Chapter 34
SLOANE
I hurry back to the ballroom, aware that I look a bit disheveled. It won’t be hard for anyone to guess what I was up to when I left with Knox. I’ll have time to die of mortification later, but right now all I want is to leave.
When I get back to the table I grab my clutch, take out my phone, and pull up an app to order a car.
“Sloane, what’s wrong?” Tessa asks me.
I stop what I’m doing. “I’m sorry, I’m just suddenly not…I just need to leave.”
“That was him, right? The one that cut in when you were dancing with Sin?” she pushes.
I nod. “Yeah, and I just can’t be around him right now.”
“Did he do something to you? Hurt you?” Tessa asks.
“No. Not unless you mean he reminded me that I’m still in love with him, and that it’s just as hopeless now as when I left. It’s easier when I’m not around him,” I tell her.
The four of them exchange a look that shares some kind of history I’m unaware of.
When I brushed up on Ford before taking the job, I learned that he and Tessa had a hard road to get where they are.
I’ll admit I didn’t do too deep of a dive into their past. I only wanted to see if there was a current scandal to handle.
When I didn’t find even a hint of anything from the last few years, I stopped digging.
“If you’re ready, then we’re ready,” Raven says, gathering her things.
“No, really. I can order a ride to take me back to the house so I can pick up my brother. Don’t end your night early because of me,” I insist.
“That’s not the way this works. We stick together in this family. Besides, I hate people, and have been wanting to leave as soon as we got here,” Sin says.
Ford rolls his eyes. “He’s not joking. Don’t worry about making us leave early, because you aren’t. We all pretty much prefer to keep to our own company. I’ll text the driver and let him know we’re ready.”
I watch the entrance to the ballroom, hoping we’re gone before Knox decides to make his return.
How odd to hate having to be his secret, while also counting on it to make my escape at the same time.
I guess since we aren’t together anymore, however much we were in the first place, I’m grateful that not many people know about it.
This way I don’t have to survive another round of pitying looks in my life.
There may come a time, but this isn’t it.
I’ve had enough of the whispers of, “Poor Sloane,” behind my back for a lifetime.
Ford’s phone chimes, and I exhale in relief.
“Don’t worry, little sister, we’ll get you out of here,” he reassures me.
“It’s not that I’m worried about being able to leave. I’d just like to do it without seeing him again,” I say.
Sin squeezes my shoulder. “You won’t have to talk to him. That I can promise you.” The look on his face is lethal, and I pity anyone that gets on his bad side.
They surround me as we move through the ballroom and out the door. We make it into the car just in time to see Knox rush out the front of the building. The windows are tinted, so he can’t see us, but I am able to watch him look around the sidewalk with a stricken look on his face.
While I watch Knox slowly disappear from my view, I can feel everyone else in the car watching me.
“Are you sure this is what you want? We can turn around if you changed your mind,” Raven says.
“I’m sure,” I say, sounding anything but.
“Really? Because that is a look I saw many times in the mirror back when this one—” she jerks her thumb toward Sin “—was being a stubborn ass and pretending he didn’t want me.”
“One of the dumbest mistakes of my life, and I’m pretty sure I looked just like he did now every time I pushed you away,” Sin replies.
“That’s the thing, he’s not pushing me away, he just wants to keep me hidden away.
And, I don’t think that it is only the secrecy that is bothering me.
That’s not even the biggest thing. I think it’s that I love him so much—” my voice breaks, but I manage not to cry.
I clear my throat and start again. “I love him so much that I can’t watch him destroy himself game after game.
I can’t come home or back to our hotel room each day and wonder if that will be the time I find him dead.
He scared me when I found him passed out in the shower. ”
They all look at me with shocked faces. I wince.
“Uhm, I guess there’s stuff I’ve left out.
He’s got a tear or something in his rotator cuff of his right shoulder.
I’m not sure what the technical terms are, just that it causes him a lot of pain just moving his arm, and he has been abusing painkillers to stay on the ice. ”
Ford’s jaw hardens. “Is he violent or mean when he’s using?”
I shake my head emphatically. “No, nothing like that. Personality-wise there’s almost no difference, but the pills are just masking the pain, not fixing the cause of it.
Every game I can see that it’s a little bit worse.
He admitted once, after he took his meds, that he should have had the surgery already, but he knows he won’t recover fast enough.
He cares more about chasing one more championship than he does keeping the use of his arm. ”
“It’s hard being in a relationship with a professional athlete.
Sometimes it can feel like the sport is more important, but not because they don’t care about you.
They have to put their bodies through so much to get to the top, and even more to stay there.
That takes dedication. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you,” Tessa says.
“Is that how you feel? Like you’re less important than football?” Ford asks.
Tessa opens her mouth to answer, closes it, then opens it again. “Not really. I do wish, sometimes, that it didn’t feel like we have to cram all of our family time between training camps and the season, but this is our life. This is your dream, and I want to support you.”
He shakes his head, a mixture of irritation and shame on his face. Maybe I’m reading into it because I already know he’s not happy that their baby will be born at the beginning of the next season, and that he’s already planning on retiring.
“I hate that you have to give up anything for me to play a game. Our family is the most important thing in the world to me. Not football, not money, and sure as fuck not fame,” he swears.
“I know, big man, and Sloane’s situation isn’t ours. You don’t keep me a secret,” she tries to reassure him.
“Not anymore. Lord knows I’ll be working the rest of my life to make up for all the shit I put you through for years. I’m just glad you gave me a second chance,” he says.
“You earned it,” she says to him.
It’s hard not to feel like we’re trespassing on a moment that should belong to only them. We all try to look anywhere but at them. Well, everyone except Sin. He seems not to care about trivial things like privacy and boundaries.
“He’s got a good point,” Sin says, breaking the weird atmosphere in the car.
“He and I both fucked up in our relationships in the beginning, and we had to show that we changed. Don’t close your heart completely, not if you really love this dumbass hockey player.
If he shows up and does the right things to prove he’s all in, then listen to what he does, not what he says. ”
I turn to look out the window. “Well, I won’t be holding my breath.”
Raven and Tessa exchange a look. “I’ll get the wine,” Raven says.
“And I guess that means I’ll hog the ice cream,” Tessa adds. “I miss wine,” she mumbles under her breath.
“That’s not necessary. I really should get my brother home, but thank you,” I say.
“Home, where I assume Knox knows where you live?” Ford asks.
“You said that you’re living with someone connected to the team, right?” Tessa adds.
I groan. “Yes, but I really don’t think that Kendall would let him in.” At least I didn’t think so. She has known him longer than she’s known me, so who really knows.
“You don’t look too sure,” Sin jumps in.
“I’m not,” I sigh. “What am I supposed to do with my brother?”
“We’ve got a huge house with six bedrooms. That means we’ve got three guest rooms. That’s enough for everyone tonight,” she says.
“How can I say no to that?” I ask, deadpan.
“That’s the spirit,” Sin teases.
I know he’s teasing me, but it actually sounds pretty good. Like they all pointed out, at least I won’t be around my apartment if Knox comes looking for me tonight.
“Make sure we get Rocky Road. If I’m going to consume too much sugar, it should have chocolate and marshmallows,” I say.
“I like the way you think,” Tessa agrees.
Ford leans forward and taps on the headrest of the passenger seat. “You heard the boss, she wants ice cream.”
The driver turns on his blinker and merges into the turn lane. “Of course, sir. I’ll stop at the grocery store by your house.”