Chapter 35 #2
Withheld: You fucking answer me when I text you
My hand’s shaking so bad it takes me two tries to delete the message, and even when I do, there’s no moment of relief this time.
I can tell myself whatever I want, but this shit with Josh isn’t going away anytime soon. All I can do is remind myself that at least he’s far enough away that this is the worst I’ll have to deal with.
Is it terrible that the moment I stepped through the door to Jesse’s apartment, every last worry about all the Josh shit just vanished—poof!—gone from my mind like none of it had ever been?
Probably it means I’m totally fucked, and maybe that would’ve seemed like the worst thing in the whole damn world this time two weeks ago. But now? Not gonna lie, I think I kinda love it.
And then, when he wrapped me up in his arms, all warm and perfect…
Fuck but he smelled good. Felt good.
I’d felt good. Felt…right.
The way he’d held me, his face tucked in against my hair, had my heart going all melty-soft. Only my heart though, ‘cause feeling his body pressed up against mine had my cock perking right up.
The fact that I couldn’t, and, obviously, still can’t, think about much besides the two of us naked in bed might have seemed like my same old using-sex-for-deflection routine. Except it wasn’t. And it isn’t.
Yeah, thinking about it totally does turn off the shit that’s been bouncing round my brain all day.
Still, I can’t even begin to pretend like that’s the only reason I can’t think about another damn thing.
The credit for that lies squarely on the fuzzy-sweater-wearing, comfy-as-fuck-to-lie-on shoulders of my unfairly sexy sunshine.
The evening’s only gotten better since, with the two of us tucked up together in that sketchy-ass chair of his while we wait for the takeout delivery Jesse ordered for us.
Better, except the way he keeps slipping his hand up under my shirt and running his fingers over my skin has got me all kinds of worked up. And don’t even get me started on those criminally hot kisses he keeps sneaking.
Such a fucking tease.
Personally, I’d be all for just canceling the order and going straight to bed, only when I’d suggested it, Jesse’d just lowered his eyebrows in this serious, not to mention totally sexy way that really had not helped at all with the semi I’ve been dealing with ever since climbing into his lap.
“What exactly did you have for lunch, Tris?”
Fucker wasn’t too happy with my answer. Doesn’t he realize that peanut butter cookies have actual peanut butter in them?
So, I guess now I’m stuck waiting to have him until after dinner.
It is true that I’ve totally loved hearing all the totally fucking awesome sounding work he got done with his dissertation today.
Damn though, I love it when he gets all serious and adorably nerdy about his research.
The way Jesse puts it all together, like this story and jigsaw puzzle and mystery he’s gotta solve all wrapped up in one, makes it super obvious why he got into doing what he does.
And fine, so there’s also the way his cheeks go all pink and the fact that he has this habit of running his fingers back through his already mussed up hair and mussing it just a tad bit more when he gets excited about what he’s saying…
Too damn sexy, sunshine.
Whatever college he works for once he graduates, half the school’s gonna be lining up around the block to take his classes.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the things that smile of his did to me when it spread over his sweet, gorgeous face when I’d told him all about Mitchel and my paintings. Like hearing my news actually meant something real to him.
Fuck, my heart’s still going all leapy-skippy-crazy, just at the memory of it. And now I really can’t wait to get my hands on him.
I’ve just tipped his head back for a totally deliciously filthy kiss, and okay, maybe the way I’m shifting my ass around on his lap might technically be considered grinding, when his phone pings.
“I’ve got to run down to the street,” he groans when he looks at it. “The Door Dash guy can’t find our building and he’s gotten himself all turned around.”
Not gonna lie, I totally pout as I slide out of Jesse’s lap. The fact that he’s every bit as hard as I am and has to tuck his cock up in the waistband of his jeans does cheer me up a little at least.
Since I might as well find something useful to do with myself while I wait, I get to work clearing off the kitchen table so the two of us will have a spot to sit and eat. ‘Cause it turns out that a productive, brainy sunshine is a hella messy sunshine.
This morning, when I left for work, that table didn’t have a damn thing on it.
Now? Now it’s all piled up with Jesse’s laptop and books and papers and other random shit he apparently needs with him while he’s researching.
Like three or four empty water glasses, a half-spilled box of paperclips, some jumbled up cords, and about a million and a half sticky notes.
So yeah, now that I’m actually paying attention to it, the mess is making my skin go just a teensy bit itchy-crawly-feeling.
And somehow, that still doesn’t stop me from grinning like a crazy person.
‘Cause how totally damn adorable my brainy, sexy sunshine had to have been, working away here all day with his mussed-up hair and too many sticky notes…
Maybe sometime I’ll get to just hang out here with him while he works. You know, maybe paint or something. Sneak some peeks to see if he’s doing that hot thing with his fingers through his hair.
Not even gonna pretend like the thought doesn’t have me melting just a teeny bit as I reach across the table for the last book to pile up on the stack to go back on the shelf. It’d all be just so sweet and homy and—
Fuck— No—
I swear I already knew the moment before my stupid-ass elbow went and smacked Jesse’s computer right off over the edge of the table, only no matter how surreally slow-motion the thing seems to move as it tips over the edge, I move even slower.
Next thing I know, there’s the crash; ten times louder than it has any right to be, and then this high-pitched, endless beeping that’s drowned out by the even louder panic blaring in my own head.
‘Cause I’ve fucked up.
Shit, I’ve fucked up so bad, just like I should have known I would.
This, with Jesse? Best goddamn thing I’ve ever had. God fucking dammit, I should have known it was too good to last.
He’s going to lose his fucking mind—