Chapter 21 Xai
Xai
“Would you like another Black Barrel?” the bartender asks.
“Nah, I’m straight for now,” I tell her, even though ain’t shit about me straight.
I’m fucked up actually and I’ve been this way for the past eleven days.
I lost my girl because I didn’t handle business and tell her about the phone or the accident.
The look on her pretty face, the hurt and pain in her voice, and the way she’d crumbled in my office fucked me all the way up.
She was hurting and I’d caused that shit.
I hurt my baby and I feel like shit. She’s blocked me and ain’t fucking with me, and real shit, I can’t blame her; the blame is all on me.
“Shit, bruh, you started without me,” Rick says as he sits on the stool next to me.
“Just two,” I say, then dap him up.
“It’s barely six. I thought you brought me here to grab some grub and catch up, not get drunk.”
“Shit, bruh, both,” I admit. “Man, I fucked up.”
“Damn! Sounds serious. Let me get a drink first,” he says, then motions for the bartender.
You need to chill out. Go home, get a drink, or something.
I love you and you’re my boss but you’re messing up.
Trista words are what fueled my text to Rick and this trip to Diablo’s Steakhouse.
According to her, I’ve been mean as hell and it’s affecting business at both locations.
She’s not wrong. Nothing’s the same and it won’t be until I somehow make shit right with Adora.
“Did you order food yet?” Rick asks.
“Nah. I was waiting on you.”
“Bet. Imma order when she comes over.” He glares at me as I take a sip from my second glass of bourbon. “This shit must be bad.”
“It is,” I say.
The bartender returns and Rick orders his drink and dinner. My appetite is shit so I just order a steakhouse burger and truffle fries. I also get another drink. One more sip and this one will be done.
“Is it Kadean? What’s up with his case?” he asks.
“Kadean is still in Florida and his next court date is in two weeks. His lawyer found shit in the evidence chain and thinks she might be able to get the stolen truck shit thrown out but driving with no license will stand. He was driving, so he’s gotta do time for that.”
“Damn, baby bruh,” Rick sighs. “All that shit you did to keep him out and he still does some dumb shit to go in.”
“Same thing I said. I hate he’s in there but it might be what he needs.”
“Ain’t his girl pregnant though?” he asks.
“Yeah and he’s probably gonna be locked when she has the baby. He gon’ have to live with that shit.”
The bartender returns with our drinks. “Your food will be out shortly,” she says.
“Thanks,” he says.
“’Preciate it,” I add. After downing the rest of my current glass, I take a big sip of my new one.
“But Kadean isn’t causing you to do this.” Rick nods toward my empty glass. “What’s really up?”
Until Adora found her mother’s phone, Kadean and I were the only two who knew about that night, but even he doesn’t know that I still have the phone.
I kept that all to myself. Looking back, I think I felt a connection in a weird way.
If I had never met Adora, I probably would have eventually tossed it and my possession of it would have remained a secret.
“Before I tell you this shit, just know I’m not on no creep shit. Some unique things just happened to coincide and I didn’t handle it right,” I begin, trying to piece it all together.
“I think you drunk already, bruh. I didn’t understand shit you just said.”
“I’m not drunk. Trust. I’m sober as fuck. Imma make it make sense.” I take another sip then continue. “You heard about that accident on that back road to the mountain? It was in January,” I say and he nods.
“Yeah, I remember that.”
“They thought there was another driver on the road, but because of the rain that night, the police couldn’t say for sure. Well, there was another driver. It was Kadean.”
“What?”
“Yeah, and of course, he called me and I went.”
“Was he drinking?”
Nodding, I say, “But he wasn’t at fault. That was confirmed recently.”
“Shit,” he sighs. “I remember that. Somebody took her to the hospital.”
“Me,” I admit. “I couldn’t leave her there.”
“Damn, bruh. What the fuck?”
“Yeah and that ain’t even all of it,” I say and take another sip. I need it for my next words. “She was Adora’s mom,” I add and he freezes. He was about to drink from his glass but stops. “Yeah,” I confirm and he shakes his head.
After taking his drink, he places the glass back on the bar and turns to look at me. “How the fuck? How did you even know?” he fires. “You knew who she was at that dentist office?”
“Not before I got there and heard her voice.”
“How did you even connect her to the accident? Bruh, I’m trying to figure this out.”
“Kadean accidentally grabbed her mother’s phone that night, thinking it was mine. When I got home, I saw it wasn’t. I didn’t know what I was gonna do with it but it rang. Shit freaked me out.”
“You answered?” he asks incredulously.
“Nah. Hell nah,” I scoff. “It rang back-to-back then there was a voicemail. My head was all over the place. Having to go get him, dealing with his drunk ass, and getting her out of the car to take her to the hospital had me on edge. I wasn’t thinking straight.
Next thing I knew, I was opening the phone and listening to the voicemail. ”
“Wow!”
“I know. I know,” I admit while shaking my damn head.
“It’s fucked up but I did. It was her daughter, just checking to see if she made it to work.
Guilt hit me hard as fuck and I got mad at Kadean and myself all over.
I couldn’t sleep. I got up and found an old c-cord charger and charged the phone. ”
“Bruh, shit. That’s deep. You charged it?”
“Yeah. I just felt like I needed to know if the lady was okay. Two days later, it was all over that she didn’t make it.
That night, Adora called and left another message.
Bruh, she was so sad and that shit did something to me.
It fucked with me. She kept calling and I kept listening.
I real shit couldn’t stop. Two times, she mentioned her name.
You know, talking about herself. I got used to hearing her voice.
I know it was wrong but I can’t explain.
I had to hear her voice and know if she was doing better, sounding less sad. ”
“How long did you listen?”
“Until the day I met her. On G-O-D, I didn’t know who she was. I had never seen her.”
“No pictures in the phone?” he asks skeptically.
“It’s one of them old looking flip phones,” I explain.
Just then, the bartender walks over to our end of the bar and places our food and condiments in front of us.
When Rick cuts into his steak to confirm the doneness for the bartender, I say a quick prayer and add mustard to my burger.
As soon as the bartender walks off, he nods for me to continue.
“All I knew was her name and the sound of her voice. Her working at the dentist office was, shit…fate.”
“This shit is wild,” he says.
“I know and you know what happened next. The voice belonged to a beautiful ass, dope ass woman I’m crazy about. I love everything about her, everything. She has my heart, bruh. I’m real shit gone over her and her little girls but I fucked it up. She found the phone.”
“You didn’t tell her about it? Bruh, what the fuck!”
“I tried a few times but it just was never the right fucking time,” I say, then take a sip from my drink. As I swallow, the hard truth hits me. “I can’t lie. I fell for her hard and I was scared to tell her. I didn’t want to lose her.”
“But you did,” he utters.
“Yeah. I did but I gotta get her back. Shit ain’t right without my baby. I’m fucking up at work. I’m barely sleeping. This shit got me sick, and real talk, I can’t even eat, bruh. Ion even want this,” I admit, then push my damn plate away.
“You need to talk to her.”
“She blocked my ass. I’m ’bout to pull up on her.”
“What if she don’t answer?”
“I’ll stay outside till she do. I miss my baby,” I say and finish my glass. I gotta see her and fix this. When I stand, Rick looks up at me then shakes his head.
“You ’bout to go now?”
“Got to,” I state as I pull three bills from my wallet. “Thanks for listening, bruh. For real. ’Preciate it. Your steak’s on me.”
“Let me know if she leaves you outside,” he says with a chuckle then stands too. We dap and he pulls me in for a brotherly hug. “Good luck.”
“I got this,” I assure him and my damn self as I walk through the restaurant.
The day of my grand opening, when Adora stormed into my office, caught me completely off guard.
Seeing her so angry, distraught, and hurt broke my ass down.
I could barely get my words together and the ones I managed to say weren’t enough, weren’t right.
I’m not leaving her crib this evening until she truly knows how sorry I am and how much I can’t fucking breathe without her.
I pull into her driveway right before eight.
She’s still up; I can see light peeking through the blinds in the living room.
Before exiting my ride, I grab her mom’s cell from the glove box.
I had it repaired and I shouldn’t have it; I never should have.
It’s hers and I know she really wants her mom’s phone back.
Adora has a video doorbell with motion. She was alerted when I approached, so I know she’s aware that I’m out here. It’s confirmed when I hear the television go mute and the light fades to black.
“Mommie,” I hear but I can’t distinguish the voice through the door, so I knock.
“Adora, love, can I talk to you?”
“It’s Xai!” I hear clearer; it’s Averi.
I knock again. “Adora, please,” I beg.
“Go away, Xai,” she yells.
“I can’t. Not without talking to you. Please, pretty girl.”
She mumbles something, and when I lean closer to the door to hear, she yells. “I have nothing else to say to you.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’ll do all the talking. Give me ten minutes, love,” I plead. “Just hear me out. I miss you.”
“Xai.”
“Ten minutes.”
It takes a few minutes but I finally hear the locks turn and the door cracks open.
As soon as it does, Averi and Romi sing my name.
“Xai!”
“Hey, beauties,” I say.
“Go to your room. I’ll be right out here,” Adora says, then steps from behind the door.
She has a scowl on her face but it doesn’t block her beauty.
When I smile, she rolls her big, pretty eyes then swipes her hand for me to step back.
She answered and opened the door; I’ll do whatever she wants.
I step back and she walks out. She closes her door then leans back with her arms crossed. “You got your ten. Talk,” she snaps.
My time is limited and I don’t want to waste it.
I start with the most important thing. “I love you, Adora. I really do and I’m sorry, really sorry, for a lot of things but mainly I’m sorry that I hurt you.
On everything, I never wanted to do that.
Never. That night, I went to help my brother.
I didn’t know what had happened, but when I got there and saw your mo…
Miss Beverly in the car, I did everything to get her out.
I carried her to my truck and took her to get help.
Grabbing her phone was a mistake. Kadean thought it was mine.
Even though I took her to the hospital, I feel like I should have done more.
Fuck that, I should've done more. I regret that, even knowing what I know about her on that road that night, I regret that.”
“You’re the only person who knows the truth,” she utters, barely above a whisper, then quickly wipes a tear from her cheek.
“And I only know because you trust and love me.”
“Used to,” she says.
“I know you still do because I love you. What we have, that shit doesn’t just go away.
Now, your trust, yeah, I lost that and I’ll do whatever I need to do to get that back, starting with what I should have been man enough to do the day I met you at the dentist office.
” I pull her mother’s cell from my pocket and hold it out to her.
She grabs it and flips it open. “That’s yours and I was dead ass wrong for listening to your messages.
And whatever reason I had doesn’t even matter, but I need you to know I didn’t see you as a pitiful woman.
I didn’t seek you out. All I knew was your name and voice but I fell in love with the beautiful woman and loving mother behind the voice.
” More tears stream down her face so I step closer and thumb them away.
“I’m sorry, love. So sorry, and if you give me a chance, I’ll apologize every day and do whatever you say and want for me to earn your trust. Please,” I beg because that’s what I’ll do for her.
I’ll beg and plead until she takes me back.
“I can’t,” she utters and I feel a pull in my damn chest.
“Yes, you can, love.” I thumb her tears again then plant a kiss on her forehead. “I love you so much, Adora. I know you love me too.”
“Love didn’t stop you from keeping this from me.”
“Nah but fear of losing you did,” I honestly admit.
My hand snakes behind her neck and I squeeze lightly.
Her head lifts and my eyes lock with her tear-filled ones.
“I loved you wrong then, give me a chance to love you the right way.” I lean in to kiss her lips, and when she doesn’t draw back, I take what’s mine and kiss her with all the love, apologies, and remorse I have, hoping she feels me.
When our lips part, she drops her head. “Your ten minutes are up. I need to get back inside to them,” she says and damn!
Defeated but not giving up, I lift her chin and stare into her eyes. “Answer me this. Do you still love me?”
“That’s not the issue.”
“Just answer the question. Do you?”
While shaking her head, she sighs. “Yes but—”
“Only focus on the yes tonight. While I’m up, not able to sleep without you, I want you to think about that. Can you do that for me, pretty girl?”
“I gotta go,” she says.
After kissing her again with no resistance from her, I say, “Do that for me. Think about us tonight and please unblock me so tomorrow I can hear what you thought about.”
“Good night, Xai,” is all she says.
“Good night, pretty girl. I love you.”
She turns to open the door then walks into the house. I stand at the door for a moment, praying that her listening to me and allowing me to kiss her soft lips means something. If it doesn’t, I’ll be back tomorrow. I’m not letting up until I have my baby back in my life.