Chapter 28 Easton
EASTON
East,
The day is finally here, huh?
Don’t let me hear of you being a coward and hiding this letter. I know you. If being your twin has taught me anything, it’s that you’re shit with feelings. I got the good genes in that department.
You and I both hate what’s coming. It’s inevitable and for you it’ll probably hurt worse than breaking your arm in third grade did.
I’m just hoping God gives me some Dwayne Johnson kind of body when I get to the other side.
Big abs and a killer smile. All those perfect angel ladies will come flocking (Don’t tell Syd).
You know I’m not one to be super traditional and neither are you, but I gotta get some things off my chest. I’m finally having a day where the pain doesn’t feel like someone’s cutting me open with a fucking scalpel. Gotta make good use of my time. Well, what’s left of it.
First things first, Mom and Pops. Mom is going to cry like a baby.
Rightfully so. I’m awesome. So, love on her.
Take her out of the house and buy her lunch.
Ask her about her day. Get her flowers. You know the things that make her happy.
But for the love of God, don’t let her open my memory boxes and cry herself to sleep every night.
It’ll ruin her makeup and give her wrinkles.
Tell her that. And Pops will likely play it tough for the fam.
You two are more alike than you realize.
So, check on him too. When you’re no longer crying from missing me, hug him for me.
I’ll be wishing I could do it myself because he will never ask for it.
Bet you my last scratch off ticket he’s the last one to let go.
Tell Palmer she’s the most annoying sister ever and I love her.
She’ll understand. I need her happy. I think we can both agree on that.
Less parties and more future building. She needs to go change the world or something.
Marry some politician with loads of money, but he better love her or I’ll haunt him.
After everything she’s been through, it only makes sense for her to rise above the stupids of the world.
I really wish I could see her get married.
Wear a wedding dress and look like the princess she’s always been.
We would harass her husband together and dirty dance with all our uptight Aunts. I’ll be there in spirit.
And as for Syd. Fuck. Just thinking about her alone makes me want to murder cancer myself.
I hate that I have to leave her. Do I wish I could marry the woman I love?
Yes. But more than that, I hate to leave my very best friend.
Aside from you, of course. She doesn’t have much family.
You know all of this. So, I need you to look out for her, East. Make sure she eats.
Showers. Brushes her teeth. All the things I know she’ll forget because that’s just the kind of person she is. Selfless.
I know just the other day we had a conversation where I asked you to look out for her, and I meant it.
But the second you left it had me thinking.
I know how much you care about Sydney. I really do.
But don’t neglect yourself at the risk of being everything to everyone else.
Syd needs to grieve on her own just like you do.
And I know you’ll try to save the day. I saw it on your face the second I mentioned it to you.
Don’t do that to yourself. I forbid it.
They’re adults and can process loss. Still check on them and follow up.
Don’t be a fucking recluse. But for once in your goddamn life, East, do something fun.
You don’t have to take care of me anymore.
Hell, I never asked you to. You just did it on your own.
Dude, the second you graduated high school you got your CDL and went to trade school to be a lineman.
Who the fuck does that? You’ve never got to experience life without planning what’s next.
I want that for you, bro. So badly. Meet a woman who gets you and brings out the best in you. The part Mom and Pops have been dying to see. The world, our family, and you deserve that. So, go find her. Fuck her across the goddamn country for all I care, but bring her home and do something about it.
Don’t stay stagnant. Live, my brother. Live.
You’ll know when you meet your match. You just gotta leave the house and go find her. Don’t worry, I can hear your scowl from here.
I do want you to know one thing and it might be the most important of them all.
You have been the best brother to me. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be my twin.
Our childhood together…the way we destroyed everything in our path and somehow didn’t get ourselves killed…
those were the good days. I wish we had more of them.
It fucking kills me I won’t get to be an uncle to your kids one day.
That they’ll have to hear about Uncle Ben through stories.
But you better tell them I love them either way, no matter where in this big world I am.
Their Uncle loves them. And I'm always thinking of them.
You got me crying over here, man. I just…I love you. Thank you for making the short time I’ve had on this earth my best years. We’re a team. Brothers to no end, with a bond never to be broken.
Whether I’m here or there. I got your back, East.
That’s why I left something for you. My entire life insurance savings is yours.
And before you try to argue and throw a bitch fit, hear me out.
I know you have a great job and make bank.
I know. So, save the lecture for Pops, okay?
I want you to have it because there’s no one else I trust to do with it well.
You are the other half of me.
I don’t know how many kids you’ll have one day, but I suspect at least two.
Set aside fifty thousand of the three hundred thousand to each of them.
Whether they go to college, trade school, or want to travel the world, I want my nieces and nephews to have a safety net.
Money saved for a rainy day because you and I both know those days fucking come.
And when they do, they pour. Take some of it and book Mom and Pops a good vacation.
Not just a little week trip. I’m talkin’ go big.
A month in Italy or the Swiss Alps. Wherever you think they’d love and can make their marriage a priority.
They’ve sacrificed everything for me. This is my way of giving back to them.
Pay off Syd’s student loan debts. It’s not much. Less than ten thousand, but she loses sleep over them. I want her to be able to move on with her life free of any burdens.
And with whatever is left, it’s all for you bro.
Travel, buy a boat, invest, pay off stupid shit you put on layaway.
Anything you need to do. But just promise me one thing…
and this is most important to me. Promise me you’ll use that money toward something for YOU.
Your future. Your plans. The place you see yourself retiring or settling down.
I want it to matter. Because you matter, Easton. And I’m sick and tired of seeing my brother saving everyone else when he’s the one who has been drowning all along.
All the bills from my chemotherapy and everything are paid off. I’ve been saving since I was diagnosed. I would have killed myself earlier if I knew there’d be a chance my family would ever be left with my financial burdens. Not a chance.
So, make it count. Make my death be something good in your life and know I’ll be rooting for you on the other side, brother. Rooting for your happiness and peace.
I can’t wait to see what your future looks like from my point of view.
I’ll be waiting, hopefully centuries, until we get to tear apart the town together again.
In the meantime, I’ll give heaven some hell just for you.
Brothers till no end.
Ben.
My stomach is in my throat. I choke down a sob that ripples through me without so much as a warning. “Oh, fuck.”
Small arms hold me close, wrapping me in her warmth while my heart literally feels like it’s being torn to shreds.
My brother. My twin. Gone too fucking soon.
I miss him. How did I wait this long to hear his words? Hear the kindness and gratitude he has toward our lives? Our family? Our childhood together?
I have regrets. I was a coward who couldn’t bear the thought of knowing what my own flesh and blood was thinking at a time so gruesome in his life.
But hearing Ben reflect on everything? Fuck, it kills me to imagine him writing this. Knowing his time on this earth was almost up and he had to mentally prepare himself to say goodbye.
Let alone write about it.
I can run through all the normal things to feel about death—the guilt, what I should have done, should have said differently. But what I really should have done was give Ben the benefit of the doubt.
Why would I ever expect him to want anything less than the best for me? He never wanted me to marry the love of his life because he feared her being alone.
That would mean she came first.
This letter proves the strength he and I have always had in our brotherhood. The kinship we shared. The trust and bond that never in our life was risked or altered.
Ben wanted my happiness before anyone else. I never knew about his life insurance policy. My parents never mentioned it. I’m assuming they know, but expected I didn’t want to talk about it until I was ready.
That’s my guess at least.
But for the past two years, I’ve tortured myself with my own conflicts. Going back and forth on doing what I thought was right versus what I thought Ben would consider wrong.
When all along, this letter held the answers to everything. The clarity I needed to do right by him. I just never expected it to be simple.
But then again, it’s Ben. Everything with him was black and white. Right from wrong. No room for gray.