Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Charles presses Loris’ arm to bring his mind back down to Earth – on Hampstead High Street. Initially ecstatic about his fantasy of getting a ride in Milton’s Bentley, Loris fell quiet and lost himself in thought after Charles pointed out that he doesn’t drive.
‘It’s not a big deal, you know. I don’t need to.’
Charles rubs his ears through his beanie. They’ve decided to walk to the pub chosen by Phoebe for their gathering, but the temperature keeps on dropping.
‘But that’s not the only reason?’
‘No. My parents never encouraged me to pass my driving test. And it made me anxious, because of my brain’s tendency to log off.
I often spaced out while on a run, until I bumped into someone, so taking the wheel never felt wise.
’ Charles huddles against Loris’ jacket now that they’re on a darker side street. ‘Perhaps in the future.’
‘But you’re not scared of being in a car, right?’
‘Not at all, I trust people.’
‘Then I could drive you. All the way to Kent! My grandad would pass out if he saw me in a Bentley!’
‘Is it your way to invite me to the countryside? Smooth.’
‘No…’ Loris comes to a stop. ‘I mean, it wasn’t, but—’
‘I’m kidding.’
‘—it could be.’
‘We’re never borrowing the Bentley.’
‘But we could rent a car for a weekend. There are many places I want to visit on the coast.’
Charles smiles and wraps his arms around Loris’ red jacket. ‘Sounds good.’
‘At Easter, maybe? No rugby duties for me and the weather should be nicer.’
‘Easter? It’s far away…’
I’m counting on you to keep Loris from leaving London.
‘February half-term, then. But we might have to spend most of the stay in the hotel room.’
Charles catches Loris’ bottom lip for one light pressure of a kiss, drawing assurance from the naughtiness in his voice to silence the unpleasant echo.
Now is not the time to get hung up on Patty’s comment again.
They’re having a meaningful moment on their way to a meaningful evening, and Loris’ eyes are shining with promises.
‘Let’s do both so—’
‘Chips?’
‘—we can— Fuck.’
They step apart in an instant, but it’s long enough for the concrete to liquefy under Charles’ feet.
And even though he’s well used to floundering in emotional quicksand, he’s never wished this badly to be dragged underground and launched into an alternative timeline.
One where the Uber pulling over to pick up Elsy would have been delayed by a succession of red lights.
Or where Charles would have realised sooner where he and Loris stood.
He wouldn’t have lowered his guard here a few weeks ago. From Diwali to New Year’s Day, the overdecorated facade of Divya’s place stands out on this street. Unfortunately, the lights have been taken down, and Charles only recollects that it’s Divya’s house because Elsy has just stepped out of it.
Uncharacteristically jittery, she casts a glance at the front door left open behind her, reaches the pavement and clasps Charles’ wrist.
‘I need you very straight and very in love with me right now!’
‘I’m sorry, I—’
Charles is cut off by giggles at the door and by Elsy’s lips on his mouth. He clenches her waist to push her away, but when she hangs from his neck, he has no other choice than to take her in his arms.
‘Oh! Charles is here!’
Elsy breaks their clumsy kiss and nestles against him to face her friends.
‘Told you he’d surprise you,’ Divya quips, sleeveless and shivering on her doorstep. ‘No way he was gonna wait until tomorrow!’
She’s putting on an act. As Elsy’s confident and wingwoman, she’s aware their relationship is a scam. But the other two friends aren’t. They’re gazing at Charles, swooning, while Elsy coos and caresses the spot on his neck that belonged to Loris a minute ago.
Loris, who is clueless about the Surrey pact and the narratives at play.
‘We haven’t seen you in ages! It’s a bit rude to avoid us when your wife is away.’
‘Sorry, I was— I’ve been busy.’
Charles forces a smile and shifts aside.
Loris has retreated against the low wall of the next house. He’s staring at his phone, credibly uninterested in the scene.
‘What do you think of Elsy’s new hairstyle? Personally, the jury is still out.’
‘It’s… great, she looks great.’
‘Can we please chat in the car? It’s freezing and the driver is getting annoyed.’
‘Take this one, girls.’ Elsy pecks Charles on the cheek. ‘We’ll get our own. We need to catch up before we join my parents.’
‘Catch up? Is that what kids call it these days?’ Divya sends them a kiss before moving back inside her house to close the door.
Charles is being hugged and petted, his palms sweating in his gloves as he steels himself for the moment when masks will drop. And Elsy removes her cheerful one as soon as the Uber taking her friends away drives past the next street lamp.
‘What did I walk in on?!’
‘You walked out…’
‘Don’t semantic me!’
‘I’m sorry. I’m— I need a minute to— Just a minute…’
He turns away from Elsy’s indignant look, his panic notching up. Loris has moved back closer, and his eyes aren’t shining with anything anymore.
Charles gulps and takes his hand. ‘There’s a simple explanation for all this and… Well, not simple, but… It’s… It may have looked like—’
‘Whatever. I don’t think I care. And you’ve just outed yourself to your girlfriend, so deal with that. I’m going home.’
‘She’s not my girlfriend! Let me explain, it’s not… Hold on, what do you mean, home? What about the evening at the pub?’
Loris steps back. ‘I don’t lie to my friends, but I can’t really imagine explaining why you stayed behind. I’m gonna text Phoebe that I’m feeling nauseous.’
‘Which is a lie…’
‘No, I really feel like throwing up.’
The bitterness of the response pierces through Charles’ scarf to coil around his throat.
As Loris strides away, Charles remains frozen and agape, drifting in an oppressive scenario. One he had never drafted, because even his most dramatic-self couldn’t have made this up.
Fortunately, Elsy plants herself in front of him and startles him out of this wallowing pit of his own making.
‘You took up snogging guys in public while I was away?’
‘No! That was a mistake. That was a gross error in judgement. To snog him here, that is. Snogging him isn’t a mistake. And I don’t snog guys. It’s only him, we’re— He— He’s…’
Gone.
Loris is gone, angry and hurting because of Charles, once again.
‘He’s the one you ran to, isn’t he? The night you talked to Liv and disappeared on me?’
‘Yes, but… that’s when it became a thing.
A real thing. Before that, it was just a thing that couldn’t be a thing.
It wasn’t a thing behind your back, I swear.
There was nothing to tell before you left, and then I…
I didn’t want to mention it over the phone.
I’m sorry you found out like this. I’m usually careful, we don’t do that, but I forgot to be careful, and now I’ve messed things up. I— I don’t know how—’
‘Chips.’ Elsy grips his arms to shake him. ‘Take a breath. Another one. Good. Do you need to catch him?’
‘Catch him?’
‘It looks like I’m not the only one who didn’t get the memo that you’re a polysnogger. Do you want to fix your… thing?’
‘I have to.’
‘Go, then. You better come to me the second you’re done with work tomorrow, but go. You’re so distraught, I can’t be mad at you and I deserve to be mad.’
‘Thank you!’ Charles smothers her with a hug, gratitude bringing tears to his eyes. ‘Let’s get you an Uber first.’
‘Oh, no. Catriona and her dinner will wait. I’m going back to Divya to process the news, because I’m completely… Hang on.’ Elsy moves back, shaking her head. ‘I mean, no. Sorry. I can’t do that.’
‘You can… Divya has proven she can keep secrets.’
‘Are you sure?’
Charles isn’t sure of anything, but he doesn’t have time to ruminate on the consequences of doubling the amount of people who know about Loris. He will keep that headache for tomorrow.
‘Yes, but don’t let her remind you that you should be mad.’
‘You risked giving our game away. I’ll remind myself as soon as your sad puppy face is out of my sight. Go now! And get a room for whatever you have to do!’
Charles scurries down the pavement, trying to replace the explanation he attempted to give Elsy with the one he owes Loris.
But Loris seemed averse to hearing one, which makes it complicated to think past a plea for his time.
If Charles weren’t desperately sober, he would pop into the North Haven to drink the fatal glass of Macallan whisky that allowed him to morph into an uninhibited guy a few weeks back.
Once on the street that has become his second address, his pulse switches to third gear. Loris is approaching from the other end, holding a bag from the deli, his stern eyes fixed on him.
When they stop in front of each other by the green door, the noise around them reduces to a low humming.
‘Did you charm them to be served fast?’
‘Why are you here, Charles?’
‘Because you are. And you’re upset, I can’t have it. Also… Elsy agreed that talking to you was urgent. It’s a first indication that things aren’t as upsetting as you think.’
‘I’m overreacting? Sure, you just lied about being in a relationship. No biggie.’
‘I’m not! It’s all staged! It’s…’
Charles trails off when a passer-by glances at them. The world of Hampstead may be deadened at the moment, it can still hear him loud and clear.
‘Let’s go upstairs. Let me explain. Don’t Ledwell the situation into a horrific film with a frustrating ending. Please.’
Loris sighs and rubs his lips together for what feels like an eternity in purgatory, but he eventually turns away to unlock the door. ‘I got only one slice of quiche and I’m not gonna share it.’
‘I was hoping we could still join your friends for food later. If you’re not mad anymore...’
‘Very big “if” and, no, we can’t. I’ve messaged them. Phoebe thinks I’m bullshitting to spend my night off with you. Thanks for the trust.’
‘Trust…’