Chapter 23
twenty-three
Killian
I’m so fucking tired. The last few weeks have taken years off my life, but Tessa was the bright spot, slowly giving me hope that it wasn’t going to be all doom and gloom.
Well, that’s gone.
All of it’s gone.
I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. I can keep fighting to save this place or just let it go and…move back to Boston, away from all of this shit.
Even though I love Ember Falls.
It’s where I want to be, why I keep coming back, and what I brought Anchor Light here to save.
Only, it seems now I’ve lost something else.
“Hit me again, Max,” I say, as the bartender starts to walk away.
“You’ve had a lot, Killian. Are you sure you want another one?”
“Are you my babysitter or bartender?” I ask.
I don’t need anyone else fucking telling me what to do.
He nods once. “All right then.”
I rest my head on my hand, staring out at the people enjoying their lives. How nice for them. I wonder what that’s like.
All I have is a failing business and a woman I can’t have.
Not that I could have her before I found out she’s my daughter’s best friend, but now I really can’t.
Like, no chance.
Zero.
Not even a kiss.
Max returns with another glass of whiskey, and I take it like a shot. Why not? Maybe it’ll hit faster and I can pretend my life isn’t a big pile of shit.
“Pretty sure you’re supposed to sip that,” a feminine voice says from beside me. Only it’s not the voice of the woman I want to talk to—it’s Hazel’s.
I put the glass down, looking at her from the side. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
She sits beside me. “You just had a great night. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Wallowing.”
“Clearly. And you’re not doing it all that well.”
Good to know I can’t even drink right. At least when I fuck up, I do it spectacularly.
“What do you want, Hazel?” I ask, a little rudely, but I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to give a shit.
She lifts her hand, and Max comes over. “Can I get a glass of Pinot and a water for our friend here?”
“I didn’t ask for water.”
Hazel grins. “And yet you’re going to get one.”
I sigh heavily. “Do you mind? I really just want to be alone. I’m clearly not in the mood to socialize.”
Maybe I can avoid being a complete dick to her if I’m just honest.
“What I’ve learned in all my years of taking care of Everett Finnegan when he was drunk is that the last thing you should be is alone when you’re like this. So, I’ll just sit here and if you want to talk, we can or we can just be quiet.”
Quiet it is. I have nothing to say because all it will do is make things so much fucking worse.
Max brings over her wine and my water. “I’d like another shot.”
He eyes me, looks to Hazel, which pisses me off, and then grabs the bottle, pouring me a shot. “I think after this you should…you know, go easy.”
I should do a lot of things, but right now, the only reason I’m not losing my mind is because I’m starting to feel numb. Not numb enough, of course. No, I would need an entire bottle to erase all the pain I’m in right now.
Just when I let myself hope.
Just when I opened myself up and told her I wanted her to stay, I’m reminded why I don’t do relationships.
Because they always fall the fuck apart.
“Why do they fall apart?” Hazel asks and I jerk my head back.
“What?”
“You said you were reminded why you don’t do relationships…”
“I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
She grins. “Yes, which is the beauty of getting smashed: you say and do dumb shit. So, I’m going to assume something happened with Tessa, which is why you’re here, wallowing in your whiskey.”
“I’m not talking about it,” I say, going for my glass but realizing it’s empty.
Great.
Hazel laughs softly, leaning back in her seat and crossing her legs.
“You know, I’ve always really liked you, Killian.
Out of all the guys, you’re the most levelheaded, honest, and you’ve been patient.
There are so many women in this town who have tried to turn your head, but you’ve let them all down easy.
Trust me, it didn’t go unnoticed, even by them.
There’s something about a man who can be kind even when saying something you don’t want to hear. ”
“I had no intention of dating.”
“Until Tessa,” she finishes.
“We weren’t supposed to be dating either.”
She gives me one of those smiles. “Some women come into your life and smack you upside the head. We’ve seen it three times now.
Ainsley wrecked Lachlan’s world, or…gave him the world.
Then Penelope completely upended Miles’s life, which has been the best thing for him.
Violet has turned Everett into a totally different man, and now you seem to have had the same thing happen to you. ”
I scoff. “I have not.”
“No? So, what has you sitting in the bar tonight?”
“Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not like the other three? Maybe it’s because they have something I can’t have.”
Hazel shrugs. “Maybe.”
I blink. “What the hell does that mean?”
I know I’m shitfaced, but I think she agreed with me. Why would she agree? Why can’t I have it? Oh, yeah, because Tessa is going to leave—and she and my daughter are friends.
That’s why.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Hazel says and then looks to the door. “Ahh, finally.”
I glance over, praying to God she didn’t call Tessa, but it’s worse. She called Everett.
I groan and drop my head on the bar. “I was told I was needed because there was a belligerent drunk who needed a ride?”
“Fuck off.”
“I see it’s you. Well, this is new.”
Hazel hops off the chair. “My work here is done. Good luck getting him home.” She leans in and kisses my cheek. “Tell her how you feel, Killian. I bet she feels the same.”
If only it was that simple. “I did,” I tell her, but when I look over at Hazel, she’s already gone.
Huh. She was right here.
I look around, swearing that…did she disappear?
“You did what?” Everett asks.
Seriously, where the hell did Hazel go? “Is she a witch?”
“Hazel? Probably.”
“That would explain so much,” I say aloud.
He laughs. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
I pay Max, or at least I throw down a bunch of money, half of which Everett grabs back, shoving it in my jacket pocket.
I drape my arm around his neck and stumble my way to his truck.
He climbs in, and I lean my head against the window. “I swear, if you puke, you’re buying me a new truck.”
I give him a thumbs up. “Do you know what?”
“I don’t.”
“I have a kid,” I tell him.
“Yes, I know.”
“She’s twenty-five.”
Everett laughs once. “You’ve told us.”
“Did you know she’s a girl?”
“That must’ve slipped right past my notice,” Everett informs me.
“I’m glad I could let you know.”
My words are starting to come out slower and I can’t feel my lips.
Thank God.
Now I won’t remember the way they felt against Tessa’s. Maybe next my body can go numb too. That would be really nice.
I lift my arm to wipe my face, but end up slapping myself.
Fuck. That hurt.
“Dude, close your eyes and just…don’t hit yourself,” Everett releases a heavy sigh.
“Everything is spinning,” I say with a groan. “The world. The car. My life. All of it just…going.”
Everett is quiet for a second. “That’s sort of how it goes. I’m going to take a guess and say that this is because something happened with Tessa after we all left.”
I turn my head to face him. “Yup. It did.”
“You’ll figure it out—when you’re sober.”
“Sobriety changes nothing.”
Unless it can change reality. Although, I think that is what happens when you’re drinking so, if that’s true, then I should keep drinking.
I think I have whiskey at home.
Whiskey is good, and if I drink enough, I can have a whole new reality.
That would be ideal.
Everett chuckles. “You can’t drink yourself into a new life. If anything, you’re going to spend tomorrow wishing you didn’t try it. Trust me. I know that all too well.”
“Yes, well, fuck off,” I mutter. Then I close my eyes, resting my face on the cool glass, trying to keep my stomach from releasing its contents along with the thoughts in my mind.
All of it rolls around, bouncing with each bump.
I broke all my rules for her and now, I broke both of our fucking hearts.