Collins

CHAPTER 15 johnnie THEN

johnnie

THEN

Opening my eyes, the sun shining in is far too bright for my pounding head.

I squint my eyes and notice a gift from God, apparently.

A bottle of blue Gatorade, my saving grace.

After downing half of it, remnants of last night rush in.

It’s almost like I can physically feel each memory as it comes back.

Every image, a jolt to my aching brain. I’m never drinking again.

Pretty sure I can smell the beer seeping from my pores, too.

Disgusting.

On closer inspection of my nightstand, I see a pink sticky note flapping in the breeze that’s blowing in through a sliver of the window Collins must have left open when he slipped out.

You’re cute when you’re drunk.

Even cuter when you snore.

- CC

I spend my entire shower smiling at the echoes of last night that keep flashing through my mind. A combination of pure bliss laced with embarrassment.

The hot water along with Tylenol I downed does wonders to bring me back to life, though. Hopefully I can face Nan without her suspecting anything. Tossing my hair up into a messy bun and pulling an oversized T-shirt on, it’s time to go out and face the music.

Nan is standing at the counter, phone cord strung across the kitchen, and the old yellow rotary pressed to her ear.

“Oh, here she is now. Johnnie, come say hello to your mother.” Nan gives me a look that says she knows I have zero desire to talk to her at the moment, but she’s taking pleasure in my annoyance.

I narrow my eyes at her, walk over to grab the phone, and Nan giggles.

“Hi, Mom.”

I spend the next half hour listening to her talk about how I don’t call her enough.

How wonderful things are going with Dad’s new job.

How she’s making him go to the doctor tomorrow because she’s worried about the cough he’s had for a week.

She lectures me about anything and everything she can.

She makes sure I’m taking care of Nan.

My eyes are getting sore from rolling them up into my head so much, and it’s a relief when we finally hang up.

I walk to the coffee pot and pour myself a cup and settle down on the couch to watch last week’s episodes of Days of Our Lives that Nan is getting caught up on.

“Your parents love you, you know.” Nan points the two fingers holding her cigarette my way as she blows a plume of smoke above her head and I sigh.

“I know they do, I just sort of feel like I was always kind of an inconvenience to them. Like maybe they never planned to have kids, but when I came along they just made it work. It’s like they were always doing their own thing and I was always a third wheel or something.

” There’s a lot more I could say, especially about their drinking habits.

But I’ve always kept that part to myself, and I have no intentions of changing now.

“Oh, Johnnie.”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, they’ve always been great to me. I never had to question their love or anything…never mind.”

Guilt swirls in my stomach.

Nan stands up, puts her cigarette out, and pats my head before heading down the hall.

“I love you, sweet pea,” she says.

“Love you too, Nan.”

I find myself in the kitchen later that day, making lemon poppy seed muffins with the intention of bringing them next door.

A perfect excuse to see my favorite boy.

They’re Nan’s favorite so I line a cake stand with enough for her to get her fix and place the glass lid back on—packing the rest in a container for the neighbors.

Nan appears to be napping in her recliner as I make my way back to the bedroom to throw on some extra deodorant and a pair of spandex shorts with my big shirt.

I gargle some mouthwash, put on a couple coats of mascara and my favorite cherry Chapstick before grabbing the muffins and heading out.

The summer heat smacks me in the face as I count how many strides I take from our front door to theirs.

Thirteen.

That’s how many steps I take before I’m knocking on their door.

Campbell cracks the door, and Crandall is standing over his shoulder with a toothpick in his mouth, sporting a grin. It isn’t normal to have such aesthetically-pleasing looking humans all in one place, good lord.

“Come on in, sweet cheeks,” they speak in unison, and it’s the cutest thing.

I make my way in and hand the muffins off to Campbell who doesn’t waste any time digging in and handing one over to Crandall. They head out and leave me alone in this trailer with their sleeping brother.

I’ve never been in Collins’ room, but have been informed it’s the first door on the left, down the hall.

Nerves quake through me as I ease his door open and step inside.

There, spread across the green sheets, is a peaceful looking Collins.

He’s lying stomach down, his large frame taking up the entire twin bed, plus some.

His brown messy hair blows with the low buzz of the box fan propped on a wooden chair in the far corner.

I’ve seen him without a shirt on before, but I’m taken aback by the muscles covered in tan skin and freckles.

Even more surprised to see black ink lining his left ribcage. Some sort of script I can’t make out.

“Are you just gonna stand there and stare?”

I jump at the boom of his voice and press a hand to my chest.

He rolls over and looks at me with tired, but piercing toffee eyes. I’m certain this is the most beautiful human I’ve ever seen and my stomach flips. He brings a hand up and gestures for me to come to him.

“A little late in the day to still be in bed, don’t you think, Mr. Combs?”

“I would have to agree, however I didn’t sleep a lick last night, because I was too busy listening to you snore and watching the clock, afraid to fall asleep and wake up to a certain grandmother trying to murder me.”

I walk to the bed and place one knee beside him and swat a hand at his chest.

“I do not snore,” I say on a laugh, and he grabs my hand, pulling me down beside him.

“Oh, you most certainly do, but don’t worry, it’s adorable.” He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, softly kissing my knuckles.

My heart picks up speed and I’m almost afraid he can hear the pounding in my chest.

I run a finger over his tattooed ribs and he slightly flinches, causing me to pause and look at his eyes already fixed on mine.

“It’s the last thing my mom said to me the day she died. It means whatever will be, will be.”

Que Sera Sera—I can now make out the words etched in his skin and the seriousness of his tone instantly brings tears to my eyes.

“She used to sing that song to me when I was little. She sang it to all three of us. The morning before they were killed, she and I were having a conversation about my indecisiveness about playing football for another season. My parents were about to die, and I was worried about fucking football. She told me I would figure out the best thing to do, kissed me on the head, and whispered ‘que sera sera’ before walking out the door, and I never saw her alive again.”

“Oh, Collins. I’m so sorry.” The tears spill over onto my cheeks, and he reaches up to wipe them away.

“I would give anything to have them back, but one thing I can say is they gave my brothers and me enough love in their time with us to last the rest of our lives. They truly were the best parents.”

A tear falls from my eye down onto his arm and that’s all it takes for a switch to flip and he grabs my wrists, guiding me down to straddle him, and places a hand on my neck to fit into the crook of his own.

We just lie in this position, heart to heart, and it almost feels like the pounding in my chest is trying to heal the pounding in his.

In this moment, something shifts. Our souls, the ones I’m certain have known each other from another time, feel truly reunited.

I bring my hands up to Collins’ head, tangling my fingers in his coarse caramel hair. He runs his hands up and down my back and sides, over and over before finally settling down slightly lower on my ass and squeezing.

I can feel the firmness under his boxers begin to swell, and I can’t help the urge I have to begin rocking into him.

The thin material of my shorts combined with the thin material covering him, doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

I swear I can feel every bump and ridge of his length, and I suddenly have the fear that he may be able to feel wetness that surely must be starting to seep through.

Whether he can or not, something spurs him on even more and he begins to lift his hips up in rhythm with mine.

Placing kisses to the top of my head, then forehead, cheek, corner of my mouth.

My breath hitches when he places his lips directly on mine and uses his tongue to slide along my closed lips, asking for permission in.

There’s no hesitation from me and we quickly find ourselves in a mess of deep breathing, heavy grinding, and tangled tongues.

“Oh my god, Johnnie.”

His eyes are heavy when I look up, and he reaches one hand up to the back of my head, grasping the hair at the nape of my neck and making a tight fist, pulling just enough to send a wave of pleasure through me.

With his other hand on my hip, he splays his fingers over my ass and pushes down, pressing me farther into him as he simultaneously grinds up into me.

The hand that was just in my hair comes down to my lower back and Collins starts to slide it up and under my shirt.

The sensations that are flowing through me are foreign, but yet, I never want this to end.

My breathing is just as labored as his, and when I feel his hand snake around my ribs to the front of my bra, it’s nearly my undoing when I feel a thumb run over the lace front over my nipple.

Just then, the solid warmth beneath me shifts—tightening, pressing just enough to send a wave of sensation rolling through my body.

The feeling blooms low in my stomach, spreading outward like a spark.

My breath hitches, fingers clutching at his shoulders as reality narrows between us.

I had no idea anything could feel like this.

For a moment I’m suspended in it. My mind floats somewhere between disbelief and pure, dizzying bliss.

Every nerve in my body seems to hum, the sensation cresting until it spills over me in a rush that steals the air from my lungs.

Collins goes rigid beneath me at the same time, a sharp breath leaving him as his arms tighten around my middle.

He pulls me closer, pressing his face into the curve of my neck, and I feel the gentle scrape of his teeth against my skin before he kisses the spot like he’s soothing the mark he left behind.

The room feels quiet except for the sound of our breathing. It’s ragged at first, then slowly evens out. All the strength leaves my body at once, and I melt against him, completely limp in his arms.

He doesn’t let go. Instead, Collins trails soft kisses from the base of my neck to my cheek, lingering there for a moment before settling one against my temple. His lips stay there, warm and steady, while his chest rises and falls beneath me.

For a while neither of us moves. We just lie there, tangled together, breathing in the same quiet space.

When the shock wears off, I slowly roll from on top of Collins to beside him on the mattress, between him and the wall.

My entire body is tingling with the remnants of pleasure as I watch him reach over to the laundry basket beside his nightstand.

He pulls out a towel and begins cleaning himself up, standing and wrapping the towel around his waist. I have no idea what to say or do, but when I look up and see the boy I’m pretty sure has my heart increasing in size by the day, the look in his eyes staring down at me makes the decision for me.

I unravel the ribbon in my hair that is nearly all the way out now and rake fingers through my messy tresses and come up to my knees on the bed.

Collins tucks my hair behind each of my ears, and I bring my forehead to his stomach, where he then bends and kisses the top of my head.

“I’ll sleep all day more often if that’s how I get woken up.” He says to the top of my head.

I just laugh and wrap my arms around his torso.

“I’m going to go shower. Are you going to stick around?”

“Do you want me to?”

Collins straightens up and looks me in the eye once again.

“Don’t leave. I won’t be long. We can go grab some food.” He comes face to face with me and pecks me on the lips quickly before heading to the bathroom.

I wait until I can hear the water turn on before I take another breath and fall back down to the pillows.

I can’t believe that just happened, and as amazing as it was, it only has me craving more.