Chapter 35
CHAPTER 35
A NNIE
Once Jack has been transferred to the Burn ICU, I stay in the waiting area as long as I feel like I can—needing to be near where he is.
I want to stay longer, but his parents and siblings are here. I decide to head out since they’ve all arrived, not sure how they’ll feel about my presence since Jack and I broke up. However, Rose catches me as I’m waiting for the elevator.
“Honey, where are you going?” she asks, without a hint of anger or resentment in her voice.
“Oh, I just figured it should just be Jack’s family with him. I don’t want to intrude on your time,” I say. My cheeks heat with embarrassment.
“Oh, Annie,” she says softly, a sad smile on her face. “My boy loves you. That doesn’t just go away because you two aren’t currently together. He would want you here. We want you here.”
She hugs me, and we’re both crying by the time Shayna finds us and drags us back to the waiting room. His family and I take turns sitting at Jack’s bedside for the next several hours.
The firefighters from Station Three show up around seven p.m. with enough food to feed a small army, and they let us know that they’d like to take turns sitting with Jack at night, if it’s okay with his family.
Around nine, a young couple approach us hesitantly, accompanied by a hospital chaplain.
“Excuse me, are you the family of the firefighter who was brought in earlier today?” the woman, her eyes rimmed red, asks meekly.
“Yes, ma’am, we are,” Ben speaks up on behalf of the family before introducing us and telling them Jack’s name.
“It was my mom and our son that were rescued from the fire. We… we lost my mom about an hour ago to her injuries, but…” she says, choking back a sob.
Her husband pulls her into his chest as she’s unable to finish speaking. “The doctors said that if Jack hadn’t put his oxygen mask on our son, James wouldn’t have made it. Jack saved our son’s life, and we will be forever grateful to him. We’ll be praying for him and when he’s recovered, we’d like to thank him personally, if that’s okay,” the husband finishes saying.
Jack’s father speaks up now, “We’d like that. Thank you for coming to talk to us. None of us are surprised by what Jack did and know he’d do it again if he needed to.”
After the young couple leave us, I offer to take Gracie to my house until Jack is better, because he has to get better. The Donleys agree that it’ll be best for Gracie, and Jack would be happy to know she’s with me and Beanie. Shayna and I make a plan for her to go pick up Gracie and her food and bring her to my house.
We head out around nine-thirty and when Gracie and Shayna arrive, Beanie and Gracie both go wild, tails wagging and licking each other’s faces.
But Shayna and I can’t figure out why Beanie keeps going to the door and sitting, crying intermittently. We’re able to distract him for a minute or two, but he just does it again. Then it hits me.
“Oh my God,” I say, putting my hand over my mouth and trying to stop the tears that threaten to come. “Shayna, Beanie hasn’t seen Gracie since Jack and I broke up. I think he’s expecting Jack to come through the door,” I whisper.
Just like that, we both fall apart again right into hot blubbering messes.
I couldn’t sleep much last night so I arrive back at the hospital at five a.m. and relieve the firefighter, one I haven’t met yet from A shift, who is sitting vigil at Jack’s bedside.
I can’t help but wonder if Jack would still want me here. I know I asked him to not contact me, but the fact that he actually listened is making me wonder where I stand with him. Maybe he really gave up on us and let me go.
I tell myself that all that matters is that he gets through this. If he wakes up and doesn’t want me anymore, I’ll have to be okay with that.
He just needs to wake up, though.
He can’t talk back to me and can’t hear me because of the sedation he’s on, but I talk to him a little, anyway.
“Hey, Jack, it’s me, Annie. I’ve got Gracie and I’m taking care of her for you. Don’t worry, I won’t give her too many treats… for now, anyway. If you don’t get better quick, I swear to you I will fatten her up so much that you’ll have to take up running with her to get the weight off,” I tease.
After clearing my throat, I continue, “Seriously, though, you have to get better, Jack. I realize that… that I asked you to stay away, but this… this can’t be how our story ends. Please come back to me.”
Jack’s mom arrives around seven and smiles when she sees me at his bedside. I stand to leave, but she stops me, asking me to stay with her.
We’re both there when the doctors come in for their rounds. Dr. Robinson, the lead physician on the team, gives us the updates.
“Good morning, Mrs. Donley, Annie,” he starts. “Jack’s lab work and chest x-ray look good today. There is no sign of pneumonia, which is something we worry about with smoke inhalation. The swelling in his throat doesn’t appear any worse, but it’s also not improved yet. We’re going to continue giving Jack breathing treatments, high-dose steroids, and keep him sedated on the breathing machine for a few days to give the swelling a chance to go down.”
“Will he be okay?” Rose asks, not able to stop herself.
“I’m optimistic, ma’am. But it’s too early to tell for sure. The next couple of days are critical,” Dr. Robinson tells her, as honestly as he can.
I assure her that this is all good news, the best we can really expect at this point.
Around eleven, I decide I should probably go back to the house to take the dogs on a walk and spend a few hours with them. Rose makes me promise to come back by dinnertime to eat with the family, and I can’t say no to her, so I agree.
After I’ve spent most of the afternoon with the dogs, I get them ready for one more walk before heading back to the hospital.
As I’m taking them outside, I find that Julie and the twins are taking advantage of the gorgeous fall day and playing in the leaves. When I explain to Julie what happened on Friday, she’s stunned .
“Annie, I’m so sorry. The kids and I are happy to keep the dogs when you’re ready to go back to the hospital, so you don’t feel you have to rush back home,” Julie offers.
“Are… are you sure? I don’t want to impose on you all.”
“Are you kidding? The more time we spend with your dog, the closer we get Dan to agreeing we can get one of our own.” She smiles.
I thank her and decide to take advantage of her offer so I can stay at the hospital a little later tonight.
When I get back to the hospital, Rose is just setting up plates and utensils in the small family room, and I sit with Jack’s family and eat. We take turns sitting with Jack, only allowed to go in two visitors at a time.
By ten, everyone else has left except Ben and me and I text Julie to let her know I’m going to stay for another hour or two, but she can put the dogs upstairs anytime she’s ready.
I want to see Jack again before I leave for the night, but I’m waiting in the family area for a bit, trying to give Ben some alone time with his brother.
When Ben comes out from visiting with Jack, he has what looks like a book in his hands and extends it to me.
“What’s this?” I ask, taking it, but not breaking eye contact with him.
“Let’s sit for a minute,” he says. He heads toward the couch in the waiting room.
“In the ER, right before you came in the room and before the doctor gave the sedation, Jack was trying to speak. He had a really hard time, but he fought to get out a few words.” He pauses for a second before continuing.
“He told me he loved me, and he managed to get out a few words about a journal that he wanted me to give to you. I went to his house this morning, and I found this on his dining room table,” he says, pointing to the book. “I swear I only opened it enough to read the first ‘Dear Annie,’ then shut it. But, Annie, I think Jack’s been writing you letters in there for almost a month, and I think he wanted me to give them to you in case… in case he doesn’t?—”
“Don’t say it, Ben. Don’t you say it!” I say, unintentionally raising my voice. “He’s going to be okay. He has to be,” I say, softening my tone a little. “And thank you for this.” I stand and hug him.
When Ben leaves, I go back into Jack’s room and sit at his bedside. With shaking hands, I open the journal and start reading the first entry, dated September twenty-second. That entry alone is heartbreaking.
Jack’s pain as he explains where his mind was after Teddy died leaps off the page at me. Tears pour from my eyes and I need to keep wiping them on my sleeve to even continue reading. I have to stop reading twice to catch my breath.
Slowly, I make my way through the entries after September twenty-second through October fourth. Heaviness sits on my chest as I read of the guilt he felt and the blame he inflicted on himself over Teddy’s death. It hurts to read that he felt he had indirectly been responsible for what happened to Teddy, all because he allowed love, allowed me, into his life.
Then anger slams into me. Anger at myself for giving up on him. Why didn’t you try harder to get through to him?
I take almost two hours to read the thirteen days of entries. I stare at the page after that, afraid to turn it and read anything after October fourth’s entry.
The next day, October fifth, is the day I met him at Pat’s Diner and asked him to stay away from the ER and stop texting me. I’m afraid what comes next will reveal that Jack’s feelings for me are fading. So, I don’t read it, I just can’t right now.
I go back several times and reread the September twenty- second entry. One particular section keeps calling to me and I pray each time I read it we’ll get another chance.
Losing you sent me over the edge. It was my rock bottom and I promise you I’m going to do everything I can to be a better man and work through this pain and guilt so that, if you can find it in your heart to give us another chance, you won’t regret it.
Come back to me, sugar, please come back to me.