrespect her by putting blame on him.
She knew what she was doing. The only thing she didn’t know is that the man she loved so much would turn into a giant waste of space. ”
The confession pulled something from me, and all the tension in my body melted away.
I felt tears slide down my face, and I wanted to wipe them away.
I don’t cry anymore. The last tears I shed were for my mother.
My father’s pain was bigger. He always made sure we saw that he hurt more.
I don’t think he ever considered that we were all grieving.
It’s been years since I could look at my father as anything more than a burden.
I couldn’t see the man who used to play with me when I was a kid.
The man that would come home from a week on the road with gifts and dance with my mom in the kitchen.
In a way, when my mother died, I lost both my parents.
Knox helps me slide down to my knees. He strokes my hair, and gently wipes the tears from my face. It’s messing with my head, because he just spanked my ass, but I haven’t felt this cared for in years. Exhausted, I lay my head against his thigh.
“Was that so hard to admit?”
“Yes,” I say in a hoarse voice. He said to tell him the truth. I feel like that admission was ripped from the depths of my soul.
“But don’t you feel better now that it’s out?” he asks, continuing to pet my head.
“Yes,” I whisper. Another truth I’d rather have kept locked down deep.
“To answer your earlier question,” he switches topics, “I’m not sure I’ll be ready to give you up when you get the job.
You’ll have more money, but you’ll still be the only one taking care of everything.
I don’t think I can leave you to be crushed by this any longer.
It’s too soon to say, but maybe we can come to another arrangement when that time comes. ”
It’s an open door. Last night if someone would have asked me if I wanted this to continue, I wouldn’t have known how to answer.
Yes, the pleasure was intense, but it also frightened me.
It still does, to be honest, but for the first time in a while, I don’t feel alone.
That might become more addictive than the pleasure he forces on me.
I don’t ask him to explain. If he wanted to tell me, he would. I like not having to fight for information or my place in his life. With Knox, I can just be. He will let me know what I need to know.
“Now that we got that out of the way,” he begins, and widens his legs. “Come show me how much you appreciate me taking care of you.”
I start to stand, but he puts his hand on my shoulder keeping me down, so I crawl around his leg to get between them.
He lowers his zipper, and reaches in to take out his cock.
This time it isn’t as big of a shock, so I try and remember the way he liked it last night.
The velvety skin is hot against my lips as I open my mouth and let the fat head slip inside.
His hand slips into my hair and forces more of his length inside.
I remind myself not to tense up, even as he hits the back of my throat and slips in to steal my air.
I know he will let me breathe, so I relax and let him fuck my mouth the way he likes.
I suck and lick as much as I can with the hold he has on me. There’s not much I can do when he holds me down to the point my nose hits his pelvis, but the noises he makes still gives me a sense of accomplishment.
He picks up his pace, and I wonder if this is as liberating for him as it is for me.
I don’t have to think, to wonder if I’m doing the right thing, nothing.
All I need to do is surrender and let him use me.
That might not sound appealing to others, but the freedom I feel is euphoric.
And to have this man, someone people idolize, lose control with me makes me feel beautiful.
Knox’s fingers flex in my hair, and that’s the only warning he gives me before I feel his cock swell, and he starts to come in my mouth.
I swallow, knowing that is what he expects. When he slips his softening cock free from my mouth, he’s breathing hard.
“You’re getting much better at that, baby girl,” he praises me.
“I’m not done with you yet though. Get on the bed and put your arms over your head. You’ve been such a good girl, you should be rewarded.”
I hurry to obey. The praise makes my chest swell with pride.
Knox opens a drawer on his nightstand. He pulls out two leather cuffs. There’s a ring on one, and a clasp on the other. He buckles each one on my wrists, then loops them through a ring hidden in the bed frame.
He sees the puzzled look on my face, and his mouth lifts in a smirk. It screams bad boy, and I feel myself grow wetter at the look.
“I had this bed made this way, but I’ve never had a chance to use it until you.”
His words soothe the wave of jealousy trying to swell inside of me. I like knowing that he’s different with me.
Once I’m bound to the bed he steps back and looks at me. With his eyes alone, I feel warm all over. It feels like being touched, even with him standing a few feet away.
He starts to undress, and I’m captivated by the sight.
Not until this moment did I fully grasp that he plays a sport for a living.
His body is honed for hockey. Every inch of him ripples with muscles.
I doubt most thirty-eight year old men look the way he does. Hell, I don’t think most men my age do.
Boys, my head supplies. I might not have much experience, but compared to Knox Rennick, the guys I’ve flirted with in the past most certainly don’t belong in the same category.
When he’s gloriously naked he climbs up from the bottom of the bed. My inhibitions aren’t gone just because he’s taken over my free will. As soon as I realize his destination, I start to close my legs.
Knox grabs my knees and forces them apart. “Don’t you want your reward, baby girl?”
This time I don’t make the mistake of thinking he doesn’t want an answer. “Yes,” I breathe.
I might be embarrassed, but I do want this. Perhaps too much.
His breath fans out across my mound. I suck in air and whimper when I feel his tongue slide through my lower lips. My body is on fire from just one swipe of his tongue.
I feel him chuckle against my skin.
“My baby girl is so responsive. You like having your pussy licked, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly.
Knox growls, then descends on me. He eats me like he’s starved. He sucks on my clit, and my back bows.
I pull on the bonds, suddenly aware of why he bound my hands. I’m helpless against what he wants to do to me. He pushes a finger inside of me, and there’s a bit of a sting. I’m still sore from last night, but not enough to ask him to stop. Not that he would.
I’m not in control right now. I’ve already promised him he could do anything he wanted. I think back to all the books that I’ve read. Should I have chosen a safe word?
Somehow, I know if I ask him to stop, and mean it, he would.
I let the thought fly out of my head. I make the decision to trust Knox. It’s weird, because he’s kind of an ass, but I can sense that this isn’t the real him.
Well, maybe in this moment I am seeing the real him, but the other moments we’ve had seem like he was putting on a mask. There’s a well of pain inside of him that I recognize. I don’t know what he’s been through, but I sense it goes much deeper than finding his girlfriend cheating on him.
My body starts to tingle, and I know that I’m reaching that peak that only he’s brought me to. Then he stops.
I blink up at him, not realizing he moved to hover over me. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him why he stopped, but that isn’t for me to question.
In this moment I feel like I’m his. Not because he’s demanded it, but because I’m choosing to put myself in his hands.
Time will tell if this is a good choice. Something tells me that I could no more deny it than I could stop breathing.