JACK Broadwick Street #2
“What on earth is there to be jealous of?” I cry out, maybe a little too loud, gesturing toward myself like I’ve lost the plot altogether.
“Have you actually looked at yourself, Ian? You’re practically perfect, like some kind of Greek god!
You’re smart and charming, you’ve built a successful career, you’ve got loads of friends…
and a never-ending parade of Sebastian clones ready to keep you company at night.
What more could you possibly want from life? ”
My brother, who’s been quietly listening to my whole outburst, suddenly widens his eyes and bursts out laughing. Properly laughing this time. Like, really laughing.
Now it’s my turn to stare at him, mouth open, slightly offended by his reaction. But once he manages to calm down, he rests a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with genuine warmth, shaking his head.
“That. That’s exactly what I meant… Even in a moment like this, you just can’t filter yourself. You’re so unapologetically you, pure, undiluted Jack McAvoy.”
“You’d better explain that” I reply, letting out a huff.
Ian drops the hand he’d rested on my shoulder, shifts on his stool, and takes a long sip of water before continuing.
“That’s what I’ve always envied about you, your ability to stay true to yourself, no matter the cost. Even if it meant not being popular.
While I… I’ve always wanted to be liked, Jack.
I’ve always needed it. I couldn’t bear the idea of being the outsider.
Even back then, in school, when I didn’t understand why you insisted on being…
different. I used to get angry because I thought you were drawing attention to us for all the wrong reasons, but even then, I admired you.
I envied you. Because you didn’t need anyone’s approval to be who you are. Not like I did…”
I’m still standing there, mouth open, his words echoing in my head, and, true to form, I hear myself responding before I’ve even processed the thought, like part of my brain has a will of its own.
“You… you admired me?”
“In some ways, yes, Jack. Even if your courage always seemed a bit illogical and borderline suicidal…”
Shock is slowly giving way to anger, and as I shoot back my reply, I feel myself bristle.
“Well, you sure had a funny way of showing it, leaving me to fend for myself against school bullies wasn’t exactly the best strategy to demonstrate your admiration!”
My voice has shot up an octave, but Ian doesn’t even flinch. I can only hope Kit’s room is far enough away that we haven’t woken him up.
“I could’ve been more present, I’ll give you that,” Ian admits, “but I was just a kid too and… I made mistakes. Still, please believe me, I always kept an eye out. I made sure no one ever crossed a certain line. There were times I let things slide when they were bothering you, and yeah, I should’ve done better.
But I would never have let anyone actually hurt you, Jack.
Never. In my own way, I tried to protect you, even though I knew you were perfectly capable of looking after yourself… ”
“I was capable!” I snap, “I always have been. What I missed was having my brother stand by me…”
Ian shrugs. “I get that. But at least Mum and Dad were always there for you.”
“Oh, give me a break!” I cut him off. “Don’t tell me you were jealous of that too. I honestly don’t think I can handle another bombshell like that, not tonight, anyway…”
“There’s no need to be so melodramatic all the time…” my brother replies with a grimace, but I shut him up straight away with one of my signature glares that sends him right back on track.
“If I’m being completely honest… yeah, a little. I’ve always been jealous of the attention Mum and Dad gave you. They’ve treated you with kid gloves since the day you were born, even Dad…”
I can feel that familiar surge of anger rising in my chest again, and there’s no hiding the frustration his words stir in me.
“What attention, Ian? Seriously. I could say the exact same thing about you; don’t you see that? You were always the golden boy, the gorgeous, brilliant son who made it big in London. Me? I’ve always been more like… some kind of experiment that’s still a work in progress.”
“Don’t talk crap, Jack. You’ve got incredible potential! You just don’t see it yet, but you’re a star, ready to explode and set this whole city on fire…”
I search his face for the usual flicker of sarcasm, but for once, it isn’t there.
“Back in our little town, maybe you were seen as the funny one, or the weird one out of the two of us, but here in London? It’s going to be a whole different story, trust me.
I’ve seen plenty of people walk through this city full of themselves, only to get burned by their own dreams. But you…
you’ve got something special. And I don’t just mean as a dancer, even though you clearly have the talent.
What I’m talking about is charisma, Jack.
People are drawn to you like moths to a flame, they warm to you, orbit around you, and you don’t even have to try…
not like I do. It’s something natural. You’ve got this light inside you, and soon enough, everyone will see it. ”
Suddenly, I feel so overwhelmed by emotion that I have to bring a hand to my mouth, afraid I’ll start crying right here in front of my brother, which I’d really rather avoid, because I don’t think he’d handle it very well.
But Ian seems to read my mind. After downing the last sip of water, he sets the glass down by the sink and simply says, “No need to wash it, I’ll use it for my smoothie in the morning.”
Then he ruffles my hair and heads off to his room, leaving me speechless… and with the strange, lingering feeling that maybe I’ve never truly known my brother at all.