JACK Broadwick Street
JACK
Broadwick Street
Despite everyone’s admirable efforts to ignore the elephant in the room, the rest of the dinner at the Blackbird passed under a cloud of such awkwardness that, as soon as it was polite to do so, everyone made their way home.
Not that people didn’t try to salvage the evening, quite the opposite.
Ollie and Kit, probably because they’re still the newest additions to the group, did their best to keep things light and cheerful.
But Remi’s expression, after he returned to his seat beside his husband, was so painfully tense that not even Seb’s attempts to lift his spirits seemed to work.
In the end, Professor Elliott simply wrapped his arms around his pianist and held on tight, like he was the last bit of solid ground in a storm, which, if I had to guess, he probably is.
Noah’s usual stream of chatter had all but dried up, and poor William looked like he was dying of second-hand embarrassment, apparently unaware that he was the accidental cause of the whole mess.
He and Anne were the first to leave, and although they both said goodbye with warmth, I couldn’t miss the storm brewing just beneath Miss Halliwell’s composed exterior.
And honestly, I don’t blame her. What was supposed to be the grand debut of her new boyfriend couldn’t have gone any worse.
All thanks to the infuriating Dr Starkey.
After Anne and her plus-one made their grand exit, Maude, who up until that point had seemed happily engaged in conversation with Kit, apparently oblivious to the drama, suddenly turned to the rest of the table and said, word for word: “Do you think Francis stormed off like that because he’s still in love with Anne? ”
Everyone at the table immediately began exchanging panicked looks, until Sebastian, ever the diplomat, stepped in to respond to his sister-in-law: “Uhm… sweetie, I wouldn’t quite put it like that.
I think it’s a bit more complicated. Though it’s fairly obvious those two still have some unresolved stuff going on… ”
Maude, however, didn’t look entirely convinced. In fact, after a second of quiet contemplation, she came back with full confidence: “Hmm… no, I think it’s pretty straightforward. He’s absolutely heartbroken. Still totally gone for Anne.”
Then she shrugged and added casually, “But what do I know, really? It’s not like I’ve got any real experience when it comes to relationships…”
At that point, it was pretty clear to everyone that the evening had officially run its course.
After the usual goodbyes to the rest of the gang, Ian, Kit and I headed home in a slightly gloomier mood than expected.
Ollie, on the other hand, had been stopped just as we were leaving and invited to join another table where some of his fellow castmates, fresh from a theatre performance, were still having dinner.
As he said his goodbyes, he flashed us a cheeky smile and told us not to wait up, a twinkle in his eye making it abundantly clear what kind of night he had in mind...
One of the actors from the company was outrageously good-looking and had become fairly well-known after landing a role in a TV series. Judging by the glances he and Ollie were exchanging, I’d say there’s no doubt they’ll both be getting home quite late tonight.
Ian didn’t look thrilled about it, but he didn’t say a word, just gave his flatmate a curt nod before turning on his heel and walking off, Kit following behind, chuckling and shaking his head like he was used to watching them interact like that and found it vaguely amusing.
As soon as we left the Blackbird and headed towards the Tube, though, Ian snapped. “Honestly, is it too much to ask for Ollie to take better care of himself? He really ought to be more selective with his… company.”
I’ve never thought of my brother as particularly uptight, so I was more than a little taken aback by his words, but I didn’t even have time to voice my surprise, because Kit, clearly more familiar with their group dynamics, beat me to it.
“Oh, come on, McAvoy, give it a rest! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black... Ollie’s not a kid; he can take care of himself just fine. Even I, as a hundred percent straight man, have eyes, and I totally get why he wouldn’t pass up a snack like Luke Thomas…”
“That’s not the point!” my brother burst out again, still trying, unsuccessfully, to convince Kit.
“Ollie’s too naive, and that Thomas guy is a known player… If he doesn’t start cutting back on his chaotic lifestyle, his career’s going to take a hit. Theatre takes discipline, and he’s always out and about. He doesn’t sleep enough; he doesn’t eat enough…”
“Alright, alright, we get it, thanks, Mum,” Kit teased mercilessly, grinning as he cut him off.
Ian, clearly defeated, let the matter drop, though he kept throwing sideways glances at Kit the whole way home.
Once we got back, Kit said goodnight with a chuckle still in his voice, completely unfazed by my brother’s grumpy mood. Ian marched off to his room without another word.
To be honest, I was kind of relieved to finally have the living room to myself.
After pulling out the sofa bed and getting changed, I was already looking forward to slipping under the covers.
On my way back from the bathroom, I found Ian sitting on one of the kitchen stools, staring into his glass of water like it might hold the answers to the great mysteries of the universe.
I sighed as I walked past my makeshift bed, poured myself a glass of water too, and climbed onto the stool next to him.
And here we are now, just the two of us, in the living room, wrapped in darkness and lit only by the city lights spilling in through the loft’s tall windows, despite the late hour.
But then again, London is a city that never really sleeps.
Knowing him as well as I do, I wait for Ian to start talking, and for once, he doesn’t need much prompting.
“So? Happy with the experience? Enjoyed your first time at the Blackbird?”
The question is laced with heavy irony, but my answer is entirely serious, without the slightest hesitation.
“Actually, yes. As far as I’m concerned, it was a lovely evening, regardless of how it ended.”
My brother widens his eyes and shoots me a sidelong glance, clearly unconvinced.
He raises an eyebrow slightly, but before he can say anything else, I go on: “Your friends are really interesting and nice… everyone was so warm, apart from that dreadful Dr Starkey, obviously.”
My nose wrinkles automatically at the mere thought of Francis’s grating attitude, but of course, Ian has something to say about that.
“Francis didn’t exactly show his best side tonight but trust me, there’s a genuinely good person behind all that,” Ian says.
I’ve officially run out of patience for the day, and I’m not in the mood to hear the pathetic excuses my brother is clearly gearing up to serve me, so I shoot back, offended,
“Not that bad? You’ve got to be kidding! That man is one of the most infuriating people I’ve ever met!”
“Well…” Ian replies, suddenly looking thoughtful, “I suppose that’s the effect rejection can have on some people…”
Before I have time to think through what I’m about to say, I hear myself snapping back, “Not on everyone, though… You, for instance, made me feel rejected plenty of times and I never acted the way he did…”
I catch a flicker of pain in his eyes, just for a second, before his face hardens into stone, and I instinctively bring a hand to my mouth.
I can’t take back what I just said, and honestly, I don’t want to. Because unfortunately, I meant every word.
I look at him, regretful, mostly for having thrown those words at him in a moment when he was vulnerable, his guard down. But I’m not about to lie and pretend I didn’t mean them.
“Jack…” he breathes at last, after what feels like a century of silence. “You know I love you,” he adds, looking straight into my eyes.
And I don’t even need to think before I reply, “I know. And I love you too. But that doesn’t change the facts. You know… I’ve never really understood why you started pulling away from me. I mean… I get it if you were embarrassed by me or… whatever. But still, I’m your brother.”
“Embarrassed by you?” Ian cuts in, clearly caught off guard.
“You really believe that, Jack?” he asks again, frowning like the very idea is unthinkable.
“What else am I supposed to think? I know I’m a bit… different, and you’ve always been so popular, so at ease wherever you were. I’ve always been a source of embarrassment for you, especially back in school. But we’re adults now, and I just… I wish you’d try to accept me for who I am.”
“Stop.”
His voice cuts through mine, firm, leaving no room for argument.
Then he goes on, and despite the strength in his tone, his shoulders slump ever so slightly, like he’s surrendering.
“I’m aware I haven’t been the best brother. And yes… there were times you embarrassed me, especially around some of the bigger idiots I used to hang out with…”
He gives a faint smile, but it’s bitter, not even close to reaching his eyes.
“But believe me, Jack… I’ve never once been ashamed of you. If anything, it’s the other way around.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I spring up from the stool like a loaded spring, unable to hold myself back, instinctively stepping closer to him.
Ian has gone white as a sheet and looks like he might throw up, but somehow, he still manages to answer.
“I… I think I’ve actually been jealous of you. In the past, for sure. And if I’m being completely honest… maybe I still am.”
The idea that my brother could envy me is so absurd that I find myself blinking at him, completely stunned.
“Don’t joke like that,” I warn, “It’s really not the time…”
“I’m not joking,” Ian replies, and his voice is so raw, so full of vulnerability, that I instantly know he’s telling the truth.
Heart-to-hearts have never really been Ian’s thing and seeing him this exposed completely throws me.
“But… why?” I stammer, genuinely baffled, barely stopping myself from laughing in disbelief.