CHAPTER 26
collins
“Okay, Nan. Here are the groceries I promised you.”
She comes walking toward the kitchen from down the hall. Over the years we’ve gotten to the point where I just walk in, I don’t even need to knock anymore.
“Thank you, honey, did I give you enough money?” She didn’t, but I’d never tell her that.
“Absolutely. And I picked you up some lemon poppy seed muffins from the bakery on Main.”
“My favorite, just like you.” She pats my cheek and starts putting her things away.
“I think Crandall was your favorite yesterday.”
“That’s right. When you can’t choose, you just rotate. Plus, I warned him, if he gets one more tattoo, he loses the favorite status permanently.”
I start to help her grab some things, but suddenly my world feels like it’s about to end.
My stomach bottoms out, and I think I might be sick.
There, in plain sight on the counter, is a Save the Date.
Johnnie’s name is joined with another—Greg Sherwood—in stylized script next to a photo of my soul and someone I don’t know, but very much holding her hand.
Engaged. She’s engaged. I only realize I’m standing here staring when Nan pipes up.
“Oh, Collins. I’m sorry, you know my old mind.
I meant to put this out of sight.” She picks it up and tucks it in a drawer.
The look on her face lets me know that there’s nothing wrong with her mind.
She left that there intentionally. I don’t know what to make of that, but what I do know is my world just shattered, and it’s hard to breathe.
“Well, Nan, I would stick around but I’ve got to get back to work. There’s a house about twenty minutes outside of town we’ve been sprucing up for a realtor, and we’re about to run some outdoor lighting.”
“Okay, hon. Thanks again for grabbing me a few things, and for the muffins. Come by soon for some sweet tea.”
I give her a kiss on the cheek and head back out to my truck. As soon as I’m on the road I give Campbell a call, and he answers on the first ring.
“Tell me you’re on your way. This realtor is being a pain in the ass. We need to get things wrapped up quickly so we can get the hell out of this place.”
“I’m on my way, but I need a favor.”
“Sounds serious.”
“It is.”
“What’s going on, brother?”
“I’m flying out to Texas this weekend, can you handle everything around here until I get back?”
“Whoa, back the fuck up. Texas? The hell is going on?”
“Johnnie’s getting married, and I’m going to stop her.”
“You sure that’s a good idea?”
“No, but I’m going anyway.”
The sun shining in through a little sliver in the curtains wakes me, and I squint, looking at the red numbers on the nightstand.
The bedding smells like bleach and the local news is playing on the TV.
I must have passed out as soon as I laid down; I’m still on top of the made bed, fully clothed.
My flight was long, and the layover in Chicago ended up being eight hours instead of two.
I hate flying. If I wasn’t trying to get here so damn fast, I sure as hell would have driven instead.
I have no plan, I have no idea where to find her, but I’m here and I’m not leaving until I convince her that she belongs with me and not Gary. Or Greg. Whatever the fuck his name is.
My first thought was to just ask Nan about where to find Johnnie, but I decided Bea was the better option.
According to Nan, Johnnie made her promise not to talk about me to her and vice versa.
It kills me, but I want to respect her enough not to involve Nan.
Problem is, I haven’t had the balls to get ahold of Bea yet.
I don’t know if she’ll be helpful or just be a barricade in my plans.
I wipe my eyes and peel myself from the mattress.
Walking to the window, I pull the curtains back and look out to the beautiful view below that I hadn’t been able to see when I arrived at midnight.
I need a shower, but I grab my phone and shoot a text to my brother first. I’ve never had Bea’s phone number, but if anyone does, it’s Campbell.
By the time I step out of the shower, I have Bea’s number and decide to just give her a call. It will be easier to explain everything.
To my surprise, Bea is far more accommodating than I ever expected. By noon, I’m in a rental driving to the address she gave me.
It’s an apartment complex. It’s nice. More than nice, honestly.
There’s a pool, tennis courts, and sidewalks filled with lots of people walking dogs and pushing strollers.
It looks like a safe, quiet neighborhood.
As much as it pains me to look around and see the life that she’s been living here without me, I’m at least relieved to know she’s been in a good place.
All I’ve ever wanted, besides having her to myself, is for her to be happy.
1702. That’s her apartment number, and I’m parked outside her unit.
I have nothing planned. I don’t know what I’m going to do, what I’m going to say.
I need a minute to gather myself. I turn the air conditioning up but then open the sun roof a moment later.
The heat is stifling, but I also feel like I need the outside air to breathe.
My insides are a wreck; this whole thing is surreal.
I can’t believe I’m actually here. Is she going to be pissed?
Probably. Fuck, this is stupid. She left for a reason.
I need to just accept the fact that she moved on and she’s not mine anymore.
I’m an idiot. I have to get out of here.
I place my head back on the headrest, slapping my palms over closed eyes and breathe deeply.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
Tears stab the back of my eyes as the song that comes on the radio flows through me, smacking my heart in the process. “The Freshmen,” the song that was playing the first time I told her I loved her. What the hell is this twisted kind of fate?
Then it happens.
It’s like a movie, and everything is happening in slow motion, with our song in the background nonetheless. I look up and the car coming to a stop directly in front of me…is her.
Sunglasses cover her beautiful blue eyes and her shoulder-length hair, much shorter than I remember, blows in the wind from her rolled-down windows.
I hold my breath and completely freeze, waiting for her to look up and see me.
Look up, Johnnie. I’m here. I came for you…because you’re still my everything, and I’m done living without you.
She doesn’t, though. Her attention directs to the black truck pulling in on the other side of the parking lot.
She rolls the windows up and opens her door.
There’s a man, a man that looks a whole hell of a lot like Gar—Greg from the picture I saw on Nan’s counter.
He starts walking toward her as she gets out of her blue Toyota.
She’s standing behind her open car door when he reaches her, arms outstretched. He wraps them around her.
I want to storm out of this fucking car, rip him away from her, and smash his head into the pavement.
I’m imagining doing just that, when they pull apart and he grabs her door, shutting it as Johnnie reaches up and pulls her hair into a messy bun, like I’ve seen her do so many times.
When the door closes and I get a look at all of her, something smacks me, hits my chest with so much impact I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to recover.
It’s grief. Grief hits me at the sight of her stomach.
She’s wearing a tight, stretchy tank top and matching shorts, with a zip-up sweatshirt that’s undone.
The round shape of her middle is undeniable.
She’s not real far along, but enough to make it clear that what I think I’m seeing is real.
The grief that struck me remains and it weighs heavy, making each breath I take feel like work.
It’s the kind of torment that turns memories into armor and moments in time into reminders of what’s lost.
Any remaining hope washes away with the sudden raindrops that are now falling from the sky.
I can’t move. I sit here, getting soaked, for I don’t know how long before I finally close the sunroof and drive away.
Drive away from the love of my life, once and for all.
Every beat that my heart makes feels like something trying to escape my chest, and I know in this moment, from here on out, that when it beats, it will do so more cautiously than ever before.
I stick around in this hotel room for the next couple days, staring at the wall and knocking over empty pizza boxes.
I have to go back home, but I just want to sulk for a while.
I want to be pissed and question every single thing about my life up to this point.
I’ll never love anyone the way I love her, but maybe someday I’ll find someone good enough to dull the pain, just a fraction.
I just have to make one more stop before I leave. And apparently that stop is in a medical building downtown. Greg Sherwood. Thanks to an internet search, I found him right away. He’s a nurse at this hospital I’m currently stalking.
I sit in the parking lot like a complete fool, just watching as people go in and out.
I see his truck, the same black shiny one from the spot my life shattered a few days ago.
I just want to catch him on his way out.
I’m not absolutely heartless, this man works here and I can’t guarantee this is going to be a friendly meeting, I don’t want to cause a scene.
When the thirty-third person makes their way out of the building and into the parking lot—I know it’s thirty-three because I’ve counted every single one—he appears.
My blood boils and my heart kick-starts and takes off at a manic pace as I ball my fists and exit my car.
With each stomp of my boot-clad feet on the blacktop, the tension inside me winds tighter and tighter until I’m within reaching distance of his back.
He drops something, and it smacks the ground directly in front of me.
Bending down to pick it up, it gives me an easy opening and removes any indecision over how to approach him.
“Excuse me, you dropped something.” The wind picks up and blows his lanyard up and over his shoulder as he turns around.
“Thank you,” he says as he reaches out and takes the laminated card from my hand, clipping it back onto the lanyard that he’s now adjusting around his neck. I catch a glimpse of the word “pediatrics” and notice there’s a Mickey Mouse pin attached to the collar of his scrubs.
“Pediatrics?”
“That’s right. I’ve been a peds nurse here for five years.
It’s the most rewarding job in the world.
” He absolutely beams with pride, and even though I want to hate him, he just radiates goodness.
I kind of hate it. I want to hate this guy.
I’m staring at him like a complete asshat when he awkwardly speaks up again.
“Well, thanks again, I’ve got to get going. Big evening planned. Wish me luck.”
“Uh, good luck?”
“I’m proposing to the woman of my dreams tonight. Well, we’re actually already engaged, but I completely dropped the ball the first time, so I’m surprising her with a big production. She deserves the best.”
Damn right, she does.
This trip to Texas keeps kicking me when I’m down and making sure to stomp on me while I’m there.
He gives me a strange look, but remains smiling as I just stare deep into his eyes, trying to figure him out. She deserves nothing less than the best. There’s only one thing I can manage to enunciate.
“Do you love her?”
Greg, Gary—I can’t remember—smiles wide, like a kid on Christmas.
“More than anything in the world.”
I nod and start backing away. “Take care of her.”