Chapter 22 Adora
Adora
God! I can’t breathe.
As soon as I close my door, I rest my back against it, close my eyes, and try to recover my breath Xai just stole.
That was a lot. He’s a whole lot and I don’t know what the hell just happened.
Unfortunately, I’m unable to even process because when I open my eyes, four little bright and curious ones peer at me instead of being somewhere in their room.
“I know I said go to your room. Didn’t I?” I ask.
“Yes, ma’am,” they reply.
“Sorry, Mommie,” Averi adds. “I wanted to see Xai. Is he coming in?”
“No, he went home.”
“Is he coming in the morning?” Romi asks.
“No, sweetie. He isn’t,” I say and she frowns.
“I hope he said he’s sorry. I want him to come tomorrow,” Averi says.
My babies love this man as much as I do.
What the hell am I really going to do? I’ve been furious with him and missing him at the same damn time for almost two weeks.
My tears occur less, and I’m back at work, but I’m not one hundred.
My heart still hurts. Honestly, I feel like I’m standing on a cliff and gravity is pulling me down while a strong arm prevents me from dropping.
One wrong move, the incorrect decision, and I’ll fall, and not in a good way.
Xai hurt me; he hurt me bad.
“Let’s get you two to bed. It’s getting late,” I say, one thousand percent deflecting.
“We don’t have school in the morning,” Averi protests.
“It’s Saturday tomorrow,” Romi cosigns.
“I know but you’ve both had a long week and need to rest. Mommie does too. I’m tired.” Emotionally and physically.
“Can I sleep with you?” Averi asks.
“Me too?”
“Go use the bathroom then grab your pillows while I close up out here,” I tell them and they take off out of the living room.
There’s nothing to do out here. I tell a white lie because I just need time, a few minutes to digest what just occurred less than five minutes ago with Xai.
He’d fixed my mother’s phone and kissed me, twice, and I let him.
I also listened, really listened, to what he was saying.
The day I discovered my mother’s phone in his truck, my agony and disappointment clogged my ears and I couldn’t really hear him. I also didn’t want to hear him.
Tonight was different. I heard every remorseful word and each was filled with love. There’s no doubt that he loves me; I just don’t know if I can ever trust him again. And what is love without trust?
After taking a deep breath, I grab my bonnet from by the door, hit the lights, turn the light on over the stove, then head to my room.
The sight of my little princesses makes me smile.
They have already made themselves comfortable in my bed and strategically left room for me in the middle of them.
I place my mom’s phone on my dresser, secure my bonnet on my head, then join them in bed.
We say our prayers then snuggle up and watch KidTV until they drift to sleep.
For me, sleep is evasive and I spend the majority of the night thinking.
Is what Xai did forgivable?
Can I ever trust him again?
Is love enough?
I swear the minute I close my eyes to try and sleep, Averi wakes and climbs out of bed. Naturally, Romi is next. Their movement jerks me out of my sleep and I roll over and see the time on my clock. It’s seven forty-six and too damn early for me to drag my sleepless and restless body from this bed.
Through hooded, heavy eyelids, I watch as they leave my room then return with their toothbrushes. I keep a tube of their toothpaste in my bathroom. I somehow doze off as they brush their teeth but I’m awakened minutes later by Romi climbing back into the bed.
“Mommie, you up?” she asks.
“A little. Good morning.”
“Good morning. I want something to eat.”
“How can someone so little want to eat all the time?” I ask and she shrugs.
“I don’t know,” she says and I smile.
“Go get your sister,” I tell her and she slides off my bed.
“Averi! Sissy!” she yells as she runs out of my room. Seconds later, they walk back in. “I got her,” Romi announces.
Without opening my eyes, I say, “Good morning, sweetheart.”
“Good morning, Mommie,” Averi replies.
“Your sister is hungry. Can you help her get breakfast for me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Thank you. The bowls of cereal are in the bottom of the pantry. Y’all pick the one you want and grab one of the small cartons of milk on the refrigerator door.”
“Can I have chocolate?” Averi asks. Normally, chocolate milk with cereal is a no but I’m too tired this morning.
“I don’t care,” I say and they actually cheer. “Get a banana too.”
“You gon’ cut it?” Romi asks.
“Not this morning. Mommie is too tired. Okay?”
“Okay,” she says.
“Grab a towel from the closet in my bathroom and spread it out on the floor. You can eat your cereal in here and watch TV,” I say and they cheer again. I’m relaxing all rules this morning. Anything to earn at least another hour or two of sleep. “Alright. Go get it. Wash your hands first.”
They dart out of my room and I stretch out then roll over.
I hear them when they return, but after that, I’m thankfully able to doze off again.
I don’t open my eyes again until ten-thirty.
When I do, both girls are back in bed with me, eating fruit snacks while watching television.
I guess they’re breaking all the rules today.
I don’t argue or fuss. Instead, I turn to face them and smile.
After kissing both of their foreheads, I climb out of bed, amble to my bathroom and do my normal.
I’m actually a little hungry myself, so after I slip on one of my T-shirt dresses, I journey to the kitchen and grab a cereal bowl.
Since neither of them likes raisins, I grab Raisin Bran and milk, then join them back in bed to eat.
Our morning is chill and peaceful. We are still in my bed by late afternoon and I have no plans to get out. However, my plan is threatened when I hear my doorbell chime. It better not be Xai. I don’t have an answer for him. Not yet.
Averi grabs my cell phone to hand it to me but I tell her to check. Because it’s just me and the girls, I don’t lock my phone with Face ID or a passcode. I need my phone accessible for them in case there’s ever a moment I can’t get to it.
“It’s Auntie,” she says beaming. “And she has Jazzmyn.”
“What is she doing here?” I utter to myself because we don’t have plans today. “You can go let her in,” I tell Averi and they both slide off the bed and rush out of my room. A few minutes later, Kandi walks into my room solo. “Where’s my godbaby?” I ask her.
“In her carrier, asleep.”
“And the girls?”
“Propped up on the floor, watching her. I told them not to wake her.”
“Grab my phone so you can see them,” I tell her because I have an indoor camera in the living room.
“They are fine.” She brushes me off before sitting on my bed. “You just tell me why I haven’t heard from my bestie or seen her face in almost two weeks,” she scoffs.
“Life has been lifing a little.”
“Is that why you look like you’re on a crazy diet?”
“Crazy diet?”
“Yeah. You’ve lost weight. I can see it all up top.”
“Well, it damn sho’ ain’t at the bottom. These thighs are still here,” I counter ,then uncover my legs.
“Adora, this is me. What’s up with you? We don’t go days without talking or seeing each other and I’m not talking about texts.
I haven’t seen you since you picked up the girls the day of Xai’s grand opening.
If you’re thinking about Mama or going through, I get it, but don’t go through that alone,” she says with so much love and sincerity.
Before I can stop them, tears fall from my eyes.
“Oh, bestie. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said Mama.
Come here.” Her arm drapes around me and she pulls me in for a side hug.
“It’s Xai,” I finally reveal.
“Xai? What the hell happened?”
“We broke up.”
“Why?” she asks incredulously.
“He was keeping something from me.”
At my words, her body stiffens then she sits up straight. “Is that man married?” she asks with hella attitude.
“No,” I reply with a little grin. Her attitude is on a thousand.
“Hidden kids? He likes only women, right? Please tell me that fine man is straight!” she fires off next.
“Yes, he’s very straight. He only likes women. And no, he’s not married and he doesn’t have kids. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then, hell, unless he’s a murderer, it can’t be that bad.
And don’t be mad, but are you sure you’re not bringing your old shit with Rushmore’s stupid ass into this?
We women do that. A man finally comes along who’s loving you right, treating you good, and taking care of business, but he catches hell because he’s being measured by a standard you’ve never had.
He can’t catch a break because the no-good fuck boy has soured you on love.
Xai isn’t Rushmore. Don’t shut him out after one mistake.
That man loves you, you love him, and the girls are crazy about him.
If he’s worth keeping, then work it out, set boundaries, and talk.
If he truly isn’t, and you can see your life without him, let him go.
Either way, I’ll support you,” she says, voicing the very thoughts that had kept me up all night.
There’s no doubt that he loves me and I love him.
My girls are absolutely crazy about him and he adores them.
Our trust has been broken and I’m unwilling to be in another relationship where I can’t trust the man in my life.
And I know Kandi’s right. Rush did a number on me but I was very purposeful to not bring that damage into my relationship with Xai.
It’s possible I may have failed a little and maybe I am holding Xai to an impossible standard.
Hell, I don’t know. I don’t seem to know anything right now. I’m just all over the place.
“He came by last night and we talked. I don’t know,” I admit.
“Did he beg?” she asks, then purses her lips, awaiting my answer.
“He did.”
“That’s a good ass start. Make him beg,” she says and we both laugh.
Kandi’s drive-by is definitely unexpected but much appreciated. I needed to see her, cry in her non-judgmental arms, and just talk to her crazy ass. After I clean my face, we join the girls in the living room.
She visits for a few hours and I end up making hamburger sliders and potato wedges for a late lunch.
Kandi and I catch up and the girls dote on Jazzmyn.
She doesn’t leave until around seven and the girls and I walk them to her ride.
As soon as we are back in the house, I send the girls to their room to pick out their pjs.
I head to the kitchen to clean up but stop when I hear my doorbell.
“Did you forget something?” I ask as I rush back to the front door.
When I open it, I immediately see it’s not Kandi.
It’s Rush’s cousin, Kita. It’s been five years, and despite her weight gain and rounder face, I still recognize her.
She wears the same scowl she had the day Rush was sentenced. “Why are you here, Kita?”
“Hmph. That how you talk to yo’ guests? What, no threat since you’re making those and shit,” she says, clearly referring to my last texts with Rush.
“No threats, just promises, and guests are invited.”
“Then invite a bitch in,” she has the nerve to say.
“Nah. I’m good and I’m busy so that won’t be happening.
Besides, I’ve said all I have to say to you, Rush, and everyone else in your fucking family.
I’d appreciate it if you leave and don’t come back.
” I start to close my door and somehow she grabs my dress.
“Wh…Did you just grab me!” I yell, totally in shock.
Her next move happens in a millisecond, and before I can fucking blink, she’s pulled me outside by my shirt.
I stumble a little when she does, but my reflexes and quick movement keep me steady and ready.
Obviously, she came to my house with an agenda and I’m about to check the items off her list. Our eyes meet briefly and I confirm her intent.
This bitch came here to fight.
Growing up in The Manor prepared me for moments just like this.
Not everybody appreciated my chill and unbothered disposition.
I didn’t hang around the girls in my neighborhood because I was always at Kandi’s and that somehow made me a target.
I ignored their slick comments and rolling eyes because that shit didn’t bother me.
However, my lack of reaction to them annoyed them, and one day, Netra Lake thought she could put her hands on me.
Me and my chill and unbothered disposition wore her ass out.
She learned that day and that same lesson is waiting on Kita.
When she aggressively thrusts forward toward me, I take all my strength and ram my open hand into her face, mushing the fuck out of her. She stumbles, and unlike me, her reflexes are slow as fuck and she falls back.
“Bitch,” she grumbles when her ass hits my walkway.
I pounce. In a flash I’m on her, tagging her face with my fists. All of the audacity and aggression she had when I opened the door has vacated and she’s flailing her arms and screaming. Nothing but pure adrenaline and anger fuel me and words spew as I walk the dog on her ass.
“Bitch, coming to my house talking shit. What you got to say now, huh? Where’s your fucking attitude now? Leave…me…the…fuck…”
My words stop when I feel someone yoking me from behind. I was so caught up in punishing Kita that I didn’t realize she didn’t embark on this stupid mission alone. Cherelle, Rush’s other text message bully and cousin, drags me off Kita. As she does, I kick my legs out, aiming at Kita.
Cherelle is quicker than Kita but not quick enough.
I quickly gain control and latch my arms around her and pull her down.
We tussle and I end up on top. I pound her face with more fury than I had with Kita.
I’m giving her the business too until Kita’s big ass pulls me off Cherelle.
When she does, Cherelle scurries back and gets up.
All three of us are on our feet. I’m outnumbered, and maybe outmatched, but I’m even more outraged.
They came here for a fight and I’m going to give them one.
Right when I square up, my front door opens and the sound of my daughters’ voices distracts me. “Close the door and go back in your room,” I rush out right before they get me.
Kita and Cherelle rush and tackle me like two fucking linebackers.
All I can think about is my babies seeing this and they take full advantage.
They ram into me and something happens with my foot.
I lose all balance and fall back, hard. Averi’s scream is the last thing I hear before my head hits the large flowerpot on the side of my door.