Chapter 8
EIGHT
Gus took good care of Madoc’s girl.
The two were bent over a card game when Madoc got home, and there was pop music playing on the smart speaker in the kitchen. But oddly, there was a cat perched on the arm of the couch, which was weird when Madoc didn’t own any pets.
“Welcome home, Daddy!” Valerie dashed over, curls and purple tutu bouncing. “Mr. Gus and me inspected the fire engines next door to where you work! And he drew me some more ponies ’cause he’s wicked good at art an’ I colored them in so we could tape them up.” She waved at the door to her room which was already papered with her drawings and crafts. “Now me and him are playing Slapburger and I’m winning.”
“Wow, that’s a lot!” Madoc set his backpack and grocery bag on the kitchen island, then swung Valerie up in his arms. “Sounds like you and Gus had a bunch of fun. But what happened to your braid?”
“It fell out on accident when I was at recess.”
“By accident, honey.”
“ By accident.” Valerie flapped her arms dramatically. “Ms. Jensen fixed it, but it fell out again.”
Madoc pushed some of the soft curls off Valerie’s face. “How come you didn’t ask your mom to re-braid?”
“’Cause you’re the best at it.”
“Well, thank you very much.” He bussed her cheek. “Were you careful with Super Gus like I asked?”
Valerie nodded firmly. “Yup! I didn’t call him Super, though.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t mind. Now.” Raising an eyebrow, Madoc looked askance to the couch and back. “Is that the kitty from Station 1 over there,” he whispered, “or am I losing my marbles?”
Valerie giggled and took his face between her small hands. “That’s Princess Lemonade! Mr. Gus said they’re having a sleepover tonight. Did you know she wears a leash and can ride in his backpack? Even when we were on the underground bus! Mr. Gus brought a litter box for her and it’s in my bathroom. Ooh, and he told me the story about how she was caught in a flood! She jumped right in the water when she saw him ’cause she knew he would save her.” She turned Madoc’s face loose. “Do you want to play cards with us?”
“Before you answer, please know your daughter has been destroying me.” Gus’d swapped out his beige uniform top for the plain white t-shirt underneath and was smiling. “I had no idea Slapburger was so cutthroat.”
Madoc set Valerie down. “Well, I guess you haven’t tried Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza yet then.”
Gus narrowed his eyes. “Is that a game or a food?”
“It’s a game!” Valerie zipped back over to Gus. “And it’s super fun. Do you wanna play, Mr. Gus? I have cards upstairs in my room at Uncle T’s and I can go get them.”
“That’s okay, hon.” Gus nodded at the cards she’d picked back up. “I like the game we’re playing.”
Madoc turned to his bag of groceries, face growing warm. He dreaded the questions Gus would have for him about Noelene and Valerie. But then Lemonade came over, the tags on her collar jingling softly as she demanded pets, and Madoc indulged her for a minute, aware of Gus and Valerie playing on. Gus played up his continued losses, head tipped back and groaning, and his pile of cards tiny when Madoc ambled back over.
“Will you set the table for dinner, honey?” he asked Valerie. “I left everything on the counter for you.”
Gus glanced at his watch. “Heck, I should go. Give me a minute to grab the cat and her stuff and I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Stay, Mr. Gus!” Valerie grinned as Lemonade crowded against her looking for a little attention. “Daddy’s gonna make BLTs and tater tots and they’re super yummy.”
Madoc smiled at his partner. “You want to join us?” he asked. “Let me pay you in tots and bacon and maybe an ice cream sandwich for dessert?”
Gus set down his cards. “I love tots, actually. What can I do to help?”
They worked together, Madoc frying bacon while Gus made a salad, and though conversation between them could have been stilted given the arguing they’d done a week ago, it wasn’t.
“Does Lemonade sleep over at your place a lot?” Madoc asked Gus.
Gus glanced over to where Valerie was batting the kitty’s stuffed banana toy across the floor with her hockey stick so Lemonade could chase it. “Yes, though not while I was staying with my sister because Donna’s allergic. Now that I’m in my own place again, I figured it was time to get back in the habit.”
Wait, what?
Madoc frowned at his partner. “When did you move?”
“Sunday. I found a studio over in Fort Point and my parents and Connor helped me get my stuff from Donna’s into town.”
Madoc set down the tongs he’d been using to turn the bacon. The historic Fort Point section of the South Boston Waterfront was only four blocks away. Valerie’s favorite place to eat was in that neighborhood, along with the kid-friendly museum she begged to visit most weekends, and a microbrewery Madoc and Tarek sometimes visited for burgers and beer.
“What made you move there?” he asked Gus.
“The place basically fell in my lap through friends of Ian’s.” Gus dressed the salad with a honey vinaigrette he’d mixed up. “I like not having to rely on a car to get to work, plus the unit is on the ground floor which is nice when I’m using crutches or my chair and, most critically, it’s hella cheap.”
Despite his casual tone, the tips of Gus’s ears had turned pink, and Madoc could tell the admission was costing him. Gus also looked thinner and tired now that Madoc was close to him, with dark circles under his eyes that hadn’t been there before his injury.
Abruptly, Madoc needed to make his partner feel better.
“Val’s uncle owns this place, and I rent it for almost nothing,” he said, shrugging when Gus glanced his way. “We both know I couldn’t afford to live here otherwise.”
A slow smile curled at the corners of Gus’s mouth. “You know, I kind of wondered? Because this place is bougie, yo.”
Madoc laughed. “Yeah, I know. Hey, you were rubbing your chest earlier and I wondered if you were hurting. Is it bad?”
“I do hurt sometimes, just not so much I need meds.” Gus cocked his head at Madoc. “Is that why you asked Val earlier if she’d been careful with me? Because of my ribs? Or was it because of my leg?”
“Your leg? I didn’t think to mention your prosthesis to Val, actually. Should I have?”
“You’re her dad, Madoc—you can tell Val whatever you want to about my leg. But I figured you thought I’d have trouble keeping up with her because of it.”
Madoc regarded his partner. Six weeks ago, he might have worried about Gus being able to handle Valerie’s energy levels when there were plenty of days that she ran Madoc and both of his functioning legs ragged. But working with Gus had reshaped Madoc’s perspective on how a body could adapt after limb loss.
Gus had to consider things Madoc typically didn’t, like safety on wet surfaces and how level the ground lay beneath their feet. He expended a staggering amount of energy just walking around, his body working extra hard to stay balanced, so he was frequently hungry and running hot. For the rest of his life, he’d work with a prosthetist to ensure his remaining limb stayed healthy and that he got the most out of using prosthetic legs. But any second thoughts Madoc might’ve had about Gus being able to keep up with anyone had been gone by the time their first shift working together had ended.
“I work with you, Gus—I know I have no reason to worry about your leg slowing you down ever,” Madoc said truthfully. “I didn’t want Val poking your sore ribs though, or guilting you into picking her up when you just came back on duty.”
“To sit at a desk, ugh.” Gus pulled the tray of sweet potato tots from the oven. “I miss the truck. I guess most people would think that’s all kinds of weird.”
“We aren’t most people.” Smiling at Gus’s soft laugh, Madoc began constructing their sandwiches.
Valerie had lots of questions when they sat down to eat, her curiosity about Station 1 piqued now that she’d been there and had a look around. Madoc figured Gus had to be counting the minutes before he made his escape, but he surprised Madoc with an offer to clear the table while Madoc got Valerie cleaned up and into her pajamas.
“Want a beer?” Madoc asked him once Valerie was in her room with her tablet and Lemonade, reluctant to say goodbye to her new kitty friend the same way Madoc found himself wanting Gus to stay a bit longer too. “I have a decent IPA and there’s more soda if you don’t like to drink alcohol.”
Gus smiled. “Beer sounds good. I like a drink now and then, but I can’t consume much. Once my balance goes, I’m kind of screwed.”
They brought their bottles to the couch and sat, Madoc staring out at the cityscape beyond the tall windows. He didn’t know what he was feeling. Nerves because it was time to get real with Gus about a few things. But there was an odd sense of relief in him too, because this talk was long overdue.
“I’m sorry about the shit I said to you last week,” Madoc said quietly. “I know you don’t mean anything with the nicknames or think you’re better than me. The only person bringing me down about the job is me.”
“But why?” Gus frowned at him. “Your work is excellent, Madoc, and I see it every time we go on shift. If I need to say that more?—”
“You say it enough, trust me, and I’m grateful you do,” Madoc replied. “But my career lost momentum when I moved here because I had to start over and that hasn’t been easy for me. Seeing opportunities like being promoted to medic slip away sucks and I get in my head sometimes about how much work I have to repeat or how I’ve lost literal years of progress. When you told me you were earning your A.S., I spun out more than usual.”
“I’m sorry, man. That can’t be easy.”
“It isn’t. But I had no right taking my frustrations out on you. You said once that you were just a guy standing in the way of things I wanted, like the job on P1. But that isn’t true. You’re a great partner Gus, and you deserve every break you earn on this job. I also think you’re a badass getting a degree while working full-time and doing the medic field work.”
The tips of Gus’s ears turned red. “Thanks. I work hard at this job because I love it. But you weren’t all wrong when you said I make it my life.” He waved Madoc’s immediate protest off. “The last couple of years have been chaotic for me too, losing my leg and firefighting, things falling apart with Ian. There were days I hardly recognized myself or what the hell I was doing.
“When I got into the EMS Academy, I was just incredibly grateful to have a new goal and a chance at a career I knew I’d be good at if I kicked enough ass. So, I put my head down and did my Super Gus thing, focused on the work and bulldozing past the stuff in my life that sucked.”
Madoc shook his head. “You’re more than just Super Gus. More than just the job too.”
“I know,” Gus said, though his eyes remained troubled. “But the work made me feel purposeful again and gave me back my independence. I needed that then and still do today. Maybe you don’t believe it, but my confidence isn’t always the best and the shit Ben pulled on me knocked me down hard.”
The words—honest and real and raw—poked at Madoc’s heart. In his eyes, Gus carried himself like the most centered, confident person in the entire city. But he wouldn’t be telling Madoc any of this unless he really meant it.
“I hear you,” Madoc said. “And I’m sorry Ben hurt you.”
“Thanks.” Sitting back, Gus regarded the beer bottle in his hands. “Look, I know I’m a lot. I’ve always been ambitious, and I chase goals like the paramedic promotion and a degree you could argue I don’t even need. But I am my own biggest competitor, and I would never try to sabotage you or hold you back for my own personal gain. While we work together, I will be focused on your success as much as mine. I want you out in the field as an EMT, not a recruit, because you are that good.”
Madoc nodded solemnly. With each of them one-hundred-percent committed to growing their careers, they would have been true rivals if they’d been at the same level inside Boston EMS. And maybe there would always be a part of Madoc and Gus that welcomed healthy competition, no matter what level they happened to be at. But Gus was a decent guy and a good person who deserved his partner to be honest and real and maybe a bit raw with him too.
“I want to apologize for something else,” Walters— Madoc , Gus reminded himself—said. “Namely, that I didn’t correct you the first time you assumed I was married, because Noelene and I haven’t been a couple for as long as we’ve lived in Boston.”
Gus didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure what had spurred this confession, but if he’d learned anything today, it was that Madoc Walters was handling a whole lot of shit on his own and if the guy needed to unload, Gus could shut up and listen.
“Our divorce was finalized last fall, and I have sole custody of Val. Noelene and her brother Tarek help me make sure Val has what she needs to thrive and, most of the time, we work well together.” Madoc licked his lips. “Noelene doesn’t like parenting though, which can be challenging for all of us.”
Well, that explained the aloof attitude Valerie had shown her mom. And the relief in Noelene’s expression when she’d handed the spare keys to Madoc’s apartment over to Gus. She’d had a meeting to get to, of course, but she’d known Gus less than an hour and been far too blasé in his opinion about entrusting him to take care of her daughter.
Gus cast a glance over his shoulder at Valerie’s door to make sure it was still closed. “Has Noelene ever bonded with Valerie?” he asked.
“No.” Pain crossed Madoc’s expression. “We didn’t plan to get pregnant, but Noels seemed truly happy about becoming a mom. Now, I wonder if I missed signs that might’ve tipped me off if I hadn’t been so excited myself.”
Leaning forward, he set his beer on the table. “Val was this tiny bundle of hangry and diaper changes who just wanted to be held. And I loved it.” He gave Gus a small, sweet grin. “If keeping Val happy meant I ate with her strapped to my body, I did it. Spilled yogurt on her head more than once and ended up licking it off.”
Gus chuckled gently. “That is adorably weird.”
“I know.” Madoc’s smile faded. “Noels was cold toward Val. She took good care of her, don’t get me wrong. But I could see her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t like the mess or the chaos, or how you had to be ‘on’ all the time. Not being able to get more than a couple of hours’ rest hit her a lot harder than it did me, and there were a lot of days I’d barely have time to put my stuff down after shift before she was handing me Val and taking off for hours at a time.”
Madoc slid his fingers into his curls, mussing them before dropping his hands again. “I thought it was postpartum depression at first. But I’m sure it’s something more profound now. Noelene never warmed up to Val or got better at dealing with the chaos, and that distance rubbed off on Val starting from early on. She … likes her mom, I think, and Noels always takes good care of her. But Val isn’t bonded to Noels the way she is me or even Tarek.”
A mix of sorrow and pity panged through Gus’s heart. His family meant the world to him, especially his ma, Layla, who made sure every day that Gus knew he was loved. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his life. Or worse, being a six-year-old whose mom wanted nothing to do with parenting.
“Noelene is a sports agent and her hours and the travel are demanding,” Madoc said. “After she went back to work, we got Val into a daycare and had a sitter, Marley, who’d step in if we needed her. Wasn’t long before Val saw more of Marley than she did her mom, because Noelene always had an excuse to not be at home.”
Anger brightened Madoc’s eyes, but he also looked terribly hurt. “I started wondering if she was having an affair. Figured that had to be the reason she was gone all the time and didn’t care that her daughter was more attached to the sitter than her own mom. Then I got an overdraft notice on our checking account and realized it was basically empty. And I figured out then that Noelene was spending most of her free time and our money gambling on blackjack and sports betting. That we were effectively broke because she’d burned through her savings and run up obscene amounts of money on our credit cards before moving on to the joint account that we shared.”
Well, shit.
Stunned, Gus blinked several times before asking, “The money troubles you had back in Seattle happened because of her gambling?”
“Uh-huh. It was scary. And so fast.” Weariness permeated Madoc’s tone. “Noels cashed out her 401K to help pay down the credit card debts but that only went so far. And at the same time, she couldn’t stop gambling. She’d try, then go off the rails, and it was like every time I turned around there’d be another hole to fill. When I found myself having to choose between paying rent or buying food to keep Val fed, I called Tarek for help.”
“I can’t imagine how hard that had to have been,” Gus said. He’d endured a similar rollercoaster ride of financial uncertainty after his life with Ben had blown up. Gus’d only been responsible for himself though, and he’d been lucky to have a support system of family and friends to turn to. “But you know you did the right thing.”
Madoc sighed. “I do. It sucked admitting I couldn’t fix things on my own. But Tarek was incredible. He helped me find a rehab for Noelene and get us all moved here to Boston. He’s been there for us ever since, pitching in a ton taking care of Val and giving us places to live.”
“Is he some sort of tech bro?” Gus asked with another glance around at the apartment. “Figured he’s gotta be if he owns this unit and a literal freaking penthouse.”
“Tarek used to play pro hockey,” Madoc replied. “His salary on top of his endorsement deals made him a fortune.”
Gus cocked his head. He remembered then that a goalie with the surname McKenna had played for the Bruins, Boston’s pro hockey team. The guy was a fitness pro now with an app and a website … and he worked out of a gym in the Seaport.
Wait.
Gus’s eyebrows went up. “Yo. Your brother-in-law is Tarek McKenna the goaltender ? That dude is totally famous!”
“Ex-goaltender and yes, he is. Not my brother-in-law anymore now that Noelene and I are divorced, however.”
“He’ll always be Val’s uncle, though,” Gus said with a frown. “You know, I’ve learned more about who you are today than I did in the whole month we’ve known each other? I think that kind of sucks considering you’re my partner.”
“I’m sorry.” Madoc grimaced. “I wanted to tell you about Noelene and me splitting up, but … Honestly, it’s embarrassing talking about all of this. Hard to not feel like a failure, especially since it really screwed up my career.”
Gus softened at that. “Hey, no. I get that starting over is shitty, but you’re nowhere near failing, Madoc. I’ll remind you of that every day if you need me to.”
“Thanks. I do feel like shit about what happened to you in that pub, though.” Madoc pursed his lips. “Can’t help thinking I should have done something differently.”
“I figured. I’ve been doing the same,” Gus admitted. “But we can’t be blaming ourselves when we both know it was just shitty luck. Yeah, I got hurt, but we saved that kid’s life.”
“Please tell me you pressed charges against him,” Madoc said, his voice going all low and growly and why was this asshole so hot? “Because if you didn’t, I swear I’ll kick you myself.”
Stupidly, Gus snorted a laugh. And crap, laughing hurt.
Groaning, he dropped his hand to his chest, then startled a little when Madoc took hold of Gus’s shoulders as if to steady him.
“Shit,” Madoc murmured. “Are you all right?”
Gus kind of wasn’t. Not with his chest aching and the rest of him very, very aware of how close his partner had gotten. When, glancing up, he saw for the first time that Madoc’s eyes were slightly mismatched, a splash of brown interrupting the blue of his right iris along the outside edge, a rare and beautiful type of heterochromia. Madoc smelled delicious too, like soap and bacon and the IPA they’d been drinking.
If Gus leaned up a hair, their lips would meet. And the sheer insanity of the notion would have cracked him up again if he hadn’t caught the expression of interest on Madoc’s face.
That can’t be right.
Except it was. Madoc’s gaze drifted downward to Gus’s mouth and there was heat rolling off him in waves, the air around them crackling with promise.
The barn door sliding open behind them instantly broke the spell.
“Hi!” Valerie’s cheery face appeared over the back of the couch. “Daddy, can I ask Mr. Gus if Princess Lemonade can sleep over here instead?”
Gus sat up, skin prickling as Madoc spoke with his daughter. What the fuck had just happened? Because it sure as hell seemed like Gus’s very straight partner had wanted to kiss him. Again, a notion so ridiculous it was hardly worth entertaining.
Shifting focus, Gus packed the cat and her things up while also keeping an eye on Madoc. Who seemed very much his usual self. Not at all like he’d shared a supercharged … something with Gus back on that couch.
So, maybe the whole thing had been in Gus’s head. Wishful thinking brought on by an evening filled with unexpectedly intimate conversations with his partner-slash-crush.
However, Gus did not imagine Valerie looking dejected as he leashed Lemonade so the cat could climb into his backpack.
Getting down on his knee, Gus smiled at the kid. “Thanks for your help with the kitty today, Val,” he said. “I know she loved meeting you.”
“I loved it too.” Valerie ran a hand over Lemonade’s head where it poked up through the bag’s zipper. “But what if she doesn’t like your new house?”
“Oh, I think she will. Remember, Lemonade used to be a stray and she’s a tough little chicken.” Gus glanced up at Madoc who was watching them. “I could send a pic of her at my place to your dad and then he can show it to you.”
“Okay.” Valerie traced her fingers over the various Pride patches and pins Gus had attached to his bag, then stroked between Lemonade’s ears one final time. “Have a good night, my honey.”
Gus shifted his weight to stand but froze when Valerie stepped in and slipped her arms around his neck.
“Bye, Super Gus,” she said, hugging him tight, and Gus only just managed to squeeze her back before she slipped away and ran off to her room.
“She really likes you,” Madoc said when Gus’d climbed to his feet. “Did you mean it when you said you’d send a photo?”
Face absolutely on fire, Gus pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it over. “Of course,” he said. “I wouldn’t have said anything otherwise.”
Once home, Gus didn’t expect a reply to the pics he sent of Lemonade exploring the Fort Point apartment. Madoc sent one a few minutes later though with a pic of a grinning Valerie making a heart shape with her hands.
The messages didn’t stop there either, Gus’s and Madoc’s shared thread filling up in the following days with photos, random thoughts, some links to online recipes, and snippets of silliness.
Madoc: What would you tell your 21-year-old self?
Gus: Travel, have more sex, buy good pots & pans. You?
Madoc: Floss. Also, Beanie Babies won't be worth shit.
Gus didn’t think twice when a message from Madoc popped onto his screen at midday on Thursday. Until he read it and caught the urgency in its words.
Madoc: I need your help.