CHAPTER 10 collins NOW
collins
NOW
I’m sitting on the floor with Billy and the puppy that has yet to be named, and our game of Mario Kart is interrupted when there’s a knock at the door.
Lou just left for an appointment, but maybe she forgot something.
I freeze when I see the top of light brunette hair glowing in the early evening sun through the small door window.
I would know those strands anywhere, and it’s definitely not Lou.
Taking a deep breath in, I fling the door open and glower.
Johnnie looks up at me, deep blue eyes beneath wispy black eyelashes. They’re red-rimmed; the makeup she’s wearing not doing much to hide it. She’s been crying, and dammit, I don’t like that one bit. I have to force the scowl to stay on my face.
“Hey…” She pauses. “I made some dog treats and just wanted to bring them over for the new guy.”
Johnnie holds up a basket, and all I can see is a cloth napkin. Everything about her remains the same as it was all those years ago, only somehow better. She’s gotten even more beautiful. I just stare at her like an idiot. She tries to hand me the basket, bringing me out of the fog I’m in.
“You made treats for the puppy?” I take it from her hand.
“Yeah, I was going through the pantry, emptying as much as I could and there was a can of pumpkin. I remembered a recipe for dog treats with pumpkin so I figured it was a good way to use up some ingredients.”
Her grandmother just died and this is where her mind is at? Putting others first. So much has changed, yet so much has remained the same.
Just then, a black and white ball of energy and my favorite dark-haired six-year-old runs behind me. Grabbing the leash off a hook by the door, I hand it to Billy.
“Hey, kiddo, how about you take the spunky guy out. He probably needs to take a leak.”
He clicks the leash into place and the two dart out the door around Johnnie as she looks on adoringly.
I stand back slightly, frozen. Should I tell her to come in? I feel a little guilty being a total ass when she came over with such a kind gesture.
“Do you want to come in for a minute?”
She looks at me, and I can tell she’s hesitating, but I just turn my back to her and walk to the kitchen.
“Wow, this place certainly looks different from the last time I was here.”
I turn and see her scanning the inside of the trailer and, my god, seeing her here, in this space again…I was beginning to think it would never be a reality.
“Yeah, Lou definitely gave the old bachelor pad a woman’s touch.”
I see her flinch at that statement.
“Speaking of Lou, where is she?” Johnnie says, looking around like she’s expecting her to materialize any second.
“Oh, she has an appointment in town, so I’m hanging out with Billy until she gets back.”
I can see her eyes land on the TV and the game we had been playing.
“Well, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just wanted to bring over the treats. I should probably get back to packing.”
Maybe it’s just my imagination, but her eyes seem to look watery.
She starts heading back to the door and I just can’t help myself.
My hand reaches out and lands on her shoulder, causing her to fling back around.
She turns her head and looks at my hand, then her eyes land back on mine.
Those watery eyes I was hoping weren’t real begin to spill over, and my stomach drops.
It’s like everything moves in slow motion, reality thickening, when she throws her arms around my waist. I stand there in shock, arms at my sides, as tears seep through my shirt.
I’m sure this isn’t the reaction from me that she was hoping for, but every shrapnel of pain that’s lodged in me at the hands of this woman halts any movement.
I remain still, like a rigid asshole, as she sobs into my old white T-shirt.
She stiffens, slowly raising back up and wipes the tears from her cheeks, seemingly doing anything to avoid looking me in the eyes.
“I’m so sorry, this whole trip back home has been one big emotional roller coaster.”
“Thanks for the treats.” I stare at the floor as she starts backing up toward the door.
Suddenly, it flings open, Billy running in, and Johnnie reaches down to pet the pup.
“I was just on my way out, Billy. Good to see you, you guys let me know how he likes his treats.”
Billy squeaks a “thank you” and settles back down on his spot on the floor and starts the game up again.
“He’s a beautiful boy.” She says those words with sincerity, but they’re also laced with something else. Sorrow, maybe?
Then it hits me like a freight train, and I can’t help but smirk.
“What’s so funny,” Johnnie says, eyeing me suspiciously.
“You think Billy is my son, don’t you?”
“Umm, he’s not?”
“No, Johnnie, he’s not.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed—”
“Assumed what, exactly? That Lou and I are together, living here, raising our son?”
I can’t help it, I’m full on laughing now, and she doesn’t look the slightest bit amused, which nearly brings me to hysterics.
Johnnie crosses her arms and scowls at me like a child.
“Maybe you’d be aware of the actual situation around here, had you not disappeared for the last, I don’t know how many years.” I absolutely fucking know.
She’s still scowling. “Hilarious. Can you please explain this situation then?”
“Lou moved to town about a year ago. She actually ran into Crandall before any of us. They were both up at Houdini’s her first night in town.
Long story short, she has a crazy ex, Billy’s dad.
She needed a place to live and we still own this trailer.
Crandall set her up here, gave her an accounting job at Combs Landscaping, and she and Billy have sort of become like family.
We look out for them, especially Crandall.
He’s in love with her, and she’s in love with him. They just haven’t admitted it yet.”
“So, wait a minute. You don’t live here? But I’ve seen your truck here every single day.” She gives me a look of suspicion and I try really hard not to find it adorable.
“I have a place outside of town. I built it shortly after the business took off, but I’m having some renovations done so Lou insisted I come stay with them while it’s getting completed.
I could have just stayed with my brothers, but I knew it would get under Crandall’s skin being here, and I couldn’t resist the chance to piss him off.
That brings a smile to her face.
“You boys haven’t changed a bit, have you? The same old brotherly love disguised as harassment.” She bites her bottom lip, with a grin.
“We bond through constant jabs and emotional damage,” I quip.
“Well, I better get back to work over here.” Throwing a thumb over her shoulder, she’s halfway back to her own front door before I manage to find any more words.
Sticking my head out the door, I yell, “Nan was the best, I really am sorry for your loss.” That sounds so damn lame, but I don’t know what else to say.
When she turns and glances over her shoulder. “Thank you, Collins. I’m sorry this is so awkward. I’m sorry you hate me, but I understand.”
“I have a lot of feelings when it comes to you, Johnnie. But none of them are hate.”
I slam the door harder than necessary and stomp back into the living room, throwing myself on the couch beside Billy and running a hand down my face.
I really need to know why this woman left my heart in pieces all those years ago. Because she’s the embodiment of every memory I haven’t been able to outrun, no matter how hard I try.