Chapter 21
twenty-one
Tessa
I’m lying on the bed like a fish. Just sprawled out—beat.
Today was the best and most exhausting day I’ve ever had.
Everything went great, and for that, I’m so happy, but I need to sleep for a week.
Killian is still at the arena, finishing up a few things while I came here to grab a sweatshirt, but somehow ended up flopping on the bed and am now unable to move.
As great as things went, my mind hasn’t stopped for a moment. It was planning, executing, breaking down, admitting my feelings for Killian are so much more than I ever thought they would be, and I want to stay in Ember Falls, realizing that’s never going to happen.
All of it, on top of the physical stress, has me just wanting to sleep and forget this ever happened.
Stupid, stupid, stupid is what I am.
Why did I let myself think about a future?
I know better. I’m a smart woman. I’m aware of the limitations regarding our “casual relationship.” They all amount to one thing: do not get attached.
And I royally fucked that up by falling head over ass right in love.
Although, to my credit, I didn’t push that. He did. He took me out on a date. He made me fall in love with this place. He gave me more than I ever knew was possible, so really, I should blame him.
I sigh because I can’t. I saw this coming and instead of jumping off the train tracks as the locomotive barreled forward, I stayed put and said: Hi train, just hit me, it’s fine, I want to be a pancake at the end.
My phone dings with a text.
Killian
Where are you?
In bed. I don’t know how I got here, but I’m pretty sure my body has given up.
Just like my heart has on resisting you.
I slap my palm to my forehead.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, Tessa.
Killian
Don’t move.
At least that is a command I can obey. My limbs have decided they’re going to stay like this unless something infuses them with energy since I’m all tapped out.
A few minutes later, there’s a soft knock on my door. “Come in,” I say.
I hear Killian’s deep chuckle. “Well now, don’t you look comfortable.”
I push myself up onto my elbows, looking at him and ignoring the one part of my body that doesn’t ever seem to be too tired for him.
“I don’t know about comfortable.”
He enters further, kicking the door closed with his foot. “Poor angel. Are you tired?”
I flop to my back. “Very.”
I feel the mattress lower as he climbs on. “That’s too bad. I really wanted to show you my appreciation.”
That perks me up a little. “You do?”
“I do.”
“For what?” I ask. “You know, so I know exactly what I’m being thanked for.”
Killian grins as he now leans over me. “Many, many things.”
I wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers playing with the ends of his hair. “I think I need specifics.”
“You do, huh?”
I nod. “Just one, maybe.”
Killian leans his face close. “How about just because I want you? Because you make me happy? Because you make me smile? Because…I really fucking like you.”
My heart pounds against my ribs, and those reasons make me want—more. That word whispers through me, demanding to be heard, and I work hard not to read into what he says.
However, my heart does a bad job at listening.
I run my fingers against his collarbone, our eyes connected. “I like you too.”
He leans down and presses his lips to mine.
“Good. Now,” he says, getting off the bed, and I sit up straight, wondering what the hell has him pulling away.
“I want to thank you, give you a night you won’t forget.
” Killian extends his hand and I take it, allowing him to help me up. “Will you do as I ask?”
I’d do just about anything. “Yes.”
He pushes my hair back and smiles. “Good. I’m really glad you said that.”
He steps back again, and the loss of his heat is felt everywhere.
“Now what?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“Take off your shirt.”
I start to work at each button but he cuts in. “Slowly.”
The last thing that I want is to slow down, but if I don’t do as he says, he might leave and that would be the worst possible thing. I take my time with each button, sliding my fingers down the fabric until I reach the next one. “Like this?” I ask.
“Yes, just like that.”
“I think you should do this for me,” I challenge. It’s his hands I want on me.
“You want me to undress you?” he asks, as he’s casually leaning against the dresser.
I nod. So very much.
“Then get on your knees and crawl to me.”
Oh. My. God.
I shouldn’t be turned on by this. Every part of me should be screaming in protest at the idea of crawling to him, but instead, I’m hotter than I’ve ever been.
Keeping my eyes on his, I slowly sink to the floor, the cool wood floors are like ice against my overheated body. I do as he says, on my hands and knees, coming to him, wanting so badly for him to touch me.
When I reach him, his erection is tenting his pants. He extends his hand and helps me to my feet. Then he cups my face, bringing his lips to mine in a searing kiss. I hold on to his neck, arching my body into his.
I love how he kisses me. So deeply, so possessively, and I let him claim me each time.
The minty remnants of his gum linger on his tongue, sliding against mine. We kiss and kiss and I could do this forever.
Killian’s hands move down my neck, to my breasts, where he squeezes and rubs his thumbs against my nipples through the fabric.
Every nerve ending comes alive, and my mind is screaming for more. He rips my shirt open, buttons scattering to the floor.
I kiss him harder, pouring all my desire into the touch. Killian responds by pulling my bra down, making my breasts pop up, and then pinching my nipples. He breaks the kiss, moving his mouth down my neck, his tongue leaving a hot trail in its wake.
“You taste like honey,” he says against my neck. “So sweet. So fucking addicting.”
My fingers move to his hair as I lean back, allowing him more access to my skin. “Killian,” I sigh his name when he moves his tongue to my breast, but avoids the nipple.
“As sweet as you are here, you’re even sweeter here.” His hand goes to my core, and he rubs against my jeans.
“Please, take them off.”
He releases me from the confines of my clothes—my shirt, bra, and then pants and underwear are off. I stand here naked before him.
Killian’s eyes flash with desire and then his hand returns to my clit before he fingers me. One long, deep stroke that has me gasping. “I love your cunt.”
I groan. “Take it.”
“Oh, I plan to. I’m going to lick you, finger you, fuck you, and you’re going to let me, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I agree without pause.
“Do you want my cock, Tessa?” he murmurs against my ear and then slides his finger out before slamming it back in.
“Yes!”
“I know, angel. I can feel you tightening around me, wanting more.” He fists his hand in my hair, pulling it back, and I gasp. “You like this, baby? You like when I’m rough with you?”
“I like it every way with you.” The admission falls too easily from my mouth.
That answer though, while revealing more than I planned, sends him over. He pulls his hand from inside of me and releases my hair, letting me go so quickly that I would’ve fallen if he didn’t have such a good grip on me.
He walks us to the bed, placing me down before going to his clothes. He tears his shirt off then his pants are next.
I go to sit up but he’s already naked and climbing on the bed. “I know I said I wanted to lick your pussy, but I need you. I can’t…fuck, Tessa, I can’t wait.”
I love that he’s out of control. “I can’t either. Please, I want you inside of me.”
He kisses me again. This time, it’s not frantic. It’s slow and measured. I can feel how hard he’s fighting the urge to just plunge deep.
My fingers drift up his back, and he groans into my mouth.
The kiss softens more. It’s tender, and my chest grows tight.
This moment, this kiss, it’s so much more.
He pulls my leg up and my hips cradle him. I need him.
I can’t wait.
I need him right now.
“Killian, please,” I beg as he shifts.
“Condom,” he murmurs but I grab him, not letting him move.
“I’m on the pill. I’ve been tested.”
He stares down at me. “I’ve been tested as well. You’re sure?”
I want to feel him, all of him. “Are you?”
“To have nothing between us? I’m sure.”
His dick presses right at my entrance, and I whimper. It feels so damn good. He did this to me before, teasing me with his cock, and I’ve thought of how good he felt without a condom.
Maybe this is stupid.
No, I know it is, but I don’t care.
I have never felt so safe, so cherished as I do with him.
“Tessa,” his voice cracks as he pushes deeper. “Fuck, you…it’s…you’re perfect.”
Only with him.
Killian thrusts his hips forward until they slam against mine and I nearly cry in ecstasy.
He pushes up onto his hands, staring down at me. “You feel so good.”
I inhale harshly. “Please.”
“Please what?”
Please make love to me. Please don’t make me say it. Please God make my heart stop feeling this way.
Instead of saying any of that, I rest my hand on his cheek. “Take my thoughts away.”
He moves then, in and out, slow and steady.
As though there’s nothing but time for this.
I don’t know how long he makes love to me because all I see is him.
My orgasm hits me so hard, so suddenly that I cry out over and over.
One minute it was building and then, watching him watch me sent me spiraling.
This is not sex.
This isn’t just two people who can’t seem to control their sexual attraction.
This is a joining. Two people who are saying more with their bodies than they can with their mouths.
Because I can’t put words to this.
It will shatter my very carefully constructed understanding of what we’re doing. So I lift myself up, holding on to him so I can’t see his beautiful face, think about this change. I wrap my legs around his hips, ensuring that he can’t see the stupid tears that are filling my gaze.
Killian isn’t for keeping or loving and yet—my heart is becoming his a little more each day.