Chapter 16 #3
As soon as we are under the umbrella, Averi removes her arm floaties and Romi tries to take hers off.
I assist her with them and remove her swim trainer.
I unhook Averi’s swim trainer next and they remove their own swimming caps.
Together, we clean our hands using a bottle of water to remove the sand then wipes to clean and sanitize.
For the beach, I always overpack. I can never be too prepared.
I have toiletries, a change of clothes, and a small cooler with mini chicken salad croissants, frozen grapes, and Cuties.
We also have chips and cookies for snacks.
I love the beauty and simplicity of the beach and its natural ability to calm me, but something about being around this blue water and white sand makes me hungry.
I ate a croissant the moment we’d gotten here and there’s two on my tray now.
As the girls eat, they have their own little conversation about school, their upcoming summer break, our new sandcastle, and Xai.
They enjoy their time with him as much as I do.
He’s so attentive with them and they talk his head off.
Averi tells him the most random stories and Romi asks a thousand questions.
It makes me realize how much they’ve missed a male figure in their lives.
Watching them with Xai reaffirms my decision to cut toxic ass Rush out of their lives. With him, it was never about them. They were a means for access and him to control me. I swear he’s an idiot. His selfish, narcissistic ways cause him to miss out on truly knowing two very special little girls.
“Mommie, your phone,” Romi says, pulling me from my thoughts.
It’s chiming so I pull it from under the stack of towels. It’s a text from Xai. Earlier, I’d texted him an ussie of me and the girls before we got into the water. As soon as I read it, I smile.
Xai: 3 beauties. My queen and the princesses.
Me: Thank you, baby. Wyd
Xai: Waiting. The vacuums haven’t come yet. Delivery was supposed to be at 12. They late as fuck.
Me: Damn, two hours. Sorry. Hopefully they’ll get there soon.
Xai: I’m cool. I got plenty to do until I see you tonight.
Me: Can’t wait.
“That’s Xai, Mommie?” Averi asks when I look up.
“Yes.”
“Is he coming now?” she asks.
“No. He’s still at work but he’s coming later for dinner,” I tell her.
“For breakfast,” Romi corrects.
“Right, sweetheart. Breakfast,” I say.
I promised them breakfast for dinner tonight.
I’m going to make another attempt at my mother’s cinnamon toast. My first had been a bust, and according to Averi, nothing like my mother’s.
I wasn’t sure where I went wrong but I’m determined to get it right tonight for my babies. They miss their nana’s toast.
“Yeah!” Romi cheers. She loves the toast more than Averi.
“You’re going to help me make breakfast though. Both of you,” I assure them with a smile.
“I ready,” Romi says.
“We gotta find the aprons though, Mommie. We can’t cook without them,” Averi says.
“I’ll find them,” I say, then push the lump that forms in my throat down immediately.
For their birthdays last August, my mom had custom Nana’s Little Cooks aprons made for them with their names.
They were kept at her house for when they visited and packed away in a box.
I still haven’t gone through my mom’s last boxes.
I guess it’s time. “Yeah. I’ll get them,” I tell the girls and both smile.
“Are y’all ready to try our sandcastle again? ”
“Yes,” they exclaim.
“Are we getting back in the water too?” Averi asks.
“Of course!”
We pack up the food then I secure their swim trainers and arm floaties.
With our shovels and buckets, we journey closer to the water and attempt to build our new castle and pool.
Our attempt is beautiful and precious but the final outcome is far from a masterpiece.
We laugh and cheer as the waves wash it away then we step into the water.
Even with their protective wear, we don’t go out far, but we have a blast.
Around four, we rinse off under the outside shower, dry the excess water, then get into my ride, wrapped in our towels. They are both knocked out before I leave The Cove. Playing in the sand and water wore them out. I’m tired too.
The moment we are unloaded and in the house, they bathe, lotion, and climb into my bed while I do the same in my bathroom. When I emerge, they are both asleep but I’m refreshed from my bath. I ease my door closed and head to the third bedroom I have avoided.
When my hand reaches the doorknob, my emotions get the best of me and I freeze. My mission is quickly abandoned and I continue to the kitchen to find courage or something close to it. My brain is screaming wine. There’s a bottle of Divine Wines on the door in my fridge summoning me.
The first glass I pour disappears down my throat and I quickly pour a second.
Then I take several deep breaths and exhale before venturing back to the spare room’s door.
The sweet red coursing through my veins does its thing and I manage to turn the knob and push it open.
Thanks to Kandi and Celeste, the boxes are semi-organized and labeled.
I quickly find the two boxes labeled kitchen.
The first box is mostly décor: the large spoon and fork that used to be on the wall above the stove, potholders, a canister set, and a knife block, but no aprons.
I rip the tape off the second box and the aprons are right on top.
I remove them, shake them out, then lay them on the floor.
Then I see the infamous blue spiral notebook, her cooking notes.
A smile spreads across my face as I hope and pray her cinnamon toast secret is inside.
Making it correctly for my babies would be the perfect ending to our beautiful day at The Cove.
My eyes get a little misty as I lift the notebook and find myself grinning at the memories it holds.
My mother could cook but she wasn’t a cook-cook.
She couldn’t tell her cornbread was done just by smelling it.
When cooking spaghetti, she had to throw the noodles on the wall to see if they stick.
She followed recipes and suggestions from seasoned Black cooks and would jot down notes.
When I lift it from the box, a white envelope falls out and lands on the small griddle pan in the box.
I grab it and see My Baby, Adora scrawled in her beautiful cursive handwriting .
Puzzled, I hold the envelope for a moment, flipping and examining it.
There’s paper inside. My curiosity deepens so I flip it again and open it. It’s a letter.
A letter. She didn’t even really text. She always called instead of texting. Hell, not one day passed that we didn’t speak. Why would she write me a letter?
Within three sentences, I learn why and my whole heart shatters into a million pieces.
Each word crushes me, and although I can barely pull oxygen from my lungs, I read every heart-crushing word through my tear laden eyes and break little by little.
It feels like my soul is being ripped from my body.
My Adora.
You found it. I knew you would. I’m going to apologize first before I tell you why.
I’m sorry I had to do things this way. I really am but I had to.
I just did. Sweetheart, one day, as a mother, you will understand why.
On March 4th, I went in for my annual and they found a new tumor, two.
It’s back, and this time, there’s nothing they can do. It’s in both lungs.
My time to go with God is here and I’m going on my terms. I refuse to watch you suffer, trying to care for me.
It would be too much, and before you say no it wouldn’t, it would.
The first time wasn’t this and you took time off work, stayed by my side, and wore yourself out.
You need to stay whole and strong for those beautiful grandprincesses of mine, your daughters.
They deserve all of you and you would not be able to give them that if you have to care for me.
Plus, and this is the main reason I did what I did, I refuse to let you or my babies watch me deteriorate.
My decision was the best decision. The house is yours.
You and the babies never have to worry about a place to stay.
The policy is a little something for your savings.
Do something nice for yourself and the babies though.
Please. I worked hard to set this all up for you and them. I need you to enjoy it.
Adora, my whole heart, my love, be mad, be sad, but forgive me. Please never ever forget I love you because I will forever love you with my entire heart.