Chapter 10
KNOX
She’s a goddess splayed underneath me. I watch her stormy eyes blink free of the fog of lust. Maybe it’s her age or her innocence, but every emotion she has flashes in the smoky depths of her gray eyes. I see the moment she surrenders to me, and it undoes me.
I’m feeling everything. It kind of pisses me off. This arrangement was supposed to protect me from feeling. I’m not heartbroken, but even I’m not immune to feeling abandoned.
That’s the thing that has had me reeling the past few weeks.
Madison being gone from my life hasn’t really caused me any kind of pain, but the fact that she chose another man did wound me.
It’s not my ego, or at least not just that.
She was like all the other women who’ve used me for my money or status. I thought I had it under control.
She wasn’t a puck bunny. She cared more about my family’s connections than any doors hockey could open.
It doesn’t really matter why she was with me.
I know why I was with her. She had the right background.
She fit in with my parents’ social circle.
I thought if I chose the right partner I might also fit in with them.
I know they think I’m playing right now. Not only in the sense that I’m paid really fucking well to play a game, but that my life is somehow less serious because I don’t spend my days in designer suits playing king of the world.
My dad would tell me that Sloane is the type of girl you play with. She’s the one you hire as your secretary and fuck behind your wife’s back. Maybe that’s what Madison thought our arrangement was.
It only proves that she didn’t see me. I’ve never wanted superficial relationships. No, I didn’t love her, but I did care about her. I gave her everything she wanted. That’s what I’ve been taught, but Sloane has rocked my foundation. Now I don’t know what I’m doing.
Walking into her house smacked me in the face with who I was playing with. A good man would feel guilt for the way I’ve steamrolled over her, but after what I saw tonight, I feel vindicated. She needs me. I find that I like being needed by her.
It isn’t love, but I do want to care for her.
My protective instincts are on high, and there’s no way I can let her go.
My obsession for this girl just keeps growing.
It’s fast, only two days and I am lost. The more control I have over her lets me feel like I can still breathe through the feeling though.
She continues to look up at me with those haunted eyes, and I feel like she’s seeing past all the layers of bullshit I’ve put in front of me. I don’t like feeling vulnerable.
I need to regain control over this situation, so I enter her with a hard thrust. I grit my teeth and force myself to hold still. She’s very wet, but she was a virgin yesterday. There’s no way she’s not sore.
I feel like a bastard taking her as rough as I know I’m going to, but the ache in my cock demands that I possess her. If I fuck her as hard as I need to, maybe I’ll engrave myself inside of her deep enough she’ll never be able to leave.
The needy voice in my head whispers truths I’ll never give a voice to. I don’t want to be alone anymore. It’s all I’ve ever been. Finally, I’ve found someone as lonely as I am.
Not that I can lay myself bare for her. She might understand how I feel, but right now I have the power, and I can’t give that up. As long as she needs me, she’ll stay.
I drop my head to the crook of her neck and breathe in her warm sugar and vanilla scent. I start to move inside of her again, and her breath hitches. That doesn’t sound like pain. At least not the kind not mingled with pleasure.
“Your pussy is so tight. You’re wet for me. Are you going to come on my cock, baby girl?” Filthy words tumble out of my mouth, partially because I know they shock her.
I feel her flood my cock, and I know that even though she’s still embarrassed by the things I say and do to her, she likes it.
“Yes, please Knox,” she begs.
I bet she doesn’t even know what she’s asking me for.
“You want to come?”
“Yes,” she repeats.
I pick up the pace, slamming into her so hard she scoots up the bed. My rhythm is punishing, and I know she’ll be sore again tomorrow.
“You’re going to feel me every time you move. You won’t be able to forget who owns this pussy.”
“Ugh,” she grunts.
She clenches around my dick, and I almost come, but I want to make her explode first.
Leaning on one elbow, I use my other hand to lift her hips. The angle lets me go deeper. Then I fuck her relentlessly.
“You. Are. Mine,” I say, punctuating each word with a punch of my hips.
“Yes, yours,” she agrees.
Her easy acceptance and the way her pussy clenches my cock makes my vision go white. I let my climax wash over me. She screams as I start to fill her with cum.
Once again I find my mind wandering. My desperation to keep her conjures images of her belly growing round with my child. I’m not ready to let my mind wander there completely, yet, but I can’t deny it would be a good way to make sure she stays.
My few days off pass by in a blur. I’m enjoying the little bubble I’ve been living in with Sloane and Xander.
It feels like having a family around, and I don’t want to let either of them go.
It’s scary how the three of us develop a rhythm.
In the morning Sloane is up early making breakfast, and getting Xander off to school.
She fights me on letting my driver take him to school, but I yanked them both out of their house without any warning and she doesn’t have a car here, so she can’t argue with me.
While he’s at school she works on some PR tasks, apparently Gerry has given her a few more things to do.
She sets up social media for the team, pulling us from our analog existence.
I have to admit that her approach is fun, while still maintaining a distance between us and the fans.
She focuses on our game, recycling old highlights, and adding some fun commentary from the guys.
None of it focuses on our private lives, but it does give a superficial impression that they know our personalities.
Thankfully she’s able to do that all remotely since she plans to get more while we’re on the road.
That means I don’t have to share her physically with anyone yet.
I’m not sure how I’m going to go about pretending that she’s nothing more than my publicist when what I want to do is piss a circle around her and glare down any fucker who tries to talk to her.
That won’t be good since thanks to Gerry she’s going to have to talk to every member of the team, often.
I can’t really explain why I’m feeling so territorial over her, other than she’s mine.
I don’t feel weak in the knees, or short of breath, other than when I’ve fucked us both practically comatose at least. Basically, I don’t feel any of those cliché symptoms of being in love.
However, I do feel like a fire-breathing beast at just the thought of having to share her attention with anyone, especially another man.
I might not be in love with her, especially so fast, but I am most definitely obsessed.
At night, once Xander is home from school one of us helps him with his homework while the other cooks dinner.
I actually like cooking, so it’s not hard to trade off.
I want to own her, but I’m not looking for a maid.
I have more than enough money to hire one.
I like having them nearby at the island in the kitchen while I make dinner.
I don’t miss how he doesn’t ask about their dad, and she doesn’t even check on him.
I’m going to have to dig deeper into their dynamic.
I know she explained everything to me, but it’s still hard for me to grasp that even Xander doesn’t seem to miss him.
It’s clear that Sloane is the only parent he’s ever known, and she’s only eleven years older than he is.
I made a few calls yesterday, and managed to arrange for a nanny to come and move into the apartment when we have to be gone. Sloane doesn’t know about that yet.
I told her that I would make her life easier, and maybe, if I start now, rather than just throw around more coercion she won’t be in a hurry to leave as soon as Audra extends a job offer to her.
I’d much rather make her want to stay than force her to.
Not that I’m above it. My obsession for her is growing too big to entertain letting her go.
Sloane fidgets while she’s putting together scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, whole wheat toast, and avocado slices for breakfast. I don’t tell her that even these healthy choices aren’t the prescribed diet that I’ve been consuming for years.
Fuck it, my career is almost done. One morning of egg yolks and carbs won’t destroy what I have left.
I stroll up behind her and wrap her long hair around my fist. Using it as leverage, I tip her head back so I can look into her hazy eyes. “I can practically hear your worries. What is banging around in that pretty head of yours?”
She sighs. There’s still a part of her that wants to hold back from me, but she’s getting better at letting me in. Yes, I’m a bastard, because I’ve kept her at arm’s length while demanding everything for her. Doesn’t mean I’m jumping to change that though.
“I don’t want to send Xander back to my dad.
He’s too young to take care of himself, and definitely too young to take care of our dad.
I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried having the ladies from church stop by to help, but I should have known better.
The moment I turned sixteen they left me to handle everything on my own.
I get it though, they never expected my dad to just stop trying. ”
“Neither did you,” I say, and let go of her hair. Instead I wrap my arm around her and pull her against my body.